Hobbloglins: As some of you already knew, this past weekend was my vacation to Indianapolis for the United States Grand Prix. It was a really good time and all, but it is now Wednesday and I'm just now beginning last Thursday's iMPACT!beak. But I guess this isn't the first time that's happened, either. Ah well, moving on.

Does professional wrestling get a new face every week?

Last week, Senshi got the X Division title. Hell, I just watched the fucking Big Show win the ECW title, so I'm guessing this will almost have to be good by comparison.

Intro. Fan sign: "JAY IS LETHAL." Is he made of poison? Trying to steal the Topato gimmick. Pyromania is runnin' wild. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome I want my belt back so I, too, can give it tounge. He calls out, and gets, Eagerly awaiting the mime prom. Christian offers Sting a title shot if Sting shows him his balls. Sting: "Whoa there, Jeff Jarrett! I thought I was coming out here to talk to Christian Cage!" Now why would you say that, Monty Brown? I mean, Christian Cage? Sting: "You think I don't know what it's like to be you? To be wanted by many, many people?" Triple H, I want you soooo bad. Sting asked for a tag match with the two of them against Jarrett and Steiner for next week. Tenay: "He was granted his wish for next week?!" By general manager Kazaam.

HOOOOOO tells us what's going on. Also, commercials.

Borah is talking to Hey, some ECW fan stole my flashing sunglasses and Hey, some dude at the Renn Faire stole my chain mail. Steiner says that Sting is both not strong enough AND not powerful enough to win. Jarrett: "Shut up, Borash!" JEREMY BORASH HAS MAGICALLY LOST HIS MOUTH!!! Jarrett basically says he's smarter than the rest of the world. He can probably control the weather and stuff.

Don't tell anybody about our secret plan and What secret plan? are Eric Young and Petey Williams. Hey, the coach has a neck brace.

Their opponents will be A clone from the past and Spring into gimmick infringement. Lethal appears to have a new orange getup, complete with model-gimmick Sylvan-style armless long coat. Petey attacks Lethal before the bell, but Sabin fightd him off. Team offense on Young. Now more team offense on Petey. Lethal and Williams out of the ring now, Sabin with a backbreaker on Young. Vaderbomb into an elbow drop. Pin gets 2. Young reverses a whip, and Sabin gets kicked by Williams from behind. Sabin goes after Williams, but turns around to ... a hand of friendship offer by Young. Williams uses the distraction to pull Sabin down to the mat by his hair. Young kind of looks upset about ut, but we have more important things to worry about, like the spanish announce table continuing to be sullen. Please, CON-tinue. Young does more prevention of cheating, and we're going to go to break.

Commercials. Fanta girls are so much more useful than Christy Hemme.

As we come back, Petey is the legal man, going for O Canada, but Young blocks his foot, haha! He takes Sabin out of the tree of Whoa Whoa Whoa and offers his hand to the ref. In sexy liberal Canadian gay marriage. Now he's back on the apron while Petey has Sabin in a rest hold, and D'Amore slaps Young. Sabin goes for a sunset flip, Young's close enough to grap Petey and keep him from going over, but DOESN'T.After Williams kicks out and gives Sabin a leg lariat, he tags in Young. Double axehandle by Young on the prone Sabin. Pinfall gets 2.

Haha, yeah Eric, you'd better ask for a mercy timeout for the guy you've got beaten on the floor. Tag to Petey. Sabin is left hanging on the ropes in 619 position, but Eric prevents D'Amore from dropping the dime, or possibly just punching Sabin. We'll never know, as D'Amore sells the neck bigtime when he is lightly touched by Young. Seated dropkick by Williams. Pin gets 1, since the ref wasn't there to start the count on time. Sabin begins fighting back, whips Petey into the ropes, but Petey flips around Sabin and eventually hits the side Canadian leg sweep. 2 count. Tag to Eric. Another 2 count. Petey has his boot up on the ropes for a free shot, so Eric just tags his boot. Sabin manages to reverse the attempted double-team and tags in Lethal. He's a something afire. Suplex with bridge on Williams gets 2. D'Amore, to Eric: "STUPID!" Even quicker to the point than Jesus himself. Letha; goes for a double-kick on A-1 and Roode, who were on the outside, then Sabin flies over the ropes and into them. Lethal with a reverse Pele on Young. So I guess an ELEP EHT DOG HO. What's this? Eye spe on that T-shirt, eye-spy is here with a friend in a matching shirt. Tenay says it's Johnny Devine, and since I don't have my glasses on I'll take his word for it. Back in the ring, D'Amore pushes Lethal off the corner, setting him up for the Candian Destroyer. 1, 2, 3. After the match, we see shades of Waylon Mercy from Eric Young.

We go to a video sequence involving I'll train you using the Shawn Michaels method, ohohohoho and his young charges. Franchise: "Why the Hell are you kicking out, dammit?! Use your head, not your energy!" Indeed. Visualize your shoulders being up and it will happen. He makes them run and climb stairs and shit.

I do believe I hear There are no stairs in the Serengeti's music. All right, time to smell stuff. His opponent is All right, time to swat the ass of stuff. Norman Smiley. You can sort of guess the conclusion of this.

Later on, the company meeting. Haha, this online poker site in particular uses a version of the old Basham theme.

We find the defendants ... not guil-cup are set to face Hey, didn't one of you piss in our coffins?. Such a great sketch. Storm and Harris position themselves outside the crotch tunnel, as this is a no DQ match and they want the ambush. Choosing my sauce leads them to battle. I originally didn't have a space between "my" and "sauce," so it looked like the name of the Web site where Spike Runt puts all his musings about life. All that cowering in wait for the pyro to go off pays for AMW, as the Dudleys never look back and get hit. Brawling on the outside. hey, where's Runt? If Gail is kicking his ass, they should be showing that, too. Into the ring, Buh Buh goes to the top, but Harris goes up too for a souparplex. 2 count. Double suplex on D-Von gets another 2.

Commercials. Fourthmeal exists aaaand ... there's a Big Show joke around here somewhere but I'm kinda sleepy.

We're back, and Buh Buh is walking toward the ring with the trash can o' weapons. D-Von fishes out a kendo stick and gives Storm a good thwack. Harris also gets hit with ... something, it seemed to shatter like styrofoam. I probably should wear my glasses when rebeaking. Tenay: "It's a crutch to the crotch!" For when you injure this leg. West: "With everything being hardcore in that ring, that's an area Gail Kim doesn't want to get into!" Gail Kim knows nothing about hardcore entertainment, no sir. D-Von powerslams Storm for 2. Harris back in with a scoop and a slam for D-Von. Top-rope legdrop gets 2. Harris kicks away the trash can and when he turns back around, Buh Buh is there with the Rock bottom. 2 count. Gail Kim in with a trah can lid shot on Buh Buh, who no-sells. Scoop slam on Gail, when then has the lid placed delicately over her ladyparts. Runt comes in with a golf club and whacks the lid with it. That was wierd. He turns around and eats the Sheriff Ponykick. Buh-Buh knocks him down, though, and D-Von's up for the whazaap. Trying to summon Ron Killings? They're gettin' tha tables. As they place one on the apron, Harris baseball slides it into them, I love that move. AMW set up the table on the outside. Storm tries to powerbomb D-Von, but D-Von back bodydrops out of it. Harris forearms him as soon as he's standing up straight again, though. Look out, Harris, Buh Buh may eventually double-axehandle you when he's in the same ZIP code!

Unless you punch him in the gut and ram his noggin into the corner post, I mean. Rolling D-Von back into the ring. Harris has the trash can, Storm has his bottle. They debate which one to use, and D-Von ducks out of the way as they both move in. Storm eats the garbage can (I eight the garbage can!) As Harris checks on Storm, The Deadlies set up the Juicy Drop Pop. That gets the 1, 2, 3. And wow, the James Gang has really retarded new music. They reveal their mystery third partner will be Wait, you said their third partner was Rhino, right?. Well, I guess I couldn't hate the James Gang any more. Runt attempts the Kentucky-Fried drop, but Abyss just holds him up and pitches him to the outside through the table AMW had set up. Jesse: "By god, he's got a family! He's got a family! He's dead! He's dead!" Uhh, what?

Commercials. Zuh.

Time for the company meeting with IT'S STILL REAL TO THAT ONE FAN, DAMMIT!! That guy was talking to Jimmy Cornette, right? He starts with LAX. They will have to wrestle at some point. Hooray, the in-ring debut of Moody Jack? He also somehow "disbands" Team Canada. So, umm, does that make D'Amore a singles wrestler? One can hope, I guess. AMW will get their rematch, but in a 6-person mixed tag adding Gail and Big money! Big prizes! I love it! Mutoid Molly. The tag titles will be on the line. HAY AMAZON WOMAN WE'RE THE NEW TAG CHAMPS. Hi! Hebner. How are you?, Leisure Suit Larry and Dubba J are called into the ring. Hebner is fired, and Eric Young is almost as happy as Tenay was when they announced Samoa Joe vs. Steiner at the last PPV. As for Larry, he can't be fired unless he refuses to work. But OH HO HO this includes matches. Tenay: "I smell another blockbuster coming!" I thought Buff's previous appearance was a one-off. Cornette makes Raven vs. Larry Z in a hair vs. hair match. Larry: "I'll decide my future, no some clown, Pee-Wee Herman geek like you!" Harsh words. At least he's deciding what Kazarian he wants, anyhow. As for Jarrett, well, Cornette doesn't want to just give the title to someone. Like some promoters, "who just give the title to their son-in-law." Oooh. Sting, could you tell me whether that was a shoot? So instead, for Victory Road, he's gonna get the four meanest guys, and in Christian's case, the poutiest guys ...

... Sting, Big Poppa Pump, and Mr. Infant Mortality, who's gotten very sweaty by not doing anything this week.

Those guys will face off to be No. 1 contender, but for now Jeff gets the title. Jarrett takes the mic and starts talking about how awesome he is, then challenges Christian and Sting to the match right now. I should probably mention at this pointthat Sting wasn't aroudn until right now, as he sneaks up behind the Space Police and ATTAX while Christian DISTRAX. They all fall out of the ring, and Christian eventually brawls Steiner into the path of Joe, who puts him in the Kokina Clutch. And here's the last thing you see before you die.

Final thoughts: I dunno. It does set up a big singles feud for Scott D'Amore and Moody Jack.