Aired October 20, 2002
Rebeaker: Sofa
I'm crying on the inside. QUOTE THE SOFA, NEVERMORE
Pre-Heat: Not on my tape.
Tonight's hosts are Coach
Straight to the hype!
First a rundown of No Mercy's Awful Waffle card. Then we take a look at the battle for Steph's NEW, FABULOUS, OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR Tag Titles. That match ruled. Like nothing else. WE'LL BE ROCKIN'... IN LESS THAN... ONE HOUR.
Holy shit, a Paul Heyman interview. Who let him out of his playpen? That was a good promo.
Commercials: Some crummy new MTV show. (ARE THERE ANY OTHER KIND?!?!!?) Boston Public is really, really stupid.
We come back with a TUFF 3 NUFF Hypeup. More match hypeup. I hate pre-PPV-Heat. I really, really do. Haha, apparently Referee Teddy Long got Drozzled by running into the cell a few months ago and hasn't reffed since. Haha, losar. "DON'T EVER PUT ME IN THAT CELL AGAIN"
Commershalz: I really hate Red Bull. Mario Party 4, sans Luigi's HEEL beatdown. Sony commercial subtly plugs MTV's awfulawful MPEG campaign.
WWE Rewind: The "DEEP" (so sayeth JR) mess between Victoria and Dodge Stratus.
The History of the Intercontinental Title. Haha. Man. Wow, I didn't think they'd let Honky Tonk Man on TV anymore, even in a flashback. HAHA, Rocky Maivia jobs to HHH for the first of A MILLION times. Haha, and now the IC title is the first of MANY objects to fall into the Detroit River. Go away, Chyna. Angle rules. Oh man! The highest point of D-Lo Brown's career! Heh, Lance Storm had it for what, a week? Man. And Mr. Perfect didn't get a second of TV time. SALIVA IS COMING UP NEXT HIDE ME HIDE ME
Commercialzzz: I hate everything. There's like a 20 minute commercial for NOW 11
At TEH WROLD, Saliva is there posing all badass. Save me, someone. Really. OH, now we get to see their WORLD PREMIERE VIDEO. Ugh. My head. Ow. Let me recap this video for you. Let's see. Angst. Angst. Whining. Angst. Angst. Bitching. Angst. Uh, and a little bit of... angst at the end takes us out. Interview with the Undertaker. Highly derivative and boring? You bet. NEXT.
Commercials: SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR NEW MYSTERY/REALITY SHOW, MTV. I "SUSPECT" IT WILL SUCK HAR HAR. "Skip Barber" says Quaker State is a good motor oil. Yeah. RED BULL DIE DIE. MPEGSOMEBODY ELSE
The Ring Something or Other of the Week: Tajiri is turned upon by Noble and Nidia. Poor dope.
Hype for the women's match. Coach: "IS IT GETTIN' HOT IN HERE?!" You're fired. IT'S KANE! IT'S KANE! MYGAHD! IT'S A KANE VIDEO PACKAGE! JR: "CHOAKSLAM! CHOAKSLAM! CHOAKSLAM!" Now we get a stumbling interview with Brock "Jessie is Unattractive" Lesnar. Hoo rah.
I HATE COMMERCIALS: You a lazy student? Try questia.com OH WAIT YOU HAVE TO PAY TEH MONEYS. I-Spy has the Spy Kids font. Hollywood is so lazy.
Coach almost forgot to hype RAW.
FUCKING FINALLY: I want to buy a Hurricane Mask vs. Stevie "I worked for ECW, and yet I haven't jobbed to Lawler in over 2 weeks" Richards.
Stevie starts by throwing his shirt at the Hurricane, who oversells like a hero. Haha. Kicking. Hurri fails with the sunset flip, so Richards punches and then does ridiculous posing. I love Stevie's new gimmick. Hurri seizes the opportunity and flips Richards over to complete the move. It gets a 2 count. Punching. Richards with a backdrop. Nice one, at that. Unecessarily Celebratory Vertical Suplex! YES! Man, that was a good one, too. The cover only gets 2! Knees to the Hurricane's back. Ow. The submission hold goes on forever. Hurri finally powers out with what looks like the Unprettier, but Richards WIMBLEDONS that into something we'll never know, as Hurrican reverses THAT into a neckbreaker. Richards sells like he got stabbed in the neck. Punching. Elbows. Lawler claims to see Bill Clinton in the Arkansas crowd. OMG IT'S HIS FAULT THE WWE IS IN THE SHAPE IT IS TODAY! AND THAT HUSSEIN IS STILL IN POWER! ALL HIS FAULT. (SARCASM). Hurricane goes up and hits Stevie with a neckbreaker from the top! Wow. Eye of the Hurricane is reversed into nothing as Lawler makes an "intern" joke. SHININGU WIZAAADOO! Richards kicks out at 2! Jesus. Choakslam is teased, but Richards lands the knee. STEVIEKICK! Cover... 1, 2, NO! Holy shit, I thought that was it. Richards is likewise dumbstruck. Richards sends Hurricane up top, and attempts a superplex, but is tossed off, as the crowd slightly chants, "HUR-I-CANE!" Man. I hope SOMEONE backstage is paying attention, and will give Hurricane a push instead of having him get Pedigreed every fucking week. Hurri gets the arms... HOLY SHIT THE VERTEBREAKER! I can't believe they let him do that, but with the half-crippled and hard-working Richards, it makes perfect sense. The pinfall is academic. Great, great match. Lawler keeps saying "Vertebreater." Moron.
We now go to Tazz and Cole INSIDE THE CELL for more hype. Poor Tazz.
That's it. Bye.
FINAL THOUGHT: I'm joining The Next Mideon in Nerdy Hurricane Worship. This match suddenly made me remember why I liked Shane Helms in WCW. MEOWTH, DAT'S RIGHT!
Nash and DABO GIRL.