OPENING BLOG: I actually did this after the rebeaking. Well, next Saturday I'm going to be leaving Myrtle Beach, S.C., and headed back to Virginia for a while. The lady who's replacing me at my job actually fucking asked me to help her move in. Now, I don't mean to beat my own drum, but I'm usually the first person to volunteer to help friends or family move in or paint or whatever they're doing. But, COME ON! Also, FINISH THEM!

Jeff Jarrett said "Think about it, Vince." I swear the only reason Russo is used in angles is because he's an authority figure whose name is "Vince." Mike Tenay and Don West are around. Team Canada are out to fight Team Mexico. They don't introduce Team Mexico, but since I love-a you all, sincerely, I look 'em up. It's tiiime to look 'em up. Never mind, the site has Canada listed sererately but not Mexico. Commercials.

We're back and everyone's fighting everyone else. The annoucers seem to think Canada are up on things. Ooh, synchronized head-scissor takedowns. Rolling rollup pinfalls. Some dirty Mexican almost got an advantage on Petey Williams, but he got kneed in the back when he foolishly ran towards his opponent's corner. Bobby Roode in, double-underhook suplex gets two. Tag out to Johnny Devine, I notice there's another dirty Mexican that's been standing on the second rope for the whole one-on-one portion of this match. Sidewalk backbeaker gets two. Punching in the corner. Scott D'Amore chokes some dirty Mexican. Mike Tenay calls D'Amore the X-factor in these matches. Believe me, O Canada is a lot more pleasant than Uncle Cracker. Another pin gets two. Williams tagged in, and there's the first mention of a dirty Mexican by name! Some dirty Mexican is actually Mr. Aguilla! The powar of being identified lets him do a double-clothesline and tag out to a third dirty Mexican, Abysmo Negro. He's a shanty afire! Asai moonsault named after that dirty Mexican, Ultimo Dragon. Williams and Roode break up the pinfall attempt, which summons Mr. Aguilla and another dirty Mexican from the corner. Canadians attempt to throw Mexicans over the top, Mexicans land on the apron, Canadians attempt to Toronto Blue Jays-slide the Mexicans to trip them, Mexicans jump over the slides then vault themselves on the Canadians, who are now outside. I think another dirty Mexican's name is Heavy Metal, who's in the ring with Roode. After a distraction by D'Amore, possibly claiming the guy is a comic book and not a graphic novel or something, Roode gets a powerslam for two. Metal counters a powerbomb and kicks a couple times for a pin count of two. Scoop slam on Roode, Metal goes up top. D'Amore seriously looks like he's probing Heavy Metal's ass with the hockey stick. Either way, Metal is crotched on the corner. Roode "powers him down" for a three-count. After the match, Team Canada attack a bunch. The bell rings a lot. Don West argues that the one thing he hates about Team Canada is that they allow themselves to be controlled by Scott D'Amore. He's a real puppetmaster. Anyhow, here's Hector Garza, who is apparently the captain of Team (dirty) Mexico. He tries to help, to no avail.

We have a look at the whole thing with Wildcat-ass and Primetime being new tag champs. Apparently last week when even my VCR became so disgusted with TNA it stopped recording, Team Canada won that non-title tag match. During a post-match beatdown, Cowboy-ass and Christopher Daniels both came in for the save, followed by The Naturals, who were out to attack the champs.

Up next, Kid Kash and Diesellas face Chris Sabin Rene Figaro and The Underwhelming Red. Red and Kash start off. Armbar-rollery. Commercial time. What a fantastic start.

The X division isn't about weight limits, it's about no limits. It isn't about sweatpants, it's about no pants. This is their way of saying Wednesday's PPV is a clip show. AJ Styles doesn't want us trying to be this personality-free alone. Y'know, whether you like the rap music, you have to admit this Boost Mobile commerical is much better than seniors grinding against one another.

And we're back. Sabin in. Dropkick by Sabin, cover gets two. Rope-go-'round ends with Kid Kash Klothesline. Tag to Dallas, who does some slamming, gets a two count and tags back out. Moonsault by Kash, tag back out to Dallas. Dallas with a big corner slothesline. More stiking moves in the corner. Sabin misses a tornado DDT, hits an inzughiri, then hits a tornado DDT. Race for the tag. I bet you weren't expecting it, but Red's a house afire. Contrived cover is broken up by Dallas. All four men in the ring. Sit-down dropkick on the top hits Dallas. Dallas with a big boot. Kash hits Red with a frog splash.

Here's the same damn Monty Brown video they've used before. Even his promos are boring and repetitive. Up next, Dubba J.

Here's a Dubba J package, prominently featuring SEE U IN FUCKING HELL I AM TIRED. Hey, it's the Elite Guard. They must be his outsiders. Lex Lovett has a job to do. He smartly gets himself introduced before Wake up with the King of the Mountain, so he's already in the ring. Dropkick by Double J on Double L. Oh sur-prise, Double L missed a splash and ends up ... outside. A little while later, Jarrett is back in choking Lovett on the ropes, then performing the BAM! Or, if you'd rather, the "stone cold attack." Lovett hits one move, goes up top, misses with his L-trigger press, so Jarrett gets the stroke and the pin. This match seriously gives me deja-vu. Here's why, by the way. Our main event will be Just Right Porridge vs. AJ Styles.

Ring intros, then commercials. Shaq wants another championship so bad it hurts. He's just glad he chickened out of the Olympics before the team could job to Los Borricuas. The match begins ... MY GOD KING AJ STYLES USED THE ARMBAR MY GOD. It goes on a full minute. Now the test of strength. It turns into gay sex. Armbrags by AJ. Kneedrop gets two. Dropkick, another two count. AJ goes to the apron, his leg is grabbed by Put a bag over that mess, which delays him in hopping on the ropes enough that Alex Shelley can knock him over. Final cut by Shelley gets two. Shelley chops and knees in a couple of corners, then a snapmare with a dropkick right after. Side Russian leg sweep gets two. Tenay says Shelley uses a European style. it must have been a side western Russian leg sweep. AJ starts firing back. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by AJ. Moonsaulting slop drop. Styles clash is reversed, pinfall gets two. AJ gets a rollup off a suplex for three. What?

Since I reprogrammed my VCR to start taping fifteen minutes into the hour, I now get to look at a very special video package. It has a lot of smoke and pyro. Monty Brown, Jarrett, Styles, Hardy, Raven, a little Abyss and Three Live Crew, Team Canada, Shark Boy, Sonjay Dutt, what you'd expect. It uses the same music as the promos for weekly PPV promos did.

FINAL THOUGHTS: On this week? A merciful end. I was not teased with anything that will make me miss this possibly being the last time in my life I ever watch TNA. On TNA in general? I don't think many people could like this. Even people who enjoy the style of wrestling where every move seems overly elaborate and contrived must like some variety. All of these matches look exactly the same each week.

I say again, I'm not going to miss this. To whoever ends up taking it, I say: sorry.