ONE PIECE: I felt a little guilty for watching it since Super Asia wanted to play PS2, but damn it, Luffie and Zolo were fighting each other! I like how Luffie heard some villager he’d just met telling him first most trusted crewman and first-mate Zolo was all OMG HEEL so he went completely off the deep end on him. I’d hate to think what would have happened if he’d gone after Usopp. I mean, just imagine how that would go! Ha-HA!
SITEY: I assume TNM is going to rebeak Bound For Glory, barring some awful taping mishap. And I hope Boobers rebeaks the weekend shows again. If we don’t get both, then one or the other has to happen, because I have a feeling this RAW is going to suck and the JG head should be pushed down the page as quickly as possible.
Dramatic WWE Throughout The Ages montage. The voice of that guy yelling “the world is watching” seems vaguely familiar.
LAST WEEK: JBL’s music played, but he didn’t do anything. Very Nashesque.
THE ICON, THE CURTAIN-JERKER opens the show. Coach says we’re 8 days away from Taboo Tuesday. Wow, the buildup for Taboo Tuesday just flew by! In order to avoid ppv name fatigue, they should start promoting all cards two weeks before they happen. IN THE SPIRIT OF TABOO TUESDAY I VOTE THAT EVERYONE BUYS ME A BIG PILE OF HAMBURGARS is next. Look at that flabby arm punching the air. Some young woman in a little black dress is way too excited about The Big Show. He won’t sex you unless you rub yourself in beef tallow first, lady. I learned that from Joy Giovanni. The heir to Team Rocket. I’VE TRAVELED THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE TO TORTURE MY MOST HATED ENEMY, YOU KNOW, WHEN I GET ONE is out too. Are they a team, or…oh. Three-way dance. HBK wishes it was a 3-way lap dance. Everyone smacks each other around, and by the time I’m done typing about Team Rocket, Kane and HBK are both being dominated by Show. Wow, that Kane push sure was a doozy! Show gives Shawn the Ham Hand. Goozle for Kane, but HBK clips Show’s leg to prevent a chokeslam. Now Kane leans on Show while HBK stomps. Show rolls out of the ring. HBK chops away on Kane in the corner. Kane reverses a whip, allowing HBK to do his uber-Flair-flip. Sidewalk slam by Kane. He drops an elbow. I’m already sick of Kane again. Show pulls Kane to the floor and clotheslines him. Show got busted open somehow. Show goes in, sets Shawn up for a press slam, and tosses him out onto Kane. Then they cut to break while Coach is just starting to tell us we’ve gotta take a break.
Commercials. Saw 2, Decent Movies 0.
We’re back, and the big slugs are punching each other. Lawler tells us Michaels is “wasted” on the outside. Show gets a powerslam on Kane, but HBK breaks up the cover. HBK gets knocked down, but nips up. It’s not just for celebrating a successful flying burrito anymore. Show wants the chokeslam (more like jokeslam WOO HOO!) but Kane breaks that up. Kane then tosses Shawn, and punches Show some. Punching in the corner. There’s a clock counting down to when you can vote on what humiliating outfit Carlito has to wear after he jobs to Foley or whatever they’re voting on this year. Kane goes up for his flying clothesline, I guess, and HBK attacks and gets kicked away, but Show goes up and gets a superplex. The fans chant “Holy Shit.” Yeah, I mean, it was pretty good for a Show/Kane spot, but COME ON. HBK with the Macho Elbow on Show. Sweet Chin Music for Show, so Kane clotheslines HBK for ignoring him. Kane covers Show, who kicks out at 2 because you can’t win off someone else’s finisher. Kane starts yelling all stupidly. Kane grabs a chair, drops it clumsily, and grabs another. Now…he’s throwing chairs into the ring. He wants to reenact that one ECW clip where people were throwing chairs. Kane hits Show with a chair, and Lawler stupidly points out that the ref has to be deaf not to hear that. Kane goes up, obviously to wait ten minutes for Show to recover from the chairshot so he can clothesline him. Oh, pardon me, he instead opts for THE STUPID and jumps off right into…HBK superkicking some empty air that Kane could theoretically have been occupying if he wasn’t where he was. Completely whiffed. Kane goes down anyway. Superkick for Show, and HBK wins. So…they job the entire roster to Kane in a rumble last week, and then he loses his first real match back? Coach, on HBK: “Certainly at a size disadvantage, but not a heart disadvantage!” Not against Show, certainly. Show’s heart has to be just about ready to quit at all times.
John Cena goes to some Nascar race. Hmm…what should I be losing respect for here?
Commercials. The local political ads are depressing. In order to be elected, you can’t just promise to carry out court-approved death sentences, you have to enjoy it.
The WWE is going to tour Australia in the hopes that Australians haven’t heard about how shitty the WWE is. I’d keep my eyes on Juventud, other Mexicools.
WE’RE SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN DON WEST AND MIKE TENAY are on camera? Lawler addresses the live crowd (grabbing a quick Foley pop.) Lawler polls the crowd in the spirit of Taboo Tuesday (read: stupidly.) They hate Coach, they like Stone Cold, and they prefer mostly non-scripted promos to the kind that don’t run over ten minutes. We see highlights from last week of Stone Cold pouring beer on various things. Lawler polls the crowd on what they want to see between Coach and Stone Cold at Taboo Tuesday. They boo “verbal debate,” and I can’t blame them there. “Arm Wrestling” loses to “Street Fight.” I’d go for “Musical Theme Battle.” Coach grabs the mic and calls Stone Cold out. Wait, he has to go to the ring first. Wow…we get to hear Funky New Smell again? And…we go to break. So…the purpose of this talking segment was to set up another talking segment after the break.
Commercials. An ad for RAW. Man, I wish I knew when that was on so I could watch it.
Coach gives Stone Cold until the count of 3 to come out. Stone Cold’s music is playing. A truck drives up. We haven’t seen Stone Cold yet. HAHAHAHAHA PUT A SOCK IN IT, LUNA is dressed as Stone Cold and drinks beer! Hilarity! The sad part of all of this is that I’m going to start hating Coachman as much as I hate Austin and Steph soon. Wow, I’ve never heard this part of Stephanie’s music before. It sucks. Another sad thing about the return of Stephanie is I’m tempted to start pretending Luna is following her everywhere, ala Chad and Grandpa. Coach: “If you even dare to show up in Anaheim California, the Coach is callin’, you, out!” What? The fans chant “slut” at Stephanie. Stephanie: “It disappoints me that our fans can’t be a little more original than using the same old stuff.” Hahaha, oh man, right in the middle of rehashing Austin vs McMahons and JR vs Coach simultaneously too. Steph tells us JR had successful ass surgery. Then she talks up the possibility of Vince replacing Coach at Taboo Tuesday. I’M NOT THAT GOOD ANYMORE, AND THAT, IS, FINAL! invades. Lawler: “As good old JR would say, business has just picked up!” And that is the line at the bottom, so sayeth Stone Cold. Foley says Stephanie is full of crap. Steph thinks JR was, ha ha. Foley: “I never found colon surgery that funny.” Colon surgery? Dat’s not cool. Foley plays a new variation on the old “hold out the mic and let the fans fill in the blank” by letting them decide Vince is an asshole. Foley says McMahons aren’t good. Stephanie says that if it wasn’t for McMahons, there would be no wrestling. I just threw up a little in my mouth. UGH, EVEN I DON’T THINK THAT’S COOL is summoned by Stephanie, and when Foley turns to look at the Coolness, Stephanie kicks Foley in the Testicular Fortitude. Carlito takes full advantage with stomping and stuff. He drops a knee to the groin. Carlito bites into the apple, Foley tries to get up, but Carlito knocks him back down and spits in the face, of people, that have long since ceased being cool. Thanks for that close-up of Foley’s ass, cameraman.
Later tonight, Triple H vs Viscera. Oh God. Check it out, guess who this is: “Wah, Konnan is stupid, he throws shoes and Apolo is there for some reason! Wah!”
In fairness, Konnan being on RAW would make me kill myself.
Commercials. Use Axe Shower Gel and the outline of a girl’s buttocks will appear on your shower as though you’d been banging her right there dude. Sweet. I hate you, Axe Shower Gel.
Here’s a replay of RAW managing to somehow make me not care about Carlito spitting on Foley.
Backstage, Bischoff picks on Foley, who is dealing with apple and groin pain.
WAIT, THEY AREN’T STILL TAPING HEAT? is already in the ring. Lillian introduces Viscera and manages to contain the intense emotions he stirs up in her. I’d like to call him “Artemis” since he hangs out with Venis all the time, but there’s a glaring problem with naming Viscera after a small, white cat who has trouble with the ladies. Though they do share that smooth DJ voice. Please attack Triple H before the match, Ric. No, here’s HELLO…HELLO…HELLO! HELLO!, heading down to…wait, there is I AM OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND JG’S THREE STOOGES REFERENCES! Trips pretty quickly takes over, tossing him across the steps, but the Horde O’ Refs (TM) try to break it up. They play “it’s broken up wait no it isn’t” a few times before Trips leaves. Viscera is off enjoying some Farplane nachos. Ric grabs a mic…and throws it away? Now he grabs another mic. Flair: “Please! Please! Put me in a cage with that S.O.B! Please put me in a cage! A cage, a cage, a cage!” His music starts. Flair: “A cage! A cage! A cage! Woo!” So…a cage?
Commercials. In Tony Hawks 37, Tony Hawks messes with rich people. Yeah, stick it to those rich people, you multi-millionaire. Later, Stephanie McMahon mocks us for using the same old tired shit and not having any new ideas.
MY FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL IS “MOOBERRY” and I PREFER “SHITTY BORING VILLAIN WHO IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS WITH MCMAHON BACK CRUNCH” yell at each other. JBL wants to invade, but Eric has security goons and for some reason JBL didn’t just run through the crowd like everyone else does. Here’s footage from Smackdown of Edge getting revenge on JBL by spearing his best friend ever Rey Misterio. Chris Masters also attacks Rey. Man, JBL’s really gotta be feelin’ that. ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY, THAT THE TINY MASKED GUY WAS NOT JBL, his girlfriend YOU SPEARED HIM? I’D HAVE POWERBOMBED HIM INTO SOME OF ABYSS’ UNWRAPPED CANDY, and apparent Snitsky stand-in DON’T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR MOUTH PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE address JBL, who is now on the Cowboytron. Edge explains that he and Masters beat up Rey because Rey is a bigger star than JBL. Hmm. Edge: “Don’t get your cowboy hat in an uproar!” Oh crap, Masters has the mic now. Good, he doesn’t say much. It will be Edge and Masters vs JBL and a Mystery Superpartner. Our first option is Matt. Edge: “What if all the people that go on Matt’s little website, what if they go on WWE.com and vote for Matt? Well then, he’ll still finish fourth!” Ooooh. Burn. I wonder if the fans at home think that was improvised? It wasn’t. Our other choices are Rey (midget division jokes) or Christian (OH MAN DUDE VOTE FOR HIM!!!) Edge mocks Christian, who he “carried for the first 6 years” (doesn’t mention being his brother, though.) Um…wait, it’s not over yet. Hardcore Holly is a choice for some ungodly reason. Masters makes jokes about how Hardcore Holly is kinda gay. Christ. That’s the pot calling the kettle something to store water in. Masters: “Masterpiece don’t swing that way!” He only has sex with apples. Oh, wait, I guess JBL isn’t a lock as he has to get voted in too. Edge says being called “Mr. Smackdown” is like being “Mr. Enron” or “Mr. Titanic.” Test would say he has something titanic IN HIS PANTS. Assuming Test knows what titanic means when it isn’t capitalized. Masters: “Hey JBL, Mr.*pause* Suckdown! How ‘bout you do me a favor and…” JBL: “No! No! How ‘bout you do the English language a favor, ya hair-lipped orangutan, you talk like you’ve got a mouth full of marbles (HA!) how ‘bout you shut your pie-hole!” He challenges Masters to come face him in the parking lot, and calls him “monkey boy,” which is awesome. Masters heads out. There’s still a camera on Edge as he talks. Someone’s getting attacked from behind before this is over. Masters finds JBL. JBL: “There ain’t a man, woman or animal that hasn’t slept in that used merchandise that you call a girlfriend!” Is JBL talking about that apple? Is Masters dating a tent now? Or perhaps a dead Taunton? Masters: “You want some of the Masterlock?” That’s the move, not you. DUDE, MASTERPIECE IS YOU! JBL now reveals that it was ALL A CON as HEY MAKOTO KINO I KNOW KARATE TOO (w/WHAT’S WITH THIS SCOUT ON SCOUT VIOLENCE? and CAAAAAATFIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!) is on the apron! Springboard dropkick for Edge! Lita charges with the briefcase, but my Scout on Scout violence joke is realized when Rey trips her up, she lends in the ropes, and Rey gives Lita 619! It’s only one number and a few letters away from being a disgusting fanfic! Rey flees through the crowd. You know, avoiding a brutal Raye/Lita Street Fight is exactly why the anime dropped the idea of Raye knowing karate as soon as Lita showed up. For those keeping score at home, it’s Makoto Kino/Lita/Jupiter/the Tomboy/lightening/green/Zhao Yun vs Rei Hino/Raye/Mars/the Bitch/fire/red/Guan Yu.
Wow, I brought back the spacing disease in a big way.
Commercials. Ultimate Warrior: “Shall I lay on the lawn and let them run over me with lawnmowers!?” As long as he didn’t wrestle, Warrior was fucking awesome.
Here’s a replay of the latest chapter in the vicious feud between the Hinos and the Kinos. Raye: “It’s an H!” Lita: “It’s a K!” Grandpa: “It’s an H!” Lita’s parents: “*sounds of dead people.*”
M-I-C, K-E-Y, J-A-M-S-E (w/THE OTHER TWO) doesn’t quite spell out “Mickey James” but it fits that Mickey Mouse song pretty well. I admit to my spelling faults. I don’t try to cover them up. Jettsonn? Psh. Mickey is from Richmond, Virginia? Richmond be screwin’ up again. Her opponent is GO AHEAD, GUESS WHAT MY FAVORITE PERIOD OF BRITISH HISTORY IS (w/THE OTHER TWO.) At Taboo Tuesday, a Battle Royal in either lingerie, leather and lace or…cheerleaders, I think. Coach: “I think anything these women could do would excite you.” What about them taking a dump? Wait, that still might excite Lawler. Victoria does a headlock takedown, and Mickey spazzes out on the mat. Victoria knees her in the head. Shoulder to the midsection. GoChicky has a wand or something, so our commentators make vibratory allusions. Mickey gets a sunset flip or something, but misses a dropkick and Victoria goes back on offense. I miss stuff. Mickey comes back with punches and chops. Victoria gets a clothesline for 2. Another headlock for Victoria. Ashley rather disinterestedly slaps the mat to try and get some fan response. Victoria gets ranad and Ashley does some other stuff. Torrie trips Ashley up, allowing Victoria to go for a “look at the panties” suplex that Mickey reverses into a cover. GoChicky runs in and reverses the cover, but then Trish reverses that, and WHY THE HELL CAN’T EITHER GIRL JUST KICK OUT! Mickey wins. Victoria attacks Trish, who punches her and sends her back into the ring. And…nothing really comes of it. Lawler: “I have a scepter.” Coach: “King, we know.” Bring him his femmy scepter AT ONCE!
Vince is POWER-WALKING! Don’t cripple yourself.
Commercials. USA’s Halloween movie marathon is called “The Mischief Marathon.” If only William Regal were on USA to act as it’s caretaker and avoid all manner of tomfooleries.
Our Wrangler STOP SHOWING THIS of the Week is Linda firing JR. Vince’s happy/retarded surprise is kind of funny, I guess.
NOT AS GOOD A CHAIRMAN AS LA PARKA has finally made his way out here, coincidentally, just when the commercial break ended. JR says Vince is the kind of guy who would pledge money to a telethon and then not send it in. Is anyone really that evil? Vince: “If God wanted to give the US an enema, he’d stick it right in Fresno!” Stephanie is so disappointed in him. Now Vince says WWE tradition is that when a superstar has surgery, WWE cameras record it. Therefore, we get to see footage from JR’s ass surgery, on the Asstron. HOHOHO IT’S NOT REALLY THE SURGERY IT’S A PLASTIC ASS WITH A HAT HURHURHUR. Vince is “Dr. Hiney,” and there’s a “Nurse Lobberknockers” and…someone else who doesn’t get a name. Vince gropes the nurse and wacky sound effects happen. Fart noises occur. I hope they pull a mannequin hand out of JR’s ass. Vince pulls out barbeque sauce, a football, and a stuffed owl. Vince: “Are you some kind of a pervert or something?” Vince takes a plumber’s helper to the fake ass. I never thought I’d type that. Wow, they really do pull a mannequin’s hand out of there. Vince: “Mae Young’s other hand?” Wait…was Mae Young’s real hand supposed to have been stuck in her vagina? Vince now pulls out a goldfish in a bag and an OU football helmet and the sketch isn’t over yet? Oh, she’s Nurse Slobberknockers. That makes a lot more sense. Vince puts a jackhammer up against the fake butt. How is that supposed to be helping? Now Vince pulls out some kind of Stone Cold toy. JR’s voice screams “Stone Cold” a million times. Now the Jaws of Life. It produces JR’s wax head, which had been up his ass hurhurhur. Can this be the punchline, please? No, Vince and the nurse have pretend sex on the operating table. Because nothing gets the ladies wetter than old men pretending to reach into obese mens' anuses. Does this mean Linda isn’t part of his heelish coalition? I’m probably thinking about this too much. In that I was thinking there for a second. Now back to live ass-jokes, as Vince tells the crowd they too have their heads up their asses. And we go to break. Thank God.
Commercials. Ok, so, if Mae Young’s real hand was stuck up her vagina, the whole thing was some kinda joke about how she’s all horny and always masturbating and she’s all desiccated and her just came off in there. That’s fine. Well, not fine, but…it has a logic. But she had two good, working hands on the ends of her arms. So…I’m never going to understand what was supposed to be happening there, am I?
HEY SLAPASS WE’RE GONNA MOSEY ON IN HERE AND OH GOD THE PELE, the completely forgotten tag team champions, have a match? AND they have a match at Taboo Tuesday!?! Divided…into three!?! I heard “Knock knock knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” today and totally thought of that. Anyway, whichever two guys out of HBK/Kane/Show aren’t voted into the title match will TEEM UP and beat the snot out of the champs at Taboo Tuesday. Rosey is MORBIDLY OBESE TITO SANTANA because he was half of a shitty face tag team and got betrayed. He’s out without the Hurricane. As you may recall, Hurricane turned heel last week. I don’t recall that, but you may. Rosey attacks Murdoch, but Trevor jumps on him. Shoulderblocks in the corner. Dunno if it’s Murdoch or Cade, but someone clearly yells “COME ON, PUNKASS!” Rosey fights back with a sideslam and back body drop on Murdoch as THE HELMS-MAN comes out in normal clothes and with new, differently gay hair. The heels doubleteam Rosey, but I’m more interested in Gregory Helms’ heelish smoked aviator sunglasses. I hope he really does become The Helms-Man now. Maybe the Hellmanns. Torturing Rosey by refusing to give him any sandwich spread but Light Mayonnaise. Trevor Murdoch sits on Rosey and throws some crossfaces. Tag to Lance, who does some elbow off the top. Rosey punches back. He sends Cade to the ropes, but Cade ducks whatever and hits something. Murdoch in for a double-team something. They hit their finisher, the “Sweet and Sour” if Coach is to be trusted. He obviously doesn’t care about these guys, because he only said the name once. The Sweet and Sour is one guy doing a running sweep from behind while the other guy does a clothesline. The Midnight Express used to do a fancier version, but I forget what it was called. Maybe it was “Smash Bash.” The Helms-Man just stands there in his shades looking like an asshole.
Commercials. Flair vs Trips can be in a cage, it can be a submission match, or “1 Fall to a Finish.” So…a match, then?
We’re back. The IPay1 Center, is that where Taboo Tuesday is? That’s the worst arena name ever. Jesus.
Smackdown Suckdown (LOL) time. God, look how faggoty Batista looks on the SD magazine. We see a bunch of replays of Benoit’s suicidal suicide dive. They don’t show The Boogeyman, but I’d still like to know what that thing on his staff was. Did he just take a stick and stick it in some dried, solidified DOOT-DOO!?!
Special guest referee IF GOD EVER DECIDES TO GIVE THE US AN ENEMA, HE WOULD STICK IT, RIGHT HERE, IN FRESNO CALIFORNIA! *THUMBS UP* is back, limping a bit, but with a face free of apples. Not much time left for the main event, but you know what, this show can end any time now. SOME JOKE ABOUT GUTTERSLUTS OR SUCKING OR I DON’T CARE is out. He and Mick don’t like each other. *THUMBS THROUGH THESAURUS LOOKING FOR WORDS THAT MEAN “PENIS” AND RHYME WITH TABOO* comes out. He stole Trevor Murdoch’s hat! Cena is really torn over that video of JR’s ass surgery. As a babyface, he naturally respects and admires JR and hates to see him belittled. And yet…that was a lot of fart noises and objects being pulled out of a fake hinder. Way to signal for the bell, Foley. Great job. Kurt and Cena fight over a headlock, but Cena starts going for shoulderblocks. Kurt goes outside. The crowd is red hot, probably because they’ve been waiting for a match between two guys they care about ALL NIGHT. Kurt back in, and they trade rear-waistlocks until Kurt gets a headlock takedown. Dueling “Let’s go Angle/Let’s go Cena” chants. The resthold stops long enough for Cena to do some armdrags. He misses an elbow. Kurt sends him to the ropes, but Papa Shangos. Cena clotheslines him to the floor and poses like a retard. Foley would have Cactus Clotheslined him, but that wouldn’t have nicely set up the commercial break, so clearly John Cena is the superior wrestler out of those two.
Commercials. BK Chicken Fries. There’s a funny radio ad in which a customer wants free stuff with chicken fries, and the narrator offers free salt packets and napkins before being goaded into offering free regular fries and a drink. It was funny. I guess it’s kinda hard to use the Burger King himself in radio ads. That one Darth Vader/Burger King ad would have been pretty terrifying on radio, come to think of it.
We’re back, and Angle is slamming Cena against the steps. Here’s a replay of that clothesline we just saw. Kurt pulls on Cena’s stupid face. It’s stupid. I hate it. Back in the ring, and Kurt gets a suplex for 2. Angle punches and stuff. Coach calls him an “Olympic-sized freight train!” How about a freight train-sized Olympian? Kurt with rope-choking, a backbreaker, and a cover for 2. Foley bothers Kurt for some reason. Kurt with the legscissors. He does that to Cena a lot. That’s what you get for all your homoerotic battlerap poetry, Jeeeeahn. Cena fights to his feet and charges right into a belly2belly. Kurt sends Cena into the turnbuckles, and does another belly2belly. He covers for 2. Kurt and Mick start shoving each other. Cena rolls Kurt up for 2. Foley seriously fast-counted him, and Coach missed it. Cena with a sunset flip for 2. Headbutt by Cena. Coach: “John Cena just found a second gear!” Hahaha. I don’t even know what joke to make here. He finally got out of Park, and ended up in Reverse. Kurt gets a suplex or something while I laugh at Coach. Angle hugs Cena from behind. Lawler thinks that plastic ass video should get a gold medal for crudeness. Gail Kim issues a formal complaint with the Korean judge (who is from Korea, there being just the one) when her latest sci-fi epic, Anal Asians 31: Launching a Class 2 Probe, gets shafted, so to speak. That was a run-on sentence, but I had a lot of ass jokes to make. And those jokes were indeed ass. Cena elbows his way out of Kurt’s deadly hug, ducks a clothesline, and gets a DDT. Shades of Carlito. Naptime. It’s a good thing I took a nap today or I’d be out right now. Foley counts to nine. He could count to ten right now, but only if Mike Tenay gave him permission. Cena does clotheslines and shoulderblocks and shit. “Fisherman suplex” by Cena. HEY KURT WE SHOULD HANG OUT AND WATCH THE OLYMPIC DOCUMENTARY “COOL RUNNINGS” invades, but Foley cuts him off and punches him (for his awful nickname) and…gets thrown into the steps because Foley’s a fucking clutz, hahaha. Carlito pounds Foley into the stairs some more. Cena wonders at this, but still evades Kurt’s charge and gets that one sideslam kinda move. FKS, YCSM, and he’s setting up the F-U, but ERIKA BITCHOFF OHOHOHO comes out dressed as a referee. JESUS CHRIST ENOUGH WITH HEEL REFEREES SCREWING CENA. Eric pulls Angle down, Angle Germans Cena, and Eric fast-counts to 2. Cena stupidly confronts Bischoff, and gets rolled-up for another fast-counted 2. Cena punches Angle ONCE, then yells at Bischoff again, and Ankle gets the Anglelock. Cena refuses to tap no matter how much they stack the odds against him because I hate this so much. Eric grabs Cena’s hand and makes him tap, and then he calls for the bell. You know, if you look back at history, there are endings to wrestling matches that are not “John Cena clearly wins but the referee cheats him.”
Final Thoughts: When’s my Goddamned copy of The Warriors for PS2 going to get here? Come on JG, say something about RAW. Um, my favorite RAW superstars tonight were JBL and Rey Misterio.
