I’m gonna try and put together something for Extreme March. This is Extreme March, you know. Rattle off some comics or something, people.
THE HEARTBREAK TRAP is stretching his legs when MARINE ADMIRAL ACKBAR walks up. What stupid, stupid nicknames. This is worse than when Sofa and I had an AIM exchange about “Hell’s Kitchen” that somehow led to Hell’s Nutrition Kitchen being run by Hardcore HELLY. Who dated ECW Vixen Helly Helly. Anyway, Cena offers HBK good luck tonight against Orton (oh God, can they just once remember that they have more than four guys on this show!) and HBK offers Cena luck against Edge (see? See?) Cena then admits that’s he’s a little worried that HBK may betray him. HBK admits that “I’ve turned on all my partners.” Every time you think he’s straight, he turns gay, and every time you think he’s gay…you’re right HAHAHA TAKE THAT BHK I MEAN HBK. HBK: “Look, for whatever reason John, with you, I dunno know…it’s different.” Their relationship is the most specialest. Cena tells HBK he has his back. HBK: “I don’t need your help!” And…whoa, we cut directly to a commercial for my local cable company? What the fuck is going on here, they literally went to commercial as HBK was enunciating the p in help. Now he’s as ad for a local Isuzu dealer. And…now we go to HBK heading to the ring. Hahaha, what the fuck? My local cable company sucks so hard. There’s no way they were supposed to go to break there. Hell, maybe it’s RAW’s fault somehow. Ok, so HBK is in the ring. THE OTHER TWO GUYS ON RAW appear. I shouldn’t make those jokes, as clearly Umaga and Lashley will also appear tonight. Making Lashley, the ECW champion, RAW’s sixth most important regular. Here’s footage of all these same guys fighting last week. This show has ECWitis. Lawler: “I feel a lot of tension between Randy Orton and HBK!” Guess which kind of tension. Orton sends HBK to the ropes and Papa Shangos to get neckbreakered. HBK sends Orton to the ropes and back body drops him. Now he tosses him to the floor. Lawler: “Shawn Michaels pretty much made Randy Orton look like a big idiot last week!” Orton helped. Orton’s head manages to bounce off the announce table as he falls outside. Edge claps for Orton. HBK sends Orton back in. Chops in the corner. A corner whip by HBK, but he charges into a boot. Orton with European uppercuts. Rope-choking. JR refers to Orton’s punching as “high-impact moves.” Orton punches some more. Raking the eyes. Orton sends HBK into the ropes, but Papa Shangos again and gets kneelifted. I guess when Orton does a Papa Shango, it’s more of a Cowboy Bob Orton Junior Shango. Orton takes back over anyway while I amuse myself. HBK ends up on the floor. Let’s go to a real, scheduled break.
Commercials. More RAW Fan Nation idiots. Still, it’s better than the one Warrior nation.
We’re back, and Orton is doing a really shitty Boston Crab. HBK crawls for the ropes. JR talks about how Orton was obnoxious and embarrassing on “Deal Or No Deal,” making me wonder if he really did anything worth seeing. HBK reverses a whip and tries a sleeper, Orton tries to counter with a back suplex, but HBK shifts in the air and lands on top for 2. HBK runs around, teases attacking Edge, but ends up stuck in the ropes for Orton’s hot new move: DDTing a guy who is on the ropes. He even yells first so we know it’s supposed to be a big deal. Orton goes into “stand around gloating, clubber, then stand around gloating some more” mode. Dropkick. Standing around. Kneedrop. Orton covers for 2 a few times. Orton with his trademark melodramatic headlock. HBK gets to his feet and punches out. They chops and clubber back and forth, but HBK ducks whatever and gets a back suplex. Naptime. I can practically hear HBK thinking about kipping up, but deciding to save it for after he hits a desperation flying burrito. Both men up, haha, HBK gets a flying burrito and then kips up. I totally did not cheat there, I was thinking about whether or not he’d kip up before I saw that was next. HBK with the inverted atomic drop. Punch. Scoop and a slam. Going up top, and he’s just as bad as Flair at this point as far as having the exact same match every time goes. Macho Elbow connects. HBK gads about happily. Edge is…asleep, perhaps? Sweet Chin Music attempt, Orton catches and tries for the RKO, HBK shoves him off into the ref, who is KO’d. Orton covers for a million off of a clothesline or something, but there’s no ref. Orton calls for Edge to pass him HBK’s tag title belt, but the ref wakes up and sees them trying to cheat. Orton gets rolled up as he protests his innocence, and that gets HBK the win. Heel beatdown afterwards, with Orton RKOing HBK onto a CHAIR, but Cena rushes out to clear the ring. Lawler and Ross try to tell us there is dissention because Cena didn’t save HBK until after the RKO onto the chair, but shit, he saved exactly as fast as everyone else does. Here’s replays of everything that has ever happened.
Lawler: “We are in store for a special night!” Giovanne will be revealed as the special guest referee tonight.
Commercials. BoDog Fights: Sparta.
Mick Foley and his book. Write another children’s’ book about masked Kane and the Dudleyz.
Here’s replays of Lashley jumping around knocking over cages. I watched ECW and I guess I tuned out right as that happened, which sucks, because that might have totally saved the show.
Vince and Coach will undoubtedly appear a million more times tonight, but they are inexplicably backstage with ARMANDO, ALEJANDRO, ESSSSSTRADA…THAT’S MY NAME (say it in a Finlay voice) but not Umaga. Vince wants to know what Umaga is going to do to Jeff Hardy tonight. Estrada: “Mr. McMahon, jew got nothing, to worry about.” And…he leaves. He’s one of the best talkers they’ve got, and that’s the only line he’s gotten in like three weeks. Vince filibusters at Coach about the Executive Committee or Board of Directors or whichever magical plot point is going to explain an anti-Vince special guest referee. They will “kiss my ass” the same way Coach does. He has advised the board to pick Shane McMahon as the special guest ref, so this will surely happen.
Skittlegasm by JR. I guess this is Jeff’s rematch for the IC title. JR: “Jeff Hardy must indeed be a Rainbow Warrior here tonight to turn back the challenge of this man!” THE RAINBOW WARRIOR ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME is apparently an official nickname for Jeff Hardy now. Well, “Rainbow Warrior” is, not the “are you fucking shitting me” part. Hardy is really raising the gay bar. The Rainbow Warrior is far too violent to hang out with the Care Bears, so maybe he can join the Sailor Starlights to help the Sailor Scouts fight the Sailor Animates. If he can bear being around all those icky girls. Sadly, I can’t confirm that Rainbow Warrior is official, as his WWE.com bio doesn’t use the phrase. Though it does refer to his “emoetry” and the 30 foot “Aluminummy” that guards his house. Jesus, I’m a little frightened of his now. His opponent, accompanied by Estrada, is I BARON BAD-TEMPER FROM THE ISLAND OF UNKINDNESS WILL DESTROY YOUR RAINBOW KINGDOM WITH UNSHARING AND WHATNOT. I’m probably more fond of Umaga at this moment, heading into battle with the Rainbow Warrior, than I have ever been before. Unless you count him helping to moonsault Billy and Chuck at their own wedding. Haha, Umaga goes apeshit over having to touch Hardy and starts randomly pulling up ringside mats and throwing them around. Jeff tries to run around, but Umaga kills him. Umaga misses a corner charge and Jeff flees. Jeff dropkicks Umaga through the ropes. And…again. Now he does some crazy corkscrew flying shit out of the ring. Umaga shoves him towards the stairs, but charges in and eats stairs himself when Jeff evades. Jeff does a flying clothesline off the stairs, goes back inside, and dropkicks Umaga as Umaga comes back into the ring. Running around to set up something else, but Umaga just flattens him with a clothesline. Umaga uses the ropes to do a modified Banzai Drop. Another. JR: “Nothing pretty.” JR’s world is devoid of beauty. Try reading some emoetry. Jeff comes back with his goofy jawbreaker, but runs right into another clothesline. Jeff is tied up in the Tree of Whoa I’m Creepy. JR: “Can you imagine the view that Jeff Hardy has right now?” What are you, jealous JR? He’s looking up at Umaga’s crotch. His Samoan Spike. Umaga runs around getting momentum, and then goes a really goofy looking flying headbutt. Set up for the Face Full of Poi, and…there it is. I have to say, Jeff is my favorite Umaga opponent, because he really throws himself into the flashy, jumpy, jobber offense that Umaga then shrugs off with a clothesline. Samoan Spike, 1 2 3.
Here’s a montage about the Millionaire’s Club verses Hair Club For Men feud.
Commercials. Hey, is this cartoon ad for some ESPN 2 show animated by Robert Smigel? They forgot to pay him to add jokes.
Here’s a montage of “celebrities” commenting on Vince vs Donald. Haha, Howie Mandel is used to explain the concept since he was clearly briefed before the WWE Deal Or No Deal thing. Dr. Drew who was on Loveline when that existed says something about Trump but does not betray any knowledge of who Vince McMahon is. Haha, now Eric Estrada does the exact same thing. Even Mark Cuban never mentions Vince when making stupid wisecracks about bald Trump. Hahaha, this is the topper, now some reporter asks John Travolta who would make a better bald person, Vince McMahon or Donald Trump, and they CUT to him saying “Donald Trump” since his first reaction was almost certainly “Who the Hell is Vince McMahon?” And…that’s it. Howie Mandel, whose comments were probably recorded at the taping of the WWE Deal Or No Deal show, was the only person who even seemed to know who Vince is.
TONIGHT, Melina exists.
Todd Grisham interviews the hot new team of AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS RETIREMENT AWAY. Grisham says they’re “unbeaten as a tag team” HAHAHAHAHA. 1-0 baby, take that Cade and Murdoch! But tonight, good friends better enemies, as they will face off to be the final monkey in the bank. I honestly have no idea who has qualified on Smackdown. Flair: “Two of us walks out, one walks out!”
Vince talks to Shane on the cell phone. Vince tells Coach about the exciting intricacies of Board of Director politicking. It’s a dramatic battle between those who want to account for stock options and similar equity instruments using the fair value method as prescribed by FASB Statement No. 123 and their bitter rivals who favor the intrinsic value based method described in APB Opinion No. 25. Vince: “Did anybody ever tell you that, you and Trump resemble each other?” Slow zoom on a picture of bald Trump OH I GET IT HUHR HUHR.
Commercials. This caveman really needs to stop using this airport if that ad is going to continue to upset him.
THAT’S SOME GUY’S HAND, NOT A SPARKLER is already in the ring, setting up a chair for the Masterlock Challenge. Can anyone seriously explain to me why these things are still going on? Seriously, do they think anyone cares who breaks it now? It’s been broken “unofficially” almost as many times as people have gotten out of the Anglelock. It’s dead. I WILL BREAK THE MASTERLOCK FOR MY GOOD BUDDY EUGENE is out. Looking…like an old man who used to be in shape a long time ago. Ross talks about how similar Duggan is, as a veteran, to Lawler, and Lawler understandably doesn’t agree. Duggan yells argumentatively and incoherently before switching to “USA, USA!” Way to stick it to that dirty foreigner Chris Masters. We get the prototypical Masterlock segment…sold, teased escape, sold, passing out. FROM BOREDOM HAHA. Eh. Did I remember to ask why they’re still doing these?
Vince walks.
Commercials. Ballerinas reach into some dude’s pants while The King smiles.
Earlier tonight, Shawn and Cena talked. Funny, in this replay, HBK says he doesn’t need help, and then they stare at each other instead of cutting to a Cox Cable ad.
HBK goes up to Cena backstage, and they…um…mouth at each other. The audio is out. It comes back in time for Cena to tell HBK he doesn’t need HBK’s help. IT’S A SWITCHEROO!
CHAIRMAN OF THE BORED HAHA BOX OFFICE POISON is Vince, who is out for the actual plot segment of the night. After sucking in the heel heat, Vince tells us next week Trump will make his biweekly (semiweekly?) appearance and get “billionaire bitchslap”ped. Not even close to proper MLA formatting there. I’M BACK, BETTER THAN EVER, SOMETHING SOMETHING, MAKING THINGS BETTER invades? Eric calms Vince by telling him that he (Eric) is not the special guest referee. Eric Bischoff: “I just happen to live in Phoenix.” Haha, he gets a cheap pop for that. Eric reveals that Eric fired him and humiliated him and stuff. I thought the last time we saw Eric, he was GM for a Night feuding with DX? Bischoff gets another cheap pop, then tells Vince he and all of Phoenix is going to enjoy watching Donald Trump shave his head.” Vince: “Well I mean, somebody from Phoenix, how bout the Phoenix Suns come out here, tell me what they think, how bout I get out here and interview each and every one of you, find out what you think, huh?” Hahaha, he has a point. It’s nice to see real world logic occasionally applied in wrestling world, where anyone with theme music can make it spontaneously play and walk out and address the crowd for no reason at any time. Remember when Edge came out to pimp “Adam Copeland On The Edge” during a Christian match, and claimed “I’m sure Christian doesn’t mind, I had some nice things to say about him in the book.” You don’t? Oh. Vince wants to know who the guest referee is, and GREATEST GENERATION MY ASS, WINSTON CHURCHILL WAS A PUNK comes out, in his horrible yet great referee shirt. Vince looks shocked, but quickly composes himself and pretends to be happy to see Foley. Vince: “The wisdom that the board has, it’s amazing. But Mick, let me say just one thing and that is, God you look great…how are the kids?” Heh. Mick: “Isn’t it ironic Vince, isn’t it ironic that when I last left here I was kissing your ass, and now seven months later you’re in the same very ring kissing mine.” Vince tries bribery. Mick wants his old job back. Vince agrees. Fan sign: “Ed is fluffy.” Mick wants “unlimited access for me to come and gratuitously plug that book now and then.” Vince agrees. Mick wants Vince to pay for his hotel bill so the pornos he rented will go away. Eh. Vince shakes his hand. And honestly, until Vince started to announce Mick as the special referee at Wrestlemania and I realized Mick had never actually said that, I was seriously thinking that maybe Austin had flaked out on them again and this was the back-up plan. Indeed, Mick corrects Vince, and says he’s in his referee shirt to “referee…a special rib-eating contest between Charles Barkley and the Phoenix Gorilla at my friend’s restaurant, right here, in Phoenix Arizona!” Haha. CHRIS JERICHO SENT ME FOR STEPHANIE MCMAHON is the Phoenix Gorilla, who runs in from the crowd. He shakes Vince’s hand (against Vince’s will) and Vince is left staring at his hand in disbelief before screaming “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING!” Hahaha. I’m actually enjoying this, oddly enough. Mick and the Monkey (possibly in a bank) leave together. HERE COMES THE MONKEY, HERE COMES THE MONKEY is actually Shane McMahon. Vince marks out hilariously and starts trying to dance like Shane. Or, rather like Shane would normally dance, as Shane himself has the perfect look of “oh shit Dad is not gonna like this” on his face. And we cut back to Vince, completely oblivious and dancing like a buffoon. Shane wants Vince to come with him, but Vince insists Shane come into the ring. Shane explains to Vince that the board voted against them, but the crowd is already alternating between “3:16” chants and “Austin” chants. Vince demands to be told who it is. Shane whispers into his ear. Vince reacts as you’d expect. Some glass breaks, and here’s I GOTTA HURRY HOME AND FEED SCOTT HALL. Haha, he I think he almost tripped on the ring steps, which would have been the funniest thing in the history of the goddamned world. He has a new wifebeater that says “ARRIVE. RAISE HELL. LEAVE.” McMahon offers a timid handshake, but Austin just smirks at him and calls for beer. Offering one to Vince, but then pulling it away. Shane wisely leaves as Austin wanders around spilling tons of beer and drinking…well, I’m some of it got into his mouth. Now Vince is trying to leave, and Austin finally seems to acknowledge him. By…spraying beer on Vince and Shane (who didn’t get that far.) I guess no Stunnar until Mania, though JR and Lawler try to play this up as being just as big a deal.
Commercials. I disapprove of this fruity teen bop music in this Major League Baseball 2K7 ad. As Super Asia could tell you.
Moments ago, BEER BASH BY THE RATTLESNAKE MY GAWD KING!
Foley is walking along with the Phoenix Gorilla, reading him a passage from his book. This serves as a good excuse for ROB VAN DAMN to appear and say “Damn.”
Lillian introduces special guest ring announcer Ashley, but if I’m not going to introduce Lillian I may as well not introduce Ashley. The actual match is a Falls Count Anywhere (Even, Lawler notes, in his lap, woohoo,) for the Women’s Title. Here’s footage of Mickie losing the title by trying a fancy hurricanrana and Litaing herself. She’s like a Fake Lita. SOMEONE COSPLAYING AS SAILOR JUPITER is thus the challenger this week. I thought about having her be accompanied by somebody cosplaying as Freddie, but nobody knows what Freddie looks like so that’s a real cosplaying challenge. JR describes Melina as “a real barracuda.” And here is the defending champion, SO THIS AIN’T THE END, I SAW YOU AGAIN TODAY, HAD TO TURN MY HEART AWAY. I know I just mentioned Super Asia, but I may have just spooked him into thinking Heart references are going to be a running gag with Melina. Melina poses too much at ringside, and gets baseball slide dropkicked. Bunches o’ punches by Mickie on the floor, but Melina fights back and tosses Mickie into the railing. Melina flat out runs to the back, and Maria chases her. I mean Mickie. Damn, I’m gonna do that like ten times before this is over. Melina throws a trash can in Mickie’s general direction, but Mickie still manages to knock her across some backstage table so they can roll around screaming. Mickie throws Melina face-first into a door, but Melina kicks her off long enough to open the door and try to bolt through. Guess where it leads? The Divas Lockerroom. Sigh. Oh great, Maria is in there, in red lingerie, and Torrie too is in her undies. Because when the Divas aren’t scheduled to do anything, they just sit around wearing uncomfortable, impractical underwear. Well, I assume Maria’s involved outfit with the garters and stuff is uncomfortable, but I don’t actually have any experience wearing that sort of thing. LET THIS BOLDFACED NICKNAME ENCOMPASS ALL THE HALF-DRESSED BIMBOS WHO WILL MAKE CAMEOS IN THIS MATCH. Mickie tries to cover Melina a few times, and everybody is just screaming for no reason. Victoria shows up and attax Mickie, but for some reason Torrie cares one way or the other and uses hairspray to blind Victoria. Remember, if you ever face Victoria in the Naughty Sorceress’ Tower, use hair spray. Candice now appears, in a towel, because apparently she just got out of the shower. She loves to take showers during RAW when she hadn’t done anything on the show. Melina goes to pull off her towel, and the camera cuts to black so we think there’s extreme naked sexayness happening. We get the feed back in time to see Candice pretending to cover her nakedness, and…uh, she’s pretty clearly wearing flesh-colored underwear. I always wear flesh-colored underwear when I shower. At work. The picture goes back to black, and now the crowd is booing. Not for the reason they should be, though.
Commercials. Some dentist tells us the he likes HBK, and likes to see people’s teeth get kicked out. What kind of dentist are you? And…I can’t think how to tie in Dr. Isaac Yankem, so I’m just gonna move on.
I should note that at no point has Lawler ever been more convincing and genuine in his acting than when he was pretending Dr. Isaac Yankem was not only a real dentist but was also totally going to destroy Bret Hart.
I feel like such a schlub. I actually thought last week when they announced a Falls Count Anywhere match for the Women’s Title that it might be a real showcase match for Mickie and Melina. We’re back, and the two young ladies are rolling around on the entrance ramp. Back in the ring, Melina slams Mickie’s face into the mat a few times before Mickie fights back with punches. Hairpull biels by Mickie. Mickie with…a Perfectplex!? It gets a long 2. Mickie with shoulderblocks in the corner. Melina tries to climb up top, but Mickie follows her. Slamming her head into the corner post, punching, and…trying to set up a hurricanrana…but she TOTALLY blows it, crashing down hard and landing on her head while Melina didn’t move an inch. Ouch. Melina hops down and covers for 3, and…it’s the same ending as last time. I’m not at all sure that that was how this was supposed to end. For some reason Ashley is holding the Women’s Title, and Melina yanks it away from her and jaws at her. Ashley shoves her down and goes into the ring to check on Mickie. And…Ashley’s music plays. As Melina celebrates with her title and JR tells us how gutsy Mickie is for getting up after that nasty spill, Ashley’s music plays. Sigh.
Commercials. It’s just weird to me that Marky Mark is a serious actor now.
It’s time for the ultimate final supreme Monkey in the Bank qualifying match. MAN DESCENDED FROM MONKEYS I KNOW I WAS THERE is facing his good friend JESUS TOLD ME THAT’S A LIE. Speaking of Jesus, apparently MTV is going to show a marathon of taped but unaired WSX episodes to get it over with. So I may try to tape that, for posterity. Carlito is accompanied by Torrie, who got some clothes on. Flair sends Carlito into the ropes, Carlito shoulderblocks him down, and covers for 2. Carlito powers Ric into the corner and does some shoulderblocks. Punches, kicks, but Flair chops his way back. Chops and punches in the corner by Flair. Carlito reverses a corner whip, and back body drops Flair on the rebound. Cover for 2. Dropkick by Carlito, and another cover for 2. Carlito stomps away on his bestest ever friend who didn’t stab anyone in the kidneys. Carlito looking for a vertical suplex, gets it, and covers for 2. Chops by Carlito in the corner. JR keeps track of which arm Carlito is using so he can scream about southpaw power when appropriate. Carlito wants the ten-count-punchalong, but Flair takes him out of the corner with an inverted atomic drop. Flair with some chops. Rolling Kneedrop. Modified ninja chokeout by Naitch. But then he realizes that’s boring and pulls Carlito up. Carlito gets sent to the ropes, but does his springboard back elbow. Looking for an in-ring Asai moonsault, but Flair rolls clear. Carlito lands on his feet, but sells jamming his knee as WHY DOESN’T VINCE LOVE ME invades. Khali. Flair chop-blocks Carlito anyway, hahaha, I have to assume Khali’s music hit a little early or Flair would have realized he and Carlito TEAMING UP was their only chance. Khali comes down and casually destroys both guys, so I guess he has more heart than they do. And passion. Flair tries to take it to Khali, but gets shoved off. Poor Carlito is selling the chop-block and never really gets a chance to fight back. Carlito gets tossed out of the ring, and Flair eats the lifting choke-toss which is Khali’s finisher, I guess. So…does Khali go to Monkey in the Bank? He could just reach up and grab the contract without a ladder HE’S A MILLION FEET TALL KING! Khali gets a mic, and says “I WANT KANE!” Kane, he’s declared his intentions, but don’t be too eager, play hard to get a little first, make him work for it girl!
Commercials. Boring.
Earlier tonight, the McMahon stuff.
LIVE TOMORROW ON SCI-FI STONE COLD! Haha, wow, this graphic never mentions ECW, just Live, Sci-Fi, and Stone Cold. DO YOU THINK HE’LL TALK THIS TIME MY GAWD!
Our newest Hall of Fame entrant is Nick Bockwinkel. My memories of Bockwinkel consist of him as a meaningless figurehead commissioner-type in the mold of Jack Tunney, only in NWA. And I can’t imagine that’s why he’s in the Hall of Fame, so let’s move on.
Backstage, Edge asks Orton if Orton has his back. Orton says he has a meeting with Coach (to write him into Monkey in the Bank, probably) and therefore he can’t hang out during Edge’s match. Edge is all “zuh?” Orton: “I ain’t gonna lie to you Edge, I ain’t gonna lie to you like Cena and Shawn lie to each other, I ain’t gonna do that man I’m better than that, but I’m gonna tell you right now, I simply don’t have your back.” Dramatic pause. “I don’t have your back.” JR: “My Gawd, there’s trouble all over paradise!”
Commercials. Some sweaty guy attacks with Fallout Boy.
Something is up, because TRADITION BLOWS is out first because tradition blows. Just ask him and he’ll spin his bely. Haha, I meant belt, but misspelling belly also works. This is non-title, but Edge should still come out first. Wait, why are M²N doing coming out now? Mercury still has the Mankind mask, too. Here comes I’M UP TO SOMETHING FISHY, who is up to something fishy. Edge: “Cena, I am so ready to kick the Hell out of you right now! But I’m also a huge civil rights activist, and Arizona happens to be one of the last states that recognized Martin Luther King Day. I’m Canadian, I’m colorblind, so I can’t perform in front of these bigots!” Hahaha. The southwest does have a bit of a reputation for that sort of thing, but how bad can it be? nik kat loves Black people. Edge: “Oh yeah it’s true, yeah, unfortunately for you, Johnny Nitro’s great-great-grandmother happens to be Black! And he demanded…SHUT UP! And Johnny Nitro demanded to beat you down tonight! Go get ‘em Nitro, go get ‘em!” Fantastic. Just ask Melina…once you go .0004% Black, you never go back. I’m in a hurry to finish, so…let me just say we don’t really get a match, as after about two minutes, Edge and Mercury rush in and Nitro gets Dairy Queened and Cena gets beaten down. THE PERFECT PARTNER starts to run down the aisle, but then he has a Mr. Perfect moment of wondering if Macho Man/Cena is worth the fuss and starting to walk back to the back. But then the crowd warms his heart with lunar love power and he runs the heels off. More sexy staring between Cena and HBK takes us out.
Final Thoughts: I enjoyed the whole guest ref announcement more than I thought I would because I decided to loosen up and let myself enjoy Foley’s stupid jokes and McMahon’s overacting. The rest of the show was just stuff to fill out the two hours, so no complaints, I guess.
