July 22, 2002
Rebeaker: SOFA Eviljonhunt81
Let's start this. Sleazy E (OMG!! old school WCW reference or some stupid bullshit) comes out and talks. and talks and talks and talks. Then HHH comes out. and comes out and comes out and comes out. Bischoff is about to introduce Shawn Michaels (why? I can't remember. Fucking Chu Chu Rocket and Miller High Life) BUTWAIT! HHH does it instead. Shawn and Eric talk. Eric makes Shawn HHH's manager, but Shawn gets pissed, as he likes sitting around and getting paid to do nothing, so he walks out. Bischoff yells at HHH, who walks off. The announcers, who are not at ringside, but by the entrance ramp to make the show more WCWish (read: shitty) tell us that RVD faces Jeff Hardy in a ladder match to unify the Intercontinental and the European titles. They should have just given one to Smackdown. That'd be pretty funny. They could have Rikishi find it in some food, or something. I dunno.
HHH catches up to Shawn backstage and says "please don't go." GOOOOOOOOD BYE, SHANE!
Commercials. I don't care how weird that looks to me, I don't remember any of them, and no other recapper is accurate enough to keep track of them. Where's your CRZ now, smarks?
What? Match #1: is the ladder match. Ok. Both men got torn the fuck up last night, but stillput on a damn fine match. Plenty of sick bumps. I wish it had been given more time, but RVD ended up winning in the end. Yeah, that would have been absolutely insane had they gotten another 10 minutes. As it stands it was only insane. To steal JG's awesome joke, it was downgraded from bleeping to friggin'. To put my own, most likely unfunny but I'm laughing out loud at it twist on the joke, it was downgraded from *dolphin noise*ing to friggin'.
Commercials. Does simply typing "commercials" make me seem more professional? I didn't think so either.
Chris Nowinski comes out to cut a pretty cool promo about how we all suck compared to him. Undertaker comes out to stand up for the everyman. OMG! He no-sold the handshake! Bitch about it on every message board! hahaha. I am bitter.
Eric Bischoff is backstage talking to RHYNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell yes. If only he would start Goreing the fcuk out of people, and cursing as unnecessarily as I am. He can make as many typos, too, for all I care. After that, Bischoff runs into Sean Stasiak andD'Lo, who demand a chance, or something. *insert neckbreaking joke* Bischoff gives them three minutes to entertain him. Me and Bischoff apparently think a lot alike.
yuk
Match #2: Bubba Ray Dudley (did he also lose the "Ray"?) and Trish Stratus vs. William Regal and Molly Holly. Some funny stuff. Bubba's arm is torn up from last night. Regal can't hit a woman. Some pretty cool stuff, and Regal wins by putting Trish in an STF(?), but not as hard as he would a dude. Bubba almost grabbed Trish's breasts.
Bischoff meets Chris Benoit backstage, and they talk in front of a Castro-esque picture of Bischoff. That's pretty funny. Bischoff vs. Booker T. later tonight. Winner gets a shot at RVD next week. Rock walks. This rebeak sucks.
Fucking XXX.
Rock comes out and talks. HE IS GENETICALLY ELECTRYFYING! Eddie Guerrero coems out, and has a flashback to last night when he beat his kids, or something. That was . . . unerving. Anyway, Rock wants to know if he is Cheech or Chong. GET IT? They're Mexican!! hahahahaha! fucking Mexicans. They all listen to Morrisey, you know. Anyway, those two are fighting tonight. Morrisey and Mexicans, I mean.
Commer-NO! Brock Lesnar is coming out for his cane match against Tommy Dreamer, and he WALKS RIGHT PAST THE ROCK! That shows intensity, or so Lawler screeches at me.
Lesnar got torn the fuck up, but then tore up Dreamer pretty quick. I love you Brock. Undertaker comes down, and hits Lesnar, who high tails it out of there.
Now we have commercials. Fucking swerves.
Backstage, Big Show threatens to eat Shawn Michaels. I don't know how Shawn got out of it, as I started ranting about tatoos.
Stasiak and D'Lo fight, and Bischoff looks at his watch the whole time. THAT WASN't 3 minutes!!! The Island Boys run in, and tear the two of them up. You know, I've been saying the one thing RAW needs is another established tag team without a belt to go after.
Why no Truth commercials?
Booker T. vs. Benoit. A smarks dream. This was a sick match. We got to see the triple suplex again. Benoit ends up winning with the crossface.
Bischoff comes out to the announce table to watch Big Show vs. Spike. Spike loses. and fast. Big Show gets a table, but bubba fucks up the save and gets chokeslammed through it on top of Spike. Chokeslamed. No. Chokeslammed. Fuck.
commercials
DX music plays, and those two come out. Seriously, I hated DX. What is so impressive about X-Pac, Billy Gunn and Road Dogg saying the same boring shit night in and night out? Anyway, to make a short story long: HHH pedigrees Shawn, and walks off. WE NEED ANSWERS!!
more commercials.
God, this fucking rebeak sucks. It's hard to rebeak shit when I am filled with hate and Miller High Life. I only mention that in hope some hoosier will say "HELL YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!" and overlook the shittiness of this. Not to sound like CRZ, but it's really not fun when the show did nothing but piss you off. And yet, smakrs seem to love it. I will never understand.
HHH leaves, Stephanie arrives, and we go to Guerrero vs. The Rock. Damn fine match, again, with Rock winning in the end. Lesnar comes out, and grabs the title. My friend wants him to rip it in half. I want him to take a bite out of it. He does neither, and walks off.
Outback, Bischoff and Stephanie keep talking about kicking people in the nuts, until Lesnar comes out and gets in STephanie's limo. The end.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Fuck that noise. As you may or may not know, I don't get Smackdown. One of the few reasons I love RAW is Lesnar. Ever since the split, smarks have been saying that RAW is weaker than Smackdown, mainly because Benoit was supposed to be on Smackdown, and now the WWE listened and started trading guys. BUT WHY LESNAR!?! Jesus. I really could care less about HHH, as he hasn't been impressive since he got hurt, whereas Lesnar has been amazing week in and week out. Jesus. I am fucking pissed. The show was fine, up until the very end, which has tainted the entire night for me. Fuck. Worst day since yesterday indeed. And they tease Rhyno's return, which makes it all the worse, as I will be leaving the damn country like a month before he comes back. God. I wish I was a purosmark, and was not interested in the WWE anymore. Damn. In the meanwhile, pray that SOFA comes back soon.