Sofa K. Amazing Sofa's Number One Pick: Kidman La Parka appears. Command? Hell yes. This marks the first year that the owner of Weekly Visitor's #1 pick wasn't the winner. And, while everyone hates the fact that Jaqueline is the greatest wrestler ever, I'd really like to hope that everyone in the entire world is happy with this outcome. It's La Parka, for Christ's sakes. If you don't like La Parka, at least a little bit, then I'm sure there's a community out there for you where you can talk not only about your hatred of La Parka, but also of cute, fuzzy kittens. If somehow, I was able to collect a lot of La Parka footage and make a compilation tape, I'd like to use "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" by Old Dirty Bastard as my soundtrack. It's so apropos, what with La Parka shimmying all the time. It takes a special kind of wrestler to dress as a sekelton. As we've seen, 2 of them have made the goddamned WV-15. And it takes a special kind of wrestler to air guitar on a steel chair and have shaky knees. As we've seen recently from CMLL, with his recent "Thriller" entrance, if anyone deserves to front the WV-15 this year, it is La Parka/LA Park.

Boobermonkeys Boobermonkeys' Number One Pick: Chuck and Billy I like to pick em. La Parka is one of the few guys on this list I think we can all get behind. He's a dancing skeleton who plays a chair like an electric guitar. I liked his non-existant Away and Alternate uniforms available in WCW/NWO Revenge. Red La Parka. Untouchable. Forcing you to feel him. I got nothin.

Waspie! Waspinator's Number One Pick: Waspie was unable to vote. Heck yeah! We started with a skeleton, and we're ending with a skeleton! It's the Weekly Visitor circle of life, daddy! To tell the truth, I've never actually seen a La Parka match, but I can see where the guys are coming from on this one. One, he's a foreigner, which means that Weekly Visitor automatically loves him. Two, he's a luchadore, which equals big style points. Third, and most obvious, there's the whole "he's named after a jacket" spiel. Fourth, he was apparently pretty good with a chair. And finally, he's A SKELETON! I'm gellin' like Nostradamus with the predictions, here. Ohyeah, and sixth, he looks kinda chunky. Chunky luchadores are badass enough on their own, but chunky skeletons are in a league of their own. Kinda like robot ninjas or Rosie O'Donnel and Madonna. Apparently his real name is "Adolfo," too. I like to imagine that after World War Two, Hitler went into hiding in the wrestling circuit, posing as a chunky mexican skeleton. It makes poetic sense, somehow. Apparently he likes standing on Pantsless men, too. Just like Hitler! Wait, he's not pantsless. Maybe he's Giant Gonzales's brother, Girdle Gonzales. Congratulations on placing first, La Parka! Your "I don't know what" has placed you fourteen levels above your skeleton bretheren.. Even above ERIC BISCHOFF! Enjoy it while it lasts, or until next year, when Jackie wins again. ... Just as an aside, if you liked this article, or any of the other fine articles Weekly Visitor offers, send the boys some fan mail. They're all nice young men, and believe it or not, they put a lot of effort into the site. The WV15 alone is a grueling test of endurance, so much so that I can only participate bi-annually. It's hard enough to juggle my job, my crippling videogame habit, my sexy nun habit, and several bowling pins, but I didn't even have to watch all the wrestling that the others did. Feel their pain! Thanks for letting me chime in, and if you ever need anything, I remain.. Waspinator69!

Jon Jon's Number One Pick: Stan Hansen Stan Hansen - I think the official entry for Stan Hansen made it fairly clear that I was the only person who voted for him, and that was based solely on a lie that I convinced only myself, and nobody else, to believe. I would take the sole blame for ruining this year's WV-15, but at least I didn't vote for Billy fucking Kidman. La Parka - And somehow, this list ends up perfect in the end. Jesus, do you realize how close Billy Kidman was to being our number one pick? I don't even remember voting for half of my list, so had I accidentally chosen Kidman, history would go down a radically different path. Maybe next year's list can be the "Top 15 Alternate Futures Had BillyKidman Won Last Year's WV-15." Or maybe "Top 15 Least Favorite WV-15 Entrants." I'm getting ahead of myself, however, and not paying enough attention to the man who truly made this all come together. I bet anybody could have seen La Parka winning this from a mile away. I mean, this motherfucker is a dancing skeleton! More so, he mixes up the colors on his costume! My personal favorite is the red bones on the black, but the green bones are nice, too. He also wears a swank robe sometimes. Seriously, who would think that a cheap, children's Halloween costume would become one of the most awesome wrestling outfits ever? I bet there's some crappy, plastic Superman mask on a shelf somewhere with dreams of one day being put up against Super Porky's wonderful mane. I was discussing the future of CMLL with my friend the other day, and mentioned how I think they're heading to a Ultimo Gurrero vs. LA Park, mask vs. mask match. I figured Ultimo Gurrero would lose, if such a match were to happen. He disagreed, reasoning that it would allow whoever is LA Park to seperate themself from the fake La Parka in AAA. While that makes a little sense, wouldn't a skeleton body and a human face look fucking weird? Oh shit! He could just paint a skull on his face, straight Cobra-kai style. Lastly, I find it incredibly appropriate that this list is bookended by guys dressed like skeletons. God, we rock.

Super Asia Super Asia's Number One Pick: Randy Savage I know other people have better personal recollections of times La Parka has been totally awesome, seeing as I've never seen him with a Michael Jackson impersonator or any zombies. Still, La Parka is the second-most over masked wrestler out there today. And he's not that great. If you line him up against the luchadore contemporaries he used to fight with on Nitro or Thunder every other week, he was probably the least distinctive in terms of fighting. OK, he had the spot where he's catch a guy going off the top and strut around while still holding the guy, but he totally stole that from Ludwig Borga. Despite that, people went absolutely bat-shit when he was tagged in, or in action in general. Why? They wanted their Skeletor fix. The man built his whole career out of having a totally awesome outfit. Sure, the catchy generic music he cribbed from a one-off Sabu match in WCW helped, and the "Chairman" gimmick probably didn't hurt, but he was a crowd favorite even before he air-guitared steel chairs. Then WCW had to ruin it by doing the fake talk thing. Bah. As testament to how awesome his outfit was, DDP begged and pleaded to be allowed to wrestle in it once. Don't let anybody tell you it was some writer's idea. They had too little time to think of that, what with them all checking out La Parka's awesome outfit. I bet La Parka masks go for like a million dollars on eBay. Wow, just checked and they don't. However, it will take at least $230 to buy a Jimmy Hart/Honkey Tonk Man jacket.

The Mysterious JG JG's Number One Pick: Giant Gonzales My top pick was Giant Gonzales, as well it should have been. I already talked about having nothing to say about him. La Parka is the real winner. Yeah, this one is reasonable. We weren’t all going to come up with a winner everyone liked. This is a step up from us showing large-scale indifference/mild like towards “Raven Goes Home” and expressing complete shock at “Jacqueline.” La Parka dressed like a skeleton, and that made him stand out more than just wearing a mask and cape (like Villanos) or just wearing a mask and a hat (like Super Calo) or just wearing a mask (like El Nudion.) It would have been nice if they used Scooby Doo special effects so we could, like, see between his ribs and shit and stick your hand through there and then he’d give you a horrifying laugh before air-guitaring you to death. Instead, he was just an unusually chunky luchadore who painted bones on black tights. But yeah, he had the air-guitar thing, and the dancing on a chair thing. Even without a line of zombie dancers backing him up, that eventually won him more attention than most of Eric’s “will wrestle for food” squad he used to fill dead-air on those three-hour Nitros I miss so much. La Parka’s skeleton outfit eventually earned him a TV Title run and a feud with the Disco Inferno. He also had that gimmick where someone would talk over the PA System about how “skullman” was in “da hizzouze” while La Parka held a mic. Like so many Russo ideas, it was funny but had next to no shelf-life. But it was kind of funny when he would hold the mic away from him while trying to signal to some monster like Sid that it was not La Parka making fun of him, it was the guy on the PA system. Perhaps the guy who stole the La Parka suit and forced him to become LA Park. I mention this angle because…uh…his outfit was dressed-up a bit at that time. He also jobbed to Buff Bagwell in a match Bagwell was “supposed to lose” but he was rebelling against the Powers To Be and shooting and Christ I hate angles for smarks. But anyway, La Parka. Remember when Sofa bitched about some asshole saying “La Parka is Spanish for The Parka’” and Mideon was saying “La Parka is Spanish for The Parka” just a few heads down the page? Awesome. You’d never get that now. Big Pretend Basham Brother is filtering all our information. What a nasty note to end on. Let me instead end by humming La Parka’s awesome generic WCW rock theme. *HUMS LA PARKA’S AWESOME GENERIC WCW ROCK THEME.*

The Next Mideon The Next Mideon's Number One Pick: Ric Flair First of all, please understand that we're talking about the REAL La Parka, not that AAA ripoff. I fucking hate that guy and hope Abismo Negro barbecues him with Fire In A Can. It's not enough just to DRESS like a skeleton. You have to BE the skeleton, man. Crazy dance moves and a little bit of porkiness also help. With all the dissension swirling around this year's WV-15, it took a dancing Mexican skeleton to bring us together. La Parka appeared on every single voter's personal list. He didn't just run the table, he jumped up on top of it and starting air-guitaring on a steel chair. I've probably said this before about La Parka, but I'll fucking say it again and again until someone explains it to me. He's a skeleton. And he's fat. He's a skeleton who is fat. I mean... what? How? That whole "big-boned" thing is just a lie that fatties tell, so how could La Parka possibly have managed this? And where the hell are his organs? I don't see a stomach in there. How do you get fat without a stomach?! I just... I don't... I need to lie down for awhile. Okay, I've made my peace with it. As the Chairman of WCW, La Parka was like the precursor to Steven Richards' current gimmick of "Man Who Never Wins." He never removed his mask in WCW and made an ass of himself like your Rey Mysterios or your Psichoseeseses or, to a lesser extent, your Jabronis Named WHOOOOOO-VENTUDE. Juvi had a hideous mask, but he also had a hideous face, so I'm not sure how I would have played that one. I saw La Parka's green Swamp Thing variant in CMLL, which fucking rocks. And he dances around with Michael Jackson, god damn it. I don't understand why Queen gets so much play in the wonderful world of lucha libre, through. Maybe Ultimo Dragon should come out and dance around with a Freddie Mercury impersonator. Shawn Michaels. Because of low-down gimmick banditos, La Parka now has to wrestle under the name of "L.A. Gear". He struts to the ring in those girly sneakers that light up every time you take a step. Oh man. I'm making this up, but I really wish I wasn't. In conclusion, if I have to explain to you why La Parka is so well-dressed, you must be blind and deaf and have no sense of smell. We opened with skeletal zombies and we'll close with skeletal zombies. That's how we roll. I'll wrap things up with a top-secret story I've never told anyone, so keep it under your sombrero. I recently did some nosing around in the Cold Case Files and figured out who stole Eddie Guerrero's wallet back in the day. You guessed it: La Parka. But I'm not sure how to break it to Eddie, what with his fiery Scottish temper and all. I don't think he's going to be pleased to learn that he's been hit by, he's been struck by, a smooth criminal. Eddie, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Eddie? Thanks for reading! See you next year, unless you die and become a skeletal zombie! In which case we'll vote for you!