ARE YOU READY FOR SOME CHINESE TAKE-OUT!!??!?!?1? It’s kind of frustrating to try and hear all the dialogue from all the potential CO’s in Destiny Mode because you don’t have absolute control over some of the dialogue being said. How can I hear squeaky-voiced Xing Cai bemoan my betrayal if she never offers me a chance to pretend join her unit so I can betray her?
We had to get the house ready for interior painting this weekend. If I wasn’t online telling you about Dynasty Warriors, I was moving shit around and cleaning and being goddamned annoyed. At one point, I was instructed to clean the baseboards. I was literally vacuuming the flippin’ wall, folks.
With that in mind, it’s already Sunday night and I want to get into a routine where I knock these Smackbeaks out before now. I’m trying to come down between the Mideon extreme and the Sofa extreme. EXTREME. Anyway, I’m gonna try and make this quick.
A few days ago, The Big Show annoyed my brother by being a monster heel murdering midgets needlessly literally one day after being a big time babyface and confronting Triple H on RAW for murdering octogenarians. That’s right, no food or drink for Ric Flair. Then Randy Orton killed the Undertaker again.
Now we’re “live,” and the Stupidtron entrance dome thing still hasn’t been repaired because Smackdown is poor. Poor and stupid. Michael Cole thinks it’s “almost a disgusting symbol.” Needs more corpses. Cole: “It’s almost a crime scene and in my estimation, it should be a crime scene!” Michael Cole is going to rape some dogs there later. I KILL DEAD PEOPLE is here, along with THE MASTER OF THE ARMBAR. I wonder when the writers will decide Orton killed Eddie. Cole calls Orton a “pariah” while Tazz accuses Orton of “prancing.” I don’t need to hear this much of Orton’s music. Orton talks. He touches himself. “What I did to Undertaker…speaks…for itself.” So…you can stop talking? “The only true phenom now in the WWE…” Is Rene Dupree? “…is me.” Oh. Phenomena, doodoo, doodoodoo. Phenomena, doo doodoo doo. Orton wants to wrestle Batista for the title. “I want a world championship match, and I don’t want one, at Armageddon.” Confused pause. “I DEMAND one at Armageddon!” Haha, you fucking retard. Cole: “You got this guy, he wants to be World Heavyweight Champion, and he’s just evil!” Little Evil.
Later tonight, Rey and JBL vs Kane and Show for some reason. Also, THE BOOGEYMAN DEBUTS! Long-awaited debut, says Cole. I mean I like the guy, but the world hasn’t exactly been begging for Boogeyman matches.
Commercials. No one wants this PSP so they keep throwing it away. What a great way to sell a product.
According to WWE.com, “Deadman Rises.” I wish there was a picture of Eddie for the tribute shirt or something on that screen.
IT’S OK TO STARE according to Melina’s shirt. ACTUALLY, STARING IS RATHER RUDE and YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ZHUGE LIANG, NOT LIU BEI are here too. They’re going to hang out and watch Smackdown’s shitty, shitty tag teams battle it out for a title shot at Armageddon. I hear tell Jesus is ready for Armageddon. Coming to you live from The Niflheim Arena in beautiful downtown Midgard. Midgaard6. Great, this is going to be a nickname glut. Melina accosts Cole and Tazz with her ladyparts. Nitro wants to know if Cole wishes to sex Melina, but Mercury’s hand signals indicate to look and not touch. I’m sure this effort to scout their competition will be aided greatly by Mercury’s VR-visor and data computer. MOURNING OUR OWN DEATHS are the LOD, wearing black armbands that say LOD on them. My thanks go out to Lil’ Bro for spotting that. JAPPY 2 JAPPY is the red-hot tag team of Hotty and Funaki. Melina makes one of her faces. RAYE AND JESSIE HANDLE OUR MEAT are The Dicks. Oddly, I never really considered the possibility of Jessie and James as lovers before. I guess James is just that gay. Mercury does hilarious “oh I’m so scared” motions at MNM STOLE OUR COATS. I guess Kendrick never really wore one of those futuristic caveman coats. I think Kendrick should go back to being called Spanky and join The Dicks. Yes, that would be a good idea, I think. Who the Hell else are they pretending is a real tag team? Well, there’s NUNZIO AND HIS HEAVY who are inexplicably not being beaten up by Bobby Lashley. And then there’s WE KILLED THE BWO AND PUT THEM IN A BURRITO, who feuded with the bWo during those twenty seconds when the bWo was around. Heidenreich argues with MNM while everyone else attacks Animal. Heidenreich finally notices, and convinces a bunch of guys to beat him up. Animal tosses Nunzio like four seconds in. Animal then beats up both Dicks and Spanky. Cole: “Beating on the Dicks with those big right hands!” Animal whips a Dick in such a way that Heidenreich is knocked off the apron. Oh great, what I was really hoping for was a feud between Animal and Heidenreich. The LOD are eliminated, but Animal wails on Funaki anyway because Animal is an asshole. Now the lights go out, fake sounds of equipment shorting out play on the PA system, and everyone makes a big deal of acting surprised instead of attempting to play it off when the lights come back on. You know who I hate? The Undertaker. Now Taker’s spooky, otherworldly powers cause a commercial break.
Commercials. I don’t think that set of headphones made out of spare change is really going to work that well, dude.
We’re back. During the break, Scotty 2 Hotty was eliminated because he’s fucking horrible. London is double-teamed by Dicks in a dream come true. He eventually fights them off and he and the Spankster do some convoluted flying thing that almost eliminates the Mexicools, but Juvi aids them from the floor. Cole: “I like The Dicks!” He’s going to say that every damned show, isn’t he? I’ve got no problem with it. Kendrick almost tosses James, but he stays in. London goes up top for something, but Chad shoves him to the outside. Could you tights be any gayer, Brian Kendrick? The Mexicools do this bizarre, roll-through leg-lace slam…thing on some Dick. The other charges into a back body drop by Psicosis and eats a standing moonsault by Super Crazy. Mexicools celebrate. Dat’s cool. Mercury: “You didn’t win nothin’!” Haha, and he’s making these hand gestures of warning, like he’s afraid the Mexicools will lose focus and lose the match. Always looking out for the Mexicools is Joey Mercury. Now the Mexicools send both Dicks into the ropes, but double Papa Shango and get beaten down in various ways. Weird, doubleteam…um…faceplant or something by the Dicks. MNM look horrified. I know it’s not their intent to look deeply concerned for the Mexicools, but that’s how it’s coming across to me. Cole: “Imagine the explosion the Dicks would have if they won this match-up!” I’d have thought Tazz would be pushing the Dick jokes, but Cole is all over them. All over the Dicks. Now the Dicks send Psicosis over the top, but he lands on the apron. They charge him, and he manages to toss them both. The Mexicools celebrate with a clothed orgy. The Mexicools need to win the titles and become the Mexican version of The Chaps with all The Straps. The Gringos with all The Blingo. Wait, Gringos are white people. Fuck it, Blingo is the best word ever.
JBL MORE LIKE JBSMELL HAHAHAHA has only gotten like a billion nicknames from me over the years. I listened to part of some inexplicable promo he cut on WWE.com where he talked about greedy unions making it impossible for General Motors to sell shitty cars no one wants. Anyway, STEVE ROMERO WOULD BE WISE TO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO GENERAL LEO asks JBL for his thoughts on teaming with Rey. JBL is sick of big dumb RAW dudes murdering Smackdown midgets. Hey, what happened to the Juniors Division anyway? JBL: “You always hate, what you can’t be!” In that case, I should hate things like potatoes, caulk, and circus peanuts. Now THE WRESTLING-AH GOD wanders past a monitor that is magically leaking blood. Or strawberry syrup.
Commercials. Dragonball Z Somethingsomethingsomething lets you play as over 50 characters. What, did someone complain that they couldn’t be Bulma or something?
I WANT TO PLAY AS MR. POPO is here with A FORMER GIRL. A formal girl in that Sharmell is now a woman and…nevermind. Booker is wearing a sports coat and shaking hands with everybody. Haha, he pulls Tazz in for a man-hug. “Wazzup Cole!” I PLEDGE MY LIFE TO XIAHOU DUN’S UNIT is out with his tiny, tiny arms. Cole reminds Booker T that he is involved in a Best of Seven series with Benoit. Did you think he forgot? WAIT A MINUTE CHECK THIS OUT, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS…WILLIAM REGAL, WILLIAM REGAL, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS TOUGH is here. Nickname courtesy of Booker T. We see some black and white photos of bloody Regal from Velocity. He wants a bloody apology. Circling to start. Booker T: “I’m gonna call this match right down the middle, you know, in the third person.” Benoit does arm-wringery stuff. Tazz immediately buddies up with the heels and makes fun of Cole. More armwringery and Regal has to shake his pasty, pasty arms to get the circulation back. Booker T tells us that Booker T is the most decorated champion in wrestling history. Benoit gets a Dragonscrew and tries to apply the Sharpshooter, but Regal kicks him in the face. Regal does that rare but beautiful spot where you put a guy on the mat with his face down and punch him in the back of the head. Regal covers for 2, then sends him to the floor. Booker tells us that Regal is from Great Britain. Regal drops Benoit neck-first onto the apron, and it’s actually Booker who starts in on Benoit’s history of not having a working neck. Tazz: “I did notice though Booker on Tuesday you put some pressure on that neck.” Booker: “Well, Booker T actually put the pressure on.” Hahaha. Third person. Booker: “Let me tell you, Booker T, I’m tellin’ you this guy, he has an array of moves. He’s got that scissors kick, he got that side-kick, he can come off the top, he can pretty much do it all. Booker T is technically sound.” Hahaha, I’d forgotten how awesome Booker can be. Regal has Benoit back in the ring. Shoulderbreaker. Regal going for a surfboard. Booker starts yelling about holding onto your seats. Now Regal hooks Benoit’s neck while in the surfboard. Booker: “HE’S TRYING TO BREAK HIS NECK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! FOR GOD’S SAKE REFEREE, STOP THIS MATCH!” Hahaha. I want Booker T and Stevie Ray to call all wrestling matches from now on. Regal goes to the floor and starts bouncing Benoit’s head against the mat. Now he puts Benoit’s head against the post and fucking kicks it. Ouch. Here’s a replay. Regal back in the ring, and Nick Patrick has to hold Regal back from going and killing Benoit. Regal finally goes in and gets chopped to death. I wish I could do screen-captures because the look on Regal’s face after that is the best thing ever. Regal knees his way back. Benoit tries a single-leg, but Regal kicks him away. Running kneelift by Regal. Booker: “He may have broke an ear drum or anything right there.” Regal covers a few times. Regal gets rammed into the corner and chopped some. Regal kicks and gets a pair of Exploders. Booker: “T-BONE! Was that a T-Bone suplex? Is he goin’ for another?” Then Regal does “a deadly forearm.” We get a replay of the chops. Booker: “That was an illegal chop!” Benoit ties up Regal’s arms and starts headbutting. His forehead is busted open, and Booker T wants the match stopped for blood-loss. Regal is bleeding too. German, another, and Regal fights the third. Regal goes with a Dragon Suplex instead! Crawlspace, and it’s over. Now Benoit rolls out of the ring, and just fucking dives at Booker T! Hahaha! He’s just wailing on him. Booker sent into the corner post. Crawlspace on the floor! Sharmell throwing girl punches at the back of Benoit’s head, but he no-sells. She grabs a chair, but Benoit is up and sees her. She runs for her life. That whole thing was pretty awesome. Haha, listen to Booker T cry out. Now Benoit starts punching himself in the chest like a maniac.
Randy and Bob wander around backstage doing nothing of interest. There’s a clock whose hands are spinning around really fast. OMG THE DEAD MUST BE RISING.
Commercials. SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG SO COOL.
Some Christmas photo spread bullshit with the Smackdown divas features a Melina-faced Melina putting cole in a stocking. Haha, cole.
Cole informs us that The Boogeyman is “Sports Entertainment’s weirdest dude!” HEY, NOTHING YOU CAN SAY, IS GONNA ME JOIN UP WITH LIU BEI (w/“CAO CAO” BOB ORTON) bores me. MATT HARDY WILL NOT WIN DIE does not have Matt Facts. Sad. Cole and Tazz spend Matt’s intro discussing all the spooky occurrences. Cole says that clock was running backwards, but I’m sure as Hell not gonna go back and check. Matt does stuff, and ends up headlocking Orton. Orton tries to pull his greasy, Bret Hart hair to counter. Orton escapes and gets a shoulderblock and does the melodramatic douche pose. Orton then charges into some armdrags and ends up in an armbar. Matt: “V ONEAAAAAH!” Orton goes to the eyes to escape. Dropkick, and a cover for 2. Orton goes for a kneedrop where it kinda looks like he drops his penis in Matt’s face. It gets 1. Cowboy Bob says “There ya go Randy” in his hilarious raspy old man voice. Headlock by Randy, now turning it into a Ninja Chokeout. Orton misses a kneedrop, but gets a back elbow for 2. More Ninja Out-Choking. Matt fights out and they trade punches. Matt eventually ducks something and gets a running shot to send Orton to the floor. Matt with a plancha. Matt sends Orton back in and covers for 2. Orton reverses a whip, Bob grabs Matt’s feet to distract him, Randy tries a sneak-attack, and Matt ducks it and gets the Side-Effect for 2. Matt wants the Twist of Orientation, but Randy rams him into the corner while Matt’s yelling “UNHHHHHH!” Orton whips Matt into a corner, but charges into the boots. Matt goes up, but Orton rolls clear of the moonsault. Orton slithers around on the mat. Sexy. RKO, 123. Ok, my timer says we’re 57 minutes into the show at this point. Keep that in mind. BONG. BONG. No nickname until you appear in person, Taker. The ring is bathed in purpley lights, and Taker’s voice takers over the PA system. “Hello Randy. What, you don’t know who this is? It’s the man that you tried to kill. This…IS THE UNDERTAKER!” Stupid fans cheering this shit. Orton tries to leave the ring, dragging Cowboy Bob with him, but MAGICAL LIGHTENING hits the ramp. Orton rolls around like a pansy, and gets back in the ring. HAHAHA, Bob has to crawl under the ring because the writers didn’t come up with a way to get rid of him. “What’s wrong Randy? Don’t you feel safe anymore?” What’s the matter Randy, feelin’ a lil’ scared? You look a little DOOT DOO! “Where am I Randy? I’m behind you!” Randy turns around in a panic. A retarded panic. “No no no, I’m over here.” Randy searches the sky. “Randy…I’m coming for you.” Randy tries to leave through the crowd. Slowly, scaredly (not a word) wandering around. He sees a…casket, maybe? It’s hard to tell with all the smoke and lights. A BONG is heard. Some fan: “Don’t be afraid!” Hahaha. Tuxedo Mask, ladies and gentlemen. Believe in yourself, Sailor Orton! Randy gets back in the ring, because surely that will make the Undertaker go away. “What’sa matter Randy? You’re not afraid of caskets are you? You didn’t seem to mind caskets when it was me inside. Randy…are you scared?” DOOT-DOO! “Remember, remember your destiny! Your destiny, is right before your eyes!” What? “Randy, you tried to kill me, but I’m the one who does the killing!” Somebody arrest the Undertaker. He’s an admitted murderer. Randy wanders in the crowd crying and yelling “Where are you?” and just being a spectacular dipshit. There’s another nonsensical pyro blast. Some other fan: “What’s up Randy, how ya doin’?” Edge, can ya move ya toes? Randy goes back to the ring again. “You look lost, boooooy. You don’t know where you’re going, do you? Randy, you’re going with me. Straight to HELL.” Pause. “HELL, IN DA CELL!” Bong. The counter is now at 1 hour, 2 and a half minutes, so there was over five minutes of airtime devoted to Orton bumbling around in fear of purpley lights.
Commercials. I bet Bob Orton and Matt Hardy were playing cards under the ring. The ref may have fled down there too, come to think of it.
I WOULD LIKE TO REPAIR THE ENTRANCE DOME BUT BLACK PEOPLE ARE POOR is joined backstage by NO ONE’S GUARDING MY FATHA! It’s from The Godfather, you Philistines. Teddy: “You are going to Hell!” Randy’s like “I want a title shot, not Taker” and Teddy Long’s like “Whatever the Undertaker says goes for some reason.”
SOME BITCH WHO LOST THE DIVA SEARCH is that Black one I hated for trying to play a heel when obviously no one gave a flying fuck. She’s here to interview THE LEADER OF THE DEANS IN THE ROUGH. Simon starts to show off some kinda pseudo George Foreman grill or something, but I AM THE BOOGEYMAN’S HEAD is under the lid! The Boogeyman: “Oh my darlin’, oh my darlin’, oh my darlin’ Clementine.” He eats some of the worms that are inexplicably there. The Boogeyman and Simon Dean have a little conversation. “The time is coming near, Simon Dean…” “What?” “…for you to face your fears!” “No it ain’t!” “I’M THE BOOGEYMAN!” “What?” “AND I’M COMIN’ TA GET YA!” Dean screams and leaves. I love The Boogeyman.
The RAW Rebound is people being mean to Bischoff.
Commercial. Did you know that if you wear Axe body spray, hot bitches will want to fuck you? It’s true!
Our Smack of the Night is The Boogerman killing Bischoff, which had to be pretty awesome live.
SIMON SAYS AHHHHH!!! does not come out the first time he’s introduced. The second time, security is CARRYING HIM TO THE RING. The Smarks can piss off because this is fucking hilarious. They aren’t even dragging him, they have to lift him off his feet and carry him. Then he gets in the ring and pretends to be ok before suddenly bolting. Security catches him and puts him back in the ring. Now they do it again. NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME, I’M GOING TO THE GARDEN TO EAT WORMS emerges in a ton of smoke colored by red lights. He breaks the clock over his head, and the glass is still stuck to his head. He does his weird spasm thing. Tazz is enamored with that, and claims to have once had Tourettes. The Boogeyman is from “The Bottomless Pit,” by the way. Boogeyman drools a bit. The regular, non-red lights come up, and Simon tries a sneak attack, but Boogeyman turns to face him as he charges and Simon hilariously flops onto the mat. Simon backs into the corner. “No Boogey no! Good Boogey!” Hahaha. This is fantastically retarded. Simon tries throwing The Boogeyman a Simon System bar. The Boogeyman kicks it away. Now Boogeyman somehow produces some worms while he’s off camera. I swear Simon just said “What the Hell!?” Boogeyman tries to eat them, but half of them fall out of his match when he laughs evilly. He throws some worms at Simon. MY GODDAMNED CABLE GOES OUT! It comes back right as Boogeyman is pinning him for 3. I’m gonna assume he just gave him that Pumphandle Slam. Ok, here’s a replay, and yeah, that’s all he MY GODDAMNED CABLE JUST WENT OUT AGAIN and ok it’s back. Here’s a replay of him eating worms. Sorry Jon Hunt, but I didn’t notice him laughing in synch with his music anywhere.
Commercials. Mars Attacks is on UPN this weekend. How can the Earth defend itself from an ill-tempered schoolgirl with red high-heeled shoes?
European Tour bullshit. Ken Kennedy jumps in while some fan is talking Mexican and yells KENNEDY into his ear which is awesome. Apparently they did a show in Helsinki. Was a certain Hellraiser there?
SLIGHTLY LESS OVERBLOWN, JACKED-UP URKEL-LOOKALIKE is “about to roar into your living room” according to Michael Cole. Here’s footage of Lashley beating up Italian Americans. Cole: “This is one soldier that I would put on the front line!” Cole, you want him to die? His opponent is THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH WHO ACTUALLY, REALLY AND TRULY CARES ABOUT QUEBEC. Gee, I wonder who wins this? Haha, Sylvan has a microphone. “Bobbie! Bobbie Bobbie Bobbie! Let’s be honest for a second. You hear all those screaming women? They came here to see me, not you. Right? Right?” He gives some chick his shades. “They came here to see the most ‘andsome athlete in WWE history! The most beautiful face! The little…French accent.” Ha. “And the BEST BODY EVER!” OMG! “That’s what they came here to see!” Lashley has the mic. “I know what they came here to see. They came to see this!” Lashley picks him up and drops him on his noggin’. Big beal. Sylvan rolls out of the ring. Lashley follows him. Lashley posts him. Both men back in. Sylvan crawls right up to Bobbie’s crotch. Delayed vertical suplex. He does wacky checking his watch pantomimes while Sylvan is up there. Sylvan pitched into the corner. Shoulderblocks. Tazz: “Fugheddaboutit.” Lashley ends up charging into a knee. Missile dropkick by Sylvan for 2. He drops some elbows and stuff. Legdrop. Dumbass clubbing forearms. Kick to the face. Choking. SHADES OF CHRISTIAN. Sylvan with a running kick. Face pulling. No one can be as pretty as Sylvan. Tazz and Cole get bored and start sassing each other. Lashley grabs Sylvan’s foot. Short clothesline. Suplex. Scoop and a slam. He picks him up and rams him into the corner. And, another corner. Backdrop. Tazz: “Lashley just dumped Sylvan!” They were dating? Spinebuster. Tazz: “This barbarian-like man!” Dominator. It’s over. Cole: “How do you beat this guy?” Dude, Sylvan frickin’ Grenier had an extended offensive sequence against him. He’s hardly The Undertaker.
Our Matrix Path of Neo Rewind almost certainly makes no sense and is highly disappointing so I’m not going to pay any attention to it.
Commercials. This video game is about a guy convicted of grand larceny and being sentenced to life as an ultra-violent street cop. Next up we’ll get a video game about a guy who owes another guy money and is sentenced to being his butler.
Even this graphic of Undertaker’s head is stupid and aggravating.
YOU STEPPED OVER THE LINE, TRIPLE H, WHEN YOU REFUSED TO CHOKESLAM RIC FLAIR ONTO EDDIE GUERRERO’S OLD CAR is here. So is SO THIS IS WHERE MY HATED ENEMY MATT HARDY HAS BEEN HIDING. Hooray. And here comes JUNK BOND LEASER with MAYBE I CAN RUIN THE BOOGEYMAN NEXT. What purpose does Gillian Hall or whatever her name is serve anyway? And now, the only babyface in this match (besides Big Show) in I ATTACK (w/COULD YOU SPARE MY FAMILY? and I’D MAKE A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN JACK NICHOLSON) arrives. Rey’s tiny, baby-back ribs are taped up. Shades of a midget dressed as DDP. They’re still using Booyaka 619 instead of his real music, if anyone cares. JBL clubbers away at Kane to start. Fan sign: “KANE.” Nice, creative sign there. JBL tries to smash Kane into the top turnbuckle, but Kane blocks and starts elbowing away. Kane sends JBL to the ropes, but gets big booted. Cole on the RAW bumblefucks: “I wish they’d just go back to RAW.” No kidding. JBL clubbers some more. Stupid shit sets up JBL trying the Clothesline from New York and Kane sliding out of the ring to escape. JBL cheap-shots Big Show while Rey does a flying crotch-attack off the apron. JBL comes off the apron with a forearm for Kane. Kane rolled back in. Both legal men back in. Kane reverses a whip and big boots JBL. Tag to Show. JBL fights both men off. Show reverses a whip, but JBL clips his leg. Rey comes in and drops a leg on Show. JBL goes up top and gets a flying shoulderblock for 1. He signals for the Clothesline from Texas, but Show goozles him. JBL kicks away to escape, but gets headbutted. Tazz: “That farm animal sized head…of Big Show.” Are we talking like a chicken or like a cow here? Tag to Kane, who hammers JBL into the top turnbuckle. JBL sent into another corner. Cover for 2. Kane charges into a boot. Rey tags himself in and runs for the ropes, but Show messes with the ropes and distracts him. Kane with a clothesline that is actually from Hell. JBL attacks Kane. The ref goes to stop him, and apparently poked him in the eye, as JBL rolls out of the ring, sells his eye, and starts to leave. Misterio, hilariously: “BRADSHAW! BRADSHAAAAAAW!” Stay alive, whatever may occur, I WILL find you!
Commercials. Flat Out looks like it would be a guilty pleasure. Seems kind of weird to get points for killing the driver when, dude, the driver is you!
We’re back for boring, boring Big Show offense. The crowd is chanting for Batista as Show knees Rey in the ribs and stands on him and shit. Tag to Kane. Tazz says these guys are like two big tigers with a ball of yarn. FEAR THE TIGERS OF JIANG DONG or wherever these two are from. Kane does offense that is slightly less shitty than Show’s. Tag to Show. Michael Cole notes that both RAW guys are big. Show does a fatvalanche, but nobody is home. Kane misses big boot in such a way that he gets hooked in the ropes. Rey does the mounted punchings. Rey gets pitched onto Kane, but does the unbercontrived bulldog. Show tries a legdrop, but hits Kane. Rey with a springboard crotch attack on Show! Kane climbs into 619 position. Rey dropkicks Show in the legs a few times. Now dropkicking him into 619 position. Cole: “Trying to take the big redwood out of his knees!” There’s a redwood in there? 619 for Kane, 619 for Show. Both men stagger about, so Rey stupidly tries MCFS (or something) but jumps into a double goozle, a double chokeslam, and a loss. Show and Kane continue to attack for whatever reason. Kane gets a chair. They plan to double chokeslam Rey onto it, but MY PIT OF ANGER HAS A BOTTOM SO I GUESS THE BOOGEYMAN IS FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE makes the save. Why he didn’t come out earlier I don’t know. Spinebuster for Kane. Spear (sort of) for Show. Chairshots for everyone. Cole: “That one’s for Misterio!” This one’s for Duke! This one’s for Falcon! This one’s for me! And this one, is for the U, S, A! Here’s some replays.
Final Thoughts: Needed more Boogeyman. I like how The Boogeyman basically does the Taker’s whole schtick as a comedy routine, and they frickin’ highlight it by making him debut shortly after the longest, lamest, most overblown “Prerecorded Taker terrorizes someone with purple and pyro” segment in months.
