October 15, 2001 : Ottawa, Ontario, (Canada, for those who don't know where Ontario is[LILIAN GARCIA])
Rebeaker: Sofa
Music. Your Overly Dramatic Promo is last week's Smackdown(!) happenings. Again. And Again. And again. OMG THIS IS A MOBIUS STRIP. "IN YOUR EYE" plays, and then WE HAVE PYRO! RAW is LIVE from Ottawa, A FOREIGN LAND.
Your hosts are Jim "GIMME DA SAUCE" Ross and Paul "MY ECW HAT WAS REPOSESSED" Heyman.
OPENING PROMOFoley's Carwreck hits, and he's out to promote a book, and not much else. Oh, but Mick does mention Pirate Vince saying "ARR YOU'RE FAAAAAAAHHHHHRRRREEEEEEEDDDD" Mick rambles a bit about his coming back to the WWF for the money, and gets the Easy to Chant Cheap RVD Heat.
BUTWAIT Trish comes out and spews an endless stream of prattle which doesn't really go anywhere. Unless you consider her stripping to be "Going somewhere", but I certainly don't. Foley says something that's supposed to be witty, but isn't. Mick guarantees more Lingerie Matches. I guarantee my impending vomit. HAHAHA. I SO FUNNY.
BACKSTAGE, the Alliance, (and Steven Richards) hold a conference to discuss RVD reaching for the stars. And Stone Cold wants to find out who will be his mystery partner for his match later tonight against Angle and MYSTERY.
Commercials. Mad TV, some movie, SLIM JIM (SUBTRACT MACHO MAN), Snickers, and I'm tired of typing every commercial.
BACKSTAGE, the APA and Jackie are taking around the girl who won TUFF E NUFF. BUTWAIT, Tha HurriKane and Molly wreck the APA set. Brad Shaw makes a bad joke, and Faarooq just says "DAYOM". Faarooq just became a hero.
MUCH LATER, our first match: Tha Dudleyz (w/ Stac(e)y) vs. The Big Shoe.
A whuppin' on the Dudleyz to start. Dudleyz try to run away, but JR will have none of that.
There's a guy in the second or third row with an ECW shirt and a sign that says "PAUL E IS GOD." Heroes exist, and this man is one of them.
Oh, D-Von gets CHOAKSLAMMED, and Shoe SNAPS, because he takes the straps off. He almost puts D-Von through a table, but THAT FIEND Buh Buh saves his brother by attacking the Big Show. That Bastard! /JR MODE Tiejiri runs out and ATTACKS and MISTS.
BACKSTAGE, the votes are in the box! The Alliance is on its way to the ring to find out who will team with Austin! Aren't you excited yet? C'mon!
Commercials. COMMERCIAL FOR "BONES" STARRING SNOOP DOGG!!!
"Stacker 2 BURN of the Week" is Linda FAAAAHHHHRRRIIING Bill Regal. OOOHHHH, HE GOT BURNED.
Stone Cold's music resounds, and the Alliance heads to the ring.
Stephanie gets the microphone to start. Blah blah, she hates Linda. Now, to Shane. Your new Alliance commisioner is Stevilliam Regal. Now, to Regal for commentary. He says he joined the Alliance "Because this is the rising force in Sports Entertainment." Now to Austin. Austin is counting the votes that the Alliance members SECRETLY placed. Dreamer voted for Booka T. Kanyon voted for ARR VEE DEE. Jungle Man Palumbo voted for Booka. Mike Awesome voted for Booka. And so did everyone else. BUT IT IS A SCAM, OMG AUSTIN IS SO HEEL. Microphone passes to Booka T. Booker says he is proud to be Austin's partner. Back to Austin. Austin belittles ARR VEE DEE for a while, and then becomes friends with him again. Austin then says ARR VEE DEE can earn his (RED) stripes by facing The Rock tonight for the WCW title. Back to Regal, and he makes that match official. Paul then says the word "Magnanimous", causing me to mark out.
Commercials. Wil Wheaton. FAST FORWARD.
If you forgot, we're LIVE from Ottawa, THE CAPITAL OF A FOREIGN LAND.
MATCH #2: SugarCane Helms and Lance Storm and Mighty Molly (w/ Ivory) vs. The APA and Jackie. (w/ The girl from TUFF E NUFF)
Hurricane gets a huge crowd reaction. Storm and Faarrooqq to start. Lance gets whupped for a while, but Molly tags herself in. She CHEAP SHOT HOW HEELs Faarrooqq, who then tags in Jackie, who proceeds to work Molly over. Tag to Hurricane, and he gets no offence to the APA who sell nothing. Whip to Brad Shaw, Clothesline from HELL, TX, and HurriCane is quite possibly dead. Paul then gets disgusted and asks who's writing JR's jokes tonight, and I mark out again.
The BASEBALL commercial for No Mercy. Other, less important commercials. Except for the Crazy Black Guy Burger King Commercial that The Next Mideon and I are Quite Fond of.
Paul gives "A HUGE SHOUTOUT" to Saliva, who provided the music for No Mercy.
Backstage, Kidman yaks to ARR VEE DEE about Austin treating him badly, but Tazz walks in and Kidman insults him poorly. Tazz says "JUST ANOTHER VICTIM", and I mark out. Kanyon, who was sitting on a bench in the background, happened to be the funniest guy in the scene because all he did was read his paper and stare at everybody.
Backstage, Teleporting Coach talks to Angle. Angle says things, and the Undertaker makes himself Angle's MYSTERY partner.
Backstage, Todd Cole talks to Jericho, and Jericho talks about The Rock. BUTWAIT, The Rock walks in on this! OMG! THE TENSION! Todd has his usual "PERPLEXED" look on his face.
Commercials. BAYWATCH = HOTT. THE NEW TNN! Plus, Marina Sirtis can't shut up about her being a sex symbol to idiots.
"Lugz Boot of the Week" is Austin hitting ARR VEE DEE with a chair on Smackdown(!).
Match#Why do I number these: Rob Van DAYOM vs. The Rock. Jericho's out for commentary, so take note of that for when he interferes later.
The crowd is divided, and chants "ARR VEE-KEY" Lots of hiptosses to start. Whips, REVERSALS. Rock is clotheslined outside. Whuppin, and Rock is on the barrier. Legdrop from the apron misses, and The Rock takes the offensive again. ARR VEE DEE's head goes against the announce table, but he REVERSES the second attempt. ARR VEE DEE sidekicks from the turnbuckle, and that gets two. Whuppin' by both competitors, and ARR VEE DEE hits a kick and a legdrop. More kicking. ARR VEE DEE poses at the ref, then takes a whuppin'. Rob reverses the advantage, and dropkicks a prone The Rock. CockyPin gets 2, and Jericho blatantly lies and says he'd never do that. Splitlegged Moonsault misses, as per usual. The Rock whups on Robbie, and DDTs him, and ARR VEE DEE sells it like a lawn dart. Spinebuster on Rob. 2 count. Legsweep on The Rock, and Rolling Senton gets REVERSED. Everyone's outside again, and The Rock gets slammad into the table. The Rock is back in the ring, but Ryno runs in, and The Rock falls victim to TEH GAOR. ARR VEE DEE goes up for the FIVESTAR FROGSPLASH, but Jericho pushes him off, and this match ends in a Dairy Queen. Ryno and ARR VEE DEE beatdown The Rock, and Jericho doesn't lift a finger! OMG HEEL!
Moments ago.
Backstage, Stephanie screeches to Ryno about Jericho. Ryno is sporting a wicked weird moustache. Later, we have Ryno vs. Jericho.
Next match: Taz vs. Kidman.
Paul says that no one cares what JR thinks. I mark out.
Whips and REVERSALS(WIMBLEDONS) to start. Taz then suplexes the hell out of Kidman. A lot. This is cool. Whip is WIMBLEDONED, and Kidman goes up and hits a flying elbow. 2 count. Kidman gets a whuppin', but Taz headbutts him. Sloppy Kid Crusher gets the three count, in another quick Taz match, and I still fully expect JR to make a height joke, but doesn't.
Backstage, Jericho is walking towards the stage.
Commercials. BONES, and Burger King Guy.
Match that occurs following the previous: Ryno vs. Crotch Tunnel.
Usual match beginning: WHIPS, REVERSALS. Ryno stomps mud into Jericho. Dropkick off the Turnbuckle by Jericho. Then a bulldog(G). WHIP, REVERSAL. Shoulderblock. 2 count. Sleeper on Jericho. Airplane Spin on Jericho. Diving headbutt misses. Everyone's asleep in the ring. WHIP by Jericho. Lionsault is cancelled, and Ryno suplexes Jericho. Jericho gets WHIPPED, and takes down Ryno and hits the Liontamer, but the Alliance (Raven and Awesome) run in for the Dairy Queen. But The Rock runs out and beatsdown the Alliance, ANDTHEN Rock Bottoms Jericho.
Commercials.
Moments ago.
The announcers bicker as per usual for this time of the show. Paul is not wearing a tie.
DDP! DDP's in New York, and that's a GOOD THING. Because he likes to insult Canada. DDP likes DDP. And we're going to like him too. YAY!
Edge enters to some Rob Zombie song. He's facing X-Pac, who enters to PURPLE LIGHTS.
I think I just saw a sign that said "Benoit and Chetrien are God" Canada is a very strange land.
Despite my expectations, this match is actually pretty good. They almost do a Jerry Lynn Memorial Pinning Predicament, but I guess they think better of it. Sleeper on Edge. But the power of Canada revives Edge, and he WHIPS X-Pac, but it is REVERSED into a kick. X-Pac then stomps into Edge. But Edge gets THE SPEER in. WHIP, REVERSAL, takedown. 2 count on X-Pac. Some other stuff. Edge hits the Lazy DDT and this one's over.
BUTWAIT, JR runs to the ring to tell Edge something. GASP.
Commercials.
Backstage, they're recycling the Car Accident angle. Edge gets beat up by CHRISTIAAAAAAN, Kanyon, Jungle Man, and Hugh Morrus.
Paul stands up and announces that CHRISTIAAAAAN has joined the Alliance. And JR calls Paul "Bulbous". BULBOUSAUR, LOLOOOOLLOLL!
Backstage, Angle and HinterTaker get ready for their match.
Commercials
Match# Last, and I'm never numbering again.
CANUDIGITSUCKAAAAAAAA?!?!?! And other entrances.
Beatdown on Austin to start. Then, into the ring, and a beatdown on Booka. HinterTaker fails to sell Booker's offense, so he tags to Austin, so Taker will fail to sell that. Tag back to Booker. A bit of offense, axekick is barely sold, and Spinnaroonie!!!!!!! HinterTaker then proceeds to beat Booker down more. Tag to Angle. Booker continues to be beat down. REVERSAL, and Angle is thrown outside. Austin stomps some mud into him. Back in, and Booker spinkicks him. Tag to Austin, and CHOPS a plenty. Sleeper on Austin, but it is WIMBLEDONED. Tag to Booka. CHOPS A PLENTY on Angle. WHIP, REVERSAL. 2 count on Angle. Tag to Austin. WHIP, REVERSAL. Sleeper on Angle. But the power of Canada revives him, and Angle WIMBLEDONS the advantage. 2 count on Austin. Anklelock, but Booka breaks it up. STUNNAH is WIMBLEDONED, WHIP, WHIP, and Austin and Angle fall asleep. Wakey wakey, and Angle tags HinterTaker. JR says "SOUPBONES." Ref Bump. WHIP, WHIP, WHIP. WHIP. With no ref to regulate, Taker sells nothing, and puts Booka up for the Last Ride. Test(es) interferes, but Angle comes in. Angle gets KICKED, and Taker is thrown outside. Kane runs out, to take out Test. Meanwhilst, back in the ring, Austin hits Angle with the title belt, but the ref is still sleeping. Lil' Natch runs out to make the count, but Angle kicks out at two. Austin is pissed, and hits Chuck. Austin and Angle trade LOW BLOWS, and ARR VEE DEE runs out. He climbs up to the top, and FIVESTAR FROGSPLASHes Angle. ANOTHER ref is in, and counts the three on Angle.
And we're done.
FINAL THOUGHT: DON'T WATCH SCOOBY DOO