THE WEEZING REPORT
Translated by Meowth (dat's right)
Greetings from inside the haze of my own toxic smoke while preparing to get sucked back into that damned pokeball. It's frickin' torture living in there! I am also looking forward to some football something or other, but not really.
Injury Update:
After losing one of his two huge teeth, Raticate will be ready to return to obscurity soon. He has been seeing Dr. Lloyd Youngblood, Dr. Jim Andrews, and Dr. Isaac Yankem. Chris Benoit has generously donated his time as a counselor. (Blue)Chipper as always, Raticate recently made "Toothless Aggression" joke #2,348 on some internet call-in show that no one listens to.
I really want to break Pikachu's shins. Lil' prancer.
I think I may have injured Arbok's pride when I drank him under the table last weekend. Give me a shot of sour mash trouble...better make it double.
Butterfree has been at 100% for some time now, but I do not expect to see him back on TV as we have been attempting to "de-gay" the product. Tough rascal, let me tell you.
Everyone else who was injured is either still injured or doesn't mean shit to good ol' WZ.
Random Incoherent Nonsense:
I dared Wobbuffet to punch me, but no dice. Pussy.
Many Digimon superstars have been stepping it up in light of recent opportunities and crap. Some of our Pokemon superstars have not been taking advantage of the many chances my bourbon-fueled commentary provides. They need to remember there is no such thing as ballet and bleeding is good for you. I'm looking at YOU, JIGGLYPUFF.
Haha, Jigglypuff. Whatta fag.
We of the Pokemon community want to express our love and support for the Big Red Machine in his time of need. We don't believe Triple H's lies, buddy. We know you had sex with her, THEN killed her.
I'm looking forward to the American leg of our tour. We've got a lil' surprised called "Remember Hiroshima" all ready for you dirty honkeys/non-honkey Americans.
I recently went to an upscale Mexican restaurant, and they told me they had no smoking section. I burned all 35 of my tackle attacks on those bitches. But it didn't really matter: I don't like Mexican food anyway because it gives me gas LOL!!1!
An entire run of JR (James Roolz) Slobberknocker BBQ Sauce was pulled off
shelves recently when it was discovered he killed Jesse and shoved her into a
vat of "Extra Spicy." Sounds like good eatin' to me. Expect to see
her return in a Joker/Liquidator gimmick if she isn't fired by Team Rocket's
leader, Giovanne Triple H.
New York Newz:
A recent WWE The World of New York event honoring the heroes of 9/11 with overpriced theme sandwiches and "Scorpion King" tequila spritzers ran into several problems, only two of which were the Big Show.
First, the Big Show wanted to show his patriotism by ripping the head off of the Iron Sheik figure from the "Hall of Champions" display. Thing is...punch line coming...there is no "Hall of Champions" display. What remained of the Sheik was buried near the few inedible bits of that underwater escape-artist guy from last year that Big Show mistook for a lobster. Kane had sex with everyone involved. Even Big Show.
The second Big Show-related problem was that the Big Show is really smelly and dumb.
Louie Stromboli was also a big part of the event. As a New Yorker who felt especially indebted to the firemen and policemen of 9/11, Stromboli was honored to be stopped at the door and sent home for "wearing a stupid hat" and "impersonating a WWE employee."
Several fat chicks looking for a thrill left in a huff when they learned Mike Awesome had been fired. I think one of them was Rikishi in drag.
Rob Van Dam's evening got off to a bad start when he expressed disappointment with the Baked Alaska. He then upset some of our honorees when he proclaimed that "Nobody fights fires like Rob Van Dam!" But at least his girlfriend enjoyed the evening. He celebrated her birthday by pointing to her with his thumbs while reciting her initials. The first initial was not S and the last was not M, so don't expect any belts for that yin-yang freak anytime soon. Queer. He's worse than Jigglypuff. Or even Wigglytuff. And that's just gay. Even if he has a girlfriend. GAY.
Weezing Weezing. WEEEEEEZIIIIIIING!
Get to know a real Pokemon! Gotta read it all, WV NEWS!