Throwing Money Around Like Someone Who Does Not Earn Minimum Wage: $140 on K-Mart clothes? K-MART CLOTHES, PEOPLE. I donned my fresh new duds, threw on the walkman, and strolled on down to McDonald's. Big Tymin'. I may have enlisted with the wrong "restaurant," because Ronald was playing "Pain" in the lobby. Which is like the worst Jimmy Eat World song ever, but it's better than FIVE FOR FIGHTING GOD SHUT UP ABOUT SUPERMAN LEST I THROTTLE YOU WITH A KRYPTONITE OVEN MITT. Also, it was more than $50 to replace the satellite remote control I smashed up in a fit of Kingdom Of Loathing-induced retard rage. The Dish Network guy asked how it broke, and I figured "Oh, it just got dropped" would be a lot easier to swallow than "So, I'm fighting the Naughty Sorceress, right?" ALSO, I'm buying all my managers gifts for the incredibly made-up holiday that is National Boss Day because I am what you might refer to as "a suck-up." ALSO I LOVE ONE OF THEM Danny's already went over well, but I have no idea what to give women (maxi pads?) so it's about a 50/50 shot at being one big train wreck of humiliation. Get off the tracks. Better get JBL and Stevie something, too.

I'm banking on 2 out of 3 rides in the Pac-Mobile this weekend. A handsome briefcase full of ghost eyeballs.

Hello. Aww, look at The New Face Of Professional Wrestling. Pinch its widdle cheeks.

Last week, Gail Kim talked an assload of sass before the Space Invaders unleashed the Death Sentence Star on fair Deadlyville. Fear will keep them in line, slapass. Isn't it time that we, as a nation, admitted that hitting a dude with a flimsy gee-tar is really shitty?

Impact opening. El Kabong is Spanish for "The Kabong." Daniels, you fucker.

Sign: "Our Hardy's Better!" HAHAHA NO. Pyrotechnics. Tonight, Christopher Daniels faces "three men hand-picked by AJ Styles." Jobbers don't grow on trees. Tenay says 18 minutes for the Ironman Challenge, but last week it was 15 minutes, so whatever. Rhino vs. Sabu, as well.

YO, SMELL YOU LATER v. Will Smith and Carlton Banks

Oh, Mikey Batts and Jerelle Clark, I don't think this is going to end well for you. While Monty is busy enjoying fine fragrances on the outside, JC drops down so Batts can Jobbitry In Motion off his back and over the top. Brown catches him. Into the ringpost goes Mikey's spine. HE DOES NOT LIKE IT, I PRESUME. Still held for a ribbreaker on the knee. Monty Brown vs. Lance Hoyt at Bound For Glory. That'll put butts in seats on the Serengeti. Jerelle Clark starts punchin' on Monty's lovely leopard-skin tuxedo, so Brown swings around and kills him with the foot of his own partner. That was kind of awesome. Finally letting Mikey down so he can be clobbered. Off comes the fur finery. Jerelle's chucked inside, where he fights back with forearms. Monty's like "Negro plz period." Off the ropes and into a BIG belly-to-belly throw! AHHHHH SCREAM. People want The Pounce. People get The Pounce. Mikey comes off the top rope, but Monty catches him again. Oh, Mikey. Brown hefts him up for "The Alpha Bomb." The only way to defeat Monty Brown is to kick him in his Alpha-Bits. Cover on both men, 1, 2, 3. Mmm, love that new turnbuckle smell.

There are microphones on the Serengeti, apparently. "WELCOME... TO THE SERENGETI! No one will stop The Alpha Male on his quest to the NWA Heavyweight Title! No one!" BUTWAIT, Garrison Hoyt might have something to say about that. I keep typing "Hoty." Hoity 2 Toity. Lance Hoyt was Dallas, if you give one single god damn. He's not quite Kevin Nash, and he's not quite Test, but oh man... *trails off* See-through tanktops are so totally Test. People like Lance Hoyt for some reason. Shit-talking in the ring. Monty decides to save the drama for Bound For Glory as he takes a walk. Now Lance has the mic. "Hey, Monty! You forget about me? You goin' all 'DOOT-DOO!?!" What in the name of god did he just say? "Don't forget about a six-foot-nine, two-hundred seventy-five pound ticked-off Texan." Bradshaw? I wonder if there are any hyphens on the Serengeti period. "Come Bound For Glory, you will remember forever, the name... HOYT!" Hahaha. Rolls off the tongue!

Backstage, Everybody's Least Favorite Stooge and Oohoohoo, Soitenly are ringed by security. Shock of shocks, Zbysko has another "major announcement." Dude, you are like The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and I hope Kevin Nash eats all your robotic sheep. Lawrence announces that The Naturals will defend (i.e. lose) the Tag Team Championships against America's Most Wanted next week. RANTIN' AND RAVEN LOL bursts onto the scene to be all pissed off. Security hugs him. There, there, Raven. "Zbysko! You mentally-deficient, criminally-negligent piece of crap! This is bullshit, Zbysko! How come you allowed Jarrett to screw me out of my World Title? Now you're gonna allow Nash to have my title shot at Bound For Glory? It's bullshit, Zbysko! It's bullshit! What about me? What about Raven?" Perhaps he can create a new Flock with Paul London as Itchy. The long-lost Pac-Man ghost. He can run afoul of an Irishman (Simon Diamond). Larry throws out Raven again. Shane Douglas is so shocked and confused.

Commercials. "Larry Zbyszko, Professional Wrestler" offers actual testimonials for Morphoplex Ultimate Fat Burner! At least I know how to spell his name now. Not that it'll get it right. Football players I've never heard of. Some lady named "Kameron Safford." Probably lives in a junkyard. Hey, Traci, too. Dressed in a very Hamburglar-esque cleavage shirt. "I lost five pounds in six days and... I can barely keep my pants on!" HAHA IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A SLUT. Saw II: Saw Harder. Leave your sister behind at the carnival so you can get all high and wander into the Hall Of Mirrors. "Are you a housewife desperate for a home makeover?" I... don't think so. Life Alert is crucial to Christopher Daniels' survival when he falls down and breaks his skinny little bones. Endorsed by C. Everett Koop! Of all the Koopa Kids, he made Bowser the most proud. See that John Cena does not knock your shell off. Doctor turf war. "Thanks to Life Alert, you can live alone without ever being alone." BOOTY CALL. "I WEAR ONE TOO!" What, a bowtie? I forgot what we were talking about.

Jushin Thunder Liger faces Samoa Joe at Bound For Glory. I don't know who the fuck either of them are, and even I know that'll be awesome. I only hope Joe smashes a bottle of Samoan spirits over his head. EAT THAT MUSCLE BUSTER SHARK BOY YOU WEIRD LITTLE FUCK.

Young, Dumb, And Full Of Rum v. Women Should Keep Their Pants On (w/ Buy A Belt)

David Young is that guy who used to lose constantly, and Simon Diamond is his drunken old trainer or something. This is the dumbest. "Diamonds In The Rough" makes me think of that Night Court episode where they were waiting for the dog to crap out the diamond. Samoa Joe makes his way to Spike TV next week. Traci looking very Melina-esque, while Bentley has his hair in PIGTAILS. Are you TRYING to make my job easier? The crowd makes with the asinine Bentley Shuffle. Oh, the "Bentley Bounce," excuse me. I figured out that it's Bentley vs. Petey vs. Sabiney in Ultimate X at BFG. The Bog-Faced Gremlin.

Prepare yourself for punching. Young ends the back-and-forth affair with a kneelift. Hard rights. Whip reversed, clothesline ducked, spinning heel kick by Matt. Now he is the one who punches. Off the ropes, Diamond grabs his foot, so Bentley gets lippy. It allows Young to block Bentley's right and go behind for THE ARCH DELUXE SON ONLY MAVEN'S CLOSEST FRIENDS KNOW THAT MOVE. What are you teachin' this boy, Simon Diamond? This boy who is like your age or older. Young picks Matt up and buries him with a hard side suplex. "Bent-Lee" chant as Matt gets spine kicked. He shoves David's gut away and earns himself another kick. Matt strikes back with chops, while Young answers with overhand blows. Now he decides to rake the eyes. Hard corner whip puts Bentley down. 1, 2, no. West, on David Young: "He is just such a caveman-like." Does Diamond teach Thugonomics? Bling-bling. Matthew's firing back with right hands. Elix Skipper is also a Rough Diamond, so it's safe to say that this is the second worst stable in TNA. Bentley's whip is reversed, but Young Papa Shangos and takes a spinning neckbreaker. Bentley maintains his grip on him and picks Dave up for a brainbuster. Sign: "JEEZ LOL!!"

Matt's going up top... HBK Elbow! "The Picture Perfect Elbow." Better work on your imaginary camera snaps. Diamond clambers onto the apron and makes a big Irish ass of himself, so Pippi Longstocking clocks him. Bentley turns around into a spinebuster attempt or something, but he floats behind and shoves David into Simon. Who needs a better System. Flapjack by Bentley. Hoppin' around... Sweet Cousin Music! 1, 2, 3. Okay, Crash, time to get your own moveset. CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!!! rushes the ring in the fashion of a bum and starts whaling/wailing/however you spell that on Matt. He's a whaler on the moon. Jeff Jarrett gave him a lift. He carries a harpoon. Watch out, Shark Boy. Hey, he DOES carry a harpoon, because he's always "GET OVER HERE"ing people prior to the Canadian Destroyer! MY PUZZLE IS COMING TOGETHER IT'S A PICTURE OF KITTIES IN A BASKET. If the unholy Canadian/Outer Space alliance ever leads to a pact between Petey Williams and Jeff Jarrett, that team would be forever known as Captain Planet. Our powers combined. BUT I DIGRESS. Petey with mounted punching on HBK's cousband. Picked up... CANADIAN DESTROYER! YOU SUNK MY BIRD OF PREY! Petey's a fucking pimp. "TNA" chant. Traci's in the ring to attend to her galpal, and I think Petey's sensing an opportunity to be even more awesome. The Canadian baseball jersey is OFF! Captain Sisko. Traci "Avery" Brooks. DAMN GIRL THIS POUTINE IS MAKIN' ME HORNY. Got Traci by the hair! FRENCH-CANADIEN KISS!!! PETEY WILLIAMS, YOU ARE A DREAMBOAT. SLAP by Traci! Kill her, Petey. She has no appreciation for your rape. Setting her up for the Destroyer while taking great care to expose her panties in the process! Oh, if only she had the ability to keep her pants on. Tenay: "Standards and Practices, look out!" What does Lodi care? But TRACI'S EXPOSED BUM HAS CAUSED ME TO RUSH is Chris Sabin in some grubby old pair of jeans. Brooks gets cast aside as Chris goes to town (Narshe) on Peter. Kevin Narshe. This is like the worst paragraph in history and I am so sorry. Whip, but The Cap'n mans the lifeboats and gets out of there. He and Sabin have words as Traci checks on Matt some more. Rockin' O Canada!!! Slick back that hair, Petey. Mmm-mmm. You are what Jesus would have been if he was Canadian and four feet tall.

Package of AJ Styles doing things. U R, U R, HE AM, HE AM. Why is that awful music so catchy?

Commercials. Sonic is probably where all the furries eat. In their big fursuits. A journey through the crotch tunnel advertises Napster.com. There's that fifty-year old Bowflex grandmother than Filmcans wants to get wit'. Spike TV pairs Crocodile Dundee with Cheech and Chong and somehow tries to make sense of it.

The NWA Tag Titles are about as important as the WWE Tag Titles, because The Naturals never appear on television. Here's a package about them, however. Jeremy Borash likes their passion. Oohoohoo.

Why is Don West dressed like Disco Inferno? Mike Tenay's favorite television program was "Listen Up!" Jeff Jarrett and his intrepid crew are not here this week because they are Lost In Space. But they did send us a transmission FROM BEYOND THE STARS OOH WEE OOH!

It's from "Dobbs Funeral Home - West Orlando Chapel." Organ music. We are here to bury the Deadlies. I say you they Deadly. Hahaha, the "Relatives And Friends" sign-in page features Kevin Dunn, Paul H., Vince & Linda, Paul & Stephanie, and Pat And Sylvain. Those crazy faggots. Why is Kevin Dunn up top, anyway? Who in TNA hates him that much? The Sinister Minister conducts services and Abyss stands around doing nothing while James Storm enjoys his Jack Daniels. Team Canada's black hockey sticks signify A STATE OF MOURNING. IS D'AMORE EATING HIS KLEENEX??? WHAT THE FUCK? I THINK I LOVE THIS. Look at Gail Kim's tiny, bling-encrusted, breast-enhancing necktie. Funerals appear to be a million times better on the moon. Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah means "Brutha Raye, I Love You." Mitchell says "Team 3-D descended on TNA like a pair of carpetbaggers." Jarrett's wearing a kleenex bib. Team Canada's rapping their sticks on the floor over in the penalty box. Five For Fighting At The Funeral. Storm starts yelling out drunkenly. Jarrett: "Chris, has he been drinkin' again?" Storm: "No. No, sir. *voice cracking as he yells* I GOTTA PISS THOUGH HURRY UP." AMW are going to pay their last respects. Team 3-D shirts are now on discount because they are dead. Pictures of their bloody corpses from last week are on display. Storm: "They look so peaceful!" Gail Kim: "*blowing a bubble and filing her nails*" Oh, D'Amore has snacks. He's giving Eric Young "The Business" for some reason. Harris: "Here lies what was once one of the greatest tag teams in professional wrestling. Somebody please get Abyss a tissue." Butterflies on the box! Abyss elects to smash it, causing poor old Eric Young to freak out. He's like a lemur. Why did AMW align themselves with Double J? Harris: "First, the money." Team Canada, as one: "MONEYYY!!!" BEAVER NICKELS!!! Jarrett: "For the money. For the money." GET THE MONEY, GET THE MONEY! Harris: "Second, power." Team Canada, as one: "POWERRR!!!" Jarrett: "For the power." Man. Storm: "Cat, I hear dead people!" Somebody is calling out to his mama from beyond the grave. Eric Young is all like "GAH WHAT DEAD PEOPLE I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!" He tells Petey the place is haunted, but D'Amore high-sticks him in the head. Storm presses his ear to the casket to hear the ghostly Dudley voices. Storm: "He's sayin, 'Devawwwn! Get the..." Jarrett: "James, be serious! This is a funeral. Their careers are already dead. They don't need another lawsuit." Everyone: "LOL." Mitchell declares that The Hangin' Out In Space Gang will reconvene one day after Bound For Glory for Kevin Nash's funeral. God, I hope so. And Storm caps it all off by taking a leak in Buh Buh's casket. HE HAS AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM, FOLKS.

Okay, Russo, THAT is how you do a funeral up right. That segment, combined with my growing disdain for the WWE, just cemented my purchase of Bound For Glory. You made me give money to THE JARRETTS, Vince. Live with that. On a Sunday. I RESPECT YOU, SPACEMAN

West and Tenay didn't like that because they are stuffed shirts. Tenay wheels on the camera and points a finger accusingly.

I Am Covered In Sabu-Boos v. Traci's Inability To Keep Her Pants On

Commercials. Burger King slippin' you the omelette. Harley Davidsons make women have sex with you. ROBOPET, YOU CRAZY. Who in the world has salt and pepper shakers shaped like fire hydrants? Firebreaker Chip?

What I Said Before v. Zoobooks Centerfold

Hype for The Ball Of Monsters. Eat attack by Rhino, but Sabu scampers off. Trying again, but Rhino falls to a drop toehold. Sabu punches. Whip, Sabu drops down, Rhyno hops over, and Sabu eats the shoulderblock. Off the ropes and into Sabu's spin kick. He punches Rhino in one of the Six Sides of Sandpeople. Corner whip, rebound Arabian Jam off the middle rope! Nobody home for Sabu's split-legged moonsault, however. Rhyno clubs him. "Sabu" chant, so Rhino punches him in the head. Ninja Chokeout, then another punch. Off the ropes, kick to the gut. Clubber. Off the ropes, clubber. Sabu throws a gutshot and gets punched more. Again Rhino hits the ropes, but Sabu tosses him over the top. Pointing at Jesus. Slingshot senton to the outside! Replay. Sabu's got a chair. So's Rhino. Their chairshots deflect one another. Sabu eventually drops his and gets whacked. That's not a DQ? Okay. Rhino makes the Ash Ketchum victory sign before covering for two. Barely. Stomp. Punch. Rhino stacks the chairs before sending Sabu's head into the "T" turnbuckle. Trying to load up a "Rhinodriver" from the second rope onto the chairs. You shouldn't drive rhinos. They are not street legal. Sabu squirrels free and punches. He heads to the top rope... hurricanrana onto the chairs! 1, 2, no! Sabu's going back up for the Facebuster or whatever, but MY MASK IS FILLED WITH TEARS hops onto the apron and gets the chair gently tossed into his head. Now Sabu hops over Rhino and hurts his cripply old knee. GORE!!! 1, 2, 3. Abyss attacks Rhino because he didn't have the decency to attend the funeral. Whip, no, Rhino swings out and hits the belly-to-belly slam! Hunkering down for another Gore... no, into Abyss' big boot. Ow, arthritis. The Minister gives Abyss a sack. NOT A SACK! THAT SACK IS FILLED WITH TACKS! THERE ARE TACKS IN THAT SACK! THE TACKS IN THAT SACK WILL SOON BE IN RHYNO'S BACK! Tenay: "THE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF THUMBTACKS!!!!" They're all big Rock fans. NO TACKSATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION hits the ring to peddle his homosexual agenda with his hair up in a girly bun. Abyss reverses a whip, but Hardy kicks his Papa Shango. Abyss is clotheslined to the floor right before Jeff eats Rhino's clothesline. And Sabu throws a chair at his head. Thanks, Jesus. All four pocket monsters occupy opposite corners of the ring. There really should be two more of them. How Cool that would be. Security breaks up the four-way scrum.

Ironman Challenge is next.

Commercials. Some bullcrap on Gamecube. WAIT, IS THIS FIRE EMBLEM? I'MMA MARK OUT. I better pre-order that while I'm busy throwing cash at every hobo who walks past. WHOA, IS THAT HECTOR? We shall see. John Leguizamo talks about how everybody ripped off Latinos. Whatever, Luigi.

Recap of the Nash/Jarrett feud. Featuring Tito Ortiz as Some Guy. Jarrett: "Keep your distance." WHOA EXCUSE ME WHILE I BACK UP A PARSEC OR TWO.

Eighteen Minutes And I'm Outta Here is ready to run the gauntlet in his sweet goth longcoat. FALLEN ANGEL SHOT THE FOOD. Wait, the longcoat is pinstriped. I don't like that. "From The City of Angels!" Hey, can you get me Johnny Nitro's autograph? I was hoping one of the opponents would be Samoa Joe, but I guess not. The Muscle Buster would break Daniels like the twig that he is. Still wearin' that choker.

Jobber Numbering The First: Every Girl's Crazy For A Shark-Dressed Man. Nickname courtesy JG. Dispensing valuable undersea wisdom is We're Gonna Need A Bigger Penis himself. Everybody makes the "Shark Fin" pantomime which is more of a "DURR DURR RETARDED" pantomime if you ask me. Shark Boy, you are about to die.

Daniels is ready to commence fightin', but Sharku wants to fuck around outside. Wait, the clock is set at 15:00? Whatever, TNA. Shark Boy scoots inside when Christopher goes after him. Back in, and Shark Boy bails. YOU ARE WASTING HIS VALUABLE TIME. The chase is on outside the ring. Catch him in a net. Shark Boy slides in all like "Hey, what time is it, my watch is not water-proof." More in and out shenanigans. Shark Boy finally suckers Daniels into poking his head through the ropes and getting popped in said head. Guillotine on the top rope. Shark's headed up... torpedo dropkick! 1, 2, no. The Angel's head meets many a turnbuckle until he blocks and nails Shark boy in the ribs. Setting up the Last Rites, Shark Boy swings free, catches a clothesline, and nails a reverse neckbreaker Stunner. 1, 2, no. PUT HIM IN THE SHARKSHOOTER. Whip, Daniels backflips over a Papa Shango, kick, ANGEL'S WINGS EAT IT. Sharks have no souls because of their evil, evil eyes. 1, 2, 3. That only took 1:26. SEND OUT MORE CHUM, STYLES, YOU RUBE. Hey Daniels, I think your choker is all crooked. He licks his finger and tallies an invisible Mariotti point!!!

Boy, the clock is running a long time while he waits for a new challenger to arrive. If Goldberg is #3, Daniels is really fucked. Jobber Numbering The Second: DUTT'D. Pardon The Interduttion. Sonjay slides in and catches an immediate beatdown. He's fresh from a tour of India, so he can probably do crazy Dhalsim shit. Dutt takes over with punches. Whip, sliding drop toehold, off the ropes, basement dropkick to the head! Slinging over the ropes, then back in with a slingshot Muta/Damaja elbow! Cover gets two. West says Sonjay is like a "rock star" in India. Air Sitar, friends. Is Sonjay balding? West: "What a great person." Dutt takes a kneelift and a chop. Now forearms. Whip, Dutt springs to the second rope for a moonsault, but he lands on his feet when Daniels evades. Clothesline ducked by Sonjay, who hits the ropes for a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Off the ropes, Christopher chucks him up, but Sonjay manages a 'rana to the floor! Daniels returns to the apron and eats a missile dropkick out of the corner. The Indian Chris Jericho. Get off his battlefield. Asai moonsault by Sonjay! Replay! Everyone has been killed. The Black Hole Slam of Calcutta. 11:20 or thereabouts as we take a break.

Commercials. "Game Head" is next. Previews of games I don't care about! The Rock portrays the role of "The Dude" in Doom. Game Boy Micro is fucking stupid.

We return to find Daniels trapped in some nutty Dhalsim octopus. Man, that's a Paydirt level of fucked-up-edness. Chris manages to dump Dutt through the ropes. 7:30 left. Sonjay with a springboard The Stupid, right into Daniels' Flatliner! Not Rock Bottom, as I stated last week. More lazing about. Daniels charges with a high knee strike. Stomping a muddy hole in the corner. I'm just now noticing Dutt's taped-up shoulder. Scoop slam by Daniels. Another. Stop getting up, you foolish Indian! Another. Pose by Daniels. A hard corner whip drops Dutt. Stomps. Chris gets Sonjay in pumphandle position and flips him into the turnbuckles. Fix your choker. Let's start a "FIX YOUR CHOKE-HER *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap*" chant. Who's with me? Daniels sells his many wounds (stigmata) before covering for two. Gutwrench suplex, 1, 2, no. Rear facelock with a knee in the back. Restholds will help you beat that time limit! Dutt punches loose and stands. Gutshot, off the ropes, but Daniels kicks. Dueling "Let's Go" chants. Dutt is in Gandhi's corner. Corner whip, but Chris barrels into a back elbow. And now a boot. Dutt snakes through the ropes all Yogafully to escape one more charge. Slingshot Tajiri flip into a hurricanrana! Sonjay's cool. Whoa, I just realized that he's facing Curry Man. So much is on the line. Little Indian Dance as he gets fired up. Backdrop! Clothesline! 4:40 left. Knuckelock, then a Old School ropewalk while doing a chicken dance! "The Sprinkler," he calls it. Sonjay hops down for a chop to the shoulder. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Freaking out, off the ropes, and I guess that's The Sprinkler's Elbow. 1, 2, no. Dutt runs his fingers through his hair and suddenly realizes he's balding. DEMOTT'S TURNING POINT. Picking up Daniels to punch him. Corner whip reversed, Sonjay slings up and gets caught over the shoulder. But he swings around awesomefully to nail a DDT! 1, 2, no! 3:30 left. Sonjay's up top... THE HINDU PRESS (Yang Time?) or whatever misses, but Dutt lands on his feet and rolls through! STOP THE HINDU PRESSES ELEPHANT MARRIES COW FILM AT ELEVEN. Sonjay charges, but Daniels sidesteps and Fallen Angelizes the tapey shoulder! NASTY climb-up enzuigiri! ANGEL'S WINGS! GOD DAMN HINDUS. 1, 2, 3.

I really have no idea who number three's going to be. Hopefully not K-Kwik. Daniels' choker makes him so arrogant that he's going to grab the mic and talk religious sass. "Two down! One to go!" 2:45. "AJ Styles, hurry up! Bring the next victim out!" Jobber Numbering The Third: I AM TAKING MY PENIS INTO MY OWN HANDS. Yeah, AJ. Continuing to reprazent the Jay family. He am, he am. Daniels appears to feel that this is dirty pool. He runs for it, but AJ chases. Right into a thrown chair, ow. Clothesline on the floor by Daniels. Whip into the guardrail. 1:45. Back in, clubber. Stomp. "FAL-LEN AN-GEL" duels with "LET'S GO AJ". Hard corner whip has AJ arching like Val. Another corner whip, then a knee strike. Snapmared down for one. AJ's in street clothes, if you give a crap. Clubbers. Scoop slam, 1, 2, no. Fitty second. Hooking up a third Angel's Wings, but Styles counters with a double leg takedown. Kick caught, and Christopher's freaking out. Hard rights by Styles. 30 seconds left as they trade blows. Whip reversed, Styles slides through the legs and hammers him with a clothesline. Again. Back elbow. 10 seconds. Corner charge, but Daniels dumps him to the apron. Styles lands a forearm before topping things off with a springboard Oops, I Fell Down (He Slipped On Some Nuts). The Fallen AJ. WHAT A PHENOMENAL FINISH, FANS! Time's up, and Daniels wanders off. Styles has the mic. He'll have the opportunity to whip Daniels' A for thirty minutes at Bound For Glory. Maybe he can not fall down like a goon next time. The Gail Kim, as we call it in the business. And that's that.

Final Thoughts: AJ stands for "Aw Jeez, I Fell Down."