You won't care, move on: The Hungarian Grand Prix is usually one of the least interesting races of the F1 calendar, with the circuit's compact and twisty layout providing very few places to pass, which is already difficult in F1 these days. And all it took was buckets of rain and severe penalties and eventual mechanical breakdowns for both championship-contender drivers to make things interesting. Jenson button, a guy who'd done relatively little except earn a fat paycheck over the course of 113 races and six years, won for he first time. And I thought the British press wouldn't shut up about him before ... anyway, the real reason him winning got me excited was it would mean that the podium ceremony would feature a different national anthem then usual, Japan's (they play the anthem for both driver and car constructor, and Jenson races a Honda). Buuuuut my computer stopped recording because the regular time slot was done (the weather meant the race pace was slower and this took more time). On the whole, probably a really good race in my mind since I bothered typing a bunch about it in a forum where I know nobody follows Formula One.

Pre-show, it's entertaining when fatties are not classy. No wonder A-1 sucks, he's not entertaining on at least two levels.

Satellites happened at some point. Things happened last week.

All hail King Jeremy tells us that Sting has accepted Christian's offer to let him stand around outside the ring at a PPV. We are here to invade the space backstage show up to call collusion. But not on a handphone. Jarrett: "Where's Cornette at? Where's Christian at?" No handphones for Jarrett, he's Boost Mobile all the way. I personally would have thought he'd prefer to use a communicator badge. Computer: Location of Chief Petty Officer Christian! Christian is sore-y he can be petty sometimes. Damn, I'm goofy. I should start these at 3:30 a.m. more often. Aaaaanyhow, Referee Chris Jericho thinks PHOTOSHOP IS EXCELLENT! He's here to spread the word that Cornette's holding another meeting where he talks and everyone else stands around. "And he especially wants to talk to you, Big Pappy!" Big Popeye's father. Also, Borash's eyes bug out in a way that I've been ORDERED to record for all time.

Anyhow, the Invaders give Baldo a hard time.

Nice, we're gonna start with The New lWo, or NlWo. They have their own entryway.

I'd take that thing over the crotch tunnel any day. They first go to the announce table where Tenay and West are, who don't immedeately move since LAX doesn't have any icky girls. But once a little mashing is threatened, Konnan is able to get the table to himself.

Moody Jack is, well, moody over having to speak English as well as Spanish. Apparently LAX's new goal is to make everyone speak Spanish, like those segments with Maria or whatever her name was on Sesame Street. They're not announced, but the opponents are I never get announced by Konnan and I never defeat Scott D'Amore. Jerelle Clark and Chasyn Rance. General outside-of-the-ring mashing by both LAXers. Homicide throws Jerelle through the middle and top ropes back in. Lifting him up for a high-angle crucifix powerbomb called the border toss. There's the gringo killer on Rance. 1, 2, 3.

Look there, on the Stupidtron, it's My sunglasses frighten Eric Young and My neck brace frightens children. And probably also Eric Young. Daniels challenges Homicide to a match next week. "Here's some gospel even you can understand!" Oh yeah, Latinos are known to be a godless people. "This match, it won't end, with a 1, 2, 3! It's gonna end in a 187 on you, bitch!" Moody Jack: "Enhh?"

Backstage, Borash chats up I'm going to call my fans Hippophant sicophants. Joe suggests the Serengeti is not green with lush grasses but with ENVY. "It's just like your NFL career, you got to the Big Show, and you lose." Called it. Thanks for following the site, Samoa Joe. Oh, by the way, the fans all "oooh"ed like the elementary school playground when someone said "ass."

Cornette is moving his lips in the video clip while Still useless talks about his meeting. It takes me a moment to realize it's not really Cornette.

Commercials. On the Discovery Channel, the stunt junkies are having all the effin' fun.

Backstage, the space police are just being meanie bo-beanies. They're beating somebody, ahh, As space police you are no strangers to my ray-gun tecnhology. The cops are still trying to figure out where various people at. Steiner slams Lethal against a row of lockers, revealing they were not built into a wall and were instead just props standing there, whoops.

Definitely not an enslaved agent is Bobby Roode, again talking about how cool he is in a video packge. The hottest free agent out there, etc., and this time he's got managers to back him up. Guys like Click, ROOODESDAY, OoOoOoOoOoo, please let me massage your chest, I have "Rockin' O Canada" on my iPod and ... Don West? Ah well. They actually are all talking about how they're going after Bobby Roode and why they should be the ones to win the diva search manage Bobby Roode. Well, except West, he says something about not being able to take his eyes off Roode.

Hey, there's the Franchise now. He talks about the great dynasty tag team of TNA. Haha, he's talking about More wanted than those guys on Smackdown, not his boys. But he does eventually get around to introducing The Pepto Patrol. They don't wear pink any more, but they do still make me nauseated OH HO HO. Here's a rerun of Gail's promo from last week.

Start out with punching and that kinda thing. Double-whip on Storm, double-clothesline ducked, double-shouderblock hits. Then they take Harris, double-throw his against the corner, then twist him around for a straitjcket takedown. I'm gettin deja vu. Douglas pins for 2. Armbar, tag, punch. Now Stevens with the armbar, but Harris works them over to the the AMW corner where Storm tags in. They do that sorta double sidewalk slam thing, and Storm gets 2. Side Tennesseean legsweep for another 2. Stevens stumbles into the grip of Harris in the corner, Storm charges, Stevens moves aside, and Storm still managed to stop himself. See, they see eye-to-eye, right?

Eric Young would be proud. Or fearful. Probably fearful. Stevens takes the distraction to attack both men. Stevens with a whip, then a drop-down; Storm has to change his trajectory so that he can still collide with Harris. MISCOMMUNICATION! Storm ducks a clothesline, then goes for one himself, which Stevens ducks ... hits Harris again. Stevens with the ruthless rollup ... that does it. Man, what a letdown of an AMW match.

AMW are in the ring, the Naturals are on the ramp, and there's Steiner's music. He and Jarrett are here to ... beat up the Naturals. I guess they're not getting the band back together. Oh wait, they're feeding them to AMW! Catatonic! Sheriff Ponykick! Hooray, they are getting the band back together! Now just reunite Team Canada and we're right back to pissing in the Deadlies' caskets. Jarrett demands to see Christian. The Franchise is out to look at his team laying in prone positions outside the ring, OoOoOoOoo.

Commercials. Is that Lita trying out to be the Mike's Hard Lemonade spokesmodel? Prolly not.

We're back, and man, I hope the fans haven't had to listen to that siren this whole time. Here's my hairpiece is HILARIO. Guess I promised y'all a shot of that.

He just got off the phone with Mr. Jim Cornette, "And as a member of the championship committee, it is my sworm duty to relay to you a couple of very important orders!" My, what an exciting life you must lead. If they don't follow orders, "YOU WILL BE FIE-URR-DUH!" Order number one: Steiner will meet Cornette in the ring tonight, which we knew. Order number two: Jarrett will leave the building immedeately. Playing his music? I guess he is THE NEW WINNER OF THIS RECIEPT OF ORDERS.

Holy jeez, Don West's shirt/tie combination is metallic PEACH.

Rockin' the French cuffs, too. Geez. It's time to hear from Sting. He agrees with Cornette, we hear Christian say he's sore-y again, which makes him "golden in my book," according to Sting. Like his old singles intro.

Ho tells us commercials are coming. They they come.

Oh, see, she made me think we were going to see Shenshi, come out to plaay-aaay wrestle. But we've got a prerecorded interview instead. Senshi: "I am Senshi! I am the X-division champion!" Howdy. He tells us there's going to be a five way match tonight to determine the No. 1 contender. Lethal he ays is inexperienced. "Petey Williams: The one thing you need to worry about is the Canadian destroyer, but it is of no concern to me." As an individual warrior, he doesn't get in battles with huge naval vessels much. "Sonjay Dutt: A great high flier, but he relies too much on high-risk. And with high-risk, you don't always get high reward." This from the guy whose finisher is leap on you from the other side of the ring or so. "Kazarian: He challenged me for my X-divison championship. AND FAILED." *BURN* "Alex Shelly: He may be more concerned about what's in front of his camera than what's in front of him." Really wooden, but not a bad promo.

This fan in the Sting mask they keep showing really creeps me out.

Anyhow, that's Lethal on his way. He's acting all hurt. That's what you get for not knowing where Christian is at. Here's My move is of no conern to Senshi? Why doesn't he care?? So lonley. Sign: "Petey Williams Next X-champ." Umm, he already is a former champion, actually. Next out is Playing a high-risk game of "Hindu Press Your Luck". Don West: "The man who made the Hindu press famous!" Hindus didn't want to use Guttenberg's press because they didn't care about printing bibles. Bibles were of no concern to them. Next is SEE U IN THE ME. Finally we see Johnny Devine, at my side! with Umm, OK Alex. Taking a page out of bro's playbook and letting the two nicknames explain one another. Shelly's the last one out, but the first one to surprise attack. Sojay clears the ring with hurricanranas. He's still got that wierd flesh-colored bandage all across his shoulder. Except that it's white dude flesh-colored, and it just looks weird. Everybody but Sonjay all clump together on the outside, HMM, SUSPICIOUS. Really nice no-hands flipping dive over the ropes. Go ahead, buddy, you deserve a sprinkler.

Commercials. Bonk.

We're back, and Dutt is hearing the crotch anthem. Kazarian kicks Williams from the apron, though, and Petey rolls backward until he's within Shelly's tag-in range. Haha, @1x is all "doot-de-doo, strutting along, OH, I didn't see your head there."

Rope choke by @1x. Then he kicks Sonjay offa there, nice. Over the ropes to the apron, pausing to kick Jay Lethal who was just hanging out looking hurt, then vaulting over to hit Sonjay. Man, Shelly has being a dick down really well. 2 count. Back up, whipping Sonjay, Sonjay reverses, Kazarian tags in as Shelly hits the ropes, Shelly ducks under Sonjay's clotheline and Kazarian just grabs Dutt's arm to block the clothesline, then armdrags him in the other direction without changing his grip. 2 count. Modified ninja chokeout. Future ninjas are ... well, they're probably characters in Samurai Jack, so only Lenny will like them. Sonjay punches his way out, then pumps the ropes like he's the friggin' Ultimate Warrior or Batista or somebody. He turns around, Kazarian charging, Batista spinebuster. Oh, he really is doing a routine! This is pretty amusing. Then he goes leaping to the ropes for an Asai moonsault, and is immedeately punished for ceasing to be Batista, as Petey clocks him in the face as a tag-in. Flippity setup by Petey gets Kazarian into position for a Side Canadian leg sweep, bu then Dutt runs back in, kicks Petey and sets HIM up for a side Indian leg sweep. Here's Shelly to pile in. By the pricking of my thumbs, something retarded this way comes!

Lethal slingshots off the ropes to dropkick Shelly, sending them all tumbling down. He, Garland, will knock you all down! Somehow, I knew this would get a "TNA" chant, and I'm still dissapointed in the fans. Lethal goes for Air Wherever He's From on Petey. 1, 2, Kazarian legdrops to break up the pin. Kazarian off the ropes, gets armdragged by Lethal, who cartwheels into position for a dropkick. Climbing up, another swan dive, this one for Frankie. 1, 2, Sonjay delivers a standing moonsault to break this one up. Shelly up top, goes for EYE STUPID ON THIS ONE. Sonjay going for that thing whose name I don't know, we'll call it the Yoga flame, but Shelly reverses anyway. Lethal nowback and punching Shelly. Whip, Shelly reverses, into the corner, Lethal gets the boot up, Shelly catches it, then hooks it against the rope for a half shattered dreams. Then he delivers that patented finisher of the Pit Bulls, KNEES TO THE GUT!! Shelly then positions Jay on top, Lethal pushes him off, and ANOTHER diving headbutt. And SHIT, that was the smoothest Canadian destroyer ever. No setup, he actually caught him on the fly and just did the thing. 1, 2, 3. Nice. AM I OF CONCERN TO YOU NOW, SENSHI??

Borash is standing around backstage and it seriousy looks for a second like the NON-LIMO car that's pulling up will run him over. I did it for you, Rock! Anyhow, I make my minion in the wig deliver my orders is in the car, wanting to know whether Steiner's here and Jarret's not. I wish cavemen had never invented the concept of "fire" is still concerned about getting fired. But it is of no concern to Cornette. They'll talk some other time. BUTWAIT, there's still more to this limo, as A main-event valet in Christian is back there, too. "Hey, Eric, what's going on, man? Cornette ... Cornette told you what was going on, right?" Young: "Do you know something?" Christian: "I know everything." Quick, as him how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop! Young: *does the I-2-I gesture* "We're Canadians, give it to me!" Haha, Christian looks SHOCKED that Young would say anything about his Canadianity. He's gonna talk to Cornette.

And that trampy gal is gonna talk to us. Commercials.

Meetin' time. Cornette: "I don't believe TNA oughtta be like some of these other promotions where the boss is out here every five minutes getting in the way of the wrestling!" Cut to this shot:

Man, that cracked me up for a good few minutes. Thou shalt not fuck with the Flavor Station. Cornette says he wants to "jerk some people back to reality." Eww. Some verbs just can't be used any more, and that's one of them. For Hard Justice, there's gonna be a four-way tag match pitting AMW, the James Gang, Shazarian and the Naturals, the winners getting a shot at the belts. And ... wait, LAX DOESN'T interrupt? Bah and Fie, I say. Runt vs. Abyss. Joe and Monty and Rhino will be falls count anywhere. Cornette: "Well, Papparazzi! Hey, where's Kevin Nash?" They look around and shrug adorably. Anyhow, the three of them will face Dutt, Lethal and Chris Sabin next week. Class is now dismissed for everyone but Christian and Steiner. Cornette announces a match between the two of them and goes into a long, convoluted explanation of how one guy injuring the other would change the main event at Hard Justice.

Steiner: "The only thing I agree with is you calling me Mister! Now back the hell up." Steiner calls out Christian as being from "That stinkin' country you call Canada." He was listening to Eric Young backstage. Christian makes fun of the chain mail and how Steiner talks. Then he starts climbing out of the ring, he's walking past the spooky guy in the Sting mask ... and the fan ATTAX! It's Jarrett. And you'll never guess where he keeps his brains!

Final thoughts: Good show. But a week on, it is probably of no concern to you.

Actually, I just noticed when I just inserted the comic hyperlink, this rebeak just about marks my second anniversary (Slammiversary?) with Weekly Visitor. And in that time I'd gone from making fun of TNA with crude drawings to making fun of TNA with sophisticated screen captures. One thing remains the same, however: I do not use spellcheck.