Hey whats going on OLD CHUMPS its your close personal aquaintence ANDREW "THE TEST" MARTIN here too give you the 311 on whats been goin down (ON MY DICK!!!! NO SERSIOUSLY.) As some of you crotch critters may have read in teh DIRTSHEETZ AND/OR FUNNEY PAPERS I am now a dead!!! This may not come as a big suprise to those of yuo pointdexters who saw me wressling in the Test N Albert federation as Adnrew "TEH PUNISHER" Martin (LAWSUIT FROM MARBLE COMICS PENDING) because my veins were so gross and prommanent that you could have skipped rope w/ them and my face looked like that of THE DANCING OLD MAN FROM THE SIX FLAGS COMMERSHIALS!!!!! But dont call teh goatsbusters just yet Rick More Anus (lol) becuase GHOST TEST IS HEAR, HE'S CLEAR, GET USED TO IT!!!! WE ARE THE UNION HUNHHHHHH
Sorrey if my message is not as clear as my PROTOPLASMIC GHOST BODY b/c I am typeing this via wedgie board. I had just been hangin around in progatory waiting for someone too ask teh spirits "DOES CARASH HOLLY HAVE A SMALL WEENER?" so I could be all like "LOL YES" until I reelized that teh wedgie board does not have a built in "LOL" key so I had to ghostify the lettars individualy which built up a HEAPING SWEAT UPON MY BROW. Srsly this thing needs more shortcuts it doesnt have "WTF" or any of teh emotingcons or anything all it has is "YES" and "NO" so if yuo want to have a conversion w/ THE ZODIAC MAN or BOOKER T'S ENTERANCE MUSIC then yuove come to teh right place my man!!!! hahahaha black people, where we ever so young????
Anyways I took a brake from makin naked pottery w/ Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly and Stacy Kebler to let all my fans know taht I am not a vengful spirit but more of a party ghost as depicted in teh hit motion picshure PARTY GHOST 6: BOO-YAH." So plz do not send THAT FAGGET SEE 'EM PUNK into a hautned house too exercise me although itd probly be teh only exercise that puny jerkpile ever got in his entire life hahaha. He should prolly do more steriods OH WAIT NO tahts what got me into this predickerment in teh first place. WELLNESS, KIDS, WELLNESS. Thats what teh Big Show names his main charecter every time he plays Earthbound. PROTIP: THE RUNAWAY FIVE ARE LIKE THE BLUES BROTHERS EXCEPT W/O JOILET JAKE OR AS I LIKE TOO CALL HIM "TOILET SNAKE"
So basicly Im just hangin out w/ all teh other sweet Canadian ghosts, its pretty great. The other day a HAUNTED PORTRAIT OF CHRIS BENIOT showed up to terrerize Sigurney Weaver and her little alien babby hahaha. Chestbursters yeah right, I got a chestburster right here for yuo baby, its called why dont you let me jizz on a tit???? A wise man once said teh only things were sure of in this life time are death and Texas and taht mans name was THE UNDER TAKER who knows a little something about both, thank yuo. He preformed my services (NOT GAY) and despite teh fact that my LAST WILL AND TEST-AMENT clearly asked him too "put the fun back in a funeral" he did no such thing!!! Taht bozo couldnt even manage to put the "AL" back in funeral becuase my tag team life partner Albert AKA GIANT SAINT BERNARD was trapped in Japan filming BETHOVENS SIXTH BOWEL MOVEMENT or some peice of crap. What a peice of crap. I origanally wanted BROTHER LOVE to give my yoology but that was back when I thought he was a sauve black man who would resite teh theme song from SHAFT except with "TEST" in place of "SHAFT" but instead he turned out too be just some BIG BLOATED RED GUY!!!! FUCKIN NATIVE AMAMRICANS, go back too the casio and jerk teh crank on your one-eyed bandit!!
I tried going too hell right after I deprated but it was pretty stupid. FIRST OF ALL, Robert "BOOB" Holly wouldnt fairy me across teh River Sticks in his robot rowboat unless I paid him a sixpents or a Chucky Cheese token or something. I was like "NO TAHNK YOU, MISTER ROBOTO you can continue being teh little man in teh canoe whilst I fjord this river" and then I PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUSE IS AND DID SO. I lost two oxen and a waggon axel, it was atroshius. And then when I finaly got in too hell Sisyfus was raising a SISSY FUSS about having to give a push to Horace Boulder or some such so I told him "ITS TOUGH TOO BE TEH ROCK" and kicked him in the face. DO NOT LET TEH ROMAN GNOME DAVID BATITSTA BOOK YOU A VACASHION TO HELL THROUGH TRABILLOCITY.COM, it is a horable place full of whiners and fucknuckles.
So now I am stuck in ghost limbo which sucks b/c I keep stepping over teh bar allah Kevin Nash which is appearently a FRAGRANT VIOLATION OF THE RULES. But one time when I was purchassing hookers from Pappa Shamwow he told me in passing taht an apperition (SUCH AS MYSELF) cannot truley be at peace until it finishes wahtever business it had left to do on teh planat Earth. So if yuo are reading this PLEASE PAINT MY HOUSE AND BUY TEH SMOKEABLE PLANTS I AM SELLING ON EBAY!!! They are not marijuna but they are pretty much just as good. Marijauna is to buttar as TESTS PLANTS are to margerine. Theres a little freebie for yuo in case they ask that one on teh S.A.T. (ANOTHER KIND OF TEST THAT IS NOT ME) I hope one day too cast of my hautned shaqles and captain a bevy of deceased wrestlers call the "SPIRIT SQUAD" only this time instead of cocksuckers they would be ghost cocksuckers.
Alright dudes and dudes w/o dicks its time for these old bones to mosey along. I have too go film TEH HAUNTING IN GREENWITCH CONNECTICUTT in which I pop my head out of Pete Gasses" toliet and ask "WHERE TOO, STEPHANIE?!?!" Until nex time, yuo toadfrogs should bid "high" (GET IT???) on my Hawiiaan purple nurple weed and always remember that GHOST TEST IS ECTO-COOLER THAN YUO!!!!!
