Beaking News
Welcome to my one and only RAW rebeak. This is pretty much a breakdown of what happened on the super spectactamo BEST OF THE WWF: 2k1 episode. I'll try and make this as quick and painless as possible. The only thing is that sadly, I was unable to watch the show. But I had my sources tell me what happened. SO enjoy THE BEST! Tonight's show is host by Jerry "Woohoo!" Law-lah and Mitchell Cole. Jerry makes the moves on Cole early in the show, threatening to kiss him at midnight. Geez, throwing out mixed signals there King! Match #10: Ivory def. Chyna (Royal Rumble) Despite time restraints, we got to see the entire match. Lookit Chyna break her neck. Lookit King break character to help her. Lookit the WWF disgrace itself. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! "My Desire" Video for Crash Holly. Nothing like seeing a fight in an airport set to the muzac of Creed. After the video King openly weeps tears of joy while Cole brings us into our #9 match. Match #9: Crash Hollys can't trust the Dudleys. PLUS, Dudleys can't trust the Hollys. This led to the height of these Romeo matches. Eventually Spike subcummed to interference by Hardcore "Bioarm" Holly and his Alabama Slamma Jamma! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Whooooo! Ric Flair brings to the masses his top five shocking moments for the year 2001! 5> Mae Young Drops Drawers...again! (12/24/01)
GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Match #8: Maven def. Tazz (10/18/01) It was hard for the fans of the WWF to pick just one match from the AWESOME trilogy. Nidia DID make her apperance in this one, which is why I'm sure this upset was a match of the year. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! TEFLON TEST BOOT OF THE WEEK: The Dutchess of Queenbury gets a blowjob from William Regal!!! OMG! Match #7: William Regal def. Chris Jericho (Backlash) LOL! THIS MATCH WAS FUNNY! CHRIS JERICHO WON ABOUT SIXTEEN TIMES, but here's the catch...WILLIAM REGAL HAD TEH DUTCHESS CHANGE THE RULES!! ROFL! (Then of course there was the crowning *rimshot* glory of this above said blowjob. LOL!) LOL!!!! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Well you can't leave the King alone for very long. We return and he has a new year's hat on his head, and is blowing his noisemaker in Cole's face. He's having fun until Michael yells at him that he's riipping off Tazz' schtick. Cole then bows his silent Taz whistle and with the help of Hurricane Helms, he flies in and chokes out Lawler. RED HOOK BRA! Tough Enough highlights: Daryll runs through a supermarket. Josh plays a flute. Greg gets injured. Boobie Jo is hot. The NEW YORK crowd wins my heart by booing Harvard Chris. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! MATCH #6: Sara def. Diamond Dallas Page (8/20/01) They calls this one the six second classic! I don't believe it because it felt like a LOT more. That spunky Sara scored the biggest win of her career in front of a record crowd. Look for big things from her in the future. Also look for nothing from DDP in the future. That's not a bad thing it's -- just something. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!: Hey Look! The Hardys will return to RAW on Feb 17th! Match #5: Al Snow def. The Big Bossman - Kennel From Hell (Unforgiven) Oh crap, this was from 1999. BIG ERROR FROM THE WWF. I'm sure that if Rudo was here, there'd be some finger of shame going on. Top Five Slaps of 2001:
5> Rock spits on his hand and slaps Booker T (Summerslam)
GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Back on the show, they show clips of Jim Ross kicking Paul Heyman's ass the night after Survivor Series. Tazz and Cole laugh at his misfortune before introducing the nex match. Match #4: Earl Hebner def. Nick Patrick (InVasion) Not even a four-hundred pound Mick Foley waddling his ass around could detract from the best referee match of all time! Earl Hebner handled THE SPEAR like a pro, putting Billiam Goldberg to shame. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Best Lines of the Year: The Rock decided to putdown the boom mike holden who just happened to be wearing a WCW shirt. Way to sell merchandise there Dwayne! I wonder if those shirts are on sale now? Hold on a sec...Pffft. It's not. 5> "You can't trust a Dudley!" - Hardcore Holly
GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Match #3: Undertaker & Kane def. Kroni>| God bless Steve Richard for going down to the bowels of Hell (formerly ECW) to dig up Brian Adams and Dick Clarke for this match. It truly was the best match of the year, or at least it wouldve been if it wasn't for the other two. Kronickronic... Tazz sucks on a giant cherry popsicle while introducting the next segment. It's the top food moments of 2001. 5> Sean Stasiak drowns in a puddle of milk. And they say it's rough being the drummer of Spinal Tap!
Tazz says that Michael likes the "carrot." Cole denies it, but you know it's true! Tazz then comes up with lame nicknames for every wrestler on the roster to fill out some time. Should've stuck with Teflon buddy. GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Match #2: GIMMICK BATTLE ROYAL(e)!! Do I really need to say any more? Nope, but I will. This had to be the best pay-per-view match of the year. The Bushwackers licked. Repo Man slunk, and Slaughter sucked. THIS MATCH RULED ON ALL LEVELS! (and I'm not kidding in a "this whole article is a joke" way.) GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! FFX! GRAND THEFT AUTO 3! TEH TRUTH! 100% *dundundundundun* PAMELA! Match #1: Booker T def. Buff Bagwell (RAW) While some may claim that the Rock ended WCW at the Surivior Series, REAL WWF fans know that Buff Daddy himself destroyed the entire thing. Kudos to the writers for not only booking this match, but think of putting the pay-off of the Torrie/Vince relationship in between it. I *heart* the WWF! Cole and Tazz wish us all a better 2002. Dear Lord I hope so. See ya! Oh, and if you want the *real* best of 2002, just klik here. |