"Just" Joe's quote of the week: "It takes skill to write this badly."

My longtime life-partner "Just" Joe was recently released from the World Wrestling Federation. Now he works down at the docks capturing clams for 10 cents each. While not as glamorous as you might think, this occupation allows "Just" Joe to tap into the pulse of the wrestling world. Because he loves you, and because I gave him five dollars, "Just" Joe has given me the following saucy rumors to relate! He heard them from sailors and prostitutes!!!

-I've heard that the Dudley Boyz are big science nerds. In fact, here's a typical dialogue:

-Buh Buh: "D-VOOONNNNN!!! *shove*"

-D-Von: "WHUT?"

-Buh Buh: "*pause* GET THE PERIODIC TABLES!!!!!"

-Yes, I AM counting that as 4 rumors, thank you very much! And this one makes five! HOLLA BACK, YOUNG'N!

-Savio Vega will soon be making his return as an effeminate clawed Spanish pit fighter who gets all pissy if you mess up his beautiful masked face.

-My sources tell me that a certain WWF Superstar's bid to buy an NBA basketball team was rejected. Sadly, you won't be seeing the Los Angeles Takers anytime soon.

-Look for Curt Hennig and DDP to form a tag team named "POSITIVELY PERFECT" or something retarded like that and then job to everybody under the fucking sun.

-Hulk Hogan's astrological sign is Cancer. CANCER! CAAAAANCER!!!!

-Hulk Hogan's astrological sign is probably not really Cancer.

-Rikishi actually ate some lettuce the other day! Honest to fucking god.

-I'm hearing that Maven will be repackaged with an Army gimmick and dubbed "G.I. BROW". OH HO HO HOOOOOO!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Spring is almost here, so it's time for a new Choose Your Own Adventure. Don't ask me how those two things correlate, but they do, trust me. Dig my unnecessary centering.

This story is dubbed "NEX MIDEO PRESENTS: HEIST, HEIST, BABY". HA HA, GET IT? IT IS A PUN, KINDA! TNM's still got it. And by "it", I of course mean morbid obesity.

It'll make you famous.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That's all for now! If "Just" Joe has divulged any juicy tidbits to *you*, send them to TheNextMideon@weeklyvisitor.com.

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