My dearest readers,

How are you? Concentration Camp is fun. Wish you were here.

Seeing as last year's WV-15 inexplicably made Fit Finlay come back, we figure we might as well give 'er another whirl. Maybe this time we can inspire Simon Diamond to belt like nine hundred Grand Slam Breakfasts over the Green Monster before doing a little Irish jig around the bases. My name is Simon, and I like to eat. Potatas.

Well, it didn't take this train long to derail into a busload of orphaned puppies who were only one day away from retirement. The WV-15 is back, and this time we're basing the ratings on our love of half-dressed men who hold hands, as it's all about Best Tag Teams. This year's Official Theme Song is "Whoomp, There It Is," and we have legally copyrighted the term "fourpeat." So if anybody not affiliated with WV attempts to use it, fully expect Muhammad Hassan's lawyer to smash through your window via triple somersault and cut off your head with a scimitar.

"I submit to you that this so-called 'Deadman' is not dead... AT ALL!!!"

"*hushed astonishment*"

Very good cross-examination, Muhammad's Lawyer. Excuse me, symbol-examination.

I'm just saying whatever I want at this point. Who's going to stop me, you? With your little noodly arms. LOOKATCHA, SON. YOU MAKE STONE COLD SICK.

If you're curious about how the voting breaks down *breaky-breaky motion*, Roderick Strong thinks you should shut up and is probably in the process of stealing your imaginary girlfriend who doesn't go to this school yeah she's from Canada. GAIL KIM I'M A SOPHOMORE TOO. But I will oblige you because I am a really nice guy and everybody wrote "STAY SWEET!" in my yearbook. OH, BUT I INTEND TO.

Eight contributors this year. First we vote to decide a topic, at which point somebody gets like super pissed-off and wings a dodgeball at some kid's face as hard as they can. BARF. Then we compile a big huge list of notables, and everybody picks their favorite fifteen from that, unless they instead opt for hilarious last-second write-in votes like "SADDAM AND OSAMA" or "VAL VENIS AND YOUR MOM." Some pick less than fifteen, because I guess they hate The Wrestling just that much and are trying to bring it down from the inside. Irwin R. Schyster allocates everyone 100 points to divide amongst their fifteen selections in any way they see fit. If you really think your #14 pick of The Wright Brothers (Alex and Phoenix) deserves 99 Points (one for each luftballon), be my guest.

"Autopsies indicate that The Wall's death was a result of... FOUL PLAY!!!"

"GASP!!!"

At long last, the points are tabulated and the results are revealed by a process in which I break into your house at night and leave a note at your bedside. Like The Tooth Fairy, except with less tooth and more fairy, am I right??? The Final Countdown kicks off with The Fifteenth Best Tag Team Evar on Friday, March 17th, St. Patrick's Day. GOB Bluth will be on-hand to sign autographs and pull off some totally sweet magic tricks. Doin' the GOB. It's a one-a-day reveal leading up to the grand finale of #1 on March 31st, also known as the Everlasting GOBStopper. If I ever try to write something on like two hours' sleep again, someone please, please stop me. By any means necessary.

So join us in two days for The Sweet Fifteen, which is like Weekly Visitor's answer to the NCAA play-in game between Herbert Hoover State and Bumfuck Egypt. Two schools that are eagerly recruiting at Crazy Murder High, I hear. When Austin Aries faces Mark Jindrak on the hardwood, BALLS WILL ROLL.

Cursive is for fags. Oh, I said it. And I intend to say it again.