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This is traditionally my nap time, but sacrifices can be made for wrestling. At least, they can for a week.

Pre Show: I wish the Cards would play Pittsburgh all the time. Wait, it's 2:55 and only the top of the 9th. Is this replay of last night's game gonna' pre-empt TNA's first show? That's probably not the greatest way to debut, but I don't know a lot about tv.

Also, Mike Tyson hates his life, but loves pigeons.

START!:Generic footage and music of guys flipping to and fro.

Team Canada (Petey Williams, Eric Young and Bobby Rude w/ Scott L'amore (I think. I don't know who these guys are)) vs. Team International (Amazing Red, Sonjay Dutt and Hector Garza)

I've never heard of Team International. Garza rips his pants off on his way to the ring, which is enough of an introduction for me. Lots of flipping around and stuff on everybody's part to start. I guess that little clock at the top is the time limit? That's pretty cool. Mike Tenay says that in cases of a time-limit draw, a judge will decide the winner. Huh.

So, one of the Canadians is fighting Red now. I'm not sure which one, though. Bobby Rude, apparently. Tenay is there whenever I need him. Petey Williams is tagged in now. I would call this match, but I don't think any of these moves have names. Just flipping around and shit.

The match continues, and works as far as these fast-paced spotfests go. Not anything amazing, but generally better than the WWE's slow paced spot fests. And the spots aren't as predictable. That fucking insane spinning, ulta-violent piledriver rules. Garza finally pins somebody for the win. A pretty good match to start the show. It should grab the attention of people who haven't seen a lot of matches like this before.

This past Wednesday: Some match with incredibly convuluted rules that Jarrett had to win.

Commercials: Wouldn't it be hilarious if there was a movie about adults playing Dodgeball!?!?!? And if only they could include some late 70s/early 80s pop culture references, it'd be the greatest movie ever!

West and Tenay shill, uh, NWA: TNA. Oh, there showing highlights of the past two years. Toby Keith! Scott Hall!! Brian Urlacher!!!!!!!

Rundown of this Wednesday's card. Is this show anything but ads? Fuck.

More Commercials: John Basedow haunts my sleep.

FUCK YOU!!! Shark Boy vs. Abyss

Man, I don't wanna' see Shark Boy get fed to Abyss for no reason. Shark Boy with underdog offense. Abyss counters with big man offense. Shark Boy . . . what? Goldilocks is backstage looking like hell, and mumbling to herself while she rocks back and forth watching the monitor, or something. That's odd.

Neat. There's a little thing at the bottom running down Wednesday's results and hyping the upcoming show, like at the bottom of Sportscenter, or something. While I was distracted by that, Abyss won somehow. I know they need to get him over, but just having a guy who fights like Kane and has a mask like Mankind come out and - What THE FUCK! Popeye is hugging Shark Boy!! This show just got awesome. Wait, Kid Kash is next. It just got bad again.

Commercials

Kid Kash & Dallas (who?) vs. America's Most Wanted

Kash and Dallas are the tag team champs. On Wednesday, the winner of this will face a team to be determined by a poll on their website. This fucking match better not go all 30 minutes. Oh yeah, they explained earlier that title matches have a 30 minute time limit, and non-title matches have a 10 minute time limit. Also, you will lose your title if you lose by DQ, but I think TNA's always had that rule.

Anyway, this match isn't as bad as I would expect. That makes me hate Kid Kash even more. He always is slightly better than I think he is. Not a lot better, but enough to keep me mildly entertained, assuming he's facing a good enough opponent. And AMW ain't too shabby. Dallas looks kind of like Test, and doesn't do a whole lot. I guess he and Kash are supposed to be related, but they wont say how. That's stupid.

Commercials: Gary Allan's aptly title See If I Care. What void does I, Max fill? Who is really asking for one more obnoxious sports show on tv?

Some stuff happens. Kash moonsaults off of Dallas's shoulders, which is pretty cool. Storm moved, though. More spots, then a clusterfuck of a finish. I'm not sure who was the legal man or anything.

Shot of the judges feet. Those look like midget feet to me.

Still more Commercials

Tenay's in the ring to interview the judge. Dusty Rhodes! haha, you have midget looking feet, Dusty! I love Dusty Rhodes interviews. Dusty: "Blap bloo blippity! SSSnufiggah blik morp!"

Dusty's neck is about to swallow his necklace. Now Jarrett comes down, as he didn't like what Rhodes said about him. I'm not sure what he said exactly, but it must have been bad if it pissed off a guy as mellow as Jarrett. Rhodes eventually gets a beat down, only to have Ron "Y'all know me as K-Kwik" Killings make the save. Uh, failed save. Then Killings's horrible possee (Konnan and Road Dogg, under his real name, I think) make the save.

Up next, Shane Douglas is gonna' interview Russo.

Commercials

Ok, all Russo says is that he knows who the 4th mystery opponent is in the next match, and we will be suprised. Thanks for the info!

Elix Skipper vs. Michael Shane vs. Chris Sabin vs. ?????

And the mystery guy is: AJ Styles. That doesn't strike me as that big of a deal.

The winner of this match gets a shot at the X Title on Wednesday. This is one of those matches where one guy hits a spot, then another guy hits him, then they keep repeating until the end. Well, I guess there's a few variations in there, but you get the idea. Not that it's not fun. Skipper's rope-walk hurricanrana is cool, and most of the spots are good. AJ Styles finally wins.

Final Thoughts: Not bad. Nothing to write home about, but it was a lot more fun than RAW or Smackdown were. As I said before, I'd rather watch these fast paced spot-fests than the slow WWE ones.