Wikipedia sez this is "...a term that is applied to anime or manga that deals with love between young men, especially of the bishonen variety. The genre itself dealt with romanticized but non-sexual relationships between men."
tl;dr version: Boys who look like girls who are totally in love 4~eva with each other, but they never do it because that's icky and gross squeeee!!!!!!
tl;dr version of above: BARF!
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Number Fourteen: Horrible anime
See: Evangelion, FLCL, Dragon Ball Z.
(Editor's note: Please do not actually see these. Unless you like cartoon charecters whining about thier dads, or shirtless men yelling at each other for hours. In that case, you're in luck, and also I loathe you.)
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Number Thirteen: Horrible manga
See: The above, pretty much, although the original Dragon Ball manga isn't that bad. Going to your local bookstore and checking out the manga section is literary russian roulette. Except instead of dying, you get a shitty book that's part of a shitty storyline that isn't going anywhere and takes 12 volumes to get there.
If you're wondering if the manga you're reading is shitty, here's a handy guide: Yes.
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Number Twelve: Censored Vaginas
OH MY GOD HIS MASS OF PIXELS IS GETTING TOTALLY CLOSE AND POSSIBLY UP IN HER MASS OF PIXELS
Above: Hott.
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Number Eleven: OTAKU
Look: I'm going to quote from Wikipedia some more. This is a term that was first applied to a serial killer "who turned out to be a recluse obsessed with pornographic anime and manga and who lived out his rape fantasies on young girl". Now any westerner who self-identifies as an otaku is too busy sitting in the basement arguing on the internet how 4kids TOTALLY RUINED SHAMAN KING to actually go kill someone. Not that they would have an easy time doing it, as they'd probably try to emulate Dragonball Z and take off thier shirt and yell at whoever they were attacking.
So I'll put it like this. Remember Otakon from Metal Gear Solid? Remember what he was doing the first time you saw him? He was pissing himself and getting stuck in a locker. That's you.
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Number Ten: Dumb LOL PANTIES IN DA VENDING MACHINE comments
Hey! Did you guys know that japan is so CRAZY LOL you can get PANTIES OUT OF A VENDING MACHINE?????????????? How about reading about it in 15,000 lazy articles? What's next, are we going to do PIRATES AND NINJS ARE COOL? Do you have some CHUCK NORRIS FACTS? Will you enlighten me that ET FOR THE ATARI SURE SUCKED!!!!! LOL!!!111111
Right, what was I saying? If you're so fixated on these, just go buy some and leave the rest of us alone. I have important buisness to transact. Motherfucker.
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Number Nine: LOOKING 4 A JAPANESE GIRLFRIEND t-shirts
To be fair, these aren't from Japan, but rather douchebags over here. But I can't leave these off the list. I'd lose my status as a Paladin and just become a regular old douchebag Fighter. You don't want that to happen, do you? What the fuck is wrong with you? That's what I thought.
Now then. Do I even need to say anything about why exactly these are so terrible? (Spoiler: No.)
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Number Eight: The N64
Flame away, people. Yes, I own both a console by $ONY and one by MICRO$OFT. Also, I didn't think Mario 64 was that great. And Smash Brothers? Fucking boring. And what's with that horrible three-pronged controller? And what the hell was with Pokemon Snap? The stick is inverted, and you can't change it - I'm sorry, why is pointing a camera like controlling a fucking airplane now? Hey, does anyone want yet another shitty Mario 64 ripoff? I hope so, because that's half the games out for this system! And how about that awesome ONE RPG it had! It sucked! And remember when it launched with a whopping TWO titles? Motherfucking rocking! Also, more like the LAME CUBE, am I right?
PS: Shigeru Miyamoto adopts dogs and then brings them home and rapes them.
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Number Seven: Dirty movies where the actresses look totally bored.
Not that I would watch such filth. But I'm just saying, ladies, anybody can lay there and look bored. Try to stay awake, okay? Maybe next we can move on to, I don't know, maybe even acting like you're enjoying it.
PS: Totally hypothetical note: If I had gigs and gigs of porno movies from japan, I certainly would not have a folder sarcastically entitled "WOW A SMILE" containing every single movie in which an actress actually cracks a smile or displays some kind of happiness. And out of the 300+ gigs, that folder may or may not be exactly a paltry fucking ONE MOVIE big, clocking in at 519.241 MB, making the percentage less than half a percent. What the fuck people. Speaking hypothetically.
PPS: I made that math statement up, but it sounds right.
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Number Six: Instant game over via mudo, mamudo, mamudoon, or whatever other RAT FUCK ATTACK that makes me want to kill someone myself
Picture this: You're playing SMT3, or Persona 3, or whatever the hell other game you want. You're half an hour from the last save point and almost finished with the dungeon. Here comes a random battle, and whatever asshole you've run into casts his instant death spell that never works when you use it.
Oh shit, don't let that hit me. Don't let that hit me OH FUCK YOU!!!!!! You're dead, sucker. Even in Persona 3, where you have three schoolmates, one of whom knows a fucking life spell, you're looking at that game over screen.
Because nothing makes people enjoy your game like getting fucking murdered out of the blue with no warning and nothing you can do about it. Back to the last save point with you! Thanks for that $60!
(Even better: SMT3 and Persona both have demons or personas you can equip that make you weak against death. Yes.)
Editor's note: FUCK FUCK FUCK
Editor's note after breathing into a paper bag for a few minutes: I don't care what you say about DIFFICULTY and THIS IS HOW GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. Not even the original Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior is that cruel to you.
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Number Five: Gross Snacks
Hey! Anybody up for some Umeboshi? Go out and try some, if you hate yourself, or if I hate you. Wikipedia says that they taste salty and "extremely sour," and "they have been known to corrode thier way through aluminum lunch boxes". Eat the fuck up!
Now here I'd like to embed a clip of the America's Top Model (yes, I watch America's Top Model. While FUCKING YOUR WIFE) where this lady tried to eat some and spit it out because it was nasty, so instead here's a clip of some guy saying how sour it is, and then making a noise like he died when he eats it.
Also, normal red-box pockey? Makes your dick fall off.
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Number Four: Games I want to play inexplicably released on cell phones
Hey! Did you hear there's another Parasite Eve game coming out? Did you hear it's coming out on fucking cell phones, so that you can use four terrible buttons to try and play it? Did you know that this is all Japan's fault, because they keep buying these games for some reason? Honestly: Have you ever enjoyed yourself playing a cell phone game? If you say yes, I know you're lying. Shut up. No, YOU shut up.
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Number Three: This one movie I saw where a guy got a corn cob stuck up his ass
For real. Screenshot omitted.
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Number Two: Dance Dance Revolution and all assorted spin-offs and copycats
I was hesitant about putting this on here, for one reason: As soon as you see someone at a DDR machine, or hear them say "DDR" when not immediately followed by a statement like "sure makes people look like they're having a seizure while playing", you know you're dealing with a douchebag. If the previously mentioned T-shirt above didn't already do so.
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Number One:
Every terrible western wrestler going to Japan and getting a big push and a big payday dspite being horrible in and outside of the ring, EXCEPT JACQULINE, WHAT THE FUCK
She's black y'all. That's some racist bullshit right there. Stay strong, girl.
