Much like the guised and implicit premise behind the Dead or Alive fighting series is "she kicks high," the guised and implicit premise behind Tajiri is "he kicks loud." And, for ECW, this was perfect. The less fat, drunken morons in the crowd had to use their basic senses (hearing, thinking, etc), the better. Kicking loud, as a result, thrusted Tajiri into the limelight as a major fan favorite, despite supposedly being a heel. As well, to satisfy all the smarks, Tajiri routinely pointed to his head. It seemed like he had all his corners covered and, in ECW, he was on an ascent to greatness.

Fortunately, Tajiri was "employed" by ECW, where a lack of actual talent paved the way for constant highspots and poorly developed gimmicks. Point in case: Sabu. Thus, Tajiri, who by virtue of not speaking English really had no other ability to succeed in an entertainment business, fit in nicely with his head pointing, loud kicking, and food colouring.

How, you ask, would a man with no ability to communicate get over, pray tell? Why, to fued with other wrestlers unable to speak a recognized language - namely, Super Crazy. These two had an "epic" battle for God knows how long. When I started watching wrestling they were well into their "feud" and it lasted up until the point when ECW went out of business (at least a year and a half). Now, to put this in perspective: Triple H and The Rock, who are outstanding wrestlers and cut top notch promos couldn't pull this crap off, even with the WWF title involved, for more than two months.

That's how bad the ECW product really was. This was further enforced by the fact that on ECW television (heh, ECW television - that doesn't even sound right) they showed HIGHLIGHTS from his matches instead of actual matches - and even then they went to commercial half way through. Paul Heyman's "genius" in action.

But, eventually all bad things come to a close, and ECW was no exception. Sometime around the end of Q1 in 2001, Paul Heyman threw in the towel for ECW, finalizing what will be forgotten as one of the most outstanding wrestling promotions of all time. This put Tajiri on the open market for all of about ten seconds before the WWF snatched him up and had him playing out racial stereotypes to William Regal as his house boy. At his introduction to the WWF as Regal's man servant, the sound of squeeling from smarks around the world could be heard. I know. I was sitting right beside one of them. Of course, before Waspinator DID squeel, I had to point out to him that it in fact WAS Tajiri - he would have otherwise went unnoticed.

Tajiri kept up this idiotic charade for as long as he could before he actually had to wrestle. The anonymous WWF fan really paid no attention, as nobody really watched ECW, and nobody knew that Tajiri does, in fact, kick loud. But, against his first opponent (Crash, I believe - from the bottom up), Tajiri proved that, yes, he can in fact provide sheer minutes of entertainment before the force of his gimmick wore off.

And, believe you-me, his gimmick did wear off, and fast. I think his loud kicking and "comical" inability to speak English carried him all the way up to InVasion - so, like, five matches. To save his dwindling entertainment value, the WWF teamed Tajiri up with Torrie Wilson in a lover's relationship.

Now let me tell you why this makes no fucking sense at all: First, Torrie was, at the time, a member of the Alliance (for those of you with really short attention spans: the Alliance was the WCW/ECW team that shook the foundations of the World Wrestling Federation, put the balance of the universe in peril, and various other fantastical examples). However, Tajiri was not a member of the Alliance. In fact, he was the only recent ex-ECW wrestler not to join the Alliance. But, one day, inexplicably, Torrie just decided that she wanted to have sex with Tajiri all the time, and love blossomed.

Still, though, Tajiri's career went down the crapper. I mean, did you hear the crowd during the Santa Claus match? I didn't.

So, that's about it. Sometimes, on a very special night, if you make your bed, wash your hands, and say your prayers, a little asian man with a loud kick can be seen on Jakked. But, that's just sometimes.

Suggestion for improvement: Oh, where to begin. Stop misting - I don't think it's healthy.