Nobody was falling all over themselves asking for blogging about The Hanging Out Brothers, which was hardly unexpected. I guess I’ll tell the grand tale later. These legends, passed on for generations. But yeah, eventually I’ll probably rebeak the DVD of the event, unless Super decides to do that and you never, ever hear about me marking out for Nikita Kolaff. Seriously, if the Nikita I remember from my childhood met, say, Batista in a match, he’d fucking tear Dave’s heart out of his chest and eat it. That guy had intensity. He made Goldberg look like Larry Zbyszko.
SAILOR MOON: During the same excavation in which I found out I don’t have the Billy and Chuck wedding on tape, I found my tape of most of the Amazon Trio episodes of Sailor Moon Super S. It’s the only season that was dubbed that I don’t have on DVD in some form (though I don’t have the dub of the first two seasons on DVD, just the subs, in a confusing twist) so Super S is probably the series I’ve seen the least. It’s also probably the worst, since it’s all about Rini, but it will still be fun to revisit some forgotten monsters of the day. This tape includes Chad and Grandpa’s final appearances in a really shitty episode that ends (in the dub, at least) with Chad’s creepiest line ever. Though the episode is somewhat redeemed by our first and only hint that maybe deep-down Grandpa wants Chad to win Raye over, and by Serena yelling “NINJA MELTDOOOOOWN” for no reason.
Our three-man announce team is OH MY GOD KID, PUPPIES! Jerry Lawler gives Joey Styles a big, cheery welcome, which is weird because I half expected a rant about “Extremely Crappy Wrestling.” Coach: “We’re throwing ya a bone, kid.” Did I mention that this is weird?
WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT, THAT IT’S A SIN TO GOD TO PRAISE THE FROG are the good folks of RAW (minus Cena and Bischoff, it looks like) and they’ve surrounded the ring. CHECK OUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I PUT A LIGHT BULB IN MY MOUTH joins them. Eric Bischoff. I was thinking of Eric, then Uncle Eric, then Uncle Fester. The man is a nickname vacuum like no other for me. Keep in mind as you consider Eric Bischoff making a light bulb light-up in his mouth that he could not do this on the Serengeti because there are no light bulbs there. The RAW dudes are on the apron, so Eric can have the ring. They conveniently keep the fourth wall clear. Eric announces Trips vs Flair, Texas Death Last Man Standing rules. And Cena vs Angle for the WWE Title in their one-millionth meeting. Eric now moves onto naming his Five Horsemen for Survivor Series. Kane and Show are in, as is the Captain, HBK. He’s no Petey Williams. HBK would be chasing Bentley instead of Traci. Carlito raises his hand politely, signaling for a mic. Carlito: “No more Cabanas!” Boo! He denounces talk show hosting because he is the best wrestler ever. Shelton Benjamin steals his mic. Shelton: “Are you high?” Hahaha. Bischoff books Shelton vs Carlito for Arn Anderson’s spot. Now…Trevor Murdoch gets the mic? Trevor: “Cade and I got screwed on Taboo Tuesday!” He wants to “reinvokicize” his rematch clause in a hardcore match for the tag titles. Nice. Styles: “I like Hardcore!” Helms (!?) steals the mic. He wants to fight Rosey in a “Fat Piece of Garbage” match. Now Mickey Jay flips the fuck out. Eric lets her speak her mind. This won’t take long. She asks the whole roster to cheer for Trish. Eric: “Ah, yeah. Alright, whatever.” Did they ever decide on JJ Dillon’s spot as the Fifth Horseman? Bischoff sends everyone back…BUTWAIT. He calls Edge and Lita into the ring. Bet he’s gonna make them sit in the corner. Eric rolls that beautiful bean footage of Edge pshawing the Taboo Tuesday match because he’s too gangsta for RAW. “Asshole” chant from the crowd. Romeo in particular looks shocked when Edge restates his lack of damnable feeling for RAW. Eric books Edge in a Street Fight against Batista on Smackdown. Because he can do that. And…I think Edge has been banished to Smackdown until he redeems himself. Eric leads the crowd in “nananana goodbye” which is just bizarre. Bet he never thought he’d get to be the singer and not the singee.
Commercials. They’re making a videogame out of From Russia With Love? Oh yeah, just randomly dredge up some old movie and make a game out of it. That’ll sell. Psh.
So anyway, I did end up beating that subgame from The Warriors where you fight past gangs in a Double Dragon clone. Super Asia lost his last continue against gun-toting Luther, who was not actually the final boss but was real close. After that you fight a few generic warriors, then Masai. When you beat him, you’re reunited with Mercy and appear to have won, but you are then attacked by THE GHOST OF CYRUS!!! You’re forced to flee, and then you fight him as the ghost of Cleon. Not, as you might have guessed, Frog.
We’re back. I guess ARE YOU HIGH? versus DRUGS ARE COOL started without us at some point. Shelton is doing arm-wringery stuff. He sends Carlito outside, and does some flying neckbreaker. Styles calls it by some name that’s like four words long. Styles occasionally just starts talking and seemingly forgetting the others are there. Those are my favorite moments. Carlito goes to work on the knee while I’m typing about Styles. Coach says the name “Styles” is like Teen Wolf. Styles: “coach showing his age.” Lawler starts talking about TCL or something. Does he mean THC? Shelton pulls the hair to escape whatever. Styles: “How can you not pull the hair? You need four hands to pull it all!” Carlito charges into a big ol’ alley-oops. Styles: “You should get beverage service and some peanuts on a ride like that!” Shelton with some fancy backbreaker. Clotheslines. Back body drop. Carlito reverses a whip, kicks low, and wants a DDT…but Shelton squirms free. Carlito wants a vertical suplex, but Shelton lands on his feet, turns it into a Northern Lights (!?) and gets 2. Shelton tries to go up, but his leg still hurts and Carlito cuts him off. Carlito wants a superplex, but Shelton knocks him down! Top-rope clothesline, but Carlito evades! DDT…it gets 2. Coach and Lawler have been bickering about which number Survivor Series this is. Shelton ducks a clothesline and gets a Samoan Drop, but his knee hurts too much for him to drape an arm over Carlito (chew on that for awhile.) Shelton tries something or other, but Carlito evades again and dropkicks Shelton’s leg out of his leg. Single-leg crab, but Shelton is fighting for the ropes. Carlito pulls him back into the center of the ring, but Shelton rolls through! Carlito rolls through that, grabs the ropes (That’s his move, Tony!) and gets the win. Styles: “He’s going to the 21st annual Survivor Series on the 27th!”
I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN and I HAVE THE BIGGEST GAMS are backstage being busty. Trish tries to tell Mickey she needs to shut up, but Mickey won’t stop talking long enough for her to do it. Lawler: “A double-dose of Statusfaction! Oh boyee!” He said “oh boyee” in such a way that he really needed to say either “jeepers” or “wowie zowie” afterwards.
Commercials. An Imperial Stormtrooper working at Burger King. This incompetent motherfucker is probably the one who keeps putting cheese on my Double Whopper even though I specifically ask for no cheese.
I just gave these two nicknames. Trish and Mickey enter to Trish’s music. Here’s a replay of Mickey sacrificing herself to save Trish at the payperview. FINISHER: THE MOTHERFUCKING WIDOW’S PEAK and FINISHER: TURNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE SLOWLY head for the ring. Candice Michelle has her stupid wand. Lawler yells something about it. Coach: “Did you just say you have a magic wand? Because we know that’s not the case.” BURN. Victoria and Mickey start. Victoria charges into an elbow and a rana or something and Victoria does something. I have a test in my class this week. Victoria with a medium-boot. Mickey leapfrogs over something, but gets sent to the ropes and Candice pulls down the middle rope in an effort to do something useful. Mickey goes out. She gets attacked some. Candice does some kinda move in the ropes where she does a handstand and her feet are around Mickey’s head and somehow this hurts Mickey. Victoria tagged in. She knocks Trish off the apron to prevent a tag. Trish comes in illegally and kills Victoria some. Now she kills Candice. Mickey and Trish doubleteam Victoria. They use Candice as a battering ram to hit Victoria. Like two sexy, sexy Bushwhackers. Trish does what Joey calls “The Whirleybird.” More attacks occur. Victoria hits Mickey with Candice’s wand while the ref finally asks Trish to get back on the apron. Evil triumphs. This match was a little more lucid than my write-up may make it seem. Here’s a replay of the wand-shot, which just goes to show what a stupid foreign object it is.
Last week, HBK hit “sweet chin music right to the chicklets of the WWE champion,” according to Joey Styles. While he’s really being thrown by Coach’s constant sniping, Styles is still clearly a billion times better than Lawler or Coachman.
Commercials. Jim Carrey makes a dog crap. This was an ad in this break.
Lawler thanks Batista for killing Coach. Who…is fine, now. Styles does even worse fake laughing than Lawler, actually. Here’s a rundown of Taboo Tuesday. Filmcans won’t be rebeaking this because he’s too busy hobnobbing with animation legends. Like Daffy Duck. HAHA, Christian beat Hardcore Holly in the voting for Team Smackdown. Mr. Socko had “humorous” hair. We got new tag team champions for some reason. Batista powerbombs Coach and that’s it. Now, the cage match. Styles: “That steel cage will shred flesh like cabbage into bloody coleslaw.” Bloody Coleslaw is Michael Cole’s Brood name. The three-way for the title featured copious amounts of John Cena being unconscious on the floor, so it was probably an ok match.
WEEEEEELL, YOU KNOW OUR FAMILY WAS MURDERED FOR BEING WEAK act all tough. Big Show asks what Kane’s strategy is. Kane says something crazy about eliciting suffering and something disintegrating into the bloody remains of something. Big Show: “That’s beautiful.” He should have said: “You do not require strategy?”
Commercials. Wait, this new Dragon Warrior game is set in the real world? Huh. In retrospect, that isn’t as shocking or fascinating as it seemed for a second. In an ironic twist, Smackdown vs RAW 2006 is set in Alefgard.
It’s time for MY CAREER HIGHLIGHT REMAINS RUNNING IN ON THE GAY WEDDING vs I SHALL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THIS HELMS-TEST. Rosey is already in the ring, but we get to hear Helms’ generic rock and we get to see his awesome Stupidtron video of a pair of sunglasses and his name floating around. Fan sign: “Helms went from green to yellow.” The light was yellow, officer. Next is Red Helms, Communist sympathizer. We see the WWE.com exclusive Hurricane heel turn. Helms slaps Rosey. Rosey chokes Helms and choke-tosses him into the corner and punches away. Helms throws a back elbow, but wanders into a clothesline. More clotheslines. Rosey: “Come on, Gregory!” Helms tries to climb out, but Rosey tosses him back in. Elbowdrops. Clubbering by Rosey. Styles: “What are you talking about? They were a great tag team! They lost one match, it happens! Nobody’s unbeatable. Certainly not you, Coach.” Helms flees to the floor. Rosey waddles after him. Rosey ignores Helms’ punch and punches him down. Rosey sends Helms into the barricade. Rosey catches Helms’ kick back in the ring and clotheslines him down. Lawler explains to Coach that he and Styles did just fine without him at Taboo Tuesday. Styles: “I’ll give King all the credit for Taboo Tuesday…” Coach: “Well you would have to.” Helms pulls Rosey face-first into the second turnbuckle. He bashes Rosey’s head into the buckle a few times, but Rosey elbows him off. Rosey goes up for some reason, but Helms kicks his leg out of his leg! SHINING WIZZARD! For 3? He stares at the camera like he can’t believe weird his hair looks. Haha, no matter how evil he becomes, he will always have a dorky Green Lantern shoulder tattoo. Tattoo Tuesday.
THE WEST-TEXAS DEADNECKS HAHAHA THEY ARE SO GOING TO DIE make ready for the tag title rematch. They impersonate Raven by pushing around a shopping cart containing a garbage can full of plundah. They will perfect their impression when they get fired, go to TNA, and get sent to one of Larry Zbyszko’s concentration camps.
Commercials. I hope you appreciated that Alefgard joke, gentle reader, because for some reason tracking down that name online took forever.
I’M GOING TO ELICIT PAIN…BY MAKING THE AUDIENCE SIT THROUGH AN HOUR OF RESTHOLDS AHCHACHA is out first. Then I’VE HAD HAMBURGER PIZZA, BUT WHY DON’T THEY INVENT A PIZZA HAMBURGER? Separate entrances. See, no unity. There’s no way they’re winning here. THIS GUY WHO USED TO KNOW SOME FRIEND OF DICK MURDOCH’S and DIRTY DICK SLATER VAIN push their garbage can in a shopping cart to the ring. Dirty Dick Slater Vain. Just…for a second I got Zach (the blonde, right?) confused with Slater or whoever, and Lance Cade has kind of a blonde pretty boy thing going as well as a cheating cowboy thing and…I apologize. Coach thinks the ex-champs are stupid for picking street fight rules. Styles correctly points out that the randomness this generates is the only way they have a prayer. Murdoch throws a garbage can at Kane, who no-sells. Cade picks up the can, but Show slaps it down, and then Cade turns into a Big Doot by Kane. Should it be called a Big Doot when someone other than Hoyt is doing it? Probably not. Show clotheslines Murdoch down. Big chest slap in the corner. Kane tosses shit in the ring. Well, not literally shit. Kane follows Cade around on the floor, and Cade sneaks in an eye-rake and slams his head into the stairs. Back in the ring, Show puts a trash can lid on Trevor’s head and tries for the LEGDROP O’ DOOT (wait, I decided NOT to go this way) but Cade saves Murdoch by pulling down the top rope so Show spills to the floor. Cade attacks Show on the floor, but Kane stops him and chucks Cade into the ring. Kane goes up, and comes down for his flying clothesline, but Cade moves and Murdoch kills Kane dead with a trashcan lid-shot as Kane is landing! *crazy redneck eyes* I almost went with *crazy inbred eyes* but that sort of implies sexings are going to occur.Cade and Murdoch stomp the shit out of Kane in the corner. Clubberings. This is suddenly pretty awesome. Cade with a trashcan lid-shot for Kane. Murdoch takes the Kendo stick to him. The fans chant for “Big Show” for some reason. Kane sent to the ropes, Murdoch does the inverted atomic drop to set up Cade’s swinging neckbreaker. Cade sticks two fingers up in the air. It’s a sort of ancient cowboy heel hand sign I’ve never quite understood, unless he’s telling French soldiers he can still operate a longbow. Show is up on the apron. Murdoch charges him, and hits, but Show kinda ignores him so Cade wanders off…to get a garbage can, which he knocks Show off the apron with instead! Nice. Kane has Cade goozled, and Murdoch turns into a goozle as well. They kick low to escape the double chokeslam, and it’s all legal. They charge Kane, who clotheslines Cade though Murdoch ducks, and runs right into Show. So, Show sold a spill to the floor for forever, but this crazy running trashcan-shot from Murdoch is sold for like three seconds. Murdoch comically turns back and forth between the two huge sweaty bohweemoths before getting clotheslined down by Show. Cade charges into a sideslam by Kane. Show sends Murdoch into a kendo stick attack from Kane. And another. Canings from Kane, har har. Show using his Fat Train Attack on Cade. Show side-suplexes Cade into a trashcan. Styles: “That’ll explode your kidneys like water ballons!” Murdoch eats another can-shot on the floor. Now Show puts the trashcan on his head, leans him against the corner post, and allow Kane to big d…boot it. Styles: “Lance Cade now, trying to crawl someplace safer, like Indianapolis.” Kane sends Cade into the Stupidtron. Show clotheslines him. They clear the announce table and double chokeslam Cade through it. Um, I think you can probably pin him now. Kane does for the win. The wrong guys won, but on some level I enjoyed that. Show holds out a fist for dap. Kane points at the corpse and laughs and talks and Show gives up on the fist-dap and now Kane wants to fist-dap and Show gives it to him.
Kurt walks around.
Commercials. Quit blowing up Big Ben, Mister Bond. You want to be demoted to Single-O Twelve?
The crowd chants “You suck” at SUCK SUCKLY, who teases leaving. This is our main event, but…it’s not gonna be forty-five minutes, is it? Kurt has the stick. He acts all angry about the “You suck” chant. He tells the fan they’re going to redo his entrance until the fans show him respect. Styles: “Oh, this is gonna work.” The fans actually kinda tease Angle a little by waiting for his music to play and for him to get a good start to the ring before the chant starts again. Angle: “I train my ass off, every single day!” But it keeps coming back. Kurt decides to try one more time, and if the fans tell him he sucks this time, he’s taking his ass and going home. Did the show run short or something? I can’t help it, Kurt’s reaction is just great. He’s convinced it’s gonna work, but NO. Joey: “They bought their tickets, they can chant whatever they want!” Kurt…whoa, he argues against Style’s logic! The fans are abusing their right to free speech and not showing Kurt the respect he deserves for everything he sacrifices to entertain them etc etc. Kurt says his wife left him because he spent all his time wrestling for the people. I didn’t know that. Do you think she left because he pretended to be crippled to avoid sexing her? Kurt says this arena is full of selfish bastards who suck. Kurt tells the fans their main event can go straight to Hell. And he leaves. Well, this is odd. Do you suppose this means Rhyno will win the WWE Title?
Commercials. Limpbizkit Greatest Hits. Good God. Including “3 new tracks.” Wait a second, what?
Eric tries to convince Kurt Angle to wrestle in the main event. Kurt says he wants the fans not to chant “you suck” and he wants a magical mystery ref. Eric says he’ll figure something out.
TIME TO JERK THE CURTAIN…TIME TO JERK THE CURTAIN! HOOHOOHOOHOOHUHUH! was apparently scheduled to jerk the curtain at next week’s RAW because this is post main event, baby. Trips…has a leather chair sitting at the top of the entrance ramp for him, and…he sits in it. Another lounging interview? Oh…no, he’s apparently going to sit there while Ric Flair defends the IC Title…next!
Commercials. Man, a tentacle monster being the downfall of Japan…who’d have thunk it, huh? I hope any female members of you Dragon Warrior 97 party are wearing long pants that are securely belted.
I WILL WIN YOU INTER-CON-TINENTAL TITLE is already in the ring. Wow…his music is in this whole new part I’ve never heard before! I WISH YOU’DA FINISHED OFF THAT MOVE-STEALER VALENTINE struts past Trips. His peripheral vision isn’t that great now. Fan sign: “This is a Woooo Free Zone.” Right next to it is like a thirty part WOOOOOO sign. Wait, did Boobermonkeys attend this RAW? Ric has Lillian add “the man who defeated Triple H at Taboo Tuesday” to his introduction. Conway and Ric circle. Coach: “You’re looking at the Model of Excellence in Rob Conway! 98% fat-free.” Conway shoulderblocks Ric down, but runs into a hip-toss. Strutting. Ric, I don’t think you can flick hair sweat all the way to the top of the ramp from here. Runny aroundy sequence. Conway leaps up for something, but Ric evades by JUST WANDERING AWAY ALL FUCKING CASUALLY and then he slaps Conway in the face. Awesome. Samoa Ric. He will use the telephone to call you. Of course, it will be some wacky Flintstones telephone that’s like a wooly mammoth or something. Then Fred will check in with Coach’s stapler. Ric showboats and taunts Flair some more, allowing Conway to take over with a charging something. Swinging neckbreaker for 2. Conway just slaps Flair and Woos at him. Flair grabs his testicles. The ref does nothing. You know, Ric never used to do that every match. Ric punches and chops away. He downs Conway with an elbow. Rolling knee drop. Ric goes up…flying clothesline connects! That move always works now. Vertical suplex, but Ric is slow to rise because he’s old. Figure-4. Styles: “It’s time to go to school Conman!” To train at the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts. Conway taps out right before Trips arrives to choke Flair with a chain. Trips tries to punch him with the chain wrapped around his knuckles, but Flair fights him off. They brawl through the crowd. Flair winning these early skirmishes is making me wonder how all this will end. Security eventually breaks it up.
Smackdown Rebound. The Undertaker. Dead. ?. This isn’t a Smackdown Rebound, it’s a fucking Undertaker montage and I’m not rebeaking it.
Commercials. They literally didn’t show anything that happened on Smackdown. The show Matt was sent to for jobbing and Edge was sent to for misbehaving. And no matter how many ways they tell me Smackdown doesn’t matter, I still prefer it to RAW.
Earlier tonight, Edge was sent to Smackdown for misbehaving. Wow, Kerwin’s caddie whatshisname was really into taunting Edge. Meanwhile, Edge takes on Batista in a Street Fight. Which can be for the title if he wants because of that briefcase they’ve forgotten.
Speaking of forgotten, where is Nash? Jesus Christ, even 411 and IP don’t care.
I CHOOSE ROULETTE (Lita) tries to seduce UNCLE ERIC STARRING IN ERIC’S QUEST FOR YOUR NES GAMING SYSTEM into letting Edge off easy. She shows him her breasteses. Lita should be the one to play Snow White because she has the most talent. You have no idea how awesome that joke would be if you got it. Eric tells her to put them things away and calls her a slut and stuff.
THE DOG IS SHARP AGAIN, MOMMY is another Manos joke, so it must be time for Chris Masters. Haha, Styles has a real purpose on this announce team after all: to be told to shush even though he isn’t talking. As Coach is talking about how silent everyone is for this dramatic moment, Masters goes “OH YEAH BAYBAY!” Or maybe it was come on, I don’t know. I’M GONNA BEAT JOHN CENA FOR THE TITLE WITH AN ABSENT FREAKIN’ WIFE comes out, and the crowd is “censored” with bleeping during his entrance. That was cute, I guess. Lotta set-up for that pay-off, though. HUMPING BOY KEYSTER is out next. Hey, could you censor his outfit, maybe? Fan sign: “HBK IS CHAMP.” Monkey-Butter in the Bank. Did that make any sense? It was supposed to be dirty. Long pause for Cena’s music. Maybe this crowd censoring gimmick was invented to protect this gork. MY TIME IS UP MY HEAT IS GONE, THE CROWD HATES ME, MY HEAT IS GONE is here. I’m so smarky. Coach reminds us about the special guest ref, whom I’d totally forgotten. REFEREEAAAAAHLAYLAYAHLAYAHAHAHLAAHLAYAAAAA is referee Khosrow Daivari? What the fuck? I like Daivari, but this makes about as much sense as a Vader run-in. Hey, maybe Daivari is drunk! Watch him closely, Scaia.
Commercials. And what’s really sad is the marks were pissed because they thought it was Hassan, and Daivari just kinda underwhelmed them.
This USA announcer keeps telling us what is on “after the WWE Raw.” He’d be a big fan of the Weekly Visitor.
HBK and Masters have a hair-pull fight. Masters rolls HBK up, and Daivari quick-counts, but only gets 2. Tag to Angle. He reverses a whip, but charges into a boot. HBK tags Cena in for shittiness. Angle sent to the ropes, and he eats a double elbow. Daivari slow-counts for 1. Angle punches away and tags to Masters. Masters runs right into a hiptoss. Suplex (Joey calls it a Fisherman’s Suplex, sigh) for another slow 1. Styles: “How can you justify this!?” Coach: “You need to calm down Styles and call the main event baby boy!” HBK tagged in to chop, but Masters does something or other. Tag to Angle. He and HBK trade arm-wringers. HBK with an arm-bar. Coach laughs at the audience yelling “Angle sucks” but being censored, but…they aren’t being censoered now. Daivari does more cheating stuff. He cheats by not letting Cena run in. Angle chokes HBK with his boot while Daivari counts super slow. Tag to Masters for a powerslam or something and a fast-count. What is the point of having a crooked heel ref in a meaningless tag match like this? Does John Cena have it in his contract that he has to have a crooked ref trying to screw him in every match? HBK punches out of a bearhug, but Kurt tags in and attacks and does some leglock. Cena continues to suck on the apron. It’s lemon-flavored. Kurt knocks Cena off the apron to remind us he’s here. Kurt wants the Angle Slam, but HBK shifts his weight and gets a DDT. Naptime, and, hahaha, Daivari is fanning Kurt Angle. Tag to Cena, and he does shoulderblocks and clotheslines. Lawler: “Clothesline after clothesline!” Styles calls his one move, and it’s a “belly-to-back sit-out powerbomb, nicely done.” Good Cena. Sit Cena. FKS. Stalking Angle for the F-U, but Masters saves. Angle has Cena in the boringlock. HBK does a little dance on the apron to excite the fans. Tag to Masters for sweaty, shiny choking. Daivari ignores it. Masters with a delayed vertical suplex on Cena. A quick-count gets 2. Tag to Kurt for kicking. Backbreaker for another fast 2. Ninja Chokeout. Coach, on Daivari’s counts: “There does seem to be a different cadence.” Styles flips out about the counting. If only Mike Tenay were here to tell Daivari when he can count. God, can you imagine Joey Styles and Mike Tenay calling a match together? So much smarty-pantsness. Smarty-pantsocity. Cena with a backdrop to escape the chokeout. Double tag, and HBK takes over with punches. Flying burrito, kip-up, inverted atomic drop, and he clotheslines all the heels. Scoop slam (it’s over!) and he goes up top. Angle gets a chair, and slides it to Masters. Michaels sees it, but hops down and wanders into a chairshot to the gut.) Daivari turns around when HBK gets ahold of the chair, and Dairy Queens him even though he never saw HBK use it. HBK souparkicks Masters, but gets clotheslined out of the ring by Angle. Angle chairs Cena to death. Daivari raised his hand. Styles thinks the fans are still being censored, but they aren’t. Styles is so used to ECW technology, he thinks WWE technicians can create magical pixies from fairydust and shit. Joey Styles is about to have a frickin’ stroke from screaming about how much this sucks, by the way.
Final Thoughts: This was alright, I guess. Nothing really grabbed me, but there were no McMahons whatsoever. Though this was clearly better than last week’s show, it amuses me greatly that it ended with ECW mainstay and internet pundit Joey Styles screaming: “THIS SUCKS! THIS SUCKS! SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!”
