We're LIVE from Seattle, forgot the arena. Prolly the "Michelina's Pasta Bowl Arena" or some crap.

Before anything really begins tho we have about a ten minutes of WMXIX highlights to go through. Fred Durst, jesus, I wish he was just fucking dead already. Rey looks cool as hell in his Daredevil get-up. More highlights. This takles about seven hours.

Get your guns your nuns and your case sensitive information?

Good Ol' Hypocrite and Throwin Stones Lawler are your announcers.

We start off with Rock backstage preening apparently to come to the ring. Some fatty tries to put make-up on the Rock, but Rock DENIES him, and calls him Fernando. He informs Just Fernando that The Rock "Has been exfoliating all night" and doesn't NEED make-up. He then relents and tells him to cover-up the "People's Pimple". He then graciously informs us it's ROCK APPRECIATION NIGHT. He plays with the crowd like a good heel then for some reason takes off abruptly.

HAHAHA Rock Appreciation Night graphic is shown, it looks like Rock swats the lil RAN logo next to him.

As I bask in Rocky goodness, here comes "Fatty" Austin to cut a long annoying 1998 promo. He admits he was beaten last night, and that Rock was the better man. He says he just wants the Rock to come to the ring and he'll shake his hand. Even the fans aren't behind this overdone crap. Did I mention Austin's a fatty now? Anyway Austin doesn't get the Rock, he get's a Morley-Less Bischoff.

Bisch informs SCSA that the Rock won't be coming out. SCSA starts yapping, I drown it out, I assume "what?" and "bottom line" was said by default. Bischoff then pulls out a big envelope and informs everyone that SCSA went to the hospital before WM. Apparently Steveie has a lot of, er, crap wrong with his spine. Not sure as Eric butchered almost every medical term he was reading. Anyway the BOTTOM LINE is that SCSA is NOT CLEARED TO WRESTLE. HOLY CRAP I AM JUST REALLY NOT CARING. Anyway he's fired and Eric even makes us WCW fans happy by mentioning he has already sent Stevie's termination papers via Fed Ex. They run the tightest ship in the shipping buinsess ya know. JR begins openly weeping by the way. We pimp that WWE HEAT is now on TNN and it's time for a break as SCSA look like someone hit his wife. Well, someone else.

Commercials.

We're back to see the ACTION PACKED SCSA moping backstage. JR is in shock,disbelief, and a bunch of other adjectives. He then says he knew Austin was fucked up physically. So, can we fire him too then?

Yay I Love Me vs. Stand back, my career's about to be through

HHH comes down first, and JR immediately goes into this huge thing about Booker taking "a lot out of" HHH at WM. Well fuck JR, right there tells us Hurricane won't win you douche. Hurricane comes down, and gives his mask to a kid. Flair, WHO KNOWS HOW TO BE A HEEL WITHOUT FUCKING THE FACE OVER, steals the mask off the kid and steps on it, making him look bad without affecting Hurricane's rep. Don't worry about the kid though, later Ric, and HHH will take the kid out for ice cream because it's a SECRET OF WRESTLING. The Ice Cream guy might have to job to HHH first tho.

Anyway Hurricane attacks Flair,and HHH pulls him off. They finally go into the ring and the match starts. Back and forth choppy/punchy crap until HHH hits a spinebuster. Jesus, a spinebuster THIS early in a match? Anyway Bitchface(my new name for HHH) picks Hurricane up and whips him into the corner and lays some chops into him. Bitchface tries for a suplex, but Hurricane floats over and hits an admittedly sloppy neckbreaker. Helms has the momentum tho and hits Bitchface with two clotheslines and hits the PLEASE KNEEL KICK! Amazingly Helms gets two off that. Back up and Bitchface reverses Hurricane into the ropes, but Helms hits a tornado DDT on the return, and again gets a two count. Helms bounces off the ropes, but Flair grabs the foot. Helm's dropkicks Ric through the bottom and middle rope and the ref tends to Flair as Hurricane manages to chokeslam Bitchface, the ref turns around in time for ANOTHER two count before Flair pulls Helms off. In case your wondering JR is now in his "GO FOR IT KID GO FOR YOUR DREAM MUH GAWD" spiel he does for any guy who will never beat HHH (see: the speech he made during Jeff Hardy/Undertaker).

Hurricane hits the top and nails a crossbody and gets ANOTHER two count. It's almost like they're making it OBVIOUS to everyone Helms can't get the three. Oh wait they are, duh. Bitchface goes for the pedigree, but Helms back body drops out of it, then Helms tries for the Pedigree but Bitchface turns it into a hotshot into the corner. Bitchface chrages but Helms eblows out and gets the Eye of the Hurricane for yet one more "hey I'm NOT winning tonight ok" two count. Helms hits the top for a Blockbuster but Bitchface dodges and hits the kick, the wham, and the pedigree for three. Because god forbid anyone kick out of the pedigree, even tho just like last night Bitchface kicked out of every possible finisher Helms had save the banned Vertebreaker. Can someone just shoot Bitchface?

Anyway let's move on it's time for RVD AND KANE! The UNLIKELY DUO! Kane wants to break up, maybe he found another stoner guy to tag with? Anyway RVD says "yeah cool, maybe, but howabout this?" which contradicts itself. He's fine with it... but not? Anyway RVD says just by possibly SELLING THIER SOULS TO CANADA (Morely and Storm) they can MAYBE WIN THE TAG BELTS! Kane is upset, he's too stressed out, maybe he needs to go kill him a new girlfriend.

HOLY SHIT GOLDBERG IS GOING TO KILL BRET HART AGAIN!

We're back from the Goldberg video to listen to the fucking chant. It reminds me how much I hated that shit in WCW...

Commercials

LUGZZZZ Driving Boot Of The Week is Trish winning the belt at WM for the fourtieth time. Woo. It's obvious Jackie and her massive rack should have won SHE'S OUR NUMBER ONE WRESTLER DAMMIT. If she was um, in the match.

Plz Fire Me vs. Smarter than the Average Hobbit

Nowinski has a goofy mask on because his eye keeps falling out. He explains to Scoot, who apparently majored in "gym" according to Nowinski(heh) that he'd appreciate him not hitting him in the face, thnx. Steiner says "ROBBLE ROBBLE ME LIKE PUDDING" or some such and attacks him. Wacky chasing ensues until Steiner catahces Nowinski and drags him into the ring for his PATENTED offense of forearms to the back... over... and over... and over again. Steiner does a VICIOUS, albeit slow and umimpressive, clothesline. Kiss the muscle, drop the elbow. HOLY SHIT IT'S ON! STEINER IS DOING PUSH UPS HE *IS* A GENETIC FREAK! Nowinski is up for MORE clubbing forearms. Oh wait Steiner actually threw a few chops in there, god forbid he get repetitive. Nowinski headbutss Steiner (he has that face guard you know) and begins a round of weak jobber offense before Steiner hauls out the belly-to-belly. Wheee. Then to mix it up, that's right Steiner hits the RELEASE belly-to-bleey suplex. God I'm so excited right now. Steiner, for no reason except sweet.sweet roid rage on his mind, rips the mask off Nowinski and slaps on the Camel Recliner. Nowinski taps out because MUH GAWD THAT'S HIS FACE KING. That's what JR would have said if Chris was a face. Anyone remember when Test wore one of those masks? Sorry, tangent.

Terri catches up with SCSA and asks him if everythings true. He says "The Bottom line is my necks trashed and I'm fired it sucks and my necks trash. You happy?" Wow. That was a horrible interview. Terri pretends to care and runs off sad n crap. We so sad SCSA. Sad for JG cause he has to rebeak your boring ass now.

Commercials

Rock smacks his RAN logo again and we get the Rock's greatest songs since coming back to RAW.

Oh joy, JR, voice of annoyance and aforementioned hypocrisy, rants about SCSA getting fired and losing his livelihood. These used to be great but why the hell should I feel bad for SCSA when he came back from walking out? He should have been fired anyway. Not to mention he's NOT MEDICALLY CLEARED TO WRESTLE according to the storyline. So according to JR it's OK to decieve your employers! RIP THEM OFF AMERICA!

Booker T and Jericho face off tonight, but NOT RIGHT NOW.

BuhBuh and D'von talk. D'von is SICK of being Morley's slave. So is BuhBuh, but BuhBuh says they HAVE to to keep thier jobs. Apparently we're doing the "honest cop" "crooked cop" thing with BuhBuh showing some heelness. DVon STILL doesn't like it. Morely and his mute partner walk in and Morley lays down the match. It's a three way fight elimination fight but naturally all four of them beat Rvd and Kane down and after they're gone the Dud's lay down for Storm and Chief. The Dud's relucntantly agree.

Meanwhile Booker is getting his leg taped and Flair walks by, then starts taunting him. Booker snaps and tries to choke Flair to death, making him turn even redder then he does during a promo. He tosses him out, good intensity, all ruined by Lawler screaming about Booker's criminal record. Like a guy who cruises for chicks in the "young miss" section of Sears can take the moral highground.

Commercials

We're back,hey ya know LAST NIGHT ASHANTI SANG. I wonder if she threw any references to "gangsta love" or "sexin" in there?

A fat guy named Rosie should be happier vs. Majin Maven

3MW's music plays as Rosie and Rico are already in the ring as we come back from the WM moment. Eerie spooky part of the intro for 3MW by the way. DE NE NU NOW WOW! It's Maven's music! Last week Maven punked Rico, and it's TIME FOR NO REVENGE!

Basic punchy stuff starts, Rosie hits a big boot, and a few headbutts then some chops. Yawn. Rico then jumps in and pulls Maven out and throws in a cheapshot, and yes, like usual "Rico Sucks" chants abound. You'd think they could make this guy a real heel character huh? Rosie misses a corner splash and Maven hit's a flying forearm. Rico distracts the ref as Rosie tries for Sideswipe (or whatever D'Lo called the move), but Maven counters and hits his mandatory dropkick spot of the night.Rosie however apparently is fuckign TIRED OF SELLING and kinda, um, walks to the ropes, seriously. He and Rico have a chat and Maven apparently gets tired of having a job and does the sloppiest schoolboy ever. That gets two and then Maven hits a sunset flip for three. What the HELL was that? I shit you not Rosie just WALKED to the ropes.

Lawler then has to fucking go on about his "celebrity photoshoot" where he got to take pictures of a playboy centerfold. Yeah, it's about as dull as it sounds. Oh, he gets to use his "It"S GOOD TO BE THE KING AHAHA ME FUNNY MEMPHIS MAN BOOKERS A CROOK" line. Ok, I added shit, sue me. Oh please buy Torrie's naked mag. I'll be honest, I'm a man and have seen the web leaked pics. Two words. Tiny nipples.

Before the BIG Jericho/Booker match we haveta have a SLAM OF THE NIGHT! Which was Jericho giving HBK a little sweet knee to the groin music. I hate HBK too by the way. He can die as well, not like he cares since he's going to heaven.

Clique's Bitch#1 vs. Clique's Bitch #2

Commercials.

HEY BEFORE VERSION 1 AND IMAG-I-NATION(huh?) THERE WAS THE HARDY BOYZ! Um, who are they now? Anyway buy the book now that the Xtreme craze has TOTALLY fucking died.

Moments ago, this squash of Booker T was brought to you by the letter "H".

Creepier by the Week vs. Stevie Richards on RAW(w/cute when she's crazy)?

SCSA is walking out, I think his ball is in his duffel bag. he shakes everyones hand as he leaves. Jesus he was back for like three weeks, who cares?

Commercials.

We back baby. More RAN moments.

Test is on a cel-phone with Torrie apparently in the lockeroom. Stacy comes in, and Test hangs up. She believes he wasn't talking to anyone important but Goldust wackily and zanily messes everything up. Oh Goldust, you silly booger.

CANADIAN IN CHIEF vs. Unlikely duo vs. Stop or my mom will shoot!

Commercials.

Rock comes out and tells the crowd that he beat SCSA, that he has done it ALL. He has too, he's the best fucking thing on RAW right now. Anyway all markiness aside, he is DONE with the fans since they booed him on his return (kinda funny as half the crowd is kind of cheering him). He says they can kiss his ass, there's nothing left. THEN on cue, of course, The Bald Guy Replacing Austin coms out, says "YOU'RE NEXXORS!" and spears rock. That's it. Complicated huh? Rock is left on the mat in shock and agony as we fade out.

Final Thought: Like I told JG, I'm glad Goldberg showed up, just because it guarantees us another month of rock. NOw go watch Trigun.