December 17, 2001, THE CAJUNDOME
Rebeaker: Sofa
Music. Missed.
Your overly dramatic opening promo is: Missed.
Your host(s) are Jerry "Everything is Great!" Lawler and Jim "NOT KERMIT" Ross.
Opening Promo Match I Walked in on: UnderTaker squashes Jeff Hardy. Powarbomb to Jeff, pin, Lita is concerned. Under gets on his tryke, but thinks better of it, and goes after Lita. Then Lita, wearing waaaaay too much makeup, backs off. Under picks Jeff up as the crowd chants LEE-TAA. Under carries Jeff up the ramp, and powarbombs him off the stage, as Matt At WWF New York looks concerned. Under goes after Lita, and she ballshots him, which he NOSELLS. Lita is thrown off the stage as Matt At WWF New York is concerned.
Commercials: The lispy voiced nerds love their CGSluts. Twice.
Moments Ago is our short term memory loss replay of what we just saw before we were brainwashed by the horny X-Box nerds.
At WWF New York, Matt is on a cell phone concerned over what just happened.
Opening Promo, Vince strolls in. Vince wants to certify that Stone Cold is a lunatic. Vince replays everything that ever happened on Smackdown(!) to Stone COld and Booka. Including the Grocery Stone Battle. But it's Ovah! Vince's got THINGS TO SAY, so he calls out Steve Austin. Steve makes his entrance, and the SHUT UP, CROWD starts up. Vince wants Steve to apologize. Steve takes about five minutes of playing to the crowd to say he's not apologizing. Austin does NOTHING for at least 2 days but play to the WHATS, and finally as Steve is about to take his fists to Vince, we cut to Booker T-1000 Outside who is hanging outside around Steve's truck. Booka takes a pipe to Steve's truck. Steve runs out to pursue this paltry matter of disagreement.
"How High." GOLDEN SUN.
Moments Ago is our short term memory loss replay of Booker taking the pipe to the truck and saying "YEAH" a lot. During the Break, Booker drove away after Austin gave chase.
TURN IT UP! (MY SUICIDE MACHINE) Here's Scottay and Albert to face the Dudley Boyz (w/instant squealing from Lawler). D-Von begins by putting his fists to Scotty. Scoop slam, tag to Buh Buh. Vertical suplex. 2 count. Tag to D-Von, doubleteaming on Scotty. Tag to Buh Buh, Buh Buh eats a SOUPREKICK. Tags to Al and D-Von. Albert goes nuts, and hits the gigantic swing on D-Von. D-Von gets facebusted, and sells the worm. The ref is pulled out, Instant Squeal takes her boot to attack Al, but he slobbers all over her face. The Dudleys somehow win, as I lost all attention to this match.
Backstage, Vince is sitting and smiling. He calls Booka and asks how Booka is. Somehow we can hear Booker's voice over the cel phone. Booker is all garbled, but says he's at a church, and mentions playing bingo. HE'S AT THE ECW ARENA, OMG I BET I'M THE ONLY RECAPPER WHO THINKS OF THAT JOKE!!!!1
HAS TONY HAWK GONE INSANE?
JR and Jerry mourn the death of WWF Developmental Guy, Russ HOSS.
CHRISTIAAAAAN, Champion of Europe. Flashback to HeeT where Christian provokes Taz into looking competent. BEEPBEEPBEEP brings out Tazzzzzzz. Christian begins with the boot to Taz'z forehead. Chris clubbers Taz, but Taz comes with a little offense, and Tazplexes Chris. Christian tries Christian's Finisher, Tazz tries a Tazmission, Christian hits Christian's Finisher, and this squash is done. Christian taunts Tazzzzzz, and Tazzzzz gets up, Christian tries to clobber Taz with the title belt, as Tazzz ducks and puts Chris in the Katehajime, and this pointless squash comes to a close.
Backstage, CivillianCane interviews Ric Flair as Lanth Thtorm walks in and wonders why Lanth doesn't have a job. Storm wants a match, and Ric says if Storm wins, Ric will make Lanth's life a living hell. Storm faces The Rock later. Cool beans, The Rock will lay down for Storm.
The Gundam Nerds put their toys together. I wonder if those are like those Snap-Tite model cars I used to get back in the day.
Backstage, Rob Van Dam ties up his knuckle things, as Vince wanders in to taunt him. Vince acts all friendly, but Rob brushes him off. Vince's voice almost switches over to YOUR FAAAAHRED mode at this, and Rob is threatened.
At a Church Bingo Hall, Booker is impatient about the caller calling faster. Booker switches Bingo cards with an old lady next to him in the funniest spot of the night. Booker then taunts an old lady behind him. Booker calls himself "The Bingo Man", as Steve Austin shows up OUTTA NOWHERE and chases Booker out. SCALDED DOG!
I doubt these Gundam Nerds really have this much patience to put their toys together in the amount of time they claim.
In a Church, Booker hides in the pews. Then behind the Altar. I SMELL HILARITY! Booker then puts on a choir robe and poses as a statue, thinks better of THAT, and runs over to where they've got about 6 drums sets, then to a confessional booth. And we're out. Fun.
JVC Something of the Week is Test's continuing inexplicable push.
Semi-Main Event The Rock vs. Lance Storm. Royal Rumble is brought to you by FINAL FANTASY EXX. Lockups to start. Storm powers out, but eats a shoulderblock and a clothesline. Storm is tossed to the outside, and then slammad against the table. Rock picks up a headset and jaws about Lance Storm. Inside, Lance gets a SUPRAEKICK, and takes control. Rock gets a shot in, as both guys fall asleep. The Rock begins his Magic Slaps to Storm, but Storm tries to weasel out, and this ends up with Storm getting back body dropped, and eats a DDT. Lance goes for a dropkick, The Rock ducks and Lanth hits the ref. The Rock gets a terrible legscrew on Storm, and hits the Sharpshooter. Storm taps, but the ref is dead. Test runs in and interferes, and Storm makes the cover JUST as the ref revives. 2 count. Storm clubbers The Rock, but eats a Spinebuster. Test runs down again, and The Rock runs outside to take a beating to him. Storm runs out too, but is tossed around. Storm gets back in the ring and wins by COUNTOUT. Jeez. Lance celbrates, but this is ended abruptly by The Squatting Rock. The Rock backs off, and beckons Storm forward for a handshake. DON'T DO IT! Storm walks up, shakes the hand and eats the Most Predicatable Rock Bottom I've Ever Seen.
Backstage, THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION Christ Jericho walks in the arena.
HAS TONY HAWK GONE INSANE? Mefod Man and Red Man are going to Harvard. Pshyeah.
At a church, a bad actress steps into a confessional booth and tells her horror story to Father T. Booker is loving this. She wants to know her "pentance", what ever that is. This doesn't end at all, and yet we still cut back to the arena, where...
"Crotch Tunnel" brings out the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, Christ Jericho. Jericho nabs the mic. Jericho states the obvious for a few minutes, then says he's not competing tonight against Rob Van Dam. Jericho's got FOOTAGE! From Smackdown(!). Jericho runs down Rob and then Ric Flair, as the "Living Legend" gimmick continues. JACK VICTORY IS THE MOLE! "Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays, and Ric Flair comes out, and JR says the word "Ego" for about the 75th time so far during this segment. Flair says Jer-EGO has to wrestle tonight, no matter what. Jericho says that Flair is picking on him because Flair is envious. Jericho mocks Flair's insanity, and demands Flair live up to his responsibilities. Flair strips off his jacket, and reveals that he is dressed in all black like that beatnik from those old Legend of Zelda commercials. Flair then strips off his black shirt and reveals that he will special guest ref Jericho's match later tonight against ARR VEE DEE for the UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP.
The Gundam Nerds brag about their plastic models. GOLDEN SUN. Tony Shaloub is not in this Tim Allen movie, thus it will not be saved. IT'S TRICKY! TRICKY! TRICKY!
The WWF Rewind Presented by 1-800-COLLECT, is Edge hitting the LAZY DDT/Edgecution on Regal on Smackdown(!).
"Warbling Rob Zombie Song" brings out Edge (w/Lugz) to team with Rikishi. Flashback to Kurt Angle getting the FACE OF STINK on RAW. Kurt Angle enters to "Big Booty Bass Remix". Flashback to Rikishi being treated like a GOVERNMENT MULE by Angle also last RAW. Test enterst to THE FLOOTS OF WACKINESS. Clubbering on Angle from Rikishi to start. Angle in the corner, FACE OF STINK is teased, Test runs in, but is also thrown in the corner. FACE OF STINK is teased again, but Kurt runs and clotheslines Rikishi. Everyone falls asleep. Tag to Edge. Edge hits a Weird Assed move on Test. Covers Angle, Test interrupts. Test and Rik brawl on the outside. Angle teases the Olympic Slam, Edge teases the LAZY DDT, but gets TEH SPEER on Test, as Angle hits the Olympic Slam for 3. Post Match Hijinx include a beatdown on Angle, then one on Rikishi, as The Rock runs out to take it to Test. THE BOOT is ducked, The Rock gets the Magic Slaps, and then Test gets the FACE OF STINK. exeunt Angle. Rikishi laughs maniacially.
X-Box commercial for some Football game. Yeah, like The Colts are really all that good now. We see this commercial two times during this block. PEYTON TO MARVIN! PEYTON TO MARVIN! CHISEL TO MY BRAIN! OHH, JAMES! Stoopid Horny Nerd Driven Video Game Market.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY! I wonder what the doctors feel about him wearing his own shirts to checkups. TRIPPPLE H RETURNS ON THE 7TH! OMG!
Backstage, Todd Cole pimps Triple H, and Todd painfully reminds Test of what just happened (THE FACE OF STINK, not the BEAUTIFUL DAY segment). Test gets pissed and remembers he has IMMUNITY, and punks out Todd. Hahaha, Test Roolz now.
MATCH: THAT WACKY TEAM of Big Show and Tajiri to face Billy Gunn and Palumbo, in the biggest travesty of booking I've ever witnessed. Tajiri and Palumbo to start. JR is mumbling something about Palumbo and Gunn and I think he says "They love America." Wild. Palumbo gets KICKED, charge, Tajiri is suplexed. Tag to Gunn, as the saddest thing I've ever seen, Tajiri being beat down by Billy Gunn takes place. NO TAG to Palumbo! HOW HEEL. Scoop slam on Yoshihiro. Team Red Tights gets a doubleteam. Palumbo tries a running powarslam, but Tajiri weasels out and gets a KICK. Tags are made to Show and Gunn. Show tears up, and throws Palumbo into a Tajiri tarantula. Show eats some SOOOPERKICKS, and then a Fameasser. Tajiri tags in, the Handspring accidentally hits Ms. Wilson. Weird Move to Tajiri, 3 count.
At a Church, more wackiness with Rev. Booker. Some guy has nothing good to confess, so Booker shoo's him away after mentioning a Marijuancanrana. Steve Austin is next, and threatens Booka, who runs away like a SCALDED DOG!
At a Church, Booka, in the midst of running, runs into some nuns, who Booker promises to drive to an orphanage. Steve shows up, is flabberghasted, and a reverend shows up and demands Steve do a confession.
Backstage, Rob runs into Ric Flair, who suggests they TEEM UP. Ric then suggests Rob do a Figure Four.
TRICKY.
Maine Event: Vince McMahon is in the ring/at ringside for commentary. Vince introduces Living Legend Christ Jericho. Vince and Christ exchange pleasentries. "Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays, and Ric Flare enters for his ref duties. NOTWALK sounds, and maybe this match will start sometime before 11 PM sounds. Just barely makes it at 10:59. Lockup to start. Chops A Plenty to Rob. Rob TELEGRAPHS, they tease a few moves, Rob gets a MONKEY FLIP! Rob ups the periscope, but Jericho rolls out, Rob follows. Back in the ring, Rob tries the Weird Turnbuckle Thingies that Never Work, and they don't work. Jericho with a brutal suplex to Rob's neck. 2 count. Jericho hits some elbowdrops, and gets a chinlock in. Rob gets a clubbering, but Jericho lands a facebuster. Loinsault is dodged, but Jericho lands on his feet. Rob gets choaked in the ropes. Chops A Plenty to Rob. Whip, Rob gets THE ROLLUP, THE ROLLUP, for 2. Jericho whups on Rob, and lands a vertical suplex. C'MON BABY pin gets 2. Jericho picks Rob up, but Rob fights his way out. THE ROLLUP gets 2 for Rob. Christ choakes Rob in the ropes again. KICK to Rob. Crazy Kick from Rob to Christ. Rob up to the TOP, hits some crazy thing, 2 count. Rob tries a Marijuanrana, but it is WIMBLEDONED to a Liontamer. Rob reaches the ropes. Jericho leaves, then comes back, but Rob gets THE ROLLUP for 2. Rob reaches the ropes, but Jericho continues the beating. Flair gets slapped, and Rob gets the FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH. Vince pulls Flair out. Flair and Vince exchange blows, Ric gets a low blow, and Ric gets a Figure Four on Vince, and Rob gets one on Jericho. Both tap like little girls. Rob's music plays, as we leave, and Star Trek is on.
Final Thought: The ending was neat. IF YOU'RE A SMARK. MEOWTH DAT'S RIGHT.