Captain's Blog: I may be convinced to start a feud with JG for even associating with me with FLCL, a television 'show' I despise like nothing else on this earth. Perhaps I wouldn't hate the show so much if people who actually do like it would refrain from insisting I'm some sort of ignorant dunderhead because I "just don't get it." Yes, I "just don't get" why a show with such unlikable 'protagonists' (I'm using the term loosely) do absolutely nothing significant and whine about their lives the whole way through it. If the show actually had antagonists, I suppose I could see myself enjoying it much in the same way Team Rocket makes Pokemon watchable. But, no.

Instead, you have people out there insisting that you, yes you, are a moron if you don't like this show that is quite obviously right up there with The Great Pyramids, the collected works of Shakespeare, Guernica, and Seinfeld as one of the greatest acheivements that humanity has ever accomplished. And that's why I don't like FLCL. Or basically, most anime in general. And I'm done.

Nothing.

Groo.

Opening Promo: Everyone Ever is in the ring. Except for Bouncy Bananas, who gets a seperate entrance. Also Shaka, When the Walls Broke Down. We're all awaiting HHH, but instead we get Poopy Swagger. He says Hunter isn't coming. Vince doesn't want the Battle Royal to take place, because someone like... Stevie Richards could win the title. What a dickhead. Whoever wins the Battle Royal gets a title shot later. AND IT'S NOW

It's a Pier 6. Lots of shorties meander around Viscera, trying to take him down with their magical elf powers. He's the first to go thanks to all the sho'ties. Tomko got GOARED, but Tajiri tosses him out via trickery. Tomko is next to go. Nice. Conway with a teased elimination, but no go. Maven takes Grenier out, and Eugene aplauds him. Eugene's adulations are NO-SOLD! Eugene responds by tossing Maven. Hahaha.

Commercials. Old school Final Fantasy. Tceles b hsup. Video Game Awards. Uh oh. Kelsey Grammer likes Spike TV. Because he was on Star Trek.

During the break, Coachman was eliminated by Benoit. Regal's gone, but we never saw it because we were so busy watching replay. There goes Conway. Snitsky tosses Rosey, and Hurricane's spirit bond with his friend causes him to fly over the ropes, too. Batista and Snitsky punch, which I guess is some big fucking deal. Eugene flails his arms wildly. Batista clotheslines Eugene into elimination. There goes Tajiri. Pinebuster for Jericho. Val and Christian are both gone. Batista just took out Flair! Uh oh. Flair grabs dudes in the crowd in anger.

Commercials. The last two Metal Gear Solid games have had such gay porno-ish subtitles. "Twin Snakes"? "Snake Eater"? Ugh.

Jericho dropkicks Snitsky off the apron, and celebrates like an idiot. It's down to STEVIE RICHARDS!!!!, Batista, Jericho, Edge, and Beniot, and Shelton. Everyone immediately goes to stomp Richards. And throw him out. Assholes. Edge goes after Shelton, and the Chrises go for Batista. Edge gets Benjamin on the apron, and Spears him off! Edge goes for Benoit, Jericho and Batista trade blows. Batista catches Jericho on an attempted crossbody, and dumps him on the outside. Spear for Batista! Belly to back suplex for Edge! Batista goes for the Bananabomb, Edge attempts to fight out... Batista works his way to the ropes... Edge dropkicks Batista to the floor! Benoit somehow holds on! JR: "It's down to Jericho.. and Benoit here!" Both men endo up on the apron. Benoit going for... a German suplex? Jesus. They both end up falling to the floor at the same time. The refs hold up differing hands. Big time arguing.

Commercials. Heh, Lookit HHH get punched by Blade.

STMLAR of the finish. Backstage: Orton confers with referees. McMahon saunters up. Here's Edge. Lotsa bitching.

Backstage: Eugene asks Maven to help him with his title belt. SUPERHEEL Maven complains to Shelton that he's been around for 4 years and has nothing to show. Regal then interjects.

Backstage: Some Diva Search Loser, I guess, asks Randy if her dress is showing too much cleavage. Benoit now wants to bitch after that useless segment. I guess Randy's gonna set things straight.

Commercials. "Lil' Wayne"? Are they running out of names for small rappers?

Lawler's apparently chatting on the WWE website right now. I can see it now:

PuppyKing69: Check it out! I love this guy!

Opening Promo: La Resistance faces Regal and Eugene in a rematch tonight. Tonight is Lawler's birthday, so he'll face Ric Flair. Blech. Edge vs. Benoit vs. HHH tonight. If you didn't already guess it.

The last women wrestlers on the roster all in one match

Coach is on commentary! Hooray. Molly and Victoria go at it to start. I kinda zoned out. Victoria is getting suplexed by Molly as I phase back from subspace. Molly argues over a 2 count, so Victoria gets a schoolboy. The ref is busy arguing with Trish, so no cover. Molly with a camel clutch. The camera focuses in on the rip in Victoria's panties for some reason. Coach: "WHOAAAA!" More Flower in Peril. Molly handsprings into the turnbuckle by accident. Victoria tries to tag Lita, but Molly pulls her back just in time. Tag to Trish. Really shitty enzugiri. Lita gets tagged, and she's a whorehouse afire. Punching! Really slow headscissors to Molly! REAR NAKED RESTHOLD!@!! Molly interuptts and fights into the outside with Victoria. Lita boots Trish, DDT, victory.

Commercials.

The Ravens are in the house.

A montage! of the Friendly Neighborhood Arab's promos.

16-Time Champion vs 16-Time Felon

Coach is angry that JR hasn't thanked him for filling in for Lawler. Oh man, the YuYu Hakusho spot. Lockups. Lawler prevents himself from getting clotheslined, and struts around like a cocky asshole. Woo. Slap for Flair. Shoulderblock to Flair. More cocky assholery. Side headlock. Flair with a chop. Lawler is stunned. Woo! Another! Woo! The third is blocked. HEROIC PUNCHING from Lawler! Superbly exaggerated Flair Flop. Lawler nearly kills Flair with a back body drop, Flair begs for mercy. Punching, eyepoke! The tide has turned. Chops. Knee to the face. Covers for 2. Lawler no-sells a clothesline. Strap's down. More punching. Coach mentions something about Lawler's rights being illegal. Cover for 2. Another scary back body drop. Scoop slam. IT'S OVER! Flying fist. Another? How in the hell did the repeat spot work? Flair with cheatery, and to his feet. Lawler with a cradle for 2. Jesus, that was close. Flair starts to work the knee. Figure Four! Grabbing the ropes! Lawler taps! Awesome.

Backstage: Orton is disappointed. Some whore thanks him for hiring her. Oh, there's 'Maria', too. Randy threatens the fans with some Divas bullshit later.

Up later, Benoit vs. Edge vs. HHH. JR reminds us that Benoit has never lost a Triple Threat match with HHH in it. What a useless stat. That's like when baseball announcers give us stuff like "Augie Ojeda is batting .378 with runners in scoring position on days he's eaten Fettucini."

Wrestlemania Recall: Benoit wins the title.

Commercials. Shelton had a rough life.

Blug

Randy's got bitches in the ring. Coach has apparently been calling Christy a lot. I really hate how she prances. Stacy's mom is in attendance to see her behave as a woman of ill reupte. It's a lingerie fashion show. JR claims "I think business just picked up." Keep it in your pants, Jim. What's with the weird Baroque music? I especially like how Coach is trying to make the best of this stinker of a segment with weird comments, and JR will barely oblige him with responses. JR says Christy's segment will be "Tivoed to death." Yes, until I die. From horror. Ugh. Coach says this is the closest JR's ever come to sex. JR won't dignify anything Coach says with a response other than GRUMBLE GRUMBLE. Oh, there's a "don't be a jackass." Play Randy's music! I guess he had the best lingerie.

Commercials. HHH has blinging vampire teeth.

Spongebob and Patrick vs. The Psychic Wall of Energy

Lilian says this match is for the "World Tag Team Champions!" Eugene and Conway start us off. Eugene is hulking up already? Headlock to Eugene, tag to Regal. Punching. Various mat stuff. More punching. Regal suplexes Conway, tags Eugene. Punching. Thesz press. Really weird... move. Airplane spin. Eugene up top, axehandle! Grenier interrupts the cover. Regal interrupts Au Revoir, Eugene with the STUNNAR! Win. Time to celebrate. Dogpile on Regal. Hop on Pop. Butwait! Here's Maven to slam Eugene into the steps.

Commercials.

Backstage: Trish bumps into Jericho and expects some unfunny joke from him about her facemask. Oh, nice STD joke, Jericho. He made some other crummy comment, too.

Backstage: The lingerie from the contest hangs. Hangs out. Chills.

Backstage, Flair's angry and yelling at Batista about being thrown out of the rumble. Hunter walks up and starts his usual tirade of bitching about his circumstances. Bris.

Commercials. The Dale Earnhardt Story. And Better Body Basics. How does one become a "Fitness Celebrity"? Do you just attain a certain level of fitness that you qualify for celbrity status?

Hedge vs. Sledge vs. ... Benoit

Benoit and Edge start by clubbering each other while HHH looks on. Benoit gets baseball slide kicked out of the ring, and Edge follows. They go back in, but Trips knocks Edge off the apron, then whips Benoit HARD into the corner. Cover, 2. More whip, but Benoit heads off the charge, and chops. Release suplex! Edge back in now, and he and H go to work. And then on each other. Benoit back up, chops the both of them. Clotheslines! Snap suplex for Hunter! Clotheslines both of them out of the ring. He flies onto all of them. Sleepyspot. JR seems to be prepping us for:

Commercials.

Back, Benoit and Edge are in the ring with each other while HHH sleeps on the outside. Sharpshooter on Edge! HHH comes in to interrupt... Crossface on Hunter! He looks about to tap! Batista pulls out Benoit and commences Beatdown. Flair takes out Edge. Orton comes down to eject them both from ringside. Edge with THE ROLLUP THE ROLLUP! 2. Pinebuster for Edge gets 2. More junk, Edge scores a DDT, covers... 2! Benoit's still asleep on the outside. Edge sets up the spear, but Hunter gets HIGH KNEE! Pedigree... no... HHH gets catapulted. Release suplex for Hunter! HHH rolls outside again. Benoit goes for the sharpshooter again on Benoit. Edge is about to tap, but Hunter breaks the hold after assaulting Orton. Clubbering scrum. Suplex scrum. Benoit's about to go for Air Canada, HHH tries a Pedigree on him, but gets thrown outside. Benoit up top, Edge stops it. Hunter shoves them all off. He's got a chair. Oh, the ref got bumped somewhere in there. Orton is awake, and beats the crap out of Hunter. Chairshot. Edge sets up the Spear, but Benoit catches him in the Crawlspace! Edge... my tape was extra long and cut out, so I have to rely on other, evil sources to determine that: There was another ref in the ring, Edge rolled Benoit into some kind of pin, and got a 3 count at the same time he tapped. And AGAIN, there was a big argument over who won.

Final Thoughts: I really do hate FLCL that much.