October 8, 2001 : Indianapolis, Sofa's Home State
Rebeaker: Sofa
Music. Your overly dramatic promo is last week's Smackdown(!) happenings. IN YOUR EYE plays, and then WE HAVE PYRO! Tonight, we're live from Indianapolis in my home state of INDIANA. And JR channels Tony Tone Schiavone and proclaims this the biggest RAW ever.
Your hosts are Jim "GIMME DA SAUCE" Ross and Paul "Cheesesteak" Heyman.
"Ahmed Johnson Remix" brings out The Dudleyz and Stacy Kiebler, who's dressed in Dudleyville Duds. And needs a belt to hold those shorts up. Jeez. Tazz enters to BEEPBEEPBEEP. I guess this is a 6 man. Don't ask me, I don't read RAW previews. They're facing Tiejiri and Big Shoe and Spike.
Taz suplexes Spike out of his onesie. D-Von tags in and misses a 2nd rope thing. Shoe tags in and manhandles the Dudz. A lot. Oh, Taz faces Maven on Smackdown, by the way. Tiejiri KICKS Taz, and your match is over? Shit, that was short. I bet JR would've made a Taz joke (CUZ HE'S SHORT), but I bet wrong. Spike tries the Acid Drop, but gets thrown outside. Rottie gets beat, and Taz throws Tiejiri in the Sort of Norman Conquest. Stacey commands the Dudleyz put Rottie through the table.
Regal and the officials come out to tend to Rottie. And then commercial.
And here's Wil Wheaton to yak about how cool he is because he was Wesley Crusher.
Skittles commercial with Cute Skittles Lady is on. AWESOME.
And we're back, and we get to see it again. Yay.
Steph's music hits, and she must be our McMahon family member of the week, because here she is. Steph says that after witnessing what just happened, she don't care. Steph wants us to feel sorry for her because she got 2 HERNIATED DISCS at the hands of Christ Jericho. I hope Tommy Dreamer runs out. But, he doesn't, Steph squeals a lot, squeals some more.
BUTWAIT, the Crotch Tunnel hits, and here's Christ Jericho himself. Standard Jericho jokes about Steph.
BUTWAIT, MONEYMONEYMONEY hits, and Shane comes out and breaks the "2 McMahons in the same place causality law" that's been in place for the past few weeks. Shane says Jericho is funny. And he's smart to keep coming up with the usual Steph jokes. Shane says that instead of winning, Jericho focuses more on making jokes than on winning. I'm praying this leads to a heel turn. Shane then insults the Colts and the Pacers. Jericho then challenges himself to a handicap match against Shane and Steph. Steph says no, and says that Christ Jericho will face Shane and ROB VAN DAYOM. Jericho says he wants to team with The Rock. And now back to Shane and Steph, and this tennis match just keeps going back and forth. Jericho then steals/paraphrases DUBBLE J's catchphrase.
Backstage, Booka T and Test go back to talk smack to RVD, and RVD throws that smack right back. Tonight's theme is Wimbledon, I swear.
Trish says she won't sleep with anyone who's fat or doesn't use Stacker 2.
Some lady named Jennifer talks, and I already know this is a DDP promo. DDP told Jennifer how to "lose weight and feel great". And now Jennifer can pose like a slut! THANKS, DDP! This promo has awesome circular graphics and fonts. But DDP's haircut is creepy. Still no sparkletooth.
CANUDIGITSUCKA?! Booka and Test(es) get seperate entrances. Your challengers for the WCW tag titles are the Hardy Boyz. Jeff spits or vomits something up on his way out. I bet that gets edited for Canada.
OH, like the HEELS they are, Booka and Test attack the Hardyz during their posing. Brawling to start. Slam to Matt. Tag to Booka, whip, whip, reversal, shoulderblock. Tag to Test, and Matt get thrown to both corners. Tornado DDT to Test. Tags to Booka and Jeff. Jeff beats Booka down, 2 count, and Test throws Matt out of the ring. Bookend, but no ref. Some more brawling and junk. Undertaker waddles out to powerbomb Booka. Jeff gets the pin, and the Hardyz are your new WCW Tag Champs, but for all that JR's saying, Undertaker might as well have won the Super Bowl. "An upset by the Undertaker! MY GAHD! IT'S ALL THANKS TO THE UNDERTAKER! UNDERTAKER! MY GAHD!"
Replay. Backstage, Booka and Test are angry. Booka promises to take down the Numba One Sucka in the WWF.
Elsewhere, Lita is talking to somebody through a door, but Hurricane and Molly show up, and Molly challenges Lita to a match.
CHRISTIAAAAAAN is out. He gives a kid in the audience his glasses, then takes them back. Now that is funny.
Ryno vs. Edge for the US Title. Stuff to start. Ryno chokes edge in the ropes, runs back, and gets dropkicked. More brawling stuff. Legdrop by Ryno. More Stuff. Powerbomb by Ryno, but Edge hits the Lazy DDT. Twocount, and the ref is pulled out by Christian. Dairy Queen finish is called, and Edge dodges TEH GORE, and SPEERS Christian.
Backstage, RVD and Shane are making their way to the ring.
"WWF Rewind" brought to you by Snickers Cruncher. It's Shane the Flying Squirrel hitting Angle with a chair.
Rob Van Dayom enters INDIANAPOLIS to "NotWalk". Shane-0 comes out, too, but to his own music. The faces get their own seperate entrances, too. VERY SLOWLY.
It's RVD and The Rock to start. Lockup, and some irish whips. Clothesline by The Rock. Van Dam gives The Rock some kicks. RVD tags out, and The Rock beats on Shane. Tag to Jericho, and he does the same. Jericho tries the Lionsault, but RVD kicks him. Shane tags to RVD. RVD beatdown, and Rolling Senton hits. Tag to Shane, and he stomps on Jericho. And a clothesline. Dancing Punches knock Jericho down. Whip, but Shane gets kicked a few times. Tag to The Rock, and he EXPLODES on RVD. Takedown, and Sharpshooter, but Shane hits The Rock. Jericho facebusts Shane, and no sells to the apron, where Jericho kicks him to the floor. Jericho puts RVD in the Liontamer, but Shane breaks that up, too. The Rock chases Shane around, but RVD kicks him. FIVESTAR FROGSPLASH misses, and everyone's asleep. RVD and The Rock wake up, and The Rock smacks RVD up/down. Shane runs in, and gets Spinebusted. People's Elbow gets interrupted by RVD, but gets Rock Bottomed. Shane breaks THAT up, too. I wonder who's booking this? Jericho, woozy, accidentally hits The Rock with a chair. Shane clotheslines him out of the ring, and RVD gets the pin.
L8R 2-NITE, ANGLE VS. AUSTIN! THE NEW TNN!
The deadline for Tough Enough 2 tapes is this Friday. I'd apply, but they probably aren't hiring heel managers.
Backstage, the whole Alliance is there to congratulate RVD. And Steven Richards is there! Wow, that's cool.
Highlights of Crispin Wa on HeeT.
LANCE STORM is at WWF NEW YORK! And so is Ivory. Lance tries to talk over Ivory's yelling at the crowd, but doesn't have any luck. Poor Lance.
Backstage, doctors are attending to Bladed Christ Jericho. And The Rock is back there to see if he's okay. And Jericho shows even more inklings of an impending HEEL turn. Awesome. WAIT, he just turns and hits The Rock! YES!
Backstage, Mitchell Cole is outside of Stone Cold's door. Waiting. And waiting.
Scottay 2 Hottay is facing X-Pac in this next match. This is for the Light Heavyweight Championship. Whip, whip, botched monkey toss. Lockup, whip, shoulderblock. I know I should be saying who's doing these moves, but it doesn't really matter in this match. X-Pac goes over the top rope. Scottay follows, but X-Pac rakes the eyes. Back in, and X stomps a messyhole in Scottay. Bronco Buster misses, and Scottay retakes the advantage. A few beatings, and Scottay hits The WYRM. (Sorry, Nex Mideon). BUT, X-Pac puts his foot on the rope. Scottay beats X-Pac in the corner, but X-Pac hits the X-FUCKTOR, (As JR called it once)and we're done.
Backstage, Mitchell Cole is informed by Debra that Austin "Doesn't want to talk to you." Debra then asks where Regal's office is. And walks off. BEST RAW EVER
Skittles Lady again. She's so cute.
OZZY IS BACK!
"Stacker 2 Burn of the WEEK" is from LAST MONTH, where Angle defeats Austin.
Match #Whatever, Lita vz. Mighty Molly. Takedown by Mighty, then Molly puts a whuppin' on her non-super opponent. Lita gets choked in the ropes. Neckbreaker by Mighty, and Lita kicks out at 2. Molly argues with the ref, and Lita trys a schoolgirl rollup. Molly reverses a whip, and puts Lita down. Mighty Molly poses, and doesn't get punished for it. Lita reverses the obligatory Sidewalk slam attempt into a whoevercanrana. Lita refueses the handshake, violently, and beats down Mighty. UHHHH TWIST OF FATE gets reversed, a bunch of other reversals, and Mighty pins Lita! YES! FINALLY! Hurricane is out to congratulate, and they run backstage. To celebrate, the Hurricycle is renamed the MollyMobile!
Backstage, Debra talks to Regal. Regal completely shifts gears and asks her if she's baked any cookies when she asks if she can be at ringside during tonight's match on THE NEW TNN! Because, remember, no Alliance members at ringside.
TONIGHT ON THE NEW TNN, AUSTIN, ANGLE!
Backstage, Mitchell Cole talks to Angle. Angle rips Austin a verbal new one, I guess. I'm trapped in perpetual not caring.
Austin makes his entrance. HE'S ALIVE. Debra makes her way to ringside, breaking REGAL'S RULES! GASP! THE SHEER GALL!
Marina Sirtis commercial. Apathy.
WE'RE BACK, and Regal is out to escort Debra by the ear to the backstage. And now Regal is going to stay at ringside. Austin takes offense, and faces up to Regal, until Angle's music hits. Regal is SO turning. The match starts, Angle chops and slobbers away on Austin. Austin goes headfirst into the turnbuckle, and we have even more irish whips. Lou Thesz press, and Austin Spastic Elbow Drop gets two. Angle hits his own press. Angle taunts Austin, then attempts a stunner, but Austin reverses. Angle then gets an Anklelock, but Austin reaches the ropes. Austin drags Angle to the turnbuckle, and slammas Angle's knee against it. They both go outside, and Angle slammas Austin against the table.
Austin beats Angle a bit, but Angle flips him over the table. Angle poses, and then goes to lift up the mat. Austin beats a mudhole into Angle, however. Angle is on the stairs, and gets chopped, and beat even more. We're back in the ring, and Angle comes back. But Austin regains the advantage, and chops Angle more. Angle Wimbledons his way back to the advantage for a moment, but Austin continues to work the knee. Snapmare and sleeper on Angle. Angle reaches DEEP DOWN, and breaks the sleeper. Austin suplexes Angle. And snapmares and sleepers again. Angle Wimbledons back again for a minute again. Stunner is reversed into a backslide. Austin stomps on Angle more. Whip is Wimbledoned, and Angle hits a sleeper on Austin. Austin Wimbledons that is reversed into a Jawbreaker. YUM. More Whips and Whip Wimbledons, and Austin hits another sleeper. Sleeper is broken, and more whips, and Angle hits a cross body. Cradle, 2 count. Shoulderblock by Angle. Austin rolls to the apron, and attempts a sunset flip, but Angle Wimbledons it. Whip AGAIN, and Angle goes over the top rope. Austin grabs a chair, but Regal objects. Austin instead grabs Angle and takes him to the exposed mat, tries a Piledriver, but it gets Wimbledoned, and Austin's body hits the floor. Back in the ring, chops, WHIPS, REVERSALS, and Austin gets a Boston Crab on Angle. Angle gets the ropes, but Austin won't break the hold. Austin pushes Hebner around. Angle goes crazy, and chops the hell out of Austin. 10 punches on the turnbuckle. WHIP, REVERSAL, kick. Angle suplexes Austin. And again. And again. Angle keeps going, but Austin grabs the ropes and LOW BLOWS Angle. Angle's asleep. Stunner is Wimbledoned, so is the Olympic Slam. Obligatory Ref Bump, and Austin grabs the title. Regal takes offense again, and the belt. BUTWAIT, Regal hits Angle with the belt! YES. Smug look, and Regal wakes up Hebner. But Angle kicks out, and Regal is flabberghasted, and Austin is crazy pissed off. STUNNAH, and this match is over. Regal walks backstage, and has the best smug look on his face. Your new WWF Champion is Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Paul reminds us that this happened tonight on the BIGGEST RAW EVER ON THE NEW TNN!
And we're out, and Star Trek is on.
Aside from this being a horable Beakcap on my part, I cannot take all the blame. TONIGHT'S RAW = BAD. Pr'haps I should tape these and Beakcap them the next day from now on. Whatever.