I don’t know when I’m gonna rebeak RAW anymore; my schedule doesn’t fit it at all. Not that it fits any of the other shows any better.
The “Ain’t nobody wanna read bout no Negroes in space” episode of DS9 was on today. A startling coincidence, because one of the academic buildings at ODU is the Avery Somethingorother building. The somethingorother started with B, so I honestly thought it was Brooks for a second and had to restrain myself from yelling about the Prophets.
I just saw this banner ad asking “What do you want to be?” and listing occupations you could train for. First was “Accountant,” second was “Bounty Hunter.” Damn, if I’d put off going back to school a little longer, I could have been the next Gally “Vanish” Gregman.
Haha, that reminded me of the red hot Playstation action classic “Evil Zone” for the first time in forever. Go to this site and listen to Clip 1 and Clip 6, at the very least.
I’m such an idiot. Inspired by those very clips, I just bought a used copy of that game on Amazon, and spent as much on shipping as I did for the shitty but hilarious game. Thank you SO MUCH “What do you want to be?” banner ad. It now occurs to me Super Asia may actually have a copy discarded by a previous owner.
Ok, let’s get on with this.
Last night (read: several days ago) DX and Team RKO almost killed each other, but didn’t quite make it, damn it. Triple H’s knee ate a boat. HBK killed a ref because he’s an asshole. JR: “DX has beaten Rated RKO with steel chairs like a government mule!” Who beats government mules with steel chairs? Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. Nice bowtie, guy who is helping Triple H walk. Hope no piledrivers tonight.
I just want to be loved, is that so wrong? He’s very wicked.
Tonight, Donald Trump vs Rosie O’Donnell. At least that’s what this graphic says. This is going to suck.
I PUT 30 SKILL POINTS INTO MY CLOAK OF SHADOWS TECHNIQUE is still the champ. And yes, I am making Diablo 2 jokes in 2007. Fan sign: “U CAN’T C ME!” Why not “U CAN’T C I?” Fan sign: “WWE is STL.” Stupid Trashy…Lame. THAT’S RIGHT I SAID IT. Cena, as solemnly as HBK might tell us he used Cocky to satisfy himself: “The champ, is here.” He tells us what “yanks” his “noodle.” Cena teases telling us he whooped Umaga’s ass, but shockingly admits that he got his ass kicked and still won. Cena tells us Estrada called last night a fluke over on WWE.com, and suggests a rematch. Cena: “I don’t know if I’m in any decision to make championship matches on my behalf.” He gets some cheap local heat. He asks the crowd what they think. They chant “Cena” because Saint Louis apparently blows. EXECUTIVE TRANSVESTITE comes out and declare that Umaga has “the night off.” Cena ain’t fooled, and asks that Coachman at least not let Umaga jump him in the shower. Coachman declares that at the end of the year, contracts expire, and he signed over a new superstar to face Cena. Jesus Christ, it’s THE GREAT KHALI CAUSES ME TO FEEL THE GREAT DEPRESSION. Apparently I’m Starfire. BUTWAIT, he was on ECW last night! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Khali comes out and is tall. Staredown by Khali, stareup by Cena. Cena removes his hat, which is supposed to be exciting. Khali leaves. Great segment.
Didn’t everyone think Khali would be fired by now?
Rosie vs Trump montage. Seriously, who cares about this stuff? POOPING MY OWN PANTS WAS A MOMENT OF COMPARATIVE DIGNITY is backstage, staring at a camera and looking crazy. He talks about legendary matches in the history of sports entertainment (all WWF/E, of course) and says that the “Brash Billionaire” versus the “Left-Leaning Lesbian” will be no different. I guess when he mentioned Bruno Sammartino vs “Superstar” Billy Graham, he was referring to a horrible Sammartino impersonator versus a horrible Graham impersonator in some match I must have missed. Not that I saw the real match.
Commercials. This RAW already hurts.
Vince has…Todd Grisham bring in a Fudgie the Whale cake. A VERY UNCONVINCING ROSIE O’DONNEL IMPERSONATOR appears. The cake is for her. She says “he’s my Fudgie” a few times. She eats it because she’s fat. She’s like a fat, female Vince McMahon’s Priest. Father Frank, I’m told. Vince tries to eat some of the cake, but she snarls. I hear a faint “TNA” chant.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! is Jeff Hardy. Nickname courtesy of some guy who was oddly close to the mic. That was almost as weird as that one guy responding to Kane. Here’s footage of New Year’s Resolution, where Jeff Hardy defeated Johnny Nitro, the only non-Rob Conway guy he can ever defeat. Though I’m about to be proved wrong as I BEAT RIC FLAIR 20 TIMES, IN A STARTLING COINCIDENCE is out and this match is for the title. God, I hope I’m about to be proved wrong, anyway. JR: “If Kenny can win this match, he’d be the youngest Intercontinental champion ever, at the tender age of twenty!” Lockup, Jeff gets Kenny in the corner, but Kenny shoves him. Kenny with knees and clubbering. Jeff floats out of the corner and does…Hardy stuff. Fancy dropkick to the chest. Kenny bails. Baseball slide dropkick (JR: “Very aggressive baseball slide!” Muhammad!) Jeff with a plancha. JR: “Hardy crashing, but did he burn?” And…we’re going to break? The Rosie sketch was longer than the first part of this match, including introductions.
Commercials. That one fan screamed “HARDY!” really loudly and passionately as we went to break. It’s clearly a guy too. Creepy.
We’re back, and Kenny is going for an Ortonesque, overly dramatic ninja chokeout. During the break, Jeff got shoved off the top into the security railing. Jeff sends Kenny to the ropes, but Papa Shangos and gets neckbreakered. Kenny with…repeated short clotheslines. The traditional set-up for repeated DDTs. Kenny does more stuff and covers for 2 a few times. Back to the ninja chokeout. Jeff with a jawbreaker. He runs around and does jumpy clotheslines. Kenny reverses a whip, but eats Whyspyr yn thy Wynd. It gets it’s contractually obligated 2. Lawler claims that didn’t get the win because Jeff is hurt, which makes NO SENSE since that wouldn’t affect the impact of the move and he never wins with it anyway. Jeff wants the Twist of Fate, but Kenny shoves him off. IN HOLLYWOOD STORIES NEVER END, THEY JUST GET SEQUELS is Nitro, who appears at ringside because no feud on RAW can ever just end ever. Jeff is thus distracted, but IN CAVEMANLAND, STORIES NEVER END, WE JUST ADD TO THE CAVE PAINTING (OH YEAH AND EVEN WE CAN USE GEICO.COM) is Ric Flair, who appears and low-blows Kenny because RAW storylines are eternal. Let’s job Flair to Kenny a million more times, it will totally get Kenny over. Jeff gets the Twist on Kenny, then a Swanton for 3. JR: “At least he knows it was Ric Flair, and not Mickey Wilson!” Who the fuck is Mickey Wilson?
Fake Rosie is walking along and eating. She sees the “Diva’s Locker Room.” She smiles, and goes inside. Lawler: “Wait a minute, this means Rosie’s…a diva?” I DUNNO LET’S FIND OUT TOGETHER UH-HYUCK!
Commercials. RAW has to be the worst show on television right now. Seriously. Well, scratch that, it’s not as bad as the Headline News morning show.
Last nigh, Triple H died. Seriously. Here he is at a hospital, being brought back to life. Look at how serious Lawler is. Shades of him and Coach competing over who was more saddened by JR’s muppet being set ablaze.
Maria and Candice Michelle are with Fake Rosie. She keeps staring at their breasteses. Lesbianism is almost as intrinsically hilarious as Jim Ross’s colon surgery. After Rosie leaves, Maria says something dumb, and Candice Motherfucking Michelle has to be the smart one in the sketch.
Todd “No Nickname” Grisham is going to interview THE GREAT BIG NIPPLES OF KHALI, who has huge nipples. But first, we see a montage of Khali beating up Taker, Dreamer, and various Velocibabies. Back to the backstage area. Khali speaks Hindi, or maybe he isn’t, I don’t really care. The fans “what” him, because this is a very “what”able show.
Here’s another montage about Rosie and Donald. Trump: “When you look at her, and you see the mind, the mind is weak.”
Victoria and Melina walk.
Commercials. I like how when the WWE wants to incorporate any real world personality with a price tag higher than Kevin Federline’s, they never so much as bat an eye at using shitty impersonators and thus rendering the whole thing completely pointless.
THEY ARE FEMALE, 23 YEARS OLD…BAD get separate entrances, surprisingly. Their opponents are STUPIDER THAN CANDICE MICHELLE and IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? That’s Maria and Mickie James, since Candice never does anything. Except be smarter than Maria. JR: “I bet sweet little Maria likes Skittles!” We learn that Mickie is still the women’s champion, despite attempted interference by Melina at the ppv. Mickie dominates Melina, sends her to the corner, and tags in Maria. Face Full of Vagina. Melina fights her off and tags in Victoria. Victoria…whoa, going for a hangwoman’s neckbreaker, but Maria flips over and attacks. Victoria knocks her down anyway, then smacks Mickie on the apron. Tag to Melina, who gives Maria shoulderblocks. JR: “Maria the lust experienced of all four of these ladies in this match.” Lawler: “Did you say the lust experienced?” Yes. JR: “Less. Least, I should say.” Just give up on the whole talking thing, JR. Melina with a headscissors. Melina attacks Maria on the apron too. Victoria comes in for some doubleteaming. Mickie James runs in. Melina puts Mickie in a full nelson (YOU WILL BE CHOKED OUT BY HER MELINALOCK) so Victoria can attack, and that ends the way it always does. Maria rolls Melina up to end the pain. Oh wait, Melina kicked out. Victoria sent outside, and Mickie jumps on her. JR: “Louise Thesz Press!” Haha, wow, that was actually pretty funny. Meanwhile, Melina does a really sloppy rip-off of Stratusfaction using the corner ropes instead of…non-corner ropes, and gets the win. Lawler: “I think she calls that the Extreme Makeover!” I’ve heard worse names. Haha, Melina makes faces at Mickie while doing the “talk talk talk” pantomime.
Meanwhile, A VERY UNCONVINCING DONALD TRUMP IMPERSONATOR has hilarious, no really, hilarious hair. You think I’m kidding? No way. His hair is great. I love it. He is referred to as “The Donald.” By Starfire.
Not really, the hair is great. Very funny.
Commercials. Jared and Cena do a wacky ad for Subway. Abbott and Costello, eat your rotting, zombie hearts out. Then meet Dracula, who is a good wrestler. The movie is called Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, but they also meet Dracula in that movie so shut up.
Wrestlemania Recall. Goldberg versus Leznar. Won by Austin. You’d kill to have any of these shitheads back in WWE, wouldn’t you Vince?
I CAME FOR TRUMP VS ROSIE!! is Vince. Nickname courtesy of a tiny fan sign, the only one they could find for this, I’m sure. Probably a plant. Damn you’re evil, Knives. Considering how much Vince is enjoying this and how it’s impossible anyone else is enjoying it and therefore all enjoyment of this in the universe is concentrated in Vince McMahon, maybe Vince really will cum for Trump vs Rosie. JR: “Only Mister McMahon can…” Long pause. Lawler: “Put together a match like this, is that what you’re trying to say?” I think he’s trying not to say “think this is a good idea.” McMahon handles the introductions for this “match.” He makes fat jokes for Fake Rosie. “Lesbianic fury.” HUHR HUHR FOOD TIME ALSO ME LESBIAN has wacky music. Fake Rosie very slowly heads to the ring. “Rosie Fears Jenny Craig” sign. Nice to see someone in the crowd is on Vince’s level. Mostly the crowd is silent, but there are some boos. We get a close-up of someone doing a thumbs-down, because they are the most engaged person in the arena. Vince now introduces THE DONALD (“DUCK” DUNN). I’d way prefer Donald “Duck” Dunn, actually. I believe he’s the one who says “A, good country key.” Fake Trump has that “money money money money money…mon-aaaay” song. They paid royalties for this guy, but won’t pay for the music that magically made people care about The Sandman. Fake Trump touches his own hair a great deal. The fakes get in each other’s (fake) faces and yell (fakely.) I hope they use lots of paintbrushes in this match. There’s the bell. Fake Rosie calls for a timeout, then goes outside and…eats some of a cake that was on the announce table for some reason. Is someone chanting “We want tables?” I guess Fake Rosey doesn’t look entirely unlike Brother Raye (w/Brothers Chad and Grandpa.) I wonder what would happen if Brothers Chad and Grandpa met two Brother Cavils in mortal combat? Sorry. I’m not especially interested in this match, you see. Everyone circles for forever. Lockup, and Fake Rosie shoves Fake Trump down. Fake Trump yells about his hair. The crowd is booing. Lockup again, and the same thing happens. “This match sucks” chant. I remember once critiquing a Scott Keith Rant about some shitty payperview where Trips fought Scott Steiner, and Keith kept going on about how the crowd had turned on the match. And I figured Mr. “Oh God A Chinlock Death To You All” was smarkily projecting his workrate frustrations onto the crowd. But in this case, I am hearing the chants as clear as can be. Fake Trump takes off his fake jacket. Another lockup, and Fake Trump gets a fake headlock. Fake Rosie sends him to the fake ropes and fake shoulderblocks him. Fake Trump hits the ropes again, and the same thing happens. Booing. Fake Trump hits the ropes, and Fake Rosie…actually does a passable Lou Thesz Press. The crowd seems surprised, but then quiet. Fake Rosie pulls Fake Trump down by the hair. And again. She does fake Hogan poses. Lawler: “She’s mocking the Hulk but she looks more like the Bulk!” Go smash some watermelons, funnyman. “Boring” chant. More posing. Fake Rosie smashes Fake Trump into the fake turnbuckles. Loud “TNA” chant. Fake Trump no-sells due to his wacky hair. Headbutts. Fake Trump lifts Fake Rosey for a slam, but falls over backwards, har har. It gets 2. Damn it, that could have ended it. Fake Rosie misses a fake splash. Fake Trump leaves and grabs them cakes. Fake cakes. Fake Trump: “Come on fatty! Come on fatty!” Fake Trump hits her with the cake. “We want wrestling” chant. Fake Trump goes up top for Fake Air Canada. Ross and Lawler act like Fake Trump’s fake Trump hair being used as a weapon is the highest achievement in the history of the art form called comedy. The hairbutt connects, for a fake 3. Let us never speak of this again. Vince looks to see if Lilian Garcia at least is laughing, and she actually is. JR: “Havin’ some fun here tonight!” Who is?
Match graphics. Khali is as many feet tall as Kenny is years old, I think.
Commercials. You know, the Angus Invitation match pitting Team Rocket against Brok Leznar had more credible wrestling than that, and it featured Meowth using Paydirt or Payoff or whatever that one move is called.
“The Marine” on DVD ads. I forgot his name was “John Trytan.” I wish he looked like that gargoyle guy Evil Jon told me might be Trytan.
I SPIT IN THE FACE OF CAREER ADVANCEMENT will be wrestling Chris Masters for the rest of his life. He lost at the ppv? Christ. Why? I WILL CHOKE YOU OUT WITH SHEER BORINGNESS may be worse than Lex Luger. I’m not commenting on Luger’s drug use or Elizabeth killing, I just mean they’re similar in terms of “Fellow Guys Who Posed A Lot And Sucked.” Is boringness a word? My spellchecker seems ok with it. JR says Masters is strong, “I just wouldn’t want him doing my taxes.” Yeah, because while most professional wrestlers could pass a pop CPA exam no problem, but Master’s might struggle with the sum-of-the-years-digits method of calculating depreciation expenses on property, plant, and equipment type assets. Brawling. Carlito takes over with a chop. Masters reverses a whip (horribly) but eats some flying crossbody crap out of the corner. Carlito doubles Masters over with a kick, but kneelifts him instead of flameassering him of something. Masters gets a press slam to take over. Stomping. UM COULD ONE OF YOU GUYS HELP ME DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I OWE INCOME TAX ON THESE STOCK DIVIDENDS? is Torrie Wilson, duh. Actually, depreciation expense isn’t especially relevant to income tax accounting, even for businesses. You need to determine it, but it’s not really closely tied to tax. I should have made a joke about determining which unforeseen disasters count as extraordinary items that are deducting from net income before taxes are determined. Sorry if I ruined your enjoyment of the rebeak with that thoughtless depreciation joke. Speaking of depreciation, Carlito sure is boring now. JR, on Torrie: “Carlito’s…special friend!” Lawler: “She’s special in every way!” Feud with Eugene coming up. Masters whips Carlito into various corners because he is a horrible wrestler. Masters clubbers Carlito on the back. BEAR HUG AWESOME. Carlito elbows out, but runs into a powerslam. Masters puts the bearhug back on. YOU ARE TERRIBLE. Masters reverses a whip (because Carlito got out) and just elbows Carlito down. Masters stops to yell at Torrie, and gets dropkicked out of the ring. Torrie hits Masters (haha, on the ASS) with the ringbell. Carlito gets the Arch Deluxe for the win. WHAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF MASTERS WINNING AT THE PAY PER VIEW?
RDKXO montage. Why do they keep quoting that awful line about Frosted Mini-Wheats? As bad as it makes me sound to say it, were it not for Triple H being legitimately injured in that match, it sounds like it would have been as pathetic and one-sided a jobbing out of Edge and Orton as possible. Here come SURVIVLA TOBITAS, limping to the ring to gloat. We’re going to break. Before anyone can get mad at me for equating these guys to Survival (or Survivla) Tobita.
Commercials. Yawn.
JR: “I’m anxious to hear what these two have to say!” I’m glad somebody is. Randy Orton…Jesus, he introduces footage of DX talking. Triple H yells about how much DX was going to beat up Team RKO. He leads a destructive life. Randy talks a lot. Randy: “BUTT! BUTT!” He was actually saying “but,” but my way is funnier NOWAIT BUTT MY WAY IS FUNNIER HAHAHA! Randy brags about Trips getting hurt. Randy: “Oh sure he was in pain and he pushed, and he pushed himself, while in being in such intense amount of pain, but through that last gasp of adrenaline, that last outpour, that outcry for energy, uh, he, he…” Edge even looks a little confused. Edge brags about how Team RKO did what the Spirit Squad, the Big Show, and the McMahons could not do. Sure, but could you guys book a Rosie O’Donnell impersonator versus a Donald Trump impersonator? Edge books Team RKO versus HBK next week. Edge: “DX is on life-support. Next week, we’re gonna pull the plug. Next week, DX will finally be dead.” OH MAN I HAVE A BAD HISTORY WITH LIFE-SUPPORT is HBK. His entrance is “Are you ready?” but without any music. His nickname refers to Michael and I obsessing over a stretcher job he did once during his feud with Owen where the fake EMTs put his oxygen mask on wrong. HBK is all serious (is he about to tell us he satisfied himself with Cocky?) and sucks up to Saint Louis. HBK doesn’t know if this is the end of DX or not. “Triple H” chant. HBK promises to be by HHH’s side during the surgery. Whispering “you can do this, honey” and helping him with his rhythmic breathing exercises. HBK promises to deal with Team RKO next week.
Commercials. I hate finishing these things on Friday.
Our Hitcher Hitch of the Hitcher is last night’s tag team turmoil, won by Cryme Tyme.
B-SQUARED are here. Already in the ring are LET’S GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND JOB TO ONE-LEGGED TRIPLE H. Hey, maybe one-legged Triple H and Stephanie can adopt Zack Gowen. It makes sense. Shad starts with Cade. Cade is taller than Shad, so how is it that he’s a jobber? Shad shoulderblocks Cade, and haha, Murdoch is all close to a mic, so we hear him yelling at the crowd: “What the Hell is that!? Don’t you dare cheer that!” Shad kills Murdoch too. Shad punches Cade some more. JTG punches Cade. Shad hits Cade. Cover. Murdoch breaks it up, and attacks JTG. Everyone mills about and the ref yells. Cade rips off Shad’s shirt. Tag to Murdoch. Cade yells “Double!” SPOT-CALLING OMG. They…cooperatively throw Shad into their own corner some. JTG pulls the turnbuckle cover off his corner turnbuckle, and makes a big show of shhhhhing the crowd. Cade, or possibly Murdoch: “WE’RE THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS!” Haha, right. Cade got tagged in at some point. JR: “I’ve got a really good feeling that Cade and Murdoch are gonna go far.” Murdoch bought Cade some roses and rented a hotel room. You’re not funny, JG. JTG eventually gets tagged in does dropkicks. Almost dropsaults. Big back body drop for Murdoch, who got tagged in at some point. JTG does a one-foot missile dropkick, and dances. Floating out of the booby-trapped corner, Murdoch stops before hitting it, but JTG fakes a leg injury to distract the ref while Shad rams Murdoch into the exposed ADAMANTIUM. JTG covers for 3. Shit, he never gets to win.
Commercials. “The Mummy Returns” is the USA Character Road Trip movie, and they don’t mention the Rock. Part of me wants to wonder and speculate about this, but that part of me is quite tiny.
WWE 24/7 Presents This Week in Wrestling History. The first RAW. I saw this. Haha, Yokozuna sitting on Koko B. Ware. Truly, this was a show that changed wrestling. I think even Vince must know on some level that it was the first Nitro that actually changed things. Holy shit, is that Salvatore Sincere!? Oh, it’s Val Venis. Nevermind.
Early tonight, awful. HAHAHAHA somebody fire the audio guys, because they did absolutely nothing about that fucking loud “TNA” chant before airing “Earlier Tonight” highlights. I’M A FAAAAAAAAKE is Fake Rosie, not Fake Donald. She’s crying. I don’t get showing her again. What could possibly be said to make that match from earlier even more entertaining and hilarious? I HAVE NO DAMN(ED) IDEA comes in and says that word he knows. For some reason, this makes Fake Rosie cry louder. Now we go back to JR, who has a fan sign behind him that says “I <3 TIG-O BITTIES.” Don’t we all? Lawler is going to interview RUSKIE VON COMMIEPINKO. Von? Lawler asks Vladimir Whatshisname the Russian Guy how he liked Fake Rosie vs Fake Donald. Vladimir: “It was whery entertainment!” Long pause. “I like this things!” You can barely hear him over some specific retard booing really, really loudly. You can literally hear when this booing guy pauses to take a breath. Lawler asks Vladimir about Cena vs Khali. Vladimir: “It is whery intresting fight. But my opinion, I can beat Great Khali. My opinion, I can beat John Cena.” Lawler asks nothing in particular. Vladimir: “I love Double Double E! I love Double Double E!” That one guy who had been booing (in an impossibly southern accent for someone from Missouri:) “Double Double E? HURH HURH HURH!”
Backstage, Todd Grisham talks to I TURNED EVIL BUT THEN FORGOT, Eugene, who is excitedly (and baby-facedly) talking about how Cena won last night. Great Khali will need a nickname later, so he doesn’t get one for walking up to Eugene and being tall.
Commercials. Geico Caveman. I still like those, even if I hate people doing the old “blah blah blah bad news but I saved a lot of money by switching to Geico” routine.
BLAH BLAH BLAH is Estrada, who has joined the commentators at ringside and has some fan in the front row beside him (whom I hate for wearing a baseball cap backwards [or indoors at all, really]) making goofy faces and doing “blah blah blah” hand motions. When Melina did it I liked it, and when an ugly guy wearing a baseball cap wrong did it, I hated it. I wonder why. The guy also has an elaborate sign shaped like a cigar that says “Umaga” on one half and “Winning Streak” on the other, which he breaks theatrically. Then he sits there and looks bored, which is sort of awesome. THERE IS NO THE GREAT ESCAPE FROM THE GREAT KHALI is out. No matter which show you rebeak, he will find you. JR, on Cena: “He is as sore as if he was in a serious car wreck!” Speaking of car wrecks, the match is about to start as HEY KHALI I LIKE GREAT WHITE TIGERS TOO. Stupid nickname, I know. Estrada: “John Cena’s win was fluke, bar none!” The bell rings. Circling by Cena. Punch by Cena, no-sold. Another, and another no-sell. Cena tries a shoulderblock, and of course he goes down. Khali whips Cena into the corner, clotheslines him on the rebound, and yells. Lawler claims Khali is more of a giant than Andre. Cena runs back into the ring, and gets no-sold. He tries to pick Khali up, but gets clubbered. Khali stands around. Elbow. Estrada gets a chair and heads to the apron, but Cena steals it from him. He…hits Khali with it. Dairy Queen. I GIVE THIS MATCH A RATING OF ********7/8!! That’s bleeped out SHITFUCK7/8!! Cena turns to hit Estrada with the chair without noticing that Khali no-sold the chairshot, so when Cena turns again he eats Khali’s laughable overhand chop. Lifting choke toss. And…a replay of the lifting choke toss. Estrada starts signaling to someone in the crowd, and sure enough, I WAS GOING TO JUMP YOU IN THE SHOWER BUT COACHMAN SAID NO runs out of the crowd to attack Cena. JR is SHOCKED that Umaga is attacking, even though Coachman said he had the night off. Face Full of Poi. Samoan Spike. Khali is on the Farplane, by the way. Bumping his head on the roof since FFX2 sort of implies the Farplane is beneath the Earth. Er, Spira. JR: “John Cena’s eyes in space!” That’s what Cena calls his intricate network of high Earth orbit communications satellites. Or maybe JR means that somewhere in space is the true location of The World of Eyes.
Final Thoughts: You don’t need me to tell you that Fake Rosie versus Fake Donald is going to be remembered as a WWE lowlight for years to come. What’s worse, rumor has it this is the beginning of a longer-term angle. Maybe that will give me time to come up with a suitable Fake Rosie versus Fake Jamal joke. But anyway, it is worth noting that if you put all that Vince-related stuff aside and look at the rest of the show, everyone is still feuding with whoever they were feuding with before the “big” payperview and the only storyline change is an accidental one brought about by Cripple H (hahahahahaIamsofunny) and his steroidically weak knees.
