The Shopzone Fiasco
Kurt Angle
Aside from the fact that all of his shirts are gaudy as hell, I can't finish that sentence.
"Kurt Angle It`s True Pendant
Kurt Angle is your true American Hero. Oh, It's True, It's True! Now you can show your support for the Olympic Gold Medalist by sporting this pendant around your neck. Goldtone pendant on a 26 inch goldtone chain."
Jesus, look at that thing. I'm not about to make a BLING BLING joke, but I'm seriously tempted. What a terrible, terrible item. -*****
Kurt Angle I'll Make You TAP Out T-shirt
This Olympic stud is so damn sure of himself that he is boasting his technical abilities in this saying. "I'll Make You Tap Out" is on front."
AT LAST we come to the heart of this dark web and discover the evil master behind these horrible product descriptions. DIS OLYMPIC HOSS'S SHIRT IS GREAT IN THIS SOONER'S EYES. Also, it's incredibly ugly. And Hooker hates it too.
Misc. Superstars
Basically the people nobody cares about enough to give them entire categories of stuff, or just that most of their products weren't as bizarrely described.
"Edge "Edgehead" T-shirt
Are you an Edge Head? If so, your collection will never be complete until you are a proud owner of the hottest t-shirt available. You`ll turn heads as you strut down the mall wearing this mind blowing new design. Take our advice: life is much more exciting when you take it to the edge! "
The heads you turned will be turned in astonishment at what an idiot you are for buying this ugly thing and wearing it with pride in the mall. And with a title like "Edgehead," there should be an Edge Bobblehead on it. Ripoff.
"New World Order T-Shirt
They`re back! And they`re conjuring up fear and destruction wherever they go - so don`t get in their way! Black. 100% Cotton. "
No wonder they're evil, they're witches. Burn them at the stake, blah blah. You know, people who go around all day and do nothing but Monty Python and other similar cult phenomenon really need to stop. Seriously, you're embarassing yourself and those around you. But if someone said nothing but "A WHOLE POUND OF FOOD," I'd never get enough of it.
"Rhyno Fear the Gore T-Shirt
GORE! GORE! GORE! No, we're not cheering for the former Vice President, we're chanting for Rhyno! He's got his first T-Shirt! Fear the Gore as Paul Heyman always says. Black, 100% Cotton."
Rhyno? Who's that? This has to be the worst product description ever in the history of merchandising. And the logo is goofy, too. Paul Heyman? Who's that?
"Triple H 'Game Over' T-shirt
Who`s "Over" with the Game? Grab a buddy, put the pedigree on him and tell him you`re down with The Game! Front: ""Game Over"" Back: ""You`re Damn Right I`m Over!"" 100% Cotton. "
USING "SMART" TERMS MAKE THIS SHIRT PERFECT FOR FUCKING FILTHY SMARKS. The only game I'm down with is Risk, thank you very much, and I won't grab one of my friends and Pedigree him just to tell him that, either. Nonsensical.
"Undertaker Deadman Inc. Wallet
Black tri-fold wallet, with screen printed design. Has a chain so you can chain it down when you go rollin', rollin', rollin'. Measures 3 inches by 4 1/4 inches."
This one's hilarious. I can see it now... When I go rollin' in my Civic, this'll be the first thing I grab as I walk out the door. God, I'll be so damned cool then.
Well. Well, what have we learned? Never watch wrestling again. That's all there is to it. In the words of Scott Hudson, "GOOD NIGHT!"
