ÿþ<HTML> <HEAD> <TITLE>Raw Rebeak for November 27, 2006</TITLE> </HEAD> <BODY BGCOLOR="#000000"> <CENTER> <TABLE WIDTH="750" BORDER="0" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF"> <TR> <TD> <CENTER> <FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="5"> <center><BR><A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/jglenno1/EIW_EandC.html"><IMG SRC="http://www.weeklyvisitor.com/stuff/jg.jpg"></A></center><p><CENTER> <FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="5"> <B>RAW Rebeak</B> <BR><FONT FACE="ARIAL NARROW" SIZE="2">Airdate November 27, 2006 <BR>Pittsburgh, PA<TABLE BORDER="0" WIDTH="600"> <TR> <TD WIDTH="30%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP"> <BR><BR><FONT face="VERDANA, ARIAL" SIZE="2"><DIV ALIGN="JUSTIFY"><p> <b>PROFESSOR VON KNOWITALL:</b> 2/3 should really be rounded up to 66.7% if you re going to stop at the tenths place. I m irrationally picky about these things. I guess my pickiness can be quantified as a number that is a non-terminating, non-repeating decimal. HA! Actually, math and symbols and shit have been a bit trying the past few weeks. I flubbed a problem on a statistics exam I didn t really prepare for because I got all confused when one of the formulas we were given used pi (stupid Notepad won t let me use the real symbol) in a way that would always result in you needing to determine the square root of a negative number. Imaginary and complex numbers aren t used in statistics (they re more of a quantum mechanics thing) so I was pretty convinced it was a typo. It turns out in statistics, pi doesn t mean 3.14whatever, it refers to something completely different from what it does in every other branch of mathematics. I was pretty pissed at the entire world of statistics, actually. They might as well just use 8 to mean thirty six point seven, it makes no less sense. <p> We open the show with <b>THE NATURE BOY, BARRY HOROWITZ</b>. He s already in the ring when JR and Lawler stop talking over the various match graphics, see. He says that while he won at the Survivor Series last night, he still got his ass kicked by a bunch of  male cheerleaders. He places the appropriate emphasis on  male cheerleaders too. He wants them sooo bad. Note: he does not actually say that. But he does ask that they finish it tonight, and says he has partners. <b>A MALE CHEERLEADER GOLEM</b> appears, and does a special cheer (as always, with the guys horribly out of synch) in which Flair is described as  older than God and advised to retire. They head for the ring, and JR wonders aloud if Flair has partners, because JR doesn t really pay attention much at all. Then he suggests the Horsemen are reuniting tonight, but you re never gonna see that on RAW because Vince would never forgive himself if it got over. <b>THE DOUR XORSEMEN</b> make the save instead, tossing the Spirit Squad and getting a mic. Triple H makes jokes about how many times DX has defeated the Spirit Squad. They re trying to turn the fact that they have no new ideas for anyone on the roster and do the same tired crap every week into a positive. Triple H, to the crowd:  Are you as sick of watching us beat them up as we are of doing it? The crowd cheers. Yes, cheer the fact that you paid to see live exactly what you ve seen on TV for about seven of the last ten RAWs. Triple H promises this will be the last time we see the Spirit Squad, because he s going to MURDER THEM. A match begins, with JR talking about what a disadvantage the faces are at since it s three to five and Flair took a beating last night. Sigh. Never mind that DX has beaten the entire Spirit Squad before without Flair like a million times. Somehow, despite the two-man advantage of the Spirit Squad, Trips, HBK, and Flair have cleared the ring and are all doing the Flair Strut when we go to break. <p> Commercials. Because yes, they had the gall to make two segments out of this. <p> We re back. You may have noticed I m not recapping this move-by-move, though it is a full-length two segment match complete with heat segments of HBK being trapped in the evil corner. I can t honestly remember if it was pre-break or post-break where JR attempted to gloss over the brutal HHH/Flair feud where HHH tried to end Ric s career forever and left him laying in a pile of blood several times by saying  they ve had their problems in the past, there s no doubt, but&  The match ends with one Squaddie being pedigreed, one being sweet chin musiced, and then all three remaining members being simultaneously put in the Figure-4. The Figure-12. JR:  All the Spirit Squad are tapping! Especially the legal man! He didn t seem to be tapping any harder than the others, though clearly neither JR, myself, nor the referee knew which one was the legal man. Anyway, it s over. Flair s music plays, and then segues into DX music, and now DX AND RIC FLAIR SYNCHRONIZE CROTCH CHOPS TO THE DX PYRO. Nothing is edgier and cooler than having a ninety year old man chopping his crotch. JR decides Flair is an honorary member of DX. He s replacing Chyna. God, now I m thinking about Chyna. <p> The Hardy Boyz have a match with Rated RKO (their official name, God) for the titles tonight, so we see clips from those ancient videos the Hardys shot in their back yard where one of them pretended to be Sting and I don t even know what the other was going for. Lawler suggests all the kids out there try backyard wrestling. <p> Survivor Series. Melina snuggles up against who she thinks is Nitro but turns out to be HBK and thus Melina freaks out, and I shouldn t like it but it caught me off guard and made me laugh. You can t really blame Melina though, since everyone on RAW looks exactly the same. <p> Commercials. That baby doll looking at a PS3 and crying is the weirdest, creepiest thing ever. <p> We re back. During the break, Triple H produced a sledgehammer from beneath the ring. We re back to live action, and DX is loading unconscious Spirit Squad members into a trunk. So it s implied that the goofy funsters from DX BEAT FIVE HUMAN BEINGS INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS WITH A BLUNT INSTRUMENT. Hilarious! They put a sticker saying  Destination: OVW, Louisville Kentucky on the box. So, the people who get it ought to be irritated that these guys got nothing to do but job for months and then got sent to OVW for no fault of their own, and the people who don t get it are 99% OF THE GODDAMNED AUDIENCE! A fake UPS guy shows up. Hunter asks why they re sending it  OPS, and HBK says the other guys are too expensive. Har har. Are they making fun of FedEx or UPS? I m pretty sure FedEx doesn t ship live humans anyway. They d have to have killed the Spirit Squad and put them in a proper medical pak. After some lame jokes about how soon the package needs to get there and what it should be insured for, the final, gut-busting punchline is that HBK signs the form and the OPS guy reads it and says  Thank you, Mister McMahon. Oh wait, another punchline, as HBK gets weepy.  It s the end of an era! Only if you put Cade, Murdoch, Haas and Viscera in there will I feel safe. And then, not really. <p> JR and Lawler mention that there is an ECW payperview on Sunday. JR either gets the city where this is going on wrong, or Lawler is cracking inside jokes during the ECW segment. Either way, the message is pretty much  There s some ECW thing we re supposed to mention but neither of us care. Apparently the Hardyz have issued an open challenge to any team to face them at ECW December to Dismember (which makes sense because, wait, what?) because we now cut to <b>SOME DAY WE WILL BE MARRIED AND I WILL CARRY YOU OVER THE THRESHOLD BUT I WANT YOU TO BE FACING FORWARD DOING THE SPLITS FROM YOUR REGULAR ENTRANCE</b> and <b>OK, BUT WON T MY LEGS GET STUCK IN THE DOORFRAME?</b> Nitro accepts the challenge (after wondering if the reuniting of Team Extreme is a precursor to N Sync getting back together,) and then with virtually no introduction <b>THE PRETTY SAILOR SOLDIER OF INTELLECT</b> is back! Wow! With& no explanation for why he isn t mad at Nitro and Melina for beating him down on Smackdown after they lost the tag titles! Still, I d rather see then reunited and the whole thing forgotten than see them feud. Melina then declares the reunion  one night only, which makes me a little sad. <p> You guys know I was talking about Joey Mercury, right? <p> We re back, and apparently there s going to be a Diva Battle Royal to determine who still exists besides Mickie James. <b>THE AFOREMENTIONED MICKIE JAMES</b> comes out to watch. Zhuge Liang kept saying  I will take the aforementioned base when Supes and I were playing Empires, and nobody had ever mentioned a base before he said it. So yeah, the winner of this gets a payperview title shot. <b>YOU DON T GET MY FULL ENTRANCE BECAUSE NITRO ISN T HERE TO BLOCK MY ASS</b> doesn t give us her full entrance because, well, you know. <b>I CAN T WRESTLE BUT I CAN TURN IN A CIRCLE REASONABLY WELL</b> is out next. And& we go to break. <p> Commercials. Melina is above the Women s Title at this point. So& that really only leaves Victoria as someone who wrestles, right? <p> We re back, and the entrances are still going on. I was hoping the match would be over. <b>I GOT MY DOG BACK AT SOME POINT</b> got her dog back at some point. We missed the entrances of Maria and Victoria. I don t need to hear this much of Torrie s music. Victoria gets double-teamed, but takes over anyway. On& some girls. Other girls fight other girls. Vitoria holds Torrie so Melina can smack her face up. Now she calls Melina  baby, sets Torrie up in the corner, and tricks Melina into charging in so Victoria can murder her with a clothesline. Victoria tosses Melina. Maria tries some fancy float-out move in the corner, but Victoria catches her and tosses her. The crowd seems pretty behind Victoria at this point, as she s pretty much getting the Diesel push here. Given the choice, I d rather see her bare ass than Kevin Nash s, but sadly I have not been given the choice. Oh wait, Maria is still on the apron. Victoria rams Torrie into Maria, but Maria still hasn t fallen out yet. Victoria tosses Torrie. Now she clotheslines Maria to death. Where the Hell is Candice? Oh, there she is. Mickie (on commentary) tells us Victoria s relationships with men don t last because she dominates them. I thought that her relationship with Stevie, based mostly on ear-biting, seemed pretty stable. Holy crap, Candice starts beating the shit out of Victoria and gets her in a firewoman s carry! She tosses Victoria, but Victoria stays on the apron and shoulderblocks her. Big old boot to the face. Mickie:  Oh Jesus! Victoria tosses Candice and wins. Victoria rolls out of the ring to jaw some, then tosses Candice back in. Widow s Peak. Yes. Mickie:  They say I m psycho, but this bee-yotch is crazy! Shut up. JR:  Victoria totally dominating her physicality in this match, Victoria we re talking about. <p> More Hardy Classics. Hey, they debuted on Heat. Against Kai-en-tai, with Yamaguchi-san! There s the one with the pretty hair! The Hardys won, because Kai-en-tai has never won ever (except in like Japan and ECW or whatever, but that doesn t count because I haven t seen it.) <p> Commercials. Did Kai-en-tai win that match Sofa showed Jason and me? I don t even remember who won, just all the dickish posing. <p> Our Shitty Christmas Movie Replay is Eugene turning heel on Duggan. I had sincerely hoped they d forgotten that. And now the Spirit Squad is gone anyway. IRONY. <p> <b>TARDUS ISCARIOT</b> comes out, looking sad. <b>I M HERE TO WAVE OLD GLORY AND BEAT UP RETARDS, HOOOOOOOOOO!</b> is such a lazy nickname. He looks angry. He yells at Eugene, who cowers behind the ref.  USA chant by the tard-hating crowd. Eugene offers him a handshake, and then SLAPS Duggan! Heeltastic. Tardtastic. Duggan clubbers him and throws him into various corners. Hacksaw with a running clothesline. If he had done a little football pose first, this match would be over! Scoop and a slam as Lawler makes smarky comments about the Spirit Squad going to Louisville. JR tells us what a  wonderful man with a great heart Duggan is as Duggan back body drops Eugene and spurs on a USA chant. 3-Point Stance, Eugene rolls away, and Hacksaw petulantly stomps the mat. Duggan tries to grab at Eugene on the outside, and Eugene hot-shots him. He rams Duggan s face into the corner post. Lawler:  Good grief! Great Caesar s Ghost! Now Eugene gets back in the ring. Swinging neckbreaker& for 3? Is that his finisher now? The Special Ed. Eugene asks for THE STICK! Eugene:  Don t, don t, don t make fun of me! The crowd boos. Eugene tells us not to laugh at him, and that he s special. What an evil bastard. Now he yells. Play his theme song again, because he is THE NEW WINNER OF THIS MATCH. <p> <b>WE ARE ALSO RETARDED</b> are DX. <b>RIC FLAIR S BEST FRIEND EVER</b> and <b>ARN ANDERSON</b> are here. Dusty thanks DX for showing so much kindness and respect to Ric Flair. HBK describes a gay little party they re throwing for Flair with soda and chips and a karaoke machine as HHH looks flabbergasted. This is exactly the kind of sketch I would enjoy if it was anyone other than DX. HBK wanders off, and HHH assuages Arn and Dusty s fears. Triple H:  I got two words for ya: booze and broads! 2 words. <b>VAN DAMNINATOR</b> comes in for no reason and says  damn. Arn:  I m in! He s the best promo there and that s all he gets to say. <p> Lawler pimps that fact the Edge will hold a  The Cutting Edge next segment with a mystery guest, and he does that thing he randomly does sometimes where he starts talking like he s talking to toddlers. <p> Commercials. I got two words for ya: damn! <p> This Week in Wrestling History: the Stephanie/Test wedding, which was pretty hilarious, actually. The narrator describes Test as Stephanie s  long time beau/boo. I didn t know how to spell it, he didn t actually say it twice. It still cracks me up that Stephanie was obviously unconscious and the marriage was supposed to be legal. A tearful Stephanie hugged Vince as Test was instantly dropped from the storyline at that point. <p> The neighbors keep opening and slamming their doors and I keep thinking someone is arriving at my house and it s really starting to bug me. <p> <b>THE ONLY PERSON ON RAW WHO IS STILL AWARE OF LITA</b> is out. I was going to go on at length about how different Lita s departure was handled than Trish Stratus , but I don t care. Edge congratulates DX for beating up the Spirit Squad  for the millionth time. Then he makes fun of the Hardys. Hey, he mentioned Lita! He introduces his special guest, but no one shows up, so Edge gets all pissed off. <b>PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE A MALE CHEERLEADER</b> now shows up. He thinks he may have Edge s guest, but he wants Edge to come over and confirm. I love a RAW that features lots of guys wandering around back and forth. They drag out <b>RIC FLAIR S CORPSE</b>. He s all pre-bloodied. JR:  Don t say corpse. Sorry. I wonder if Ric is really bloody and gibbery, or if we re all just magically seeing Randy Orton s hallucinations like when he s feuding with the Undertaker. Anyway, they talk some more, and then Edge gives Ric the one-man conchairto. Some fan (possibly Boobermonkeys:)  One more time! Edge starts to leave, but Orton wants to do one too. And does. Lawler and JR tell us DX have already left the building a million times. They tell us that many times, they don t tell us DX have left this arena that many times. Here s a nice close-up of bloody Flair. That bleached-blonde hair really does show off blood beautifully. Well, at least that long, completely random Flair/DX lovefest from earlier makes sense now. <p> Commercials. Beating up Flair for heel heat is so cliché. I wonder if LAX would set Flair on fire? <p> During the break, Ric Flair s corpse was removed. <b>HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR  JERRY THE KING LAWLER  CAN I CALL YOU COOL DADDY?</b> is an old G Brothers inside joke I can t explain but rest assured it s funnier than any of my new material this week. Anyway, Jerry has a match, great. It is, of course, against <b>SO IT S JERRY THE KING LAWLER S BIRTHDAY IS IT?</b> What do you mean that nickname doesn t make you think about Chris Masters? I guess I should spend Masters entrance trying to think of a Carlito nickname, because I m thinking maybe, just maybe, he s gonna be out here later in this segment. Masters immediately scoop slams Lawler. And by immediately, I mean after the stalling. Masters throws some knees while the fans chant audibly about steroids. Lawler avoids a corner charge, but Masters takes back over immediately. Here s a bearhug, the sure sine of a shitty wrestler. Sine, JG? I ve got math on the brain today. I d make some complex trigonometry joke, but I don t want to go off on a tangent (BA-BOOM!) Anyway, Jerry escapes the bearhug with biting. He dropkicks Masters, then goes up top for his second-rope fistdrop. There s another. And& a third. Masters finally decides to get up and walk away. He kicks Jerry. Backbreaker. He checks his nose. Stomping. JR:  He s in the position Masters wants him in, prone on the mat. Masters does more stuff. Suplex. He tries his own second-rope fistdrop, but Lawler evades. JR:  I appreciate what the King has done for me in more ways than one! Sexy. Lawler has another spurt of babyface, er, oldmanface offense. Masters takes over again. Hurry up, Carlito. JR:  Masters, he s thinkin ! I doubt it. Masterlock applied. <b>EW, YOU ALSO TASTE LIKE JIZZ. DAT S NOT COOL</b> arrives, with his music. Masters releases the Masterlock because he s fucking stupid. Masters leans over at Carlito for no possible reason other than so he can have apple spit at him, stumble backwards, and get rolled up for 3. This match was not good. <p> Commercials. God, is there any way I can actively not buy  See No Evil? <p> Our Hardy Beef Stew Moment is the one time they fought Edge and Christian and didn t totally job. JR:  I am pullin for the Hardyz! <p> The Steelers are here. JR sneaks in a joke about how Roethlisberger got sacked a billion fucking times on Sunday. Though it is, of course, only anonymous Steeler jobbers who are here. <b>THEY CALL ME THE SAMOAN BULLDOZER BECAUSE SAMOAN BULLS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOZE OFF WHEN I WRESTLER</b> (w/<b>THAT WAS HORRIBLE, JG</b>) is out. Estrada has THE STICK. He tells us Umaga is fat and strong and will become champion. Haha, Umaga has ridiculous shiny fronts on his teeth. The camera finds the only two Cena fans in the building as <b>JC ICE OR WOLFIE D, I CAN T TELL</b> comes out. He and Umaga have a staredown. Cena:  As for your challenge, I accept. He holds the belt up. He takes off his shirt, and girls squeal. Pull your cargo shorts up over your boxers, John. Estrada says stuff off-mic about how Umaga will choose the time, and the heels leave. John Cena s music plays because he is THE NEW WINNER OF THIS SEGMENT. <p> Commercials. Who cares? <p> JR and King have to introduce a sketch that makes no sense, and as always, they fail. We re meant to think this is real footage of a guy who looks nothing like Michael Richards yelling the n-word (nigger) during a racist tirade. JR:  This is not for all members of the family, and certainly it s not indicative of family television, take a look at this. Haha. So yeah, a guy who looks and sounds nothing like Michael Richards (the Kramer guy) tells a bad joke on a very fake looking stage, and then calls a very quiet and unengaging heckler  nigger a few times. <b>DID SOMEBODY SAY  NIGGER BECAUSE THAT S OUR CUE</b> invade, and their music actually plays as they come in, one from stage left and one from stage right. And the fake comic looks around in confusion as their music starts, which was actually a little amusing. Then Cryme Tyme stand around and intimidate him and eventually Shad gives him a big boot. The fake crowd at the fake comedy club applaud, which is the only reaction any of this gets as the arena crowd seems pretty dead. JTG:  What s the deal with the Bloods and the Crips? Shad:  What s the deal? JTG:  Can t they all just, get along? And this gets a fake laugh from the fake audience, which probably contains the IT S A FAAAAKE Romuland. Haha, Romuland. That s funny. Anyway, Cryme Tyme rob the KO d comic and leave, and we cut to Lawler and JR fake laughing. Horrible, horrible segment. JR can t introduce it because the writers really made no effort to establish a reason for it to air on this live wrestling show to begin with. They apparently didn t want to do it live in the ring where the audience might have reacted to it, because that would make just as little sense and a  nigger might have gotten past the bleep guy and gotten them in trouble. Add to that the fact that this is like two weeks too late to be current and that it didn t in any way reflect having two weeks to think of something funny. Now consider that a company that is always using love of the freedom of speech as an excuse to do incredibly tasteless stuff is kicking the dead horse of a comedian whose career may be over because while you can call Whites, Asians, and Hispanics anything you want there s a word for Black people that only they get to use. You can think whatever you want about Michael Richards and what he deserves for his racist spiel, but the WWE is beyond merely being hypocritical here. For chrissakes, they had Cryme Tyme mug the guy at the end. The company that gave us Shelton Benjamin s fat Mama, Farooq and his Black Supremacist Nation of Domination, the Ugandan Giant Kamala, One Man Gang repackaged as Akeem the African Dream, Butch Reed as  The Natural who was unnatural because he had blonde hair, Junk Yard Dog wearing chains and crawling around on all fours, Kerwin White using golf clubs to consistently beat Shelton, racist Triple H constantly demeaning Booker T and then winning the goddamned feud, Saba motherfucking unfuckingbelievable sometimesIstillwonderifthatreallyfuckinghappened Simba, and Cryme Tyme themselves are now patting themselves on the back for being so much better than a shouty racist. I don t know, I don t want to think about it anymore. <p> Jeff is stretching backstage. Edge appears to taunt him. He insults Matt. Edge:  Albatross. Randy appears and& does nothing. Matt arrives. The heels leave. What a great segment. <p> Commercials. I still find it funny when they play that clip of JR calling the Hell in the Cell in the Hell Cell  Satan s structure. <p> K-Fed vs Cena package. Who to hate, who to hate& <p> <b>RATED T FOR TRADITION BLOWS</b> are out first because tradition blows. Their opponents are <b>LET S TRAVEL BACK TO 1999 AD</b> and <b>JEYUFF, NO! THAT IS DAY OF LAVOS!</b> This is for the tag team titles, and& I have to skip it. I m sorry, I know I already did this with the opener, but this has just not been a good week to rebeak, as I kept having sessions cut unexpectedly short and as a result this got rebeaked in approximately twenty sessions of like twenty minutes each. And I have to get up tomorrow to do stuff for class and I really just want to kick back and do something else right now and blargh. The match was a perfectly decent two-segment tag match (I didn t notice Orton fucking anything up spectacularly) that ended with Matt doing the Twist of Fate on Orton, Jeff hitting the Swanton right after, and Edge running in with the belt for the DQ. Lame ending, but they booked themselves into a corner since they can t take the titles off Edge and Orton yet and they don t want to job the Hardyz so soon (indeed, they seem to have no idea what to do with the Hardyz at all. What brand are they supposed to be on?) The heels laughed evilly as they headed up the aisle while Lawler and JR assured us things will be different next week when DX are around because DX DX DX DX DX. DX. <p> <b>Final Thoughts:</b> DX. <p><center><TABLE BORDER="0" CELLSPACING="30" CELLPADDING="0"> <TR><TD ALIGN = "center"><A HREF="mailto:jglenno1@hotmail.com">Send me mail</A></TD> <TD ALIGN = "center"><A HREF="http://www.weeklyvisitor.com">Or don't</A></TD> </TR></table></center> </TABLE> </TD> </TR> </TABLE> </CENTER> </TR></TD> </TABLE> </CENTER> </BODY> </HTML>