My longtime life-partner "Just" Joe was recently released from the World Wrestling Federation. Now he works down at the docks capturing clams for 10 cents each. While not as glamorous as you might think, this occupation allows "Just" Joe to tap into the pulse of the wrestling world. Because he loves you, and because I gave him five dollars, "Just" Joe has given me the following saucy rumors to relate! He heard them from sailors and prostitutes!!!

-"I've got brows (I've got browwww-ow-ows) in different area... codes..."

-Jim Ross is already one of Maven's biggest detractors, claiming that his head could stand to lose about 75 pounds.

-If nothing else, Maven and friends are always ready for a six man tag.

-You know what they say about guys with thick eyebrows... THEY NEED TO SHAVE THEIR EYEBROWS! HIYO!

-Maven's bald because his eyebrows are the jealous type.

-Only the finest-dressed ladies will be wearing their Maven-fur stoles this winter.

-Little known fact: Maven's eyebrows contain 4,000 fleas, 7 birds' nests, and 1 child's kite.

-The Trouble with Tribbles.

-It's obvious that Maven has yet to grasp the proper placement of earmuffs. So sad.

-I don't want to imply that Maven's got big eyebrows... BUT HE DOES! LOLO!

-If Maven wants to furrow his brow, he needs a backhoe! HA CHA CHA!

-Maven's shirt is torn because he has huge eyebrows. *rimshot*

-If spectacular eyebrows guarantee tremendous success, then the Rock is RUNNING SCARED!

-If the Rock has The People's Eyebrow, then Maven must have... the, uh... Fuck.

-Caterpillars may look like cute pets, but take it from Maven: Once they latch on, they never let go.