Aired on March 10, 2002
Rebeaker: TNM
It's the second occurence of WWF Superstars on The Weakest Link! If you want to get all nostalgic and drive your Chevy to the levy or whatever that song's about, you can read the first one here. Go there and learn how the game works if you don't know, 'cuz I ain't going through it again.
This ANOTHER special WWF edition of The Weakest Link, with 8 superstars competing for up to 1 million dollars for the charity of their choice. Here is my beakdown of the participants:
Terri "THE SHE-DEVIL". Pssh.
Height: Stupid.
Weight: Whore.
From: Stupidwhore, Florida.
Charity: Ronald McDonald House. WHATCHOO KEEP IN YO' HOUZE, RONALD?
Telling Information: Married Dustin Rhodes. Obviously stupid.
Kane
Height: Tall
Weight: Fat
From: "Parts Unknown". He seriously said that.
Charity: St. Jude Children's Hospital
Telling Information: Distracts the other competitors by letting his gross nipples hang out for God and everybody to see.
Edge
Height: However tall his hair is
Weight: Whatever his teeth weigh
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Milky Way, Universe.
Charity: Humane Society
Telling Information: Canadian.
Buh Buh Ray Dudley
Height: 6'5" or so
Weight: Chunky
From: DUDLEYVILLE, USA
Charity: "The American Cancer Society, and my mommy." MUTHA FAYE!
Telling Information: Smart. Has a cool shirt.
Steve Austin
Height: 6'4"?
Weight: Getting chubby
From: JACK VICTORY, Texas
Charity: "The Christopher Reeves Paralysis Foundation" because Owen broke his NECK.
Telling Information: He will obviously win. Nobody votes against the main eventer unless they want to be under the GLASS CEILING.
D-Von Dudley
Height: Black
Weight: Also Black
From: DUDLEYVILLE, USA
Charity: The Thomas E. Hughes scholarship fund out of Memorial Baptist Church in New York, Harlem? I guess that's what he said.
Telling Information: Going to be voted off first because of racism.
Jerry "The Asshole" Lawler
Height: Small
Weight: Fat. And perverted.
From: MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE, Y'AWWWL
Charity: Special Olympics
Telling Information: Dirty old man. Will correctly answer questions about statutory rape and alimony payments.
Debra WILLIAMS
Height: Old
Weight: Blonde
From: TUSCALOOSA, Alabama.
Charity: Humane Society
Telling Information: Married Mongo. Obviously stupid.
Round One: Terri knows that Rudy Giuliani was Time magazine's 2001 Man of the Year. Kane thinks Texas is the southermost continental state. Some easy ones. Austin banks $2,500. He knows that MARY had that little lamb!!! D-Von banks $1000 and answers correctly about Cherokee jeeps. Lawler knows that the fourth letter of the alphabet is D. GENIUS! Debra banks $2,500 more.
Second runthrough. $2,500 more banked by Kane. Edge answers "Ocean's Eleven" correctly, but Anne Robinson doesn't give it to him because he left off the apostrophe S. Lame, but Edge deserves it. Why isn't CHRISTIAN on the show, huh? He could have rolled around and had a tantrum when he was voted off. It would have rocked. Stone Cold answers one about lace. SISSY! LOOK ATCHA! D-Von banks and thinks the bean that looks like a body organ is "pork-fried". Oh, D-Von. King doesn't know that Bangkok is the capital of Thailand. I figured that one would be right up his alley.
Debra doesn't know about Pearl Jam. Raven is mad. Buh Buh banks $5000. His name is mispelled "BUBBA", by the way. Austin doesn't know that "Gimme a Break" refers to Kit-Kat. D-Von tries to bank their zero money. Dummy. That's it. They made $16,000.
Anne Robinson: "WHO IN THAT LAST ROUND WAS WRESTLING WITH INTELLIGENCE AND LOSING???" She is so not funny. Buh Buh was the strongest link and D-Von was the weakest. The announcer pronounces it d-VONNE. Really cute. The vote-off ends in a tie between Edge and D-Von. Stone Cold does his "What?" and says he couldn't vote off his wife. Anne banters with Terri about how she is incapable of wearing clothes and how she has fake breasts and other gross stuff. In the case of a tie, the strongest link casts the deciding vote. So Buh Buh votes off Edge, because he can't vote off his "wife", D-Von. Anne calls his shirt an "old man shirt". Bitch. That shirt rules.
EDGE IS THE BLONDEST LINK, GOOD BUY. In his losar interview, he says he hopes D-Von is next because he hates him and he is black. DEADWEIGHT D-VON!
Commercials. Beef is what's for dinner, and so are JELLO pudding tubs. Robin Williams makes some awful movies.
Round Two: Austin takes fucking forever to get Betty Crocker. D-Von doesn't know that ballerinas dance ballet. Oy. Terri misses an AK-47 one because she calls it RK-47. Kane answers a Detroit Tigers question. Speed it the hell up, Stone Cold. Christ. D-Von knows that hands have five fingers!!! Austin can't get 100 X 11 in time.
Only $7500 banked this time. Buh Buh is STRONG LIKE BULL, Terri is the weakest. However, D-Von gets voted off because Terri is not BLACK. Kane, Austin, and Lawler vote for him. Mostly SOUTHERN guys, huh? HUH? Buh Buh wants Kane to tombstone Anne. Robinson: "Why D-Von?" Kane: "He kept on lookin' at me funny." My girlfriend keeps talking about how the set looks like a spaceship and Anne Robinson looks like an alien. She also thinks Kane looks like Darth Vader, and that he needs a bra. Indeed.
Lawler makes some gross sexual innuendos, but D-Von is still THE BLACKEST LINK, SO LONG. No more racism jokes for me to make. Sadness. D-Von says he likes his women. I don't even know what that means. Oh, Anne was making gay jokes about him and Lawler.
Commercials. NBC commercials are the damn worst. Celebrity Fear Factor has that embarrassing Baldwin brother and also a Backstreet Boy.
Round Three: Buh Buh knows what R.I.P. stands for. TAKER IS PROUD! King knows about pink slips. HAHA HE SURE DOES!!! Debra banks $5000. Terri accidentally guesses one right about "Judging Amy". Kane says Sea-Doo instead of Seaworld. Heh. Debra banks another $5000 but doesn't know about Francs. Buh Buh actually knows one about the Vienna Boys' Choir. He is a genius.
$20,000 earned. Anne: "WHICH WRESTLER HERE HAS BEEN SNACKING ON DUMBELLS?" Snacking on? Why would anybody snack on... I don't know. Buh Buh is still strongest, while Debra is weakest. Austin still can't vote off his wife. COWARD! It's a tie between Debra and Terri, and Buh Buh kicks off Debra. Terri says Kane smells. Debra is "famous for being Steve's wife".
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST TROPHY WIFE, GOODBYE! Debra says her husband will win. Yeah, because he CHEATS.
Round Four: King correctly answers about miniskirts. SHOCK OF SHOCKS!!!!! Kane and I don't know one about The Tijuana Brass. Kris knew it. Herb Alford or something? I can't even understand the name. Austin takes an HOUR to NOT GET "Natural Born Killers". He crosses his arms and mopes around and tries to be funny. Sean O'Haire would have known. Buh Buh gets one about Muhammed Ali. Anne acts surprised that Austin knows 10% of 50. Kane banks $5000 as time runs down. $10,000 total.
Anne: "WHO MIGHT HAVE HAD A BETTER CAREER IN THUMB-WRESTLING???" Shut up. Buh Buh remains strongest, Austin is weakest. THE DUDLEYVILLE SCHOOL SYSTEM IS REPRAZENTIN'! We'll vote off after the commercial. Dumb.
Commercials. The Olive Garden! Stereotypical Italian gives it two thumbs up!
Time to vote. Terri is gone like Donkey Kong. It's actually a tie with Kane, but Buh Buh DOES THE RIGHT THING. Buh Buh is the best ever. God forbid you vote off a woman, King, you perv. Buh Buh gets applause for being un-stupid.
YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST WHORE, GOODBYE. I hate you, Terri. She says Kane will be kicked off because he smells. Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Round Five: Buh Buh can't get Scotland Yard. I KNEW IT, BUH BUH! Those ones were Anne goes "What 'L'?" or "What 'A'?" are confusing. Buh Buh doesn't know one so he yells "JR'S BBQ SAUCE!!!" He rules. Kane and I miss one about Mystery Science Theater 3000. SORRY FOR NOT BEING SMARKS! Austin doesn't know who sang "Wind Beneath My Wings". YOU IDIOT! THEY SANG IT TO YOU!!! Buh Buh takes a long time to get 30 squared. They only made $1000. Losers.
KANE is the strongest link, and Stone Cold is weakest. Buh Buh and Kane vote Austin off. YES. I was genuinely surprised. Anne: "THE BOTTOM LINE IS, BECAUSE I SAY SO..." U R THE BALDEST LINK, ADIOS. He takes his little nameplate with him. Steve says nothing of import in his losar interview.
Round Six: Kane banks $5000. He then gets a question about the French heroine who was burned at the stake. ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF THE BURN VICTIM, ANNE??? NOT COOL! Kane doesn't know novacaine. Buh Buh banks $5000. King says avacado but the answer was artichoke. They were going to do a James Bond question but time ran out. Ripoff.
Kane is strongest, The King is weakest. Ugh, commercials.
Ugh, Commercials. Tommy Davidsone makes people eat P'zones against their will. Twice in one commercial break. Soap Stars are on The Weakest Link next week. Ick.
Buh Buh and Kane vote off The King. SO LONG, PERVY! YOU ARE THE DIRTIEST OLD MAN, GOOD BYE. Kris says Buh Buh looks like a bowler. I wish I had a shirt like his. Oh, King says there's a lot of pressure. He's afraid he's gonna look stupid. Boo hoo hoo.
Round Seven: Kane knows about the Ottoman empire. Buh Buh is given a question about a TYPE of tuna, so he answers "TUNA!". He redeems himself with one about the Drew Carey Show. Kane keeps getting thrown off by the "What 'S'?" questions. He knows who recorded "Superfreak". Which term refers to a Buddhist shrine, Buh Buh is asked: Stigmata or Pagoda. "TEMPLE!" he yells. Oh, Buh Buh, you're falling apart. Did I spell pagoda right? Doubtful. As time runs out, Buh Buh is asked what 462 minus 231 is. "1,873!" he randomly shouts. He rules.
$9,500 banked, which doubles. Kane and Buh Buh play for a grand total of $83,500 right after this.
Commercials. Boring.
Final Round: Best of 5 questions, whoever gets the most wins. Kane goes first and correctly answers Maine as the largest in area of the New England states. Buh Buh knows that anchovies are in Caesar salad. I don't know how to spell that. Kane is correct in saying that a lunar eclipse can only occur during a full moon. The Prime Meridian meets the Equator in the Atlantic Ocean, as Buh Buh answers correctly. Kane doesn't know that the fairy tale character with a name meaning "girl of the ashes" is Cinderella. Buh Buh identifies Roosevelt as the only president on Mount Rushmore who served in the 20th century.
Kane doesn't know that 64 cups are in a gallon. Nor does Buh Buh know one about "The Call of the Wild". Kane needs to answer this last one correctly to stay in the game... It's about Oliver North, and he gets it. Buh Buh can win with a question about a ship that sank to the bottom of Lake Superior in 1975. Edmund Fitzgerald or something like that. He misses it. It's a TIE! SUDDEN DEATH DUNN DUNN DUNNNNN! Kane knows that Monica Seles was the STABBED tennis player who won the '96 Australian Open. Buh Buh can't name the current Attorney General, so Kane has won $83,500 for St. Jude! I guess that's a fairly Midwestern charity. Rock on, Kane. Buh Buh feels bad. He really wanted the money to go to his charity. Poor Buh Buh.
Final Thoughts: That's it. Anne winks at the camera. How totally gross is she? Check out this HILARIOUS "OMG THE SET IS A SPACESHIP" joke Kris and I collaborated on: "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY(2HOTTY)!" Yeah. Time to end this thing. Mercifully.