Assorted Signs: "HH" "VD" And then there are Fans in the Streets, grabbing girls and dancing.

I Spy: Bossman nods too much in his video introduction.

Vince waddles out with a gift. Speaking of gifts, I wonder what Lance and Christian got from Jericho last Thursday? My money's on Elephant Trunk G-strings. Vince wants to talk about his match at Royal Rumble. What happened to Vince's eye? He talks about Vader, and then there's a video or Ric Flair w/ music by X-Pac. Really. Well no, the music is really by Kid Rock, who is obviously Kid Vid "All Growed Up."

Gawd, this rewview of Ric joining the WWF is so boring and unnecessary. Look, WWF, we remember this stuff, and you're wasting time and money. Time AND money! You could have kept K-Kwik and dispensed with this filler bunny crap. Sir Thxalot. MY GAWD! Vice is taking a fursuit from the box! OMG! Spooge art! Yiffing! Sheaths!

A sign calls Vince a Sick Freak. Well duh. Vince is so queer, he even has clear eyelashes. That's SO gross. Ric comes down and licks his lips enough to appear reptilian on camera. S-s-s-s-secrets. Bling! Ric gets the Mic! He scolds Vince for being a buttling. Ric, don't get so worked up over a bathrobe.

Ric: I'm Rick Flair and you're not, NYAH!

Vince: ::Beats Rick w/ a turkey leg, then Michael Flatleys on the Glorified Bath Robe::

Ric: ::Celebrates his Unbirthday while being launched from the Squaresoft Circle.::

Vince: ::daintily places the very tip of his toe on Ric's back::

Ric: ::Corinos::

TOO MANY TIME DOTS

People by the barrier to not attempt to touch Ric Flair when he flouders by; the threat of AIDS is afoot, people, and it does exist!

Vince: Piece of Crap!

Crowd (chanting): Don't say crap! Don't say crap!

Ric: ::Zombie Face::

COMMERCIAL BEAK! Kevin Nealon blathers - Snickers commercial featuring TNM's Madden GameCube Football Team - RVD HAS TAKEN A HIT! BLACK HAWK DOWN! - Crappy fake commercial for local office of Roni Lynn Deutch (800) 597-7557 (call now) - AT & Fucking T Broadband wants to pump you for money and deliver nothing (EAT A DICK AT&T)

Moments ago, Ric and Vince had an altercation. Afterwards, Booker T and Test kissed their boo-boos, but it seems no one made up.

Match One: RVD (Pregnancy Test Onesie: don't worry, it's negative) vs. Test
RVD has a black eye. I guess it's the new style. At school tomorrow everyone's gonna have 'em, so don't forget to get yours. RVD's onesies seem to be reinforced at the crotch to protect the viewers' sight from ungainly ass sweat stains! THX.

Factology!: Sofa's out 'cause Test hit on him a week ago.

Josh shouts: PSYCHOLOGY (then points at his head and makes his eyes bug out. Boinnnng!)

King says: They're getting their Lugz rearranged!

I: Sit apathetically and wait for deliverance.

Test's pants really ARE made of teflon. RVD does a Van Daminator then a f-star Frogger, and it's over.

WINNER: RVD, MD, PhD

Backstage, Coach makes faces. Angle apes around behind him. Kurt alludes to Coach that he's got an announcement, then tickles his nipple with his index finger and goes, "But I'm not telll-ing!" and runs off with a giggle.

COMMERCIALS!: Snickers - FFX (I beat it already, ho ho!) - Kane and TNM shrug about their inability to eat Beefaroni - Tiki Barber runs around blocking traffic looking to pick a fight with that big milk carton guy - Kung Fucking Pow (that guy has GOT to be related to Kevin nealon) - Two gross guys in gross chairs with mouths full of starbursts (Josh was convinced immediately that they were making fun of the way deaf people talk)

Trish comes out at WWF NY. Terri's there too, proving that Trish is way cuter and way less elvis-monkey-from-Digimon's-first-season than Terri. Terri wants a wet t-shirt contest, Trish says: "OKAY DADDIE!"

Another MATCH?: Panty Pals Looking for Booty to Plunder come out. BTW, Chuck is now Chucky. Anyway, Billy says that He and Chuck should be in the wet t-shirt contest (regardless of the sad fact that they are shirtless as well as dickless), not Trish and Terri. Billy asks Chucky to take out his hose and put it in his mouth.

Thankfully, The Zoo Crew (Albert and Scotty) are there to exterminate all faggots. Albert starts with Billy. Hmm, Albert's pants have a sepia tone. Albert teases Billy w/ Chucky, Billy goes to get some sweet suckling and Scotty is ROTFL right out of the ring! O, the absurdity. A guy starts smacking Chyck around, telling him God hates faggots, by god he really does, especially gay ones. JR hints that Chucky and Billy lead a 'lifestyle' while Scotty DDTs Chucky.

Scotty is very small compared to the other faggots. They gro 'em big these days. Albert Sesame Streets the letters to WORM, but Chucky and Billy Bip-Bop-Be-Bop away. Scotty gets WAY too close to a total of 4 scantily-clad ass cheeks. Billy and Chucky win. Josh brillianty exclaims, "NOW the "Ass Man" song should return!"

COMMERCIALS! Carrot Top is horribly deformed - Stupid Foreign Skittle Labyrinth Girlz - Maxx Painty is Fucking Ugly - Snap into a Slim Jim! - Level 5 Gumdan, 17 Hours. ROLL. Mustafa explains the dynamics of Gundam - Shaun Brumner is Rejected From College, but I wish he'd been Murdered From College along with Fat Black instead. - Bobby Likis endorses Wrenchhead.com

It's snowing in NYC, and the Empire State still has Christianmas Colors up!

Sharmell and Jericho match today! SO much red. Jericho queers tons and dramas like a total queen while Sharmell makes a "Ummhmm honey chile whateva" face. Jericho asks Sharmell to look at the "Picasso Picture Perfect" Jericho face. MEANWHILE, Michael Cole has epilepsy while watching Pokemon Master SCSA w/ bandaided Dome. The wrestlers are really out of control tonight. I suspect No-Doze. SCSA compares himself to HHH while bitching at Cole. There is some one-sided small talk, and SCSA talks about a conversation he plans to have with HHH. I call this a 'scenario.' SCSA says 'another' over 29 times in reference to some summabiches. SCSA then talks about how Chinatown adds MSG to their foodstuffs to keep customers hungry. One, two, three little summabiches! Four, five, six little summabiches!

COMMERCIALS! Michael Dorn hates White Uhura. Hey, White Uhura? You need boots for that particular uniform. Thx, now plz die. - Twix stupid commercial with stupid people in it - Project Gotham Racing with Obligatory British Bitch - Eva Savelot has a nightmare that she isn't a tramp! - Guy has ZONE perfect delivery deliver him a vegan meal for two! (zoneperfectdelivery.com) - O, poor neglected and underfed chidren! 1-888-ALL-4-KIDS.

King wants to see a wet t-shirt and he holds his phallic super soaker erect to prove it! No flacidity here.

MATCH!: Edge (IC) rips off his plastic coat, and Lance Storm drips out menacingly!
DING!!! Lance and Edge dilly dally with some measure of gumption. Edge grabs Lance's ass without a single shred of shame. Lance pulls a Canadian Maple Leaf, Edge Moos, Pins, and Wins. Then, WILLIAM REGAL comes out and kicks Edge like a Government Cheese! Eww, William is SO GROSS AND DISFIGURED! HE IS MASK!!! Edge fetals on the ramp and Lance circles the ring on a unicycle for spare change.
WINNER: Edge

Commercials ALREADY: Skittles - FFX Tidus "Live and Let Live!" - Stacker 2 with Bionicle Trish - Slim Jims - Carrot top is Trying to Use the Phone!! - Dumb fuck from Orange County, Suckifornia - Kevin Nealon says: "Where is Jimmy Hoffa?"

Slam of the Week (presented by FFX): Melange of leeches + Austin + Rock = Boring. Mathematical equation-like setup to explain anything = OVERDONE.

Angle and Christian (Team CK) talk about how Kurt brings "Happy-ness and Joy to little children all over the world." Christian and Angle hate on U2 and HHH (for liking U2). Angle is not letting HHH steal his thunder, after all, he tore his 'quad' earlier today, and it's nothing!

MATCH! FINALLY: Booker T + "Just" Bossman v. Austin and The Rock
Bossman checks the stairs out with his Bobby Stick before entering--remember: Safety First. After everyone gets into the ring it's apparent that there are just too many men in underwear. Here are some Notable Quoteables:
Booker T gets "snake eyed" by SCSA, and then "Lady Js" onto his back!
Rock Wiggles in and Smacks Bossman on the nugget a whole bunch!
JR is NOT going to look at King's Super Soaker
PPL's L-Bo intercepted by a Trip! Prelude to HHH's return!
Bossman is boring.
Bubba Ray could have saved the WWF money by just playing the Bossman.
Winner: Austin/Rock

CINNERMERCIALS: Conspiracy Zone - Snickers Football - Tidus soaks in Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid in FFX - Kanearoni - Bravo! Be gay even earlier with "On WIth the Show" Live Kids' Theater!

Overdrive of the Night (Greyhound): Rikishi shares his scent with Test!

MATCH!!!: Rikishi vs. Jericho WINNER: JERICHO!

COMMERCIALS. WWF Home video clip of Rock saying that the Scorpion King is the "Most bravest, bestest guy in the whole wide world!" - Snickers - Taco Bell on the Green - Bitchy Asian Girl makes EZbake Gundam in 3 says! U GO GURL!!! - Stacker 2 - Starburst's Racial Deaf Bigots - Guy and Gramm on Ace Combat 4 - I HATE ORANGE COUNTY - Clay got Real Big on burgers and fries!

Tajiri, Torrie, and Big Show are planning a heist of the Baseball Diamond, but Angle breaks it up with promises of Ricky Martin and pony rides. Then, King ruins the imagery saying the most Godawful Thing of the Night (presented by Lugz): "PUPPIES INTO POINTERS."

Backstage, Spike practices for his audition as "Riff" in West Side Story. Tazz appears and tells the Dudleyz that they've got Mr. Bluebirds on their shoulders, and hell tucks all four into a handbasket. Hooker groans as ECW references fly.

More commercials. Maxx Painty looks like Blossom's oldest brother. EW!

MATCH!@: HardKore Rules - Tazz w/ Towel, Spike w/ Nail vs. Bubba and D-Von w/ The Little Matchstick Girl
Crowd: "We want bagels" (they're all jews). Spike seems to play the part of an arrow at one point, bouncing off of Bubba's gut. BOOOOING! The match is fairly short with a lot of bumping around, one table refusing to break, and then Tazz and Spike earning the TAG TEAM TITLES!
WINNERS and NEW TAG TEAMERS: Tazz and Spike

Commercials. Injury Helpline? 1-800-874-6001.

In a darkened room, the Undertaker gurgles over HHH. He seems to be cosplaying as the Road D-O-Double-G.

Meanwhile, King is in the Ring puppying. Terri comes out. Trish comes out. Terri gets wet. Trish doesn't get wet. Jazz de-hats Trish! The end.

GUESS WHAT? Commercials.

Drew Carey is the REPLAY OF THE WEEEEEK (FFX)!!

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! HHH comes out in Hulk Form, then poses for WAAAY more than 5 seconds.

HHH: Just in case you've forgotten, let me tell you just who in hell I am. I am the game, and you can bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, they'rell be sun..--"

Kurt (interrupting): You Freaking Pelswick! I had a broken freaking neck! Up there it's their time, HHH, but down here it's MY time. It's MY TIME down here!! Here's my major announcement. I'm enrolling in Beauty School, and also I'm gonna enter the ROYAL RUMBLE!

HHH: ::goars Angle and drums on his noggin. Pooh-Sitting (thx, Team Canada) and belly stompin', then HHH gets nekkie in a hurry. German Suplex by Angle, Pedigree from HHH. Finally, it's over

Closing Comment: THANK JESUS FOR SOFA. He'll be back next week!