Injury Report: Is my black toenail turning GREEN??? I think I'm soon to be The Next Zach Gowen.

Here's the Monday Night Football parody which Vince ruined, as is his wont. Where's Shane? I miss him slightly. Somebody send Snitsky after his baby and see if that brings him back.

Back to the goddamned Afterburn studio. Todd and Coach this time. I don't remember it being all Christmassed up on Velocity.

Christian versus Jericho at WM XX. JR: "...springboard Lionsault!" As opposed to what other type of Lionsault? I already saw this. Let's tell some bad jokes about the New York Football Giants. Eli Manning invented the Shitty Gin. If your Hawaiian statue is in need of a stylin' new 'do, take him to Mr. Tiki Barber.

What the hell does Heat care about Christmas In Iraq? Lord. Worst weekend ever.

Commercials. I got a Baten Kaitos WALL SCROLL. At long last, I am a shameful Japanese nerd. Akiko's gonna beat me up.

The Smackdown vs. RAW rewing is Coach wearing a dress. Todd is greatly entertained by this.

2004 was the Year of the Retard. The Retard Talisman gives you super-hugging power. JUST SAW THIS. T-I-T-L-E.

A Best of RAW 2004 Moment was Kane's wedding.

Commercials. Way to tee off on those impossibly easy musical targets, Theme Addict CD. I give Tesh a pass for composing the NBA on NBC theme. YES! A transvestite! From downnnntownnnn!

Heat is brought to us by both Playstation and XBOX. Thanks for not sponsoring this shit, Nintendo. That's why I love you.

Here's that package about Shelton gangbangin' in Orangeburg. His mother needs a better suit. We see many of Shelton's classic matches against A.C. Slater.

Benjamin beat Triple H last March. You know what I just saw? IT WAS THIS. At least we get the "small penis" pantomimes this time.

Commercials. I don't care.

Brand limitations do not apply when it comes to whoring for public relations. Creed video.

Fun Fact: They call him "Coach" because he used to work at Coach House Gifts. He was all, "This Precious Moments figurine has moxie, kid!" Todd personally thanks Mr. McMahon for the Diva Search. Fuck you, Todd.

Fuck the Diva Search, Todd. I wonder if Kamala has had peas before.

The Body Slam of the (Two) Week(s Ago) is David taking the RKO.

Commercials. My head never stops hurting.

Blade Trinity. Next.

Here's the Triple Threat from WM XX. Why didn't they bother to show this on Experience? Oh, maybe because it's in black and white already. I hate that a whole lot. This crowd seems completely awful. Hello, Tazz! Benoit gets double-suplexed onto his little table. Thanks for waking up, crowd. Clip. Pedigree for Michaels. Benoit stops the cover. Ad break? Whatever.

Commercials. Horf.

We're back. Benoit counters the Pedigree with a double leg and the Sharpshooter. Fatty can't get the ropes. Michaels has to break it with Sweet Chink Music. He crawls to cover Benoit for two. "Ben-wah." I guess the crowd's a'ight. Shawn stomps his little tootsie, but Benoit ducks and dumps him. Kick, wham, Pedi... NO, Benoit swings out and gets the Crawlspace! Helmsley can't escape by rolling around fatly. At long last, he's tappin' like a fat man. Weirdly edited celebration shots to prevent us from seeing blood, I guess.

Things will begin again on RAW. Again. It's in Biloxi. Todd was born in Mississippi before he went on to make Alabama proud.

Final Thoughts: If this show was an atmospheric phenomenon, it would be aurora bore-ealis. Now THAT, my friends, is a JOKE.