November 1?, 2001
Rebeaker: Eviljonhunt81
Match 1: Raven vs. Funaki. They do some stuff. I don't think Raven hits his leg sweep into the wall, which makes me wonder what he did hit. Michael Cole mentions the history of controversy at Survivor Series. Great. That better not be forshadowing. RAVEN EFFECT!!!! RAVEN EFFECT!!! Raven wins.
We then go to Chris Leary hyping Survivor Series for us. This makes me feel weird. I don't trust him. He then tells us that if we order we'll be able to see the women's title match. I don't know much about advertising or public relations or anything, but I imagine that there would be at least one better selling point.
Lugz Boot of the Week: RVD jumping off of - no, wait, it's Booker T-1000 and RVD punching Underta - no, it's the 5 Star Frog Splash. Ok.
Tommy Dreamer and Steven Richards come out to what seems to be Test & Albert's old music. Cole says that Dreamer may be out of a job come Sunday. I doubt it. The WWF will still want someone to get them water. Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo come out. Coachman: "I like the matching trunks." Some nonsense back and forth. Jesus, I wish they would stop saying "Palumbo" so much. Cole says that he has given his heart and soul to this business for 10 years. He and Coachman flirt a lot. Palumbo holds Richard up for the Fameasser for the win.
Now there's some video montage thing to get us all ready for Survivor Series. Whatever this song is, I heard it and didn't like it before. WWF should use some Minor Threat of Black Flag or something. That would kick bucketloads of ass.p> Some boring commercials. I swear, if I wasn't so dedicated to my art, I so would have turned this off a long time ago. Maybe my cable will go out or something.
Undertaker's sacrifice.
Wow, Justin Credible's music is awful. Saturn looks like a fetus since he shaved. Gross. Coachman: One of the good things coming out of this (The Invasion, not the match, stupid) may be never having to hear Paul Heyman again. OMG!!! SHOOTS!!! Now Coach and Cole are singing Margaritaville. Why does Coach keep calling him "KK"? Oh wait, is that Kevin Kell(e)y? Oh man. I have been making a complete ass of myself. He sounds just like Cole. Saturn wins with the Rings of Saturn.
God. It's only half over. The St. Louis police seem to be hiring. That would be a pretty cool job.
Xbox presents Survivor Series!!!! What's the "X" for? We get to see the end of Smackdown. Rock has the Sharpshooter on Austin. Rock: "AHHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHHHHH!" Kurt Angle gets the anklelock (not capitalized) on Rock. Rock: "AHHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHHHHH!" The reports I read said everybody hit their finisher, but Booker T. didn't. One more example of why every other wrestling site sucks. PIG SHOWINATOR!!! Is he wearing overalls?
Overdrive of the night (despite the fact that I'm watching this at noon): Angle jobbing to a midcarder on RAW.
Finally, we get back to Jakked. I guess Crash and Spike put their differences aside in order to fight off the ALLIANCE!!! Blah blah blah. If you care, they're fighting Lance Storm and Kidman. Cole(?) says that if the WWF loses (no, not this match. Survivor Series), everybody will be out of a job, including all the production guys. The Alliance has its own HEEL production team?
Now Cole(?) says something about the Hardyz never having been in a cage match. I seem to recall them fighting Edge & Christian in a cage match on RAW around December of '98. It was the beginning of the McMahon/Helmsley error!! LOL!!! I so totally burned the WWF. Hmm. In retrospect, I think he said that the Dudleyz and the Hardyz never fought each other in a cage. Oh well. I'm leaving all that in there cuz I so totally burned the WWF!!! Kidman hits something on Crash and gets the pin. That was a damn fine match.
Chris Leary is still creepy. He takes us back to Smackdown again and we see Regal talking to Greg Helms. I wish I got Smackdown here in St. Louis. Greg Helms is never on RAW. They should start letting him write for WWF Magazine. Or maybe write a column for WWF.com. Hell, it can't be worse than Crash's movie reviews. For those keeping score, that was burn #2.
Wait a minute. Did they hype Survivor Series yet? Well, I guess they better do it again just in case. Why is there a 1 in the logo? And why does the "o" look funny?
FINAL THOUGHTS: Did I seriously sit down for an hour and watch this? Man. And Next Mideon thought HEAT rebeaks were worthless.