Commercials: The Gamekiller kills your game. So smell good. Huh?

Velociteeeee is a sight to seeeeee. The intro makes me laugh. Has The Undertaker ever been on Velocity in his life? ANSWER ME!!!! Steve Renamero is alongside the “diva” Bad Hair Life.

Segway Is Spelled Wrong vs. I Am Gunner Spell It Right Next Time

Romero: “Look at the lime green on Simon! Should we call him 'Limon'?” Yes, you should. And you should mix him with gin. They lock up. There's some mat-based back and forth action. Matthews: “GROW UP! Count Chocula? Peter Pan?” Haha. I don't know what the fuck Josh is talking about. Matthews: “No one wants to hear your OPINION!” Simon gets kind-of leg scissored outside...sorta. Scott grabs Dean's hair and pulls him back up into the ring. Simon Dean runs towards the corner where Scott is, and Scott sticks the boot up. Dean catches it in his hands. Dean: “No way, you idiot!” Scott pushes his leg, tumbling Dean backwards. Fireman's carry from Scott. A backslide pin gets nothing. Simon kicks him in the gut and Irish whips him into the post. That gets two for Dean. Josh: “You could DIE from this!” (in reference to how exciting Velocity is.) Scott's schoolboy gets a two-count. Dean works his neck. Romero: “He's like a caveman. He yells stuff.” A knee drop earns two for Dean. Scott rolls away from an elbow. Shoulder blocks and clotheslines from the rookie face. Scott hollers, much like a caveman. Scott clotheslines Dean into the corner. Dean gets belly to bellied and Scott gets the pin. Gunner Scott is, um, boring. Like a boring caveman.

The Miz is using everything he learned watching MTV's Jackass to get himself over at the Titan Towers. He pretends to fart while he does pilates. Miz: “THERE”S NUTTIN LIKE BEIN DA MIZ! HOO RAH!” JG is very right about these Miz promos. I'm guessing he's a heel because I really want to punch this guy hard in the eyeball.

Jordan Knight vs. A Public Lynching

Orlando Jordan comes out to no reaction at all from the audience. As per usual. Adrian Lynch is already in the ring. God, he's Mister Imperfect. He's built like Greg Valentine, but he's got Hennig's wet mullet and singlet. “OJ SUCKS!” chant is pretty strong. Headlock from OJ. A series of Arm drags from Lynch. Lynch gets kicked in the head. Neckbreaker from OJ. Josh and Steve pimp the KOTR tournament. Knee lifts. Romero: “Lynch, still hanging in there!” “Lynch” and “hanging” in the same sentence, Steve? You are PUSHIN' THE ENVELOPE! Headlock again. Oh man, OJ Papa Shangoes for an eternity as Lynch walks back from a bounce on the ropes and proceeds to...roll him up? WTF? That was horrible. Jordan kicks out and gives him a spinebuster. Lynch is so slow. Jordan gets the pin after he scissorkicks his opponent. Good riddance.

Commericals: Rey Mysterio is on the cover of Smackdown magazine. WHOOPTEESHIT. Axe presents “The One Upper”. Another Game Killer. One Upper: “You think that's good salsa? You obviously have never been to Ecuador.” The Young Alton Brown Chronicles. Here's ths shitty TV spot for Silent Hill where the little girl has an OOOOH SCAAAARY voice. I hope Pyramid Head eats her.

Classic KOTR moment is Jake the Snake vs. Steve Austin. The Birth of Austin 3:16.

Da Neighbahood Champ vs. Guy Smiley

Romero: “He used to wrestle in leathers! Now he's gone the effective suit look!” Yeah, Vito doesn't look nearly as Gay Leather Boy as he had been looking. Nunzio is with him tonight. Chris Guy pats himself on the back as if to say “Hey, piece a cake, me!” Vito: “Things are gonna change in 2006 for the hard Italian guy! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! The Pavarotti of hard shots to da body! The pizan who's got it goin on! I'm da king of da five burroughs, and I'll always be da neighbahood champ! I set my goals here in da wwe in 2006 and dere higher dan ever! I'm goin' after da top and da best you got so you can bring it on and I got some news for you, my friend...the Staten Island express is gonna run all over your face!” Gloriously awful promo dere. Vito starts with a clothesline. Josh: “We're halfway through 2006! It's almost 2007!” Vito with a headlock and a legdrop. One count. Romero calls Chris Guy “Chris the Cable Guy”. Team him up with Matthew Broderick Strong and make a tag team based on a flop movie from 1996! A leg takedown gets two for Guy, but the swinging DDT gets the pin for Vito. Romero: “That's ugly. And that's the match!” Nunzio helps Vito dump Guy over the top.

Commercials: The Axe Gamekiller. HE KILLS YOUR GAME! HIDE THE HI HO CHERRY-O!!!

The Classic KOTR moment is Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigalow. Nice crown!

We get a KOTR video package from Smackdown. Angle: “It's all because of you, Randy Orton!” I didn't watch this Smackdown but I like watching Angle come back to the ring after the match is over and make Orton his bitch.

Dollar General & Food Stamp vs. Squash Fodder & TURN IT UP! Turn your Windows Media Player up!

Scotty jumps up and down like he do. Hotty and Noble to start. “HOTTY!” chant starts. Headlock takedown gets a one count for Noble. Noble takes Scotty down and gets a one count again. Scotty bangs Nobles head in the corner. Noble runs towards Funaki and gets attacked; Scotty takes him out with a punch. Kash tagged in. Funaki tagged in. Funaki goes up for an axe handle. Arm bar takedowns. Noble tagged in. Punches and chops. Scotty back in. Punches and dropkicks. Noble runs towards Scotty and eats a turnbuckle. Scotty tries for the bulldog and Kash stops him and tosses him outside. He's rolled back in. Noble stomps Scotty's arm. Kash back in and continues working the arm. Kash eats the turnbuckle in the exact same spot Noble did just a bit ago. Funaki gets the hot tag. Flying cross body from Funaki, followed by atomic drops and bulldogs. A top rope DDT from Funaki is stopped by Noble. Scotty comes in to help and gets punked by Kash. Funaki pins Kash, but Noble breaks it. Kash throws Scotty out. Backslide from Funaki gets a one count. Kash gets the pin after a delayed suplex.

Final Thoughts: You could DIE from this.