Number Fifteen: God. How much do you hate this guy's face? So have you seen that NBC show called Life? I haven't, either. But, that guy up there in the bowtie plays the main guy. I'm guessing the main guy's name is Life. Because shows are that stupid these days. You know that show New Amsterdam? That guy's name is Amsterdam. As in "Mr. Amsterdam," and his first name is probably New. Anyway, hi, I'm nik. Once upon a time I wrote mean things about Lita breaking her neck, but now I just write mean things about this guy's ugly smirkface. Please enjoy.

Number Fourteen: The Getting Out of a Car Face (GOCF) I've never seen Life, but I've seen commerials for it. Right away I knew that even if this show was about high school kittens performing in musical numbers and then baking cupcakes that you could taste digitally, I would still hate it. I blame it all on this guy's face, mainly, his smirk. Look at it. Let it settle in. Then kick a puppy. That's what I do.

Number Thirteen: ... I probably can't think of a lot more to say about this guy's face for the next 12 or however many I have to go, but I can say that it makes me angrier the more I look at it. Sometimes when I talk about it I do that thing with my mouth that makes me look like a Domo-Kun.

Number Twelve: BASTARD Hi, I'm the guy from Life and I just ate a lemon dick! I didn't mean to, it just fell in my mouth and I accidentally sucked it. SQUIRT! Wow, it stings! Giggle.

Number Eleven: The Smirk and Eyebrow Combo Every once in a while things are too white, with too much face, and so you have to throw in a black lady with a bunch of boobs, but not actually show the boobs because of the complaints that are likely to issue from fellow WV-15ers lips. Smirklips.

Number Ten: JESUS The obvious results of a lemon dick? Lemonade. Or is it lemon AIDS? Hohoho, everyone's a comedian.

Number Nine: Miss Piggy Impersonation I bet this guy always smells like underwear. Like a big dirty crotch. And that's why he's making that face. He has to twist his lips up to block his nasal passages. It's not his fault, he just has a dirty lowersection. Either that or he doesn't have anything down there: just smooth androgony (JOSH hates that).

Number Eight: Who Ordered the Hot Cop? Yeah, this guy could never be a Hot Cop, because ppl like GOB are Hot Cops and obviously deserve the title, but this guy thinks he could be one. He puts his badge down there so women will look down, but when men do, he childishly calls them "gazers" and laughs to himself.

Number Seven: Face Bullets If anyone can shoot you in the face with a face bullet, it's Life. Life's pretty good at spreading the ugly. Ug, I typed brain? Fine, the bullet starts by going through your face but winds up in your brain. RIMSHOT.

Number Six: LOLife "QUACK QUACK QUACK, MR DUCKSWORTH!" -Al Creed I want to point out that somehow Al Creed saw into the future when he said this about his own #6 pick. Well done, my friend.

Number Five: Wine Hat Sometimes a song really dates itself. And I don't mean wine and flowers. I mean like Crowded House's "Chocolate Cake," referencing Tammy Faye Baker. Then there's this one song by Falco. "Cowboys and Indians, Russia and the USA!" Haha, that's so funny now. I'm not sure why Life is contemplating wines and hats. But I think they might be in store for a little kissy, judging by those lips. Those lovely lady lips.

Number Four: SMIRK Would you rather watch Beyblades or Life? Me: neither. But I'd totally watch Rock of Love over this shit, and I'm not even going to complain when I get syphillis from it.

Number Three: Thirsty Tie "Doug, we need to have a talk." "About sex, dad?" Sigh. Remember that ep of Doug? Well, I didn't quote it exactly, but whatever. Anyway, Life's tie is drinking his coffee! OMG!!

Number Two: Buble How does he get away with this? I mean, isn't there someone offstage that says, "Hey, Life, turn it down a few notches. You're making the FACE again!" Or is that the gimmick of the show? It's like that guy from Police Academy that makes all of the sound effects, only the 2008 version.

Number One:killkillkii ill Look, it took me forever to come up with something for this list. No, that's not true. First I wanted to do "Top 15 ugliest outfits at Urban Outfitters," then I was going to do "Top 15 Adult Contemporary Songs" then I decided to do this one. I don't know why, because now my neck hurts really bad and I feel angry. So angry that I had to pause to rip up a piece of paper. Pokey (one of my cats) seemed to sense this anger and he got angry himself, knocking a bottle of water straight off of the counter. I think if I had a guitar I would have thrown it into my amp, which I also don't have. Maybe Baruni can do that for me. Though I'm not sure he has either of those things, either. Just throw a harmonica at the window. GOD I HATE THAT SMIRK sowwy =(