Sofa K. Amazing Sofa's Number Eight Pick: La Parka Rodney Mack: He had a gun on his panties! That's why he's the mack militant, because he carries a gun in/on his pants. I don't have much else to say about that, sadly. La Parka: I have a thing for the skullheads. La Parka rules.

Boobermonkeys Boobermonkeys' Number Eight Pick: Christian Yeah, Christian. Everybody here (rightfully) loves Christian and his wardrobe, and everything has already been written about him, so I'll just keep by big mouth shut. The campaign for Rodney Mack was a Basham Ballot Box Conspiracy, but he's worthy. Gun panties. You got gun panties? Didn't think so. When you're a peanut-butter colored thug from the mean streets of Louisiana, sometimes you gotta let punks know where you comin' from. Especially punks that be starin' at yo ass. Your actual ass. Shit, I had a Billy Gunn joke once for this, but now I "Billy Gunn'd" it. Rodney Mack likes to shoot 'em.

Correspondent W(?!?) Correspondent-W's Number Eight Pick: C-Dubs was unable to vote. Hooray! ANOTHER guy I don't remember! I've had a hard day returning PSPs*, so I'm just going to assume he plays the trumpet and call it a day. * Seriously, hold off on buying one for a while Sony's quality control is apparently ATROCIOUS. Addendum: I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how much assumed Rodney looks like an older Carlton. What's he up to these days, anyway?

Jon Jon's Number Eight Pick: Alien's Alien's - You knew that stupid Mexican gimmicks had to rear their ugly head eventually, and boy did they show up in full effect. Yes, we're here! Ladies and Gentlemen, the Dream Team is here! Goddam, this Sirius Radio kicks ass. Back to Alien's, though. Why does he rule? BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING ALIEN, STUPID! It was a toss-up between him and Extra Terrestial, from ZIPANG, and Alien's won in the end. Why? HIS HAS TEETH!! And unlike the Road Warriors, he wears spike in the ring! I've yet to see him use them, but I can only hope he will someday. Now that I think about it, I've yet to see him do much of anything, but maybe that's because he doesn't want to get his costume messed up. Oh, motherfucker. This has just made me realize I've completely forgotten Survival Tobita. So, here's my number 8.5: Survival Tobita - I'm pretty much down with any wrestler that wears fatigues in the ring. Survival Tobita and Pierroth need to team up YESTERDAY. Tobita's fatigues are better, though, as they look like he's had them sense high school. Oh, maybe that's just the tape quality. ARGH! WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK!!! I really NEED to spend the day getting drunk and watching Survival Tobita. Ah, maybe I'll just do it at work. It's not like I do anything else there. Rodney Mack - I think I saw Rodney Mack once, but I'm not sure. He's the colored fellow, right?

Super Asia Super Asia's Number Eight Pick: Jimmy Hart Rodney Mack. Yup, those panties had guns on 'em, shore enough. OK, I'll admit that's kind of cool, especially since Pillman and Austin ruined guns for everyone in WWF/E. Those panties are all that's left. When people ask Rodney Mack to show them his guns, he doesn't flex his biceps, he waves his ass at them. Jimmy Hart was less of a wrestler and more of a Randy Savage repellant, but one thing's for certain: The man knew someone who ran one of those airbrushed T-shirt shops. You almost get the image of Hart walking through the mall, arm in arm with the Nasty Boys or Money Inc. or somebody, when they stroll by the T-shirt cart in the middle of the aisle. They stop and ponder it, and Jimmy Hart says he's just got to get a shirt to remember this day. After all, this had been the best band trip ever, and he doesn't want to forget these guys when Knobbs drops out to get his GED and Jimmy himself eventually leaves for community college. Having written that, I totally want to log on to eBay and try to find an ex-Jimmy Hart Dungeon of Doom coat.

The Mysterious JG JG's Number Eight Pick: La Parka/Mortis (TIE) I picked La Parka and Mortis in a tie. I paired them up because they both dress like skeletons! They could be a tag team! I also once thought Jushin "Thunder" Lyger and Psicosis would make a great tag team. They both have horns! Or what about Zach Gowan and Lieutenant Dan! They both befriended retards! The actual pick is Rodney Mack. I have nothing to say about Rodney Mack, really. His dew-rag he sometimes wore was nice. He had guns on his panties, or so I've heard. He appeared to be as white as John Cena when he jumped some dude to help Cena on Smackdown and then disappeared for a few weeks before reemerging on RAW. Frankly, all my positive associations with Rodney Mack come from reading someone else being amused by him. I should have nominated Chad Kumada and given him all my points.

The Next Mideon The Next Mideon's Number Eight Pick: Chuck Palumbo Was I supposed to include JG's parenthetical aside, or was it actually a love note this time? I never learn my lesson. And so the Sunday Night Heat's back on me. But I'm coming with the meat, baby. It's Friends Of TNM day! One day, Chuck Palumbo started dressing like a mechanic. For no apparent reason. He just suddenly decided he liked dipsticks better than breadsticks, and whoomp, there it was. When he finally did try to justify himself as "Custom Chucky P" like two months later, he was immediately fired. Never any justice for the FBI. Chuck's gloves said "Mechanix" all over them because he presumably snuck down to Orlando and stole them from Jeff Hammond. His back pocket contained a filthy greaserag for wiping up filthy grease. His belt buckle was the goddamned naked lady depicted on mudflaps everywhere. Do you think he had a Yosemite Sam variant? Wait, better question... Why the hell did no one ever mention that but me? One of the gayest wrestlers ever is the undisputed Naked Lady Champion? Reverse psychology. Maybe I should put a naked man on my belt to accentuate my virile, Wilbon-esque qualities. Wearing little Tarzan panties is pretty fashionable, as well. On an unrelated note, I wish Jamie Noble would face Tarzan Boy. Or Shark Boy. A boy of any sort. Custom Chucky P can currently be seen working alongside Flocko at the Black People Garage in those Burger King ads. Here's a brief transcription of the most recent one: Black Person #17: "Hey Chucko, have you tried the new Tender Bacon Cheddar Tender Cheddar Tender Tender Ranch Deluxe Bacon Chicken Tender Burger?" Custom Chucky P, from beneath a large truck: "Shut up! I'm workin' ovah heah!" [Black Person #17 drops the Burger King bag on the vehicle's hood, causing the jack to give way. The truck falls and crushes Custom Chucky P.] Black Person #17: "My bad, dawg." Custom Chucky P: *legs flail about comically* Black Person #6: "Oh no you dinnat!" Flocko: *raps a song about mayonnaise* Annnnnd... scene. I think you know who got Rodney Mack on this list. Hint - Our entrance music goes like this: DUHN DUHN DUN DUN. Imagine me getting uncomfortably close to you and grasping your fat little face in both hands. Listen closely. Focus. Be with me now. That motherfucker had A GUN ON HIS PANTIES! A GUN. ON HIS PANTIES. I'm one of the biggest liberal pussies around (*RECORD SCRATCH*), but if President Bush came out to address the nation with A GUN ON HIS PANTIES, I'd be in Iraq TOMORROW. In fact, I've already submitted my application to the National Rodney Association. Mack gets together with Charleton Heston and The Nuge every other weekend. They go out into the Louisiana bayou and hunt nutria. Guns don't kill people; panties kill people. You can have our guns when you pry them from our cold, dead asses. And so forth. I knew I'd never find a picture of the gun panties, but I think this one is sufficiently hilarious. Shelton's like, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Rodney?" Mack also had those unisex boxer's robes he shared with Jazz/Christian. And a bandana that was made from interwoven dollah dollah bills, y'all. I like to think it was crafted by magical ghetto pixies. I bet someone brought up the Kriss Kross dressing backwards thing today. My money's on Correspondent-W. In conclusion, here is a fictional lyric from my personal "Mack Militant" remix. I believe it sums up Rodney Mack's mad flava. I'm shifty, I'm thrifty, I buy irregular suits for a buck fifty. Don't let the smooth taste fool you.