Hello and welcome to more news from under the straw beach hat.

I’d like to thank all the fans at Richard’s house, I was over there the other night for some promotion, and things went well.

Edge’s skill at humping the ring is coming along nicely. I see big things in the future for this young superstar. If he continues to hump the ring this well, we may move him on to humping other things.

The name tag for Stone Cold hasn’t arrived yet, so he still has to say his name to everybody.

The operation to turn Rhyno from a simple boy into a manbeast has been a success.

I still don’t have a job.

Undertaker was getting tired of the hoosier character, and we are working on turning his character into a “mischevious elf.” He will pop out of nowhere and scare people. We are thinking of investing in a spooky mask for him.

Saturn’s brain damage gimmick is something of a shoot. He really did suffer from a head injury, which is why he wears Hat and the fruity boa thing. Big things are happening for his career. We are thinking of having him beat the crap out of more jobbers.

Wasn’t Tajiri supposed to be on Raw a few weeks back?

Big Show is still a fat, no-selling piece of crap.

The Next Mideon’s column is up, and has important news about Droz’s condition.

That’s all for now. Remember to check back later, or go over to Jon's News Site for all of your non-updated news needs.