Captain's Blog: My VCR neglected to tell me that I was taping in SP, so this episode got recorded over by the next week's episode, which was last week's episode, and I'm way behind, and it was going to be mailed in no matter what, so lets get things started with our recap of 411's recap of Smackdown. 411 seemed to think that all Smackdown recaps were done by Scott Keith, but IT WAS A DAMN SETUP, KING as I got "David B. Campbell", who sounds like a country singer. Maybe he's the guy who got drunk and recorded WELLLL IT'S THE BIG SHOW.

Opening Promo: Dollah Dollah Rupee Rupee had a message to the troops. David B. Campbell kicks things off by mistyping "premier" as "premiere." I'm just going to apply nicknames and nitpicks. I'll show myself the door.

TAZZ, I'M REALLY DIGGING BOOYAKA 619 vs "If you lose your identity disc, or fail to follow commands, you will be subject to immediate legend killing"

One last stupid fucking Tron reference. This seems like a pretty standard 'allow Bob Orton to interfere at the end' match. David B. Campbell seems to organize his ringcorners by compass points. Behold: "Randy now stands idly in the NE corner huffing & puffing". I first assumed that David B. Campbell knew the geographical location of the Conseco Fieldhouse (I assume) from memory and was using his exact placement of the WWE ring in relation to the poles in order to determine this placement, but then realized that he's just using TV "up" as North. Way to make it boring.

Commercials. David B. Campbell's wireless mouse is $MONEY$, I gather. *Shane0Mac Mouse Moving*

David B. Campbell seems to be trying to make this match more exciting than I remember it was when I watched it by adding decimal values to every single 2 count. Also the abbreviation of Survivor Series as "SurSer" is nerve-wracking. NerWra. Isn't "SurSer" similar to the name of a starship manufacturing corporation in Star Wars? Help me out here, TNM. Jesus loves giving you Rare Star Destroyer cards, after all. So, Rey is attacked by Bob Orton, and goes to Survivor Series via Dairy Queen. Beatdown, but I will not... sound coherent on my blog! comes down for the save. So uneccesarily mean to Matt Hardy. Sorry.

Commercials. David B. Campbell lifts but does not purchase Wrestlemania Box Sets at best buy.

Backstage: Josh (last name spelled correctly by David B. Campbell) interviews Randy, who declares Vendetta against Matt Hardy.

Opening Promo: Sailor Sez: A Proper Entourage Needs an Escalade is out to make fun of one of the America's Next Top Model rejects. Smackdown is to America's Next Top Model as CBS This Morning is to Survivor. We Will Moe Eddie's Memory Into a Lawn make a save. The save. Base ball game.

A video package about Bobby Lashely goes here.

Commercials.

Bobby Lashely vs. Bobby Lashely in 2 Years

Lashely beats Orlando to go to Survivor Series.

Backstage: Teddy is hopped up about this, when Fish Eyes (w/ Fish Crotch) come in to try and weasel out of having to face Batista. Edge says all those mean things he said about Smackdown were under Eric's orders. Edge will have to ask Batista himself.

Orale Vato Arriba Orale Hey Dude Rest in Peace vs. Sigh......... Sigh.

So, Eddie beat Mr. Kennedy by DQ by tossing Ken a chair and then playing dead. Beatdown from Mr. Kennedy with said chair afterwards.

Commercials. Witty comments about Mortal Kombat? 411 gives it all to you!

Backstage: Medics tend to Eddie, Dave has his back.

MIDGETS ARE FUNNY!!!!!

Yeah. Pierrothito is your winner. Kenzo Suzuki.

Backstage: Lita is left alone with ONLY I MAY ALL CAPS THE BOOGEYMAN, David B. Campbell!

Commercials. David B. Campbell's comments are just as un-commentable upon as I usually find the commercials.

Backstage: Edge tries to convince Dave to not wrestle tonight. No luck.

Backstage: I wonder if Steve Romero's wife ever uses The Steve Romero Defense in arguments with her husband? Oh, he's interviewing The Dicks. Cocks. Penises. Do we need any more incredibly unsubtle innuendo? TNA.

SOFTWOOD LUMBER DISPUTE!!!!!

Canadian/American politics. This is Benoit vs. JBL. Just felt I should dechiper that a bit more. Mr. and Mrs. T's Pierogies come down to ringside for commentary in the middle of this. It apparently goes back and forth, David B. Campbell uses decimal places on his 2 counts, obviously employing a stopwatch for his recaps, and Benoit loses his spot on the Survivor Series team when he takes a Clothesline From Hell, TX after trying to pull off Booker's dressy shirt. Sexy.

Commercials. You know, just when I thought I'd reached a low point in rebeaking, it's nice to have a completely off-the-page and ridiculous commentary about politics in France to make me feel better about myself. Honestly, David B. Campbell, go back to your PoliSci (ABBREVATIONS NOT DISSIMILAR TO 'SURSER'!) courses. I don't come to 411 for my pre-provided political opinions. I come to cover up my VCR mistakes.

Edge vs. Dave. I don't want to overuse any RAW nicknames I already have stored up for when I finally tackle it again. This match never actually happens, anyway, as Edge points to the FistTron, where Chris Masters puts Teddy Long in the Masterlock. In the ring, The Big Show and Kane come down for a beating. Try as they may, the mighty superstars of Smackdown, even the likes of Brian Kendrick and Paul London are unable to take down these two behemoths! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!?!

Final Thoughts: Sigh, again.