Febuary 17, 2002: Minneapolis? I don't know.
Rebeaker: Eviljonhunt81
If I were Scott Keith or CRZ or any other professional, I'd probably call Kevin Nash "The Kid With the Golden Hair." See, he has shiny hair, and it's similar to a movie title . . . maybe it's better that I do call the wrestlers by their Christian names. Nash starts talking about how some guys in the back don't like them and stuff. SHOOTS! He's getting "whatted" to hell. Keeps talking about nothing. Since when do PPVs start with 20 minute promos? In essence, Nash just wants a fair chance to prove themselves. Hogan is wearing a pirate earring.
Scott Hall gets the mic. "Hey yo!" That ruled. I've missed that. New Japan didn't let him do that for some reason. Now Hall keeps using insider terms, and says something about drinking beer with the boys, to which Nash and Hogan shake their heads. I hate these stupid insider, smarky promos. Seriously, what's the point? Hogan gets "the stick." Hall massages him as the crowd is going crazy. This is real weird. Hogan says the three of them are there to make the WWF better. Hogan: "God bless Vince McMahon." Crowd: "Boooo!" That was pretty cool. JR doesn't believe what they have to say. They all leave now. Hurry up out of there guys, Lance Storm and Christian have to job to Billy & Chuck!
Albert and Scotty 2 Hotty are in this Tag Team Turmoil? I guess Storm & Christian'll job to them instead. So, what happens is two teams come out, and when one loses another team comes out to fight. They had a match like this a few years ago at the Royal Rumble. 1998, I think. The one where Rock went crazy on Mankind. Anyway, Storm & Christian are the 2nd team out. I was right.
Storm and Scotty 2 Hotty to start off. Standard stuff. Tags around and general Tag Team stuff. At one point, Storm goes flying over the rope to the outside. Christian gets set up for the worm, but Storm thankfully saves. Christian gets the unprettier and the win.
Here come da Hardyz! Standard tag stuff, again. Storm gets Jeffy in the Half Crab! Matt breaks it up. HEEL mishap, and the Hardyz win it a few seconds later.
Here come da Dudleyz! Are Billy and Chuck gonna' win this thing? If you read reports of this anywhere else (and why would you, as mine is the most informative recap on the net), you can probably expect plenty of gay jokes about Billy & Chuck and the Hardyz. I tend to feel that I'm above that, as they generally aren't funny. Anyway, back to the match. Dayom! JEFF HARDY IS TEH GAYE!!!! LOL! HE LIKES TO HAVE SEX WITH BOYZ!! Stacy and Lita inevitably go at it. BILLY & CHUCK & TEH HARDYZ GO AT IT!!! I MEEN IN A GAYE WAY!! TEHY ARE HOMOS!!!! Jeffy hits a "somersault plancha" according to JR. I thought it was a tope. JR: "These men are exposing themselves to the concrete." AND EACH OTHER!!!! JEFF HARDY IS TEH GAYE WITH TEH GAYE HAIR!!! Matt pins D-Von. Jeff gets a 3-D on the outside. Stacey: "How do you like that, Jeff?" Not very well, for HE LIKSE TEH BOYS!!! HOMO BOYS, TO BE EXACT!!!
Billy & Chuck come out and shit beat Matt. Fameasser and it's over. So either these guys or the APA are gonna fight for the titles at Wrestlemania? I don't buy it. The NWO better get involved somehow. Seriously, I would have watched HEAT if I wanted to see this. Actually, I did. DDP fought Boss Man. It sucked. Chuck knocks Brad Shaw down. JR: "I've never seen him get knocked down and not get up eventually." No, JR, he hasn't been killed or drozzled ever. Clothesline from Hell, TX, and it's over. Or is it? . . . It is.
Crappy Wrestlemania ad.
Michale Cole and Ric Flair are backstage. Ric Flair mentions respect, so Undertaker has to show up and say nothing much. Ok.
A Shattered Dreams Production: JR and Lawler about how nobody knows why Goldust went after RVD. Obviously they don't read Mr. Tito, as he explained it is because Stephanie McMahon has complete control and books on the fly and always has to put herself over in every storyline. Anyway, RVD comes out, and they go at it. IN THE GAYE WAY! GOLDUST IS A HOMO QUEER! All RVD so far. Cartwheel Moonsault gets 2. Goldust goes outside. He starts walking off. Now he comes back. Lawler's favorite movie line is from American Pie. What a dork. I don't really have a favorite. Anyway, RVD rolls in, does the litle point thing, and rolls out. Awesome. Leg drop from apron thingy. Is the Hardcore Title on the line tonight? And if not, why? Lawler: "Did you see Mothman Chronicles?" JR: "I missed that one." Lawler: "I wish I had." Goldust gets RVD in this crazy ass hold over the ring post. He's sitting on the top rope, with his back stretched back over the ring post. Weird. Oh man, i think I mentioned this awhile ago, but remember that Goldust vs. Roddy Piper Hollywood Backlot Brawl from a few years ago? The one where Goldust got in a car and an off, and Piper chased him, and they kept showing footage from OJ running on the freeway. That was hilarious. I wish they would do something that stupid now. Anyway, another weird spot. Nothing too flashy, but it would definitely be "unorthodox" had Regal done it. JR says they have drive-ins in Oklahoma. That rules. I have to move. I guess I should get a car first. I guess I should get a job to afford a car and a license before I do that. Fuck it.
Goldust is lying in position for a ***** Frog Splash, but he gets up. Turnbuckle Monkeyflip thing works. RVD hits that top rope kick thing. 2 count. Rolling Thunder. 2 count. Weird spot, ***** Frog Splash. It misses! DDT on RVD. barely kicks out. Goldust tries a reverse suplex, but it's reversed for the irony. Stuff! ***** Frog Splash. GAME OVER, MAN! That was a cool match.
RAW's gonna be at the Dunkin Donut Center next Monday.
Ad for Rebellion.
Stone Cold is walking backstage. He passes the sewing ladies. Are Mike Awesome's pants fucking done yet? Stone Cold runs into the NWO. They say some stupid shit and offer him some beer. He throws it down and walks off.
The Tag Title Match is next. Not a whole lot of it, but it was pretty cool. Test taps to the Tazzmission. So, are we really supposed to believe that Tazz & Spike are gonna face the APA in a title match at Wrestlemania? I'm not buying it.
Tough Enough 2 ad.
Coach and Rock in the back. Rock says same thing he always says.
4 WEEKS TO WRESTLEMANIA X8!!!
Edge vs. Regal with the Knuckledusters on a Pole is next. I forgot that Regal was the IC champ. I can only seem to keep track of one of the top 2 titles. I don't know why. Lawler: "I heard Regal's mother was from Wales. His father had normal parents." Do you win just by grabbing the knuckledusters? JR says no, so I guess I'll believe it. Standard Edge and Regal match. Edge gets knocked from the top rope to the gaurd rail, then crawls halfway under the ring, but he's not bloody now. Weird. Wait, his mouth is. Or is his thumb? Something is. Regal almost had the knuckledusters, but Edge knocked the ropes. JESUS! Regal was trying to powerbomb Edge from the apron to the floor, and Edge tried to reverse or something, and they both fell extremely awkward. Crap. Edge crawled halfway under the ring again, yet still isn't bleeding. What the fuck is down there? Both are back in the ring and after the NUX. Regal has them, but is super backdropped by Edge (JR says suplex) and drops them. Stuff happens. Edge gets the knuckledusters, and goes to use them, but Regal pulls his own out and uses THE POWER OF THE PUNCH to get the pin. This was better than their match at Royal Rumble. I'm not sure why, but it was.
WWF: Don't do this at home
Angle and Lilian Garcia are backstage. Blah.
Now, a brief history of the Rock/Undertaker feud.
Undertaker comes out. Rock runs down and LET'S GET IT ON! JR: "The Rock, 10 days ago. Concussion by Booger Red on the hood of the limo." What the hell is Booger Red? Rock hits a shitty neckbreaker. I'm sure Eric Sucklewzic or whatever is loving it. This ain't that bad, though. It's just started and shows promising signs. I've never been a fan of the Undertaker. Never. However, I must admit that he has been a lot better lately. His promos and matches are decent. It's just too bad that most smarks are blinded by some irttional hatred and can't admit the truth. Anyway, the match is still going on. Lawler asks about Booger Red, and JR doesn't explain it. Rock is laid down over the rail, and some creepy lady hugs him. It all ends with Vince and Ric Flair getting involved, and some back and forth and Rock finally wins. Very hot ending. The crowd was into it.
WWFNY: Mr. Perfect is there, wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath. He makes fun of the audience, then shows his body. "When Mr. Perfect's in town, it's going down."
You know that Rob Zombie CD they've been plugging since October? You can buy it! YEAH!
"Eviljonhunt81," I hear you ask, "why are HHH and Kurt Angle fighting?" You must not watch HEAT. Well, let's just run the stupid video thing again.
Stephanie comes out first. She talks to . . . what's his face. The guy ring announcer. Jesus. I can't believe that I can't remember his name. Anyway, she is now simply Stephanie McMahon. Angle and HHH come out. Standard evil ref stuff. DAMN! Angle clotheslined Stephanie hard. She's knocked out. OH! Huge backdrop on Angle. HHH laughs as Stephanie is helped to the back. Replay of the clothesline. Lawler: "Oh no! Her chest!" Tim White's the new ref. Stuff. 3 german suplexes. Some more suplexes. JR: "Nobody can suplex as well as Kurt Angle." Tazz sheds a single tear. Stuff. Angle knocks the 2nd ref out. Angle slam. Stephanie is back out. Angle is knocked into her again. Angle gets a chair. To make a long story short, Angle uses the chair right in front of Stephanie, and then gets the pin on HHH. Yes, you read that right. I didn't believe it myself, either. Is this bad news for Jericho? HHH is frothing like Hooch. You know, Turner & Hooch. Shut up.
Let's get right to this, shall we? Jericho and Austin put on a decent match, but they both seem kind of lazy. Jericho finally wins WITH THE HELP OF THE NWO! MA GAWD! MA GAWD! They beat up Austin and then spray paint NWO on him. MA GAWD! WHAT's GONNA' HAPPEN ON RAW! YEEEAAAARGHULLBLATHULLBLITHABLTH!!!