We go right to Tai, fucking up a promo in the back. "WEW, which stands for women... uh... E... weed." Just off the top of my head, it could be Women Enjoying Weed. Just sayin'. Tai promises a crazy show, featuring women who "take the shit they gotta take". That's not literal, right? Oh man. Hey, what the? They bleeped her saying "fuck" and "shit". With the way Tai talks, every other word is a bleep. Tai screams "SUCK MY TITTY!" God help us. Cut to some woman backstage cutting a promo about how her boobs are real. "Bleep's hard as rocks! At least my bleep is real! Saline bags all hard and bleep! That bleep is going down!" That's going to get annoying really fast. Anyway, it's a diffrent one from the previous unexplained promo about real boobs. This lady promises that she doesn't have "big ass saline bags". Small blessings. Video wipe. Eric runs down the card: Riptide vs Prime Time Amy Lee, some lady trained by HBK, Alexis Laree returns, and GI Ho puts up her title against her long time rival, Dawn May. Okay. He yells "Will these ghetto girls ever get here!?" It is a mystery. Up to the ring. Really long ref intro. We cut to the back, where Riptide is yelling "Chairs! Toaster ovens! Roll me in the fucking snow, I don't care!" Roll her down a hill. She threatens Amy Lee for a while. She wants thumbtacks, glass, tables, latters, chairs, fire, scaffolds, long walks on the beach, etc.

This lady cuts a promo about Greek literature, but I'm distracted trying to figure out where her other nipple is. What's the deal?

Oh, okay. Video wipe to Amy Lee, who's says she's going to rip Riptide's utuers out. Gross. Right to the point, but still gross.

Wipe to the ring. Here's Kameo, making her debut, I hear. Eric: "Word up!" God, shut the fuck up. I think this is one-nip from before. Or the lady in the promo one-nip cut. Here's Persephone, without her do rag this time. And here we go. Persephone gets a crossbody for 2. Drop toe hold, into a headlock. Persephone works the headlock for a while. And a shoulderblock. Kameo goes for a hiptoss, but it's reversed into a video wipe. Persephone's still in control. Northern lights suplex for two. And the crowd boos. Who's the heel here? Persephone gets a DDT for... three. Wow, what a squash. "An implant DDT for the woman with new implants!" That was a shitty DDT, not an implant. I think Kameo got literally zero moves. Word up indeed.

Video wipe. Here's Tara, I think. I can finally recognize some of these girls. Tara cuts a promo on Dover, Delaware. Jeff: "It's not exactly paradise here." What cheap heat. Tara runs down Delaware. Someone SNEAX IN the ring. Casey, apparently. Is she gonna attack? No, she gets a mic and starts swearing. Wow, they didn't bleep her even though every other word is "Fuck". I'd give up bleeping this if I was in charge of this, too. And Casey attax, finally. With a single knee. Then Tara runs. Okay. They film the empty ring for a while.

Wipe back to Eric, who yells about a best body contest they apparently snipped. Small favors. "How about this paddle and ruler match?!" Oh, nooooooo. It's Missy "The Schoolgirl" and Lady Storm. Loser gets spanked. That would mean more if every other match didn't have spanking in it. Just sayin'. Out to the ring. Jeff: "I was standing next to Lady Storm, and her biceps are bigger than my head! My head on my neck! I'm tounge-tied!" You're telling me. Eric keeps yelling that Lady Storm is JAKKED. Oh, Smoke is there too. "Finally, the Smoke has arrived to Smoware!" What? Smoke repeats his line since the crowd is as lost as I am. Apparently we're all stupid jabronis. Eric: "What is this about? Can we move on?!" No, he keeps talking. He says Lady Storm is going to challenge "Missy, the so-called schoolgirl!" Right. Storm gets the mic. Jeff: "She's like Maya Angelou in there". Just like her. I can't really understand what she's saying. Eric: "It'd be nice if we could hear you, sweetheart." I'm not so sure about that.

Okay, here's Missy "The Schoolgirl". Eric is very upset that the Smoke is wearing sweatpants. Aren't we all. Eric and Jeff blather ("look at the buttocks!"). Missy gets a mic: She accepts, so Smoke spanks the loser with the paddle. Eric: "I'd love to see Smoke spank Lady Storm! You know it's the other way around in the bedroom!" Dude, gross. The mic goes out, and Eric tries to say that Storm broke it, "that's how strong she is!" Oh, here's Tara at the broadcast table. Her mic doesn't work. Steve the Sound Guy kinda sucks at his job. Anyways, Missy has a cookie sheet and hits the Smoke with it. He kinda stumbles around. That's some goofy selling. Missy hits Storm with the cookie sheet, too. And rolls her outside the... video wipe. Someone throws a ladder in the ring. And here... video wipe. Storm is choking Missy in the corner. And some bad cookie sheet hits. Storm starts setting up the ladder. Tara's joined Eric on commentary, and I think she's trying to do a Molly Holly anti-promiscuity angle, but it sounds like she's talking through a tin can and string. Storm sets the ladder up in the corner. And Missy goes into it. Bidoof. Eric takes advantage of Tara's expertise: "You've been in these matches, share your experiance with us. What does it feel like, when your back goes into that steel ladder?" Tara, talking from her treehouse via can and string: "It doesn't feel good." Shocking news. Storm chokes Missy with the ropes. Storm tries to whip her into the ladder, but Missy reverses it. She pulls the ladder out of the corner and starts setting it up. Uh oh. She's going up (Tara: "It looks like she's going to change a lightbulb!") but Storm pushes her off. Storm tries to whip... video wipe. Eric: "What a fighter! What a worrior!" INSANE WORRIER. Missy tries to do a Van Daminator with a table on the Smoke, but it doesn't break. Boos from the crowd. Okay, Missy sets up the ladder again (Eric: "Maybe she's gonna fix the light she broke!") Oh, she got the paddle? Okay.

Wow, they got a ball and paddle and ripped the ball off. No expense spared here. Our annoucers blather and Smoke wastes time. Okay, here we go. But smoke CAN'T DO IT. The nurses show up. Eric: "Are they gonna give her an enema?!" Urrrgh. Smoke can't do it, so he orders the nurses to paddle Missy. They do so. That seems to get big heat? The nurses pose. I love how they chopped that match into total incomprhiensibility, but left 35 minutes of posing on the disc. Here comes Steve the Sound Guy. To fix the mics? Steve orders his flunkies to fix the lights. And insults the club. Can't argue with that. We kill more time as they remove the ladder. Steve tries to get some heat by telling the nurses to stop hugging. Eric: "He thinks he's on Def Comedy Jam on here." Now, WHITE people be drivin' like THIS. "Sound Guy Sucks" chant. Smoke insults some Philadelphia sports teams, and how he doesn't see any Philadelphia jerseys in the crowd. Eric: "That's because we're in DELAWARE, genius!" They kill some time ripping up signs the fat hicks bought. Brought, I dunno. Steve runs down the Eagles. Okay. And he harasses the ref. And yells at the crowd. God, this is boring. Steve and the Smoke and Lady Storm and Brittney declare a war on hoes. Let the jihad begin. BJ comes out and ATTAX.

Some fat dude in purple camo attacks. "Coporal Punishment". Isn't that the army dude from the Krusty the Klown show? Tara asks us to give him a chance. Eric: "Give him a chance? He's wearing purple fatigues!!" Good point. Punishment powerbombs BJ though a table. ERic: "The bukkake bomb!!" Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Oooooooo. The locker room empties to help out BJ. Punishment gets a mic and accidently calls the fed "GLOW". Nice work. Steve's flunkies clean up the ring. Some girl gets a mic: "You cock-sucking faggots!" That's not nice. Tara wants to know who this is. Eric checks: "That would be the girl they did not inform me about, Tara." Epic. Oh, our kyron knows who she is: Angela. Punishment declines her inviation for a match, as he hasn't done his homework yet. That's important, kids. Tara's trying to run Angela down, but all she can think of is saying she's four feet tall and that "she was carded on the way in here!" Eric: "Don't hate." Oh, they finally turned the fucking mics up so I can hear. Isis wants a tag match. I guess they accept after all. What about his homework, though? It's Angela and Isis versus Punishment and uh... I don't know who else. He consults with Steve and Smoke. Huddle. Okay, here we go. After some posing. Lockup. Punishment just pushes her. Eric: "What a cheater!" Right. And more time wasting. Lockup again. And a push, but Angela does a backflip. Schoolboy for one. Punishment comes back with some clubbering. Angela gets a sunset flip, for two. Punishment comes back with a punch. Angela sells it for three minutes. Shoulder thrusts. Punishment distracts the ref so Smoke and Steve can beat up Angela for a while. He goes for a suplex, but angela reverses it into a small package. For two. They fuck up an enziguri or something. Another sunset flip for two. Hey, they put the security barriers back up. Angela with a handspring elbow, but Punishment just flips her out of the ring. Steve misses his cue to beat her up outside the ring. Okay, there he goes. Punishment poses while Angela goes up top. Something for two. And she goes up top again. Crossbody. Is that it? No. Eric tries to say that Smoke pulled Isis' feet out of the ring, but I guess he missed his cue there. Angela with a stunner, for twoooooo. Punishment with a X-factor. Sorry, I don't know what the real name is. SITOUT DOUBLE UNDERHOOK EXPLODING REVERSE SPINNING FACEPLANT. And a spinning powerbomb. Eric: "Bukkake bomb. What a pervert." Shut up, dude. For three. Another victory against homophobia. Eric: "Can someone gong him?" No. Tara pleads for Punishment to take Isis out, but instead we get a video wipe.

Okay, next is Davey Mae against... HA, the ref won't let his fat dad get into the ring with his chips. Davey cuts a promo, but I sorta missed it with the potato chip hijinks going on. Okay, here's the tail end. Apparently, none of us has a chance to get with any of these girls, so we're all going to "service each other". Each other's bikes. Davey promises he's going to get "a piece of ass" tonight. So what does this have to do with anything? If Davey wins, he gets "five minutes with whatever HOOR" they send out there. Okay, so cue a big fat beast? Instead Davey poses for a while. Are we gonna have a match here? Oh, Alexis finally shows up. Davey ATTAX. Punches in the corner. Tara and Eric are skeptical. Davey's ovrealls are already falling off. Alexis with a neckbreaker for... three? Okay. Tara says it was a four count. IT. WAS. A. FOUR. COUNT! The annoucers discuss wether or not that's a record. I think SD Jones still got squashed quicker. Tara: "You know what record's not going to be broken? The amount of time Davey has gone without a piece of ass." Okay.

Jesus, let's have a new paragraph. Okay, Alexis poses for a while. Man, you don't need to climb every single corner post. BUTWAIT, it's "Simply Luscious". No way I'm typing that repeatedly. She's SL from now on. SL introduces herself to the crowd by yelling her name. Trained by HBK, she sez. She wants a match with Alexis. Eric: "We're finally going to see a real wrestling match, Tara!" I'm not holding my breath for that. SL starts with a SHOVE. And a slap. Alexis gets a spear and the Thesz Press, or as Foley's book calls it "the dick to the mouth". Seems fitting for this fed. I'm just sayin'. And THE SNAPMARE!!!!!! And another one. And a dropkick. Eric mentions that SL will "take you to the mats and shoot with you". Deadly. SL gets some punches in the corner. And a choke in the ropes. For two. The annoucers blather. SL with some clubbering. And punches. And a snapmare. And some kicks. Eric mentions that "her thighs are huge". You better watch that mouth, son. Tara leaves us on commentary, which outrages Eric, who is left alone with his thoughts. Which are mostly him calling the clotheslines and punches that are going on here. SL with the deadly... bellyslap? Okay. For two. SL stops to yell at the crowd. And a headbutt, as Eric yells about the EPIC WRESTLING MATCH going on here. Alexis gets another neckbreaker. SL gets up and then realizes she's supposted to be selling and falls back down. This is truly epic. Alexis with even more punches. And another clothesline. Here's Tara, who distracts... okay, I have no idea what the fuck just happened. Eric just yells "WAS IT SOME KIND OF CONSPIRACY?? SL won the matchup! Or did she?" Hell, I don't fucking know. I guess not, because SL misses a souparkick. Eric: "Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!" Yeah, they don't take dimes anymore, grandpa. Everyone goes outside and I'm really lost. Okay, back in the ring. DOUBLE AXHANDLE by SL. Alexis gets anothe spear and administers the wedgie. And back outside. Eric yells about how SL "comes in here with all of her fancy moves and her reputation," but it can't withstand wedgies. He suggests SL take her "big reputation and 99 cents down the street and get some coffee!" It's like $3.25 nowadays. I'm just saying. Alexis lays around outside the ring. SL poses waiting for her to get back in. Crowd chants "Show Your Tits!" Eric: "She's not that kind of wrestler, Dover! She's a wrestler!" Yeah, shut those marks up. SL gets a schoolgirl, but she fucks up so Alexis' shoulders are off the mat. The ref counts like six, but that doesn't do it. More punching. SL has had enough and bails. Eric wants to know what better things she has to do. The end? The end. "What an impressive showing!" Yeah, she got punched 900 times and then left.

Okay, to the back.

I don't know who this is, but she seems to be holding her crotch like she has to go to the bathroom. She yells "Never did I imagine WEW officals would send in a lesbian who would go down on me to win a match!" I don't even know what to say. Uh, I'd never imagine that either? I think that's Kameo from before. I guess that's why they cut the entire match. What a fed.

Okay, new promo. Papa Mae yells at GI Ho that he's just getting a little snack, and then GI Ho will lose the belt, because he's getting it. So we're having a dude as champ of Women's Extreme Wrestling? Okay.

Another promo time. Some lady shows of the zits on her back and lets us know that she is hardcore. She'll do anything in the ring to win, I guess. And that's it? Okay. Back out to the ring.

And here's Prime Time Amy Lee, WITH SPECIAL ED? Oh, god. I don't know if I can sit through another 15 mintues of faked crippled guys beating each other up. Amy yells at some marks, pointing out that the Buffalo Bills weren't in the superbowl. Does anyone in this fed know what town they're in? Amy yells some nonsense that leaves Eric and I both confused. Amy mocks Delaware as a "scumbag state" full of trailer parks. Eric: "Hey, they're budgeting." She calls some people in the crowd HIV positive. Owch! Eric: "Hey, than so am I! What does she know?" What?? Amy yells at some more marks in the crowd. Wow, they planted a chick in the crowd for her to call a ring rat. IS THIS A SHOOT??? Amy yells some more shit. Okay, they're fat/poor marks, we get it. I think she's trying to individually insult each crowd member here. And on and on it goes. Nobody in the crowd seems to care, except this one dude who looks very sad. :(

Okay, finally, she asks Lucky to come out. Eric: "Gonna be a while." BECAUSE HE'S CRIPPLED ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS? Never mind, she's going back to insulting everyone in the crowd. Tara's back on commentary. Zzzzzzzzz. Is anything going to happen here? I guess not, as Amy yells at the crowd some more. "Five years later!" she yells. I'm going to be old and grey before this is over. Oh, Lucky is finally here. Amy steals his handicapped parking space tag. That's some heat right there. Okay, crippled beatdown on Lucky. Here comes Riptide to the rescue. With some punches. So are we getting a match here? I guess so. Amy gets a clothesline. And some kicks. Eric and Tara discuss wether Special Ed or Lucky are to blame for the fracas we have here. Riptide with some clubbering. And a snapmare. I think there's ten moves on this disc total. Eric and Tara seem to have switched roles, as Tara is running Amy down for attacking a crippled guy and Eric is defending her. Riptide throws a bunch of loot into the ring. And she hits Amy with a crutch. Tara: "Is this dumb referee going to say anything?" Use the echo grass. And some more wimpy crutch hits. And Riptide chokes her with it. Amy escapes and gets a chair. Bidoof. Riptide gets two chairshots in the back. Tara disses Riptide, which prompts Eric to yell "Are you hatin'?!" Outrageous. Truly truly truly outrageous. Riptide with... some metal thing. Is that a mirror? I dunno. Eric asks Tara how she got here: "Did you win an ebay auction?!" Eric starts SHOOTING on his color commentators: "First it's Joel Gertner, he doesn't say a word..." Snaps, I guess that really was him. I guess I thought he was taller than that. Sorry, you boners. "Then it's Jeffrey J James, he says too much!" I kinda liked Jeff.

Amy pretends to be retarded. There's always time for that. Riptide rolls her up for two. Tara: "These tramps may want to call it a schoolgirl, but it's a schoolBOY. Get it right!" They're diffrent moves, actually. And that was a schoolboy. What a bunch of marks. Okay, Riptide gets thrown outside. And she has a crutch. Smork. And a headbutt. Oh god, they're going into the crowd. GET THE NACHOS. They punch each other for a while. Tara points out that the name "Special Ed" doesn't make any sense, because he's physically handicapped, not mentally. Okay, she has a point. Typical WEW crowd brawl, which is to say I have no idea what's happening. Okay, the camera finds them. Riptide punches Amy for like ten minutes. Eric says that when he first met Riptide, "She was beating up men, just assaulting guys on the street!" Tara: "And that's when she was eight!" Eric: "Absolutely!" Don't oversell, Eric. Tara asks "Where are these camera guys? I can't see what's happening." Amen. Eric: "We have a low budget here." Hah, really? Eric starts complaining about thier cheap setup with no montior, "a cheap table, a water bucket, and two cheap chairs!" Oh, the match. Riptide is still punching Amy. And a few stomps. This is approaching -**** level.

WHERE'S WALDO, MOTHERFUCKERS? Okay, we look around the crowd for a while. And some guy sticks his face into the camera. His momma must be proud. Oops, the ref calls a double disqualification. Booooooo! Tara points out the terrible ref work we've been having. Riptide continues punching Amy anyway. THEY'RE SHOOTING!!!! Maybe Riptide gets paid by the punch or something. Eric asks if WEW is big enough for both women. Tara: "If they both try to go through the door at the same time, it isn't." Hey, Riptide isn't very fat. Her butt is a little big. Oh, Riptide gets up on a chair. Okay, her butt is more than a little big. Even so. She declares herself the winner, and... sorta falls off onto Amy Lee. They end up underneath the bar, where some guy brushes ice off the bar and on top of them. What a dick. Amy promises to kill him.

And video wipe. Okay, that was abrupt.

Alexis prays to escape this fed. She recaps the SL/Alexis match, and how "your boobalicious friend out there" Tara had to cheat. Alexis promises that the next time they meet up, it won't be all fun and games. So leave candyland at home, I guess. Chutes and ladders? We'll see. Alexis promises that "next time you meet up with me, I'm gonna beat you through the ground, then back up again, then through the ground again". What??????

Okay, to the back. Here's THE SMOKE, and Lady Storm, who looks totally diffrent with glasses and normal clothes on. She has one of his shoes that she found somewhere. The Smoke denies that's his shoe. Then he admits that it is his shoe, but It's a gift! For her! She doesn't buy it. Ohhhhhhh snapppppp.

Okay, Amy has a ladder and yells at Riptide, challenging her to a ladder match. Then she screams "I AM GOD" and sticks her mouth on the camera while screaming. Only like 4/10 on the Amanda Storm Insane Promo scale.

And here's Tara. She insults Casey, "you wednesday addams looking freak!!" She's outraged that Casey "insulted the intellegence of the morons out there" when she said that she had the best body. They clipped all of that, thank goodness. Tara promises that if Casey ever gets in her face again, that will be the last time. Not very scary.

And out to the ring for our final match. It's GI Ho versus one of the fat hick chicks. Dawn Mae.

You guys are charging for fan cam footage? I expect more for my $5, gentlemen! Anyways, usual WEW time wasting weapons check/posing. Papa Mae is outside, but he doesn't have any food that the ref tries to confiscate this time. Boo. Okay, Dawn attax. And a snapmare. Chops in the corner. Then a big fat splash. Well, medium large fat splash. I think her overalls make her look fatter than she really is. The ref fucks up and counts like five, but the match is still going. Lawl. Video wipe, and we're outside as Papa beats up GI Ho. I just noticed there's no commentary for this match. Hmm. Oh, Dawn with some choking outside. She sics Davey, who gets beat up as the other hicks stand around and watch. GI Ho chant. And back in the ring we go. For some reason the light fixtures are showing purple stars and green clovers on the wrestlers. No blue moons, though. Yet. GI Ho with some punches. And a video wipe. Davey is in the ring and gets a suplex. Dawn runs in for two. And they start playing some weird music. What is going on here? Oh, it's Tai, with a chair. I've never seen a run-in get music before. Anyway, Tai hefts her chair and kinda taps Davey with it, and he falls over. I guess that was supposted to be a chairshot. Papa gets some taps too. Tai stops to drink a beer. If I sound confused, it's because I have no idea what the fuck is happening. Tai and GI Ho stroll around the ring for a while. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Eric. So is that it? Oh, GI Ho hits a splash to the outside and lands on Papa. Davey throws her back into the ring. Video wipe to GI Ho getting three. Okay then. She's annouced as "Unified Ladies Champion". I don't recognize any title that doesn't have the prestegious WOW and GLOW belts in it. Ho poses with the belt. So are we done? There's still like two minutes left. Oh, some blonde chick attacks and PULLS HER SHIRT OFF? Stop that right now, young lady. Oh, GI Ho put pasties on. Okay? Tai gets a mic: "Christy Kiss, I'm gonna kick ya, lick ya, and then fuck the shit out of ya." What kind of fed is this?? Tai is "going to challenge your sweet little ass, wherever your ass is," to a shaving cream match. Okay, that whole thing should be clipped. Yeey. Are we finally done? We're done.

Final Thoughts: Oh my fucking god.