Somebody haxxored Cubs Fan, and I had just made a highly witty comment along the lines of “just talking about The James Gang’s controversial comments about DX is letting the terrorists win.”
Our “magnificent main event” will pit John Cena against the “awesomely unstoppable” Umaga. But before we get into that, let’s open the show right with DIMPOSSIBLY XAWFUL. Jerry: “JR, over here in the United Kingdom, when something is great, they say it’s brilliant, or crackin’!” The way he said it was really funny. Oh look, a shot of grouchy Richard Nixon in the DX montage. And there it is again. Nothing is edgier than not liking Nixon. I hope DX cut a disrespectful promo condemning the Puritans for banning theatre in Britain in the 1600s. Triple H has the stick. Trips: “It’s a lot of pressure coming up with something new every week!” How would you know? Some guy in the crowd: “That was funny!” Triple H calls Eric Bischoff “Teabag,” which Lawler really, really likes. Here’s footage of last week’s horrible ending. And…now we have to watch it again in slow motion? JR: “That’s controversial, and it creates cash!” HBK: “I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.” STOP USING THAT EVERY WEEK. Triple H attempts to call out Edge and Orton, but instead, UNCLE CRACKIN’ comes out. It’s not Bischoff, it’s Coach, but I wanted to use that nickname before I forgot. Coach makes Edge and Orton vs Old and Old again, for the tag titles. He’s about to ban DX from the building, but HBK jumps in and points out that that never works. Instead, Coach places a sixty billion double pound bounty on DX. Coach: “American buckaroos baby!” Triple H suggests Coachman hold a bake sale for some reason. Coach says DX has to fight, even though they aren’t dressed to compete (they always wrestle in the shirts now argh I hate this show) and sends in THE SAME FOUR MOTHERDUCKERS DX BEATS EVERY WEEK hahaha, motherduckers. I am seriously, not kidding here, stunned that we go to break here as though DX vs Cade, Murdoch, Viscera and Haas round 80 bajillion actually carries some tension. I shouldn’t be, but I am.
Commercials. This show is already horrible.
Lawler says “scallies.” HBK chops Lance Cade. It isn’t even Texas Tornado. Haven’t DX already beaten these guys AND the Highlanders in a 6-on-2 Texas Tornado match? Cade and Murdoch do something and HBK is devastated. Murdoch goes up top for THE STUPID, and here’s a race for the tag. Viscera gets tagged in. HBK runs up to him and gets sideslammed. Viscera dances, then tags in Haas because he’s out of moves. Haas punches. Lawler: “Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate!” I don’t know, DX doesn’t seem to have built up any new in-ring enemies in the past month. Haas with the Sean O’Haire Memorial Spine Kick. A cover gets 2. Tag to Cade. Haas holds HBK still so Cade can…kick. Backbreaker, and a cover for 2. JR: “Somehow, some way, Shawn Michaels able to…to prevent being pinned here!” HBK punches back and chops. Cade’s selling is idiotic. Both men fall over for little reason. Tag to Haas, tag to Trips. Triple H is a sophomoric dipshit afire. Triple H runs around facebustering and clotheslining people. Triple H with a spinebuster for Haas. HBK sweet chin musics Viscera on the apron, and Viscera carefully falls onto Cade and Murdoch. Pedigree for Charlie Haas, 1, 2, 3. You should go to TNA, Charlie. Let your wife get you quasi-over. Not to mention you’d be Jason’s problem instead of mine. Here’s some replays. Here (with no segue at all) are some entrances from the new WWE video game. JR: “Players can use multiple weapons, even grabbing signs and…weapons!” Now we go back to DX, and JR and Lawler pretend they can’t tell this isn’t the game anymore because the graphics are so awesome. Fucking jackasses.
Commercials. The “dignified” FFXII ad should really avoid shots of Chocobos.
Whoa, is that Steven Richards’ music? No, no it isn’t. JR: “LET’S GO TO PRISON!” That may be a phone booth, but it could also be the Master’s TARDIS, so be careful. THE SPIRIT SCALLIES are planning an ambush on DX. DX defeats them hilariously. Like, one guy runs up but then runs past them and crashes into something. Then a guy drops from the ceiling and misses them. They didn’t even come up with anything wacky for this one guy, Triple H just hits him. That guy in the bus should really run them over and collect the bounty. Though I suppose the cops might frown on that.
WE’RE HERE FOR EDWARD LONGSHANKS aren’t even over in the UK. 2-part fan sign: “I’M ROBBIE” and “I KNOW.” The two Spirit Squad guys who didn’t die wackily are facing the Highlanders in our Heat main event. Robbie starts with the one who isn’t Kenny. Running around. Headbutt by Robbie. Tag to Rory, who does a top rope crossbody. JR talks about Lawler going commando in a kilt because that’s exactly what I want to think about. Kenny is tagged in and clubbers. Tag to the other guy, and they do some lame team-up Stingar Splash. The not-Kenny one is Johnny. Johnny holds Rory so Kenny can do a top-rope punch on him. Robbie looks on. Kenny Johnny Rory Robbie. Kenny yells “How’s your hero now!?” Um, Rory is not my hero. I lose track of what’s happening. JR: “Does anyone have a last name anymore?” Later: “Another case of there you are!” More stuff happens. Robbie gets tagged in, and he and Rory try their weird ass doubleteam inverted slingshot suplex, but Kenny catches Johnny (or vice-versa.) Kenny shoves Johnny into Rory and rolls up Robbie for 3. Hooray. So, four Spirit Squad members defeated themselves by wandering too close to DX’s invincibly awesome presence, but then half that many Spirit Squad members defeated the Highlanders, so I think at this point my pet cat Sam could probably defeat the Highlanders.
JR and Jerry talk about last week’s Masterlock crap. Lawler decides to take the Masterlock Challenge this week. Great.
Commercials. Quit taunting me with your cool-lookingness, Final Fantasy XII. I can’t play you until I finish this.
People buy Wrestlemania tickets. Black Idiot: “Rain sleet snow, Wrestlemania’s what it’s all about!” White Idiot: “I got bit by bug!” HE BITE ME!
JR and his weird face. Even if he didn’t have bells palsy, his face would still look weird. CAN I HAVE THAT BOW DOWN TO THE KING MUSIC SINCE TRIPLE H ISN’T USING IT is in the ring, and here comes PROUD GRADUATE OF THE TORGO SCHOOL OF FONDLING. JR tells us how much he appreciates his friend Jerry stepping up, because that’s what friends do. Rock-n-roll friends, check each other’s books back in. JR claims the Masterlock is a “modified” full-nelson. JR: “The wily superstar from Memphis Tennessee!” So that’s where Dr. Wily’s skull-shaped castles were. Hidden behind Graceland. Masters keeps pretending he’s going to put on the hold, and then doesn’t. Jerry gets up and shoves him, earning a “Jerry” chant. The Masterlock is applied. They tease Jerry breaking it like five times before he’s “choked out.” No one said choked out here, I just fucking loved it when Masters said that that one time.
DX are backstage. Shawn is really savoring the tip of that banana. IT’S FUN TO PICK ON RETARDED KIDS knocks on their door, and says he’s here for the bounty. Triple H gives him some paper towel, and says “It’s the quicker-picker-upper.” They close the door. Eugene knocks again, they open the door, he cocks (hahaha cocks) his fist to punch, and they close the door so he punches the door. Then he knocks again, and they open the door, and he charges right past them and falls down. Wow, that was really different from a Spirit Squad member doing the exact same thing a few minutes ago. This is about as funny as the time I fell out of a moving car and had my ass ripped off. True story. Not in the Jaseon way, either, this really happened. I’m one of the few people who knows first-hand that asses grow back.
Actually, if I’d been on video, me falling out of a car and having my ass ripped off would probably have been pretty funny.
Commercials. Elf. “SANTA!!!!”
Our Burger King Wake Up With The Rewind is Lita and Mickie James.
Todd interviews I HEAR EUROPE HAS THE MOST ADVANCED CONTRACEPTIVES ANYWHERE. Now Lita’s got pirate jewelry to go with her pirate shirts. Lita tells us she is the greatest women’s champion of all time. That’s it.
Triple H: “I gotta poop.” He gets in a bathroom stall where Chris Masters is waiting in ambush, and HBK thinks the sound of their struggle is HHH pooping HAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD KILL ME. HHH manages to defeat Chris Masters in unseen action. Imagine how easily he could have defeated Jerry Lawler! HBK: “You pooped a Masterpiece!”
Commercials. What a great segment. Jump to your death, Cena. Really.
For some reason William Regal’s old music plays and we see a restaurant montage. And then, I WOULD GO AFTER THE BOUNTY BUT I’M ALREADY PACKING PLENTY OF POUNDS and THAT, HAHA, JOKE, HAHA, SUCKED, HAHA show up. TODDATHAN GRISHMAN has joined JR on commentary. Apparently he’s a heel, as he says he enjoyed the Masterlock challenge. Here’s more footage from last week, this time of Umaga, Maria and Cena. SPEAK OF THE WHITE DEVIL, here he is. So our main event is halfway through the show? I smell a DX sketch ending! Wait, why is John Cena and a bunch of dudes facing Big Show and a bunch of dudes at Survivor Series? King Booker has a court of heelish minions all set up, and he’s the only champion not leading a Survivor Series team? Todd Grisham thanks JR for sending him “cards and letters” when he got F-Ued last week. And wearing that Todd Grisham friendship bracelet. Cena throws punches which Umaga no-sells. He does kicks which Umaga no-sells. Umaga misses a corner charge, gets bulldogged, and no-sells. Grisham: “I don’t know if this is gonna be much of a wrestling match!” I agree! Todd: “It’s gonna be bad!” Punching back and forth. Umaga takes over with a Samoan Drop. This British crowd really shouldn’t be all that solidly behind “The Marine.” Umaga with a modified Vulcan neck pinch. Cena powers out of having his shoulder pinched, but it takes forever. Dueling “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants. Cena escapes the hold and gets a sort of blockbuster, but not off the turnbuckles. He does shoulderblocks, Umaga does the “Fatty won’t fall down” dance, but finally he falls. Estrada jumps around on the apron and Cena kills him. TEN THOUSAND POUNDS STERLING OF RAW PORK runs in because nobody loves Dairy Queen like Big Show loves Dairy Queen. Todd says something stupid like “I don’t see Cena getting out of this with a happy ending!” Big Show and Umaga beat Cena up with fatness for awhile. Chokeslam. Samoan Spike, and JR and Todd try to sell it as undoubtedly fatal. The most dangerous finisher since the Heart Punch. JR: “Umaga can anchor any team, no pun intended!”
Commercials. This somber Gears of War ad could use some Chocobos.
DX approach Jonathan Coachman. They show a montage of the Spirit Squad, Eugene, and Masters hilariously failing to catch them derned DX varmints. Christ, they’re using imitation Benny Hill music and sound effects. I want to die. I THINK I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH HUHR HUHR. How are DX supposed to have produced this montage, with their traveling crew of video edit guys? DX says they’re volunteering to leave because of all the pressure. They ask if they can have the bounty, since they’re taking themselves out of RAW. Coachman says no. DX leaves. The camera stays on Coachman watching them leave. After a few seconds, Coachman says “yeah.” Then we cut away. WHAT A FANTASTIC PUNCHLINE!
SARCASM! WEED OF DECEIT!
ELTON JOHN PLEASE TEACH ME TO BE MORE OF A GAY has a shot at the Intercontinental Title for some reason. I mean, I know he should get a rematch, but isn’t the evil GM, whoever that is, against him? Our Let’s Go To Prison replay is Jeff losing the title last week. Fingerguns. EVEN WE DON’T CARE ABOUT KEVIN FEDERLINE are out. Johnny Nitro just playfully swatted Melina’s area, lucky bastard. Melina holds Jeff at bay with a finger so she can drop to her knees and pretend the IC Title is a dong. Jeff wanted to do that. Lockup, and they end up in the ropes. They being Jeff and Nitro, not Jeff and Melina. Jeff catches Nitro’s kick, spins him around, and grabs a headlock. Nitro sends Jeff to the ropes, but eats a shoulderblock. Arm-wringery by Jeff. If he were Tatanka, this match would be OVER. Nitro goes to the hair. He tries armwringery, but Jeff counts with fancy flippityness. Jeff tosses Nitro, but Nitro lands on his feet and takes Jeff’s legs out of his legs. Then he hilariously springboard splashes the mat as Jeff moves and does his own springboard whatever. Jeff with the ten punch count-a-long. Big old legdrop to the balls. Jeff goes up top, but Nitro bails. Jeff with a baseball slide dropkick, then a slingshot crossbody to the floor. Let’s take a break!
Commercials. Here’s an ad for a new series in which we watch some sort of professional video game league where people play the creepily realistic first-person shooters that let you live out your clock tower fantasies. I feel like a douche spending so much of my time playing video games; I’m not gonna start watching TV shows about people playing video games.
This will clearly be the highlight of the show, and I totally don’t care. Jeff does his legdrop to the nuts again. Any excuse to touch Nitro’s nuts. JR thinks Jeff is going to win, and just then Nitro pulls Jeff into the corner post. JR: “I jinxed him!” Mr Jinx. What are you JR, like six? Nitro does some fancy springboard into a kick to the face. Melina screams. Is that a “Cartoon Network” sign? That’s definitely a giant, upside-down John Cena sign. The crowd chants for Hardy, and Melina covers her ears and makes a Melina face. Nitro tries the sexy sexy legdrop, but Jeff evades. Fancy roll-up by Jeff for 2. Nitro clotheslines him to death. Melina screams. JR: “That damn Jezebel!” Todd talks about pleasing Melina sexually, then blames it on sitting in King’s chair. The throne, as it were. Jeff misses on a corner charge, but Nitro responds by getting himself launched into the air so he can crotch himself on the top rope. Naptime. The camera finds an extremely ugly boy doing the you can’t see me pantomime. If only. JR: “All the way to Tarheelia, Jeff Hardy’s home state!” Tarheelia is also where heels come from. So I guess Parts Unknown is like the capital city or something. Jeff takes over with the elum kick. Back body drop on Nitro. Todd: “At what price does it cost to pull all those maneuvers off!?” Jeff does his weird, gay cover where he pulls a guy’s legs over their head and then legdrops across them. It gets 2. Jeff tries Whypsyer Yn Thy Wynd, but misses and hurts himself. Melina screams. Nitro looks to be going for an atomic drop, but does a sit-out facebuster for a looooong 2. Haha, Nitro goes to the middle rope and mocks Matt Hardy’s yodeling. Seems a bit out of place against Jeff, but still funny since he does the pose and all. Then he jumps off into a completely ridiculous THE STUPID because the only thing that move could possibly be meant to accomplish was Jeff catching him with a sit-out powerbomb. It gets 2. Nitro basically jumped off the top and started to fall backwards and Jeff had to jump up and grab at his torso so it looked like he was ramming Nitro into the mat harder than Nitro was just falling by himself. Still, I liked it because he yodeled. Jeff goes up, swanton, and…Melina has the ref. JR: “HEY REYUF, GET AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN!” Jeff gets the ref, sets Nitro up for the Twist of Fate, but gets shoved into the ropes. Nitro gives him a fancy hot-shot. Mercury Aqua Rhapsody or whatever any MNM neckbreaker was called (damn you Google.) Nitro goes up top, crazy corkscrew moonsault. Man, he’s like Jeff Hardy, but good. The move hits, but Nitro does a cocky cover and gets rolled up…for 3? What the fuck? Really solid match, but I don’t get the one-week title switch. If you were going to take the title off Jeff for a week to make us think anything can happen, wouldn’t it have made a million times more sense to have Carlito win it at Cyber Sunday so the fan’s votes actually meant something? Eh, that whole ppv was such a trainwreck, which I may get to in the “Final Thoughts,” I dunno. Anyway, Nitro beats Jeff down after the match, fetching a ladder into the ring for whatever reason. He does a sort of stupid spot where he lines the ladder up in the corner, then goes up top and bulldogs the ladder onto Jeff. I guess this isn’t over, which is fine by me I suppose, as neither of these guys can talk but they both can wrestle and nobody not related to DX gets to talk anyway.
Speaking of DX, you didn’t think we were going a whole segment without being treated to their delightful antics, did you? They’re outside the building, and decide they want back in, but the event is sold out. They see some scalpers (must be scalpers, they’re Black) who turn out to be ’ERE, WE AIN’T DONE NUFFIN’, GUVNER. It’s a good thing Cryme Tyme showed up and got that nickname, because I almost got through the whole show without saying “jorry goodu day, guvanoru!” DX ask Cryme Tyme about tickets, but Triple H can’t understand because he’s White. HBK: “Let me handle this. I speak jive.” Did I mention that I hate DX? HBK proceeds to say things like “hizzle” and “dizzle.” Also, “schizzle.” Shad pulls out tickets, and Triple H thinks he’s pulling out a gun. Oh, haha, DX stole Coach’s briefcase of money, haha. Triple H says “fo shizzle” at the end, and it’s supposed to be funny how White he sounds, even though Michael “True to the Streets” Hickenbottom sounded just as White the whole time he was talking and that was supposed to be completely convincing.
Commercials. “See No Evil” made it to DVD quick. Who’s surprised?
I SHOWED DX MY “DO YOU SPIT OR SWALLOW” SHIRT BUT I THINK IT WENT OVER THEIR HEADS reads the Daily Star. Who should happen to appear but NOT TRISH STRATUS with some SKANKS. Carlito pretends he was not looking at the soft porn section of said newspaper, and was reading about local sports team. The plug gets boos, so this may be a Lawler referencing Virginia Tech in UVA country situation. Torrie and Carlito continue to not be having sex but maybe going to be having sex. It’s like the Taster’s Choice ads all over again.
Earlier Tonight, Attack of the Fatties on Cena.
We run-down the card. Speaking of run-down, check out Flair’s Survivor Series team ha-HA!
DX buy a bunch of their own shirts at the concession stand and give them away for free. They’re still overpriced if you ask me (zing.)
Commercials. This is really hard this week.
LAST WEEK’S WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH WAS JUST LIKE THE TIME I BLINDFOLDED SAILOR MERCURY AND THEN BEAT HER FACE IN WITH A TIRE IRON has a match. My first Sailor Senshi nickname in a long time and possibly my most violent ever. There’s DX in the front row. God, can we go three minutes without seeing them tonight? Wait a second, did I just say…nevermind. MY ARMS WERE OFTEN TIED BEHIND MY BACK IN THE MOVIES is Lita’s opponent, because there’s no one else, really. JR remembers that Mickie is insane. Lita spontaneously announces that Mickie must have her legs shackled together. INSTANT HEEL GM JUST ADD WATER comes out and gives the ref the shackles. I almost typed “just ass water” by mistake. JR and Todd make jokes about kinky sex. Lita: “What do you have to say to yourself, Mickie?” Mickie says Lita is the one who needs her legs tied together. Lita attacks. Kicks. Lita kneels on Mickie’s head. JR: “Last week, there was an arm tied behind her!” Yeah, it was her arm, too. DX boo Lita. Lita attacks more. Mickie tries to fight back, but Mickie does a takedown and kicks her some more. DX lead people in calling Lita a ho. Lita does some stuff. Lita goes to ringside and steals what appears to be a giant sausage from Triple H. Triple H squirts mustard at her. Lita decides it would be a good idea to go back into the ring while she’s still blinded, and Mickie hits her with the sausage. Big jumpy DDT, and Mickie wins. I guess this is non-title. Todd Grisham makes jokes about Lita getting hit in the face with sausage. JR: “Don’t try this at home kids, that mustard will burn your eyes, and so will a DDT!” TEAM RKO come out. What a lazy nickname. I think that may even be their official name now. It’s amazing to me that everyone in Team RECK used to be good but sucks so much ass now. Coach comes out, but he just got a nickname. Coach calls security to eject DX so they can’t ruin the main event, and security does eject them, so what was the point of the “bounty on their heads because security can’t eject them” sketches that dominated the entire fucking show?
Commercials. Roddy Piper DVD ad. Announcer: “Strap-on!” Holy shit, the DVD is actually called “Born to Controversy!” I assumed he fucked up when he said that since it makes no sense, but no.
Next week, Jeff vs Nitro, ladder match. I hope DX find a way to get involved. Perhaps in a little box in the upper left corner of the screen making pre-recorded comments. Or maybe the ladder match can be in a little box in the upper left corner as the main screen shows DX making fart noises or something. Our main event is here, and out first for the champs is I USED TO SHOOT THUNDERBOLTS OUT OF ME ARSE BUT I CAN’T DO THAT NOW WITHOUT METAMUCIL. I like how I went straight from denigrating DX as nothing but fart humor and then proceeded to make “old people are constipated jokes.” Triple H thinks “denigrate” means “make black.” Holy shit, according to dictionary.com, that is an alternate meaning. My apologies, Triple H. Piper came out alone, which was pretty stupid, as Edge and Orton attack him with a steel chair at the bottom of the ramp. I’M COMING AS FAST AS I CAN, I’LL BE THERE TO HELP BY NEXT WEEK rushes out to try and save. He tussles with Orton as Edge puts Piper’s head on one chair, gets another chair…ONE MAN CONCHAIRTO ON PIPER! Still a very cool spot. Flair kneels over him, ala Emo Finlay, so Edge hilariously blinks at him, then starts stomping on him. Edge throws Flair in as Orton chills on the apron. Wow, look at that huge “WOOOOO” banner. Flair chops, but gets back body dropped, like every Flair match in the past five years. Some trainers and production coordinators or whatever take Piper away. No celebrities that I recognize. Orton waves goodbye heelishly. Todd claims this is Piper’s “hometown,” then says Piper grew up “just a few hours from here.” Edge with a modified ninja chokeout on Flair. I wonder if DX will save him? DX are such close allies of Flair, after all. Orton is tagged in. He gets chopped once before he takes over with punching and pausing. Flair continues to chop back once every six or seven punches. Randy clotheslines Flair to the floor, scoops him up, stands there for a second, and then suplexes Flair. Orton breaks the count, pulls Flair up, and…punches. Here are some slaps. This one fan looks like he’s about to jump in there and get Flair’s back. Tag to Edge, who mocks the Flair strut before applying a ninja chokeout. Vampire/fish ninjas are powerful ninjas indeed. JR starts talking about Flair breaking his back in a plane crash. Todd: “That was fifty years ago!” He crashed his bi-wing. X-Wing. Arn was all “stay on target.” If one of them stays on your target, you stay on one of their morgues. Wait, were the guys saying “stay on target” rebels or imperials? Eh. Orton comes back in after awhile. Flair low-blows him behind the ref’s back, and JR points out that he should have done that in plain-sight of the ref to get DQed. Edge is tagged in, but Flair is an old, probably haunted house afire. Todd doesn’t think Flair can beat the “young studs.” Randy runs in illegally, causing JR to have an aneurism screaming at the ref. Flair takes him down and tries the Figah-Fo, but Edge is smart enough to THE SPEAR him as he sets it up. 1, 2, 3, new champs. SORRY WE WEREN’T HERE SOONER WE’VE BEEN BUSY BEING IN EVERY SEGMENT OF THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW run out after it’s too late to help and Edge and Orton flee with no fight at all. Then, so DX has someone to beat, security guys run out and attack black ninja style, with DX clearing them all out (working in Sweet Chin Music and a Pedigree.) DX looks somber and angry as Edge and Orton pose on the ramp (Edge sticks his tongue out at the, great) but DX’s music is what’s playing as we fade to black.
Final Thoughts: I know some people online say every RAW that had even one segment they didn’t like is the “worst RAW ever,” but I’m not one of them. However, unless every stinky memory I have of the Russo Era came from one show and I don’t know it, this is probably the worst RAW I have ever seen. Assuming I didn’t miss any ad breaks in my write-up (which is a somewhat big assumption,) this show had eleven segments, and DX was in ten of them. Cena vs Umaga (a short, bad match that ended with a run-in) had no DX, while the longest match, Hardy vs Nitro (a decent match except that it ended with a roll-up and resulted in the dreaded one-week title reign) had a DX sketch leading into part one, and a post match DX sketch after part two. All of these DX segments were awful. I am not lying when I tell you the opening DX sketch hurt bad and each one that followed got worse and worse until the wacky Benny Hill montage formed the bottom and I was sort of numb to everything else. The ending was also particularly pathetic, with DX running out during the main event despite ten sketches worth of setting up them not being able to do that most predictable of endings. And then there’s the fact that they ran out after it was too late to stop Randy and Edge winning, though nothing changed that would cause them to be able to run out post-match and not run out during the match when it would have mattered. And then they beat up nameless security guards, the only people on Earth who mean less to beat up than Coach’s stockpile of heel tag teams from Heat. And while Orton and Edge won the tag titles and are celebrating heelishly as DX looks angry and frustrated, they still played DX’s music as though the writers really had no idea of who to put over. Scratch that, they knew the heels had to go over this week, but they weren’t willing to do anything to portray DX as weak. Thus even as the heels win the prize DX will inevitably take from them down the road, they have to do it while DX music plays and DX’s eight-year-old fans perform crotch-chops. I ended up in a bit of a long drive today with no tapes or radio and spent some time thinking about Cyber Sunday and what a joke it was (the only match where the voting mattered was the one where the fans voted for the guy they hated and wanted to see lose his title, thus guaranteeing that that man would win so there would be no shake-up in the title scene,) and I intended to talk about that, but…clearly that’s not as important as DX. I only got through DX the first time because Edge and Christian were at their best and feuding with non-DX people. Also, I wasn’t recapping then. This time, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to endure this.
