December 8?, 2001
Rebeaker: Eviljonhunt81
Coach wants to start by talking about Trish's big week. Coach keeps asking her about the Rock, and she gives some coy answer, and Coach goes "Riiiiggghhht." Stop it, Coach. Anyway we get clips of Trish and Rock from RAW. If you cared, Eric Suckewelzic or whatever hated this segment. "Trish!! How could you!?!?! With Flex!!!" Whatever. I like how the Rock stared at the camera after the kiss. I think I'll start staring at the camera every time I kiss. I would add some self-deprecating joke about never kissing here, but I can't lie to you guys.
Back to the studio and Coach says "Riiiiigggghhht" again. Now we have Mcmahon making the tag match on RAW. TNN bleeps ass. Dub over "sandwich," TNN. Trust me. Flair comes out and warbles that Vince is gonna' eat Rock's sanwich. Now we join the match midway. I liked this match. I dunno, maybe I was just glad to not see Mcmahon's sandwich at the end of RAW for once. The Ref looks like a soccer hooligan. Hahaha. Angle laid into Trish. Vicious. Ref is down!!! By gawd!! Jericho runs in and makes his finisher look weak. Vince chases Trish off and Austin comes out to WHUP SUM SANDWICHES!!! Rock pins Angle.
Hardyz vs. Dudleyz in the first table match form Royal Rumble 2000 is from the vault tonight. Regal chose that match? Alright. And we go to commercial.
Smackdown 3 sucks. I've crapped out better story modes, and the gameplay is still stupid. ABC Family is celebrating 25 days of Christmas. Oh shit. Christmas is like 2 weeks away. Now I have one more thing to worry about.
Before I can adequately worry about that, our Crash Bandicoot: Wrath of Cortex Super Smash of the Week: D'von hits Kane with the belt, 3-D on Kane, and Big Show chokeslams everybody. WWF needs to start pluralizing these things.
Of course, at Vengeance, Tag Titles are on the line. Coach says there has never been a team like Kane and The Big Show. What, there's never been a hastily thrown together team that gets a shot at the belts before? Oh, he's referring to their size. I can name about 20 teams that are just two fat guys off the top of my head. Some of them are still on the roster.
Now we get a look at the Hardyz. "We're the Hardyz. We're Matt and Jeff. We're the Hardyz." Very well. Scary music accompanies Jeff jumping off the cage at Survivor Series. Now they're backstage fussin' and a feudin'. Show them throw Lita down. Matt:"See what you did?" Jr:"They aren't reading the same book." Jeff's has naked men in it. Regal next! Commercials now!
Is this show 2 hours? I hope not.
Regal comes out. Coach says that he knows it's a little late for Regal. Does he go to bed at 7 on weekends? An email asks "Hey Regal, how do you travel with the brass knuckles?" Regal quotes the "hey regal" part and disses the stupid American's familiarity. He says he only carries what he's prepared to do the time for. He also calls them his "knuckledusters." Weirdo. Coach brings up the sandwich eating incident. Regal is not amused. This somehow leads to a clip of Booker T-1000 recharging off of Austin's truck. Now he's on Smackdown talking to Flair. Back to the sandwich talk. This is a rather disjointed show. Regal:"I sat next to a man on the plane with wooden legs and feet. He said you do what you have to do." Regal has some odd stories.
Commercials. Going to WWFNY is a great way to see Vengeance and Rikishi. But he doesn't have a match. Oh god. He's gyrating like a stripper. Gross.
"Not Another Teen Movie" ad. If there's not already, I hope there's "Not Another Teen Porn."
Lugz Boot of the Week: 3 weeks ago? Whatever. Regal eats Mcmahon's sandwich. Coach:"We've been showing that an awful lot." No ownder this show gets .8 ratings. Regal doesn't want to explain himself anymore. Email:"Are you gonna be commish? You are good at doing other people's dirty work." Regal:" What's his name?" Trish:"Jamie." Did Regal just call him a billiken? Regal then threatens to crack Coach's skull. I'll give you a dollar if you do it, Regal. Anyway, on RAW Regal and the APA went at it. God. I watched this show cuz I don't get to see Smackdown, and it's nothing but RAW clips. Maybe hour 2 is Smackdown, but I still hope it's only an hour long. Regal picks Angle for tomorrow night. I say he's least likely to win. Up next: Will Mcmahon eat Rock's Sandwich? Who is that guy talking? I don't recognize his voice.
Burger King commercial. That sounds good. I haven't eaten anything solid in over 24 hours due to my painful night of vomiting and playing Smackdown 3 last night.
Xbox Slam of the Week: Test booting people. Haha. He went boot crazy.
On Smackdown, Coach tells us that Vince and Angle had a plan to keep from eating Rock's sandwich. I hope it involved ringing the bell early. Anyway, we're at Smackdown. Vince is a certified billionare. Certified. Vince:"I don't eat sandwiches." Austin shows up on the screen yelling "Whut?" a whole lot. Hilarious. He apparently just beat Angle up. Vince's plan is ruined! Haha. Austin listened to the watch and kicked Angle again. "Stone Cold came here tonight to make sure you eat somebody's sandwich." Dammit, Austin. Oh my god! He just said "knuckle sammiches." HAHAHA. I love you Stone Cold.
Vince is dressed like the Joker. Now Flair's music hits, and it sounds like the crowd is chanting "asshole" for a minute. Anyway, Flair comes out and doesn't do much and then leaves. Jesus, get on with it already. I hate when Vince struts in place. It's creepy looking. Lawler:"Michael, this is humiliating!" Cole:"Yeah, but it's fun." Haha. Sure.
It turns out that Vince's lips aren't good enough to eat the people's sammich. Instead, they're good enough for JR's BBQ sammich. Hey Rock just stole my BBQ joke. I hope he starts using "sammich" soon, as he talks about other foods all the time. Rock tells JR to go to the announce table, as Vince is gonna' eat Trish's sammich. Homina Homina Homina. I don't really have a joke for this. Trish is visibly creeped out by Vince slobbering over the oppurtunity to eat her sammich. Wait! He isn't good enough for that sammich either. For God's sake, get it over with. Vince get's to eat Rikishi's butter sammich. Rikishi looks like he might be in better shape. Might be. Oh god. There he is gyrating like a stripper. Rock hits the Rock Bottom and tells Rikishi to back that sammich up. JR is jumping up and pumping his fist in the air. Cole:"Mr. Mcmahon has joined the . . . STINKFACE CLUB!" That wasn't as funny as he thought it would be. Shit, it's after 10. This show must be 2 hours.
Commercials. I want to see Joe Somebody. Keep in mind that I am extremely ill at the moment.
WE'RE BACK! Holidays are coming, so maybe the new Shopzone catalog, with Lita on the cover, will help. I wish it were that easy. We get to see footage of the photo shoot. The photographer talks about the concept. Umm, Lita has big boobs? Coach drools over Torri and Stacey on the new RAW magazine and we go to commercial.
This commercial for RAW magazine is insane. Announcer guy talks about how Torrie and Stacey are in it. Announcer Guy:"Torrie Wilson and Stacey Keibler revel-Oh my God! Oh Yeah! Oh Oh! Who's your daddy?" Fucking weird.
Back again. Undertaker vs. RVD talk. I wanna see Undertaker's new haircut. When did he squash Tazz? Damn, I can't really see it in any of these clips. Oh, wait, there it is. Hmm. Plenty more to come after these commercials. I hope not.
How many fucking snowboarding games are out now? How many suck? (all of them.)
Stone Cold's Sacrifice.
Back to Smackdown with the Rock and Austin vs. Jericho and Angle. Blah blah blah. Jericho taps to the crapshooter. Angle slams Jericho and leaves, and Rock and Austin enjoy some Steveweisers. When we come back: From the Vault! I wish Coach would stop reminding me that it's Saturday night.
Let's see. From the Vault is Hardyz vs. Dudlyz at Royal Rumble 2000, in the first ever Tag Team Tables Match. There's a cab over the entrance way. I wont bore you with a play by play, but this was awesome. It wasn't clipped very much, if at all. Hardyz win it when Jeff does a swanton off the balcony onto a table. Yes. Shit, there's still 15 minutes left. HOLY SHIT! Shawn Michaels is the guest next week! I hope he shows up "in no condition to work." I just may have to rebeak that as well. I wonder which HBK match they'll show. May I recommend vs. Sid at Royal Rumble '96(?). Or maybe the first ever Hell in a Cell vs. Undertaker, which took place RIGHT HERE IN ST. LOUIS!! My brother was at that, and has a funny story I will tell if it's the match next week. Anyway, we've been at commercials for most of this rant.
WWF NY ad. Oh. I get it. Rikishi is gonna be at WWF NY. Remember, I am sick.
We're back. Now a clip of the end of Survivor Series. Is this gonna be 10 minutes of everything since then? Haha. They have Austin saying "Whut?" in time with the music. When we come back, one final look at the card for Vengeance.
Commercial for the NEW TNN Sunday Night Lineup. Fame for 15, Ultimate Revenge, and Small Shots. (forshadowing) I kind of want to see that Small Shots. It looks pretty interesting.
Lugz presents Vengeance tomorrow night. Let's look at the card: Trish vs. Jackie, Edge vs. Regal, Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy, Undertaker vs. RVD, and of course, the main event. Wait. You forgot the tag match, and I though Test vs. Albert was on there. Oh well. Too late now, as we're out.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I hope I seriously didn't waste 2 hours watching this. 4 Superstars. 3 Matches. 2 Titles. 1 Undisputed Champion. 0 papers written tonight. Well, y'all know where I'll be tomorrow night. Watching TNN's new Sunday Night. HAHA. I'll be here all week folks.