As a Christmas present to the worl, I was gonna do the 12 days of tape reviews. Instead, I have reviewed one match from a tape, and almost rebeaked Excess. This was not my most productive weekend. I had some hilarious Excess jokes, too, but got bored and stopped watching it. Oh well. Life goes on.

I was really gonna review the FMW vs. ECW vs. ZEN tape, but got sick of it. First off, it seems to be ECW vs. ZEN and FMW vs. ZEN. There is not one FMW vs. ECW match on this tape. Furthermore, some of the ECW vs. ZEN matches are from a FMW PPV. None of it makes sense. Anyway, here's Sandman vs. Sabu, from some FMW PPV.

For those of you interested in my personal life, this utter lonliness has gotten worse. I spent Friday night watching Chairman of the Board, which is the second time I've watched it. If only I had the courage to talk to that cute librarian. I bet she'd be impressed by my sizable wrestling tape and memoribilia collection.

Again, I hope the Rock shows up. I saw him on both Excess and Metal, but have failed to properly rebeak either. This tape is my last hope. This name will knock your socks off, presuming that you wear socks.

Here we go. This match must be sometime after the Stairway to Hell match, as Sabu's jaw is all taped up. Start off with Sandman in the middle of the ring with Fonzie and Sabu on opposite corners, and Fonzie wont stop blowing the whistle. Sandman goes after him, and he jumps outside, still blowing the whistle. Sabu runs up and kicks Sandman. He then takes the cane and starts to beat Sandman with it. Some back and forth, or close to it, and Sandman ends up outside. Fonzie keeps blowing the whistle. Sabu runs and jumps off the rope to the outside. There's some kid dressed just like Mr. Pogo. Sabu hits Sandman with a chair, and Fonzie gets a table, while blowing the whistle. Sandman's thrown at the table, but it doesn't break. Those skinny tables they use in Japan don't seem to break very often. I've seen Sabu bounce off of more of them than I care to count, yet he still trys. At least he's persistent. As is Fonzie with the whistle. Sabu tosses the table inside the ring, and the climbs to the top turnbuckle with it, and jumps out, hitting Sandman with it. Fonzie opts to continue blowing the whistle. Sabu: "Shit." Clipped, and a ladder's now in the ring. Sabu beats Sandman with it. Fonzie, in a swerve, blows the whistle. Seriously, he hasn't stopped blowing that damn thing yet. Ladder is set up in the corner, and Sandman reverses, throwing Sabu into it. Fonzie blows the whistle. Sandman legdrops the ladder onto Sabu. 2 count. Whistle blow. Sandman puts Sabu on the top rope, and hits and uglycanrana. I remember this time Sandman fought Tommy Dreamer in an I Quit match, or something, and he did the worst elbow drop I've ever seen. His feet hit the ground, and then he fell over, thus dropping the elbow. He then did it 2 more times, I think. It was so bad. Amazingly, I later saw him jump clear over the top ripe in a match. He was wearing air jordans at the time.

Anyway, Fonzie blows the whistle. I have to be imagining this. Nobody can keep blowing a whistle this long. Sandman trys a leg drop, or something, and Sabu moves. I don't know. I looked away and don't feel like rewinding to see what I missed. Sabu does that triple jump leg drop thing and lands right on his ass. I mean sandwich. I think I killed that joke in my Excess rebeak. I dunno. I use it about 100 times a day. I think Sabu said "crimminy" after landing. Fonzie blows the whistle. They are practically yelling every spot to each other. Sandman is kicked off the top rope, only his leg gets tied up. Sabu goes to get a table. I guess that's the real Pogo, as he's milling around ringside. Sabu puts Sandman on the table, and runs and does a tope onto it. The table doesn't break. Fonzie, however, does blow his whistle. Sandman: "Fuck it." They go back in. Sabu does some stupid thing with a chair from the top rope. Whistle. Sandman: "Hit me with the ladder." Sabu agrees, and gets the pin.

I'm gonna give this match 4 of these lego head things: . This is mainly due to Fonzie's superb whistle skills, and Sandman's horrible hurricanrana. I have much respect for anyone that trys a move, even though they don't know how to do it at all.

Final Thoughts: This is a damn good tape. It has Buh Buh Ray Dudley, back when he looked like Curly, from the 3 Stooges. He, too, does a plancha. It was quite amazing. Also, Tazz was on Metal, and said that he thought he was replacing Michael Cole. See, I'm not the only one.