All Japan Prowreslove. When you can't get the other kind of love, you just have to settle for Prowreslove. However, it's better than the "Vampire Gigolo" show that TV Tokyo was showing at the same time last night, which only delivered on the "Vampire" in the title.

Pre-Show: More of Japan's Requisite Big Busted Heroine Bad Anime, complete with gratuitiously nude ending theme sequence. This one's called "Madlax."

I'm writing this at 2 AM on one of the not so great days I've had in this country, and I have to be at work in 9 hours. You'd better make this one quick, Keiji, or I'll be (even more) irri]table.

Opening: Highlights of the upcoming show. Looks like clips a plenty. Opening. Again. Goldberg screams, it looks like.

First commercial break. Despite sponsoring every show in Japan, I have never seen an actual commercial for Nippon Lever.

Spring has come to Japan, and so has Jamal. Mkae sure to watch the Champion Carnival. They also have Kensuke Sasaki, and this funky Star Wars techno mix that I don't approve of. Half the shows are at Korakuen. SHIKASHI! (HOWEVER) TAKA tried to hang Mutoh, I guess. Clips of D-Lo pinning Mutoh last week. That was sweet. Kawada kicked some dude with gay American Flag panties in the head.

Match Clips. Jamal, TAKA, that other cracker vs. Mutoh, Kawada, and some dude. Sasaki? I don't know. Jamal gets beat for a bit. Clip, and Mutoh is schooling TAKA. Jamal breaks up the half-Cobra Clutch or whatever. Jamal is tagged in or something. Stomping. Ass splash to the face. Cover, 2. All the evil dudes take out Mutoh in the corner. TAKA with a sweet flying kick. Jamal covers again for 2. Tag to TAKA, a bit of offense, but he eats a dropkick, and, as JR would probably call, "A Japanese Shining Wizard." Mutoh tags Kawada. Kicks, brainbuster. TAKA lands a kick to Kawada's chin after interference, then tags to Jamal. Kawada responds to the beetdown with a kick, and a LARIATO! Kawada tags to the fatter Japanese guy, who does two things before tagging in Mutoh, who goes kick crazy. Dragon screw. Tag to mystery whitey. Mutoh does the handspring elbow, scrum ensues, Mutoh gets another Shining Tellah on who I have confirmed to be Bull Buchannon, and the pin. A bunch of people run in, and TAKA starts yelling at Kaz Hayashi and Mutoh. Then everyone fights each other.

Backstage: TAKA screams at the camera, while his posse of whiteys scream simple english in the background. Bull Buchannon: "Champion Carnival! Champion Carnival! It's ours." Jamal: "Get ready ta get rocked, punk."

Backstage snippets from Kawada and Mutoh now. I'm too busy typing to pay attention or attempt to translate.

Commercials. Just some ad wanting me to give money to kids in Africa.

Recap of that one lady from GAEA interfering recently in AJPW. She's really married to Kensuke, and I think I remember seeing them both fail miserably on that one physical challenge show that I like to call "Japanese Gladiators", but is actually called "SASUKE." Part of the same package is Mutoh doing some assbeating while The Darkness plays in the background. Back to Kensuke talking at the camera and stuff. Get your son some cough medicine, dude. He's letting his kids play with replica WWE belts. Hah. That's enough of me caring about how much you love your family, Ken.

Commercials. Africa again.

Here's a comprehensive definition of the difference between a "LARIATOOOOO" and the "Axe Bomber," which I guess Hogan used. Two guys are having a feud about it. I don't care enough to dechipher the kanji that are in their names, though one of them is a "Kojima." They excercise a lot. This reminds me of the Brock Lesnar/Rock feud, except I care less, and there's no ice baths or box jumping.

Rundown of the brackets for the Champion Carnival, with that really terrible (And not the terrible Macy Gray version, either, the OTHER terrible version) cover of "We Will Rock You" by Queen.

We're out. Tokyo TV saved the real commercials for after AJPW. Not as though those are any good either.