Feb 7, 2002
Rebeaker: "Super" Shane Spear
Rebeaking RAW: Wow, all these Stephanie Clips are SO MUCH BETTER with dramatic muzac and black and white. Also of note - Hunter says WHY? a lot in this package. Maybe it's his new catchphrase, who knows.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Steph's Child probably won't be a Beautiful people. NOTLive from Staples Center somewhere in LA. Cole n King are your announcers.
The Mad Rock is out. I mean he's MAD. Not mad like foam coming out of his mouth or anything, but rather upset. Here's some clips of Undertaker, with TEH PIPE in the ring. RAW is CLUE! Anyway, Rock talks about how Undertaker has a match with Maven, BUT ROCK GETS CUT OFF BY "Can You Dig It Sucka?"
Booker jibba-jabbas about how Rocky has a big ego. Booker talks about beating Triple H. Yeesh, I swear that his win keeps getting further and further away. Anyway, The Book wants to fight. The Rock wants to make a movie, so Booker runs to the ring. Rock with a right, right right, FEEL THE MOVESET! Scissor kick from Booker. Boots to the Rock and a right hand. Knife-edge chop to Rocky. Rock spins him around and chops right back. Booker kicks Rock in the face and mounts him for some punches. Off the ropes, Booker gets a knee, but Rock reverses a clothesline into a throw over the top. Outside now, Booker takes the advantage back with some tosses onto the barricade. Another chop from Booker. One more. Back into the ring, the crowd chants for The Rock. Booker tried a Harlem Sidekick, but Rock FRENCHOPENS it into a DDT. Both men back up and Rocky gets the "Rock Blocks All Punches." Off the ropes, it's a monkey toos from The Rock. Right hand, Whip is FRENCHOPENED into a Clothesline. Here's the AX KICK! Staring at hand, Booker does the Spineroonie like an idiot. As soon as he's up, he gets a PINEBUSTER from the Rock. People's Elbow, kthx for playing Booker.
EARLIER TODAY! Some random rich white doctor met with the happy pregnent couple.
Oh no! The nWo have poisoned this ad for No Way Out!! And they've totally ripped off the old DX entrance video!!
I dunno. The guy I thought was Shane McMahon in that Rollerball commercial turned out to be Chris Klein on closer inspection.
SPACE JAM!!! TOMMOROW! I'm there.
BAK 2 EARLIER TODAY! The Doctor is told to be Dr. Richards. He's British so I'll bet he knows William Regal. Stephanie had to tell Hunter what a Sonogram was. Jesus Hermit, don't you watch Friends? Having seen a songogram before, I can tell you that the picture they show is "slightly" more than one-two months old.
Also Bakstage! Kurt is pushing a shopping cart around. I'll bet he stole it from Raven. Oops, it's actually a baby carriage. I still say he stole it from Raven.
HOLY SHIT! This Booker T TV dinner rules. They make him point out the Fried Chicken though. That's racist sucka!
Believe it or not, The nWo IS coming, as this other commercial happens to show. At least they played the old music and stuff. New-New-New-New.
Here comes Kurt Angle and the carriage I was talking about. Kurt Angle says he's going to Wrestlemania. He calls all the people pathetic suckas. Then he reminds us all that he's fighting HHH at NWO. He then says he feels solly for the kid having Tripls for a father. Angle decided to do a Frankenstein face and call it "Triple H." Angle is going to show everybody what their baby will look like. He takes a monkey doll with a big plastic nose on it. He then gives the baby bananas. I *heart* Kurt Angle. Oh, and hey! The crowd stopped whating him. OH NO! Here comes Triple H. He's smiling too. Angle keeps talking to Hunter like a dumbass. You know, if you needed cops a few days ago, why would you think you're safe now? THE DREADED STROLLER SLAM from Hermit! Play his muzac! Here it is AGAIN!
If there's one thing Italians know, it's organized crime. If there's TWO things, the other is Stacker 2!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN GUN! SET A COURSE FOR CRAP!
Don't miss Black Mondays on UPN! They're "all that!"
"BOSS RPG MUZAC" plays out the intercondimental champion. "Indecipherable Lyrics" play out his tag team partners, The Dudley Boys. "Old Music" for Rikishi. "STillNOTWALK" plays for RVD, and finally "Warning: Edge causes Seizures" gets the mini-concert over. RVD flying here and there and all around the square. Edge is tagged in and is whipped into the corner. Punch from D-Von, and Edge is lowblowed by Buh Buh and Regal. Regal is tagged in now. Crossbody to Regal. Regal fights back with an "unorthadox" knee smash. Here's an "unorthadox" tag to Buh Buh. Edge is flopping around while Buh Buh elbow drops X 70. Tag to D-Von. Right hands to Edge. Edge finally fights back with a Stroke/Breakdown type move. Hot Tag to Rikishi. HE'S A HOUSE ON FIRE! All fall down. Here's crappity Samoan drop. Finally Buh Buh does the Cactus clothesline over the top. In the ring, RVD gets the LOLing Thunder to D-Von. Edge spears Regal. Rikishi butt slams Buh Buh. He falls down. Here's a stinkface. Buh Buh is apparently immune however, because he leaps right up and helps to 3-D Rikishi for the win. Edge is outside picking on Regal, but the Dudleys save him and set up Edge for TEH KNUX to TEH STOMACH. Regal puts him in the Regal Stretch while Edge...bleeds.
HENRY! Gets his might from a Veggie Delight! CLASSIC MENTOS COMMERCIAL! This has to be the best commercial night evar! Friends fly free on Southwest Airlines. Too bad I have no friends.
Coming up tonight: Maven will have to rub his hands a whole lot more than that if he wants to beat the Undertaker.
The undefeated champion and his Chess pants grace us with a presence in the ring. Cole makes a "Jericho is Gay" joke about his pants. Die Mike. Everyboy says that Jericho is going to lose at NWO. So he calls out Austin. Uh Oh. Austin is much fatter than normal. This is funny, except it's the guy from MAD TV. Here's a free tip. MAD TV sux. Jericho mouths off. He says "stupie" at some point. The "joke" of this segment is that NOTAustin says the six question all reporters should know: Who What When Where Why How.
Anyway, Austin finally saves my life by coming out to end this. Jericho runs for his life while the fake Austin stays still. I'll bet somebody from SNL would've known to move. I still hate Austin however, as he still calls Jericho "Y Touche!" Jericho later tries rushing the ring, but Austin doesn't sell a thing and Jericho runs away again. The BADTV guy tries to leave, but Steve calls him back. Long story short, he gets a stunner.
Backstage, Al Snow pumps up Maven before his match tonight. Ugh, I hope he doesn't own that orange coat.
New World Order. I bet one of the "leading" recappers make a joke about all the different nWo thingys tonight. Something like "I'm already sick of the nWo. ROOFLES!"
Pauline and her bum knee sit ringside for this show.
Backstage, Ric Flair decided that Chris Jericho felt like wrestling, so he booked him against Hermit.
"Why Tough Enough '1'? Can't you just call it Tough Enough?" plays out Maven. The Undertaker and his bicycle come out next. Turns out Maven asked for this match. Since when do you have to ask for Hardcore Matches? Al Snow is hanging out ringside. He slips Maven a trash can lid. Maven gets about six shots on Taker before getting an elbow. Out of the corner, here's a BIG clothesline. Maven tries to roll away and pick up a trashcan, but Undertaker just punches right through it. To the outside now, Taker thumps on Maven's chest. Knee to the midsection. Taker puts him into the ring. Al Snow drags him back out to check on him. Taker chucks Snow over the barricade. Taker is ready for the Last Ride, but Snow hits him with a ring bell. Here's a school boy from Maven, gets two and a half. Maven goes to the top and flies right into Taker hand. CHOKESLAM! 1. 2. Taker pulls him up for mo schoolin. TAKER CARE OF BUSINESS. OH NO! Here's the Rock with a chair. And now with a Rock Bottom. Al Snow is having spasms outside, and Maven rolls over and pin Taker. Maven is the NEW Hardcore champion. IN OTHER NEWS: Sean O'Haire is still in OVW! I'll forgive the WWF however, if they bring back Crash.
I nominate the Blockbuster Hamster commercial for the award of WORST COMMERCIAL EVAR!
"I hate the" King's muzac plays because it's time for the ULTIMATE POSEDOWN! Torrie Wilson has some new muzac. Stacy does NOT some out to Dudley muzac. Is it just me, or does the crowd sound like it's pre-recorded? Billy and Chuck come out in match white robes. Sadly, thier names are not on the back. The panty pals are up first. The girls cheer, and that's about it. Then the girls dis-robe. The rules are that they each get three poses. "Generic Techno" plays while the two get "rowdy." By rowdy, I mean gay. Meanwhile, the girls go at it next. The King nearly faints. Since the crowd is deciding, the girls naturally win. IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS, Torrie and Stacy start fighting. Logic? In the WWF? I LOVE IT!!!
Ugh, according to this movie commercial, the 7-up guy still exists in the future. CHAIN GUN!
Vince McMahon is talking on the phone when Triple H walks into the room. Hermit pretty much ends up whining about all the struggles he's gone through so that he could go to Wrestlemania. The bottom line is that Steph wants Vince to walk her down the aisle. Hermit doesn't know when to shut up, so he ends up with a Handi-cap match. Kurt Angle has been added in.
Also Backstage, The Rock is ready to roll (LOL!) but The Coach stops him. After jawing for a few minutes, Undertaker shows up. Here's a chokeslam on the limo. OMG HERE'S A TOMBSTONE ON THE LIMO!! That ruled.
BABY I'M HOME!! Booker T hypes his one pound of food.
When will "AS IF" finally premire so I can stop seeing these crappy commercials?
After coming back from commercials, Rocky still hasn't moved. Plus, for once, he isn't talking. Suddenly, we cut to a dramatic shot of...Coach looking worried.
Time for our Handi-Snacks match. Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho come out first so that Hunter can have his million year entrance. Looky Looky! Motorhead is sitting ringside.
It's on. Trips clotheslines Jericho over the barricade. Inside the ring, he DDTs Angle. Into the corner, here's many stomps. Jericho ulls him away long enough for an American Suplex from Angle. Hermit FRENCHOPENS a whip and gets an elbow to Jericho. To the outside, the heels take charge and take turn slamming Hermit's head into the table. Tossed back into the ring, Angle covers and gets 2. Right hand X 4 and Right kick X 3 to Hunter from Angle and here's a tag to Jericho. "Y Touche" is surprised when Hunter fights back with piston-style rights. Jericho sets up Hunter for The Walls, but Hunter cannot be rolled over. Tag to Angle. Angle chops. Again, and here's a whip into the corner. Hermit throws up a boot, when stuns Angle, but he hits the Belly2Belly anyway. TEH STRAPS ARE DOWN!! Tag to Jericho. Jericho with a elbow to the stomach. Tag back to Angle, and now it's an "illegal assualt" to Hunter. Hunter tries to fight back with a neckbreaker to Angle. Jericho runs at him, but gets pinebustered. Angle comes at him and goes over the top rope. HHH then put on the WALLS OF HERMIT. Here comes Angle and now it's the HERMITLOCK on Angle. Jericho tries the Walls again, but gets catapulted out of the ring. Trips tries the pedigree on Angle, but Jericho saves by hitting...Angle. HHH disposes of Jericho. He tries the pedigree again, but is stopped by Jericho swinging a chair. He ducks it and Jericho runs and drops the chair. Meanwhile Angle sneaks up with the ANGLE OLYMPIC SLAM on the chair. That's enough for a three count.
Right after the match, Heifernie comes out to CONSOLE Trips. The winners just stare at her until Jericho decides to go over and talk to her. After a while, Triple is up and slams both Angle and Jericho a chair. THE HAPPY COUPLE HUG! BUTWAIT (TM Sofa) because Angle chairs Hermit in the back, and he falls right on top of Stephanie. Could this be foreshadowing? Oh well, who cares? This show is ov-ah!