Back to low expectations, and probably dissapearing again in the near future, SK&NS is the Ken Griffey Jr. of WV. Now give me a lot of money.

But first, I really like this quote:

"I had been dealing with my heel injury since I was in the hospital for my leg surgery"

Liar.

Droz has his own order for the matches, which is probably the order they actually will occur in, but I've done away with it. Cripplephobia running wild. We'll start with

Kane vs. Matt Hardy (Winner has to buy the cow match)

Droz picks Hardy, as he apparently does not read Matt's website.

A HEEL turn by Lita would be really obvious, and the easiest way to keep this feud going, so be on the lookout for that. Or, she can get hit in the stomach and lose the baby, as I doubt the WWE would be brave enough to have a woman give hand to another baby on tv. Maybe that'll happen later, though. Either way, this feud proves to the world that having sex with Lita will end up causing you a great deal of physical discomfort.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Gurrero

Droz sums this up by saying "{e}ddie wins a hard fought battle," after two whole sentences of "insight," which consists of saying "hard" a few times. No mention made to the similar predicament he and Angle were in (not being able to walk or have sex with wives), no mention of Eddie's past drug problems and Droz's handling of other's drug problems, no nothing! Well, I guess this is supposed to just be his picks for the matches and not some stupid rant about nothing. Crash Holly he is not.

On paper, this could be the match of the night. However, a Heidenreich run-in could easily ruin that, as well as Smackdown for the next several months. I think he'll get involved in the main event, if anything, so I'm not too worried about it. Besides, Angle already has one big, untalented slug on his side, he doesn't need another. I'm picking Angle to win through some measure of chicanery. A chicaneried chicano Gurrero will become.

HHH vs. Eugene

"Of course I have to root for Eugene." Of course you do. Droz goes on to pick HHH, despite his deepest desires to have the WWE get even more retarded.

Somehow, I'm not as taken by Eugene as the rest of the internet seems to be. Perhaps it's due to my own retardation. Despite my lack of enthusiasm, or perhaps in spite of it, this match is actually going to happen. I find it very hard to believe that HHH will lose here, Regal interference or no. In fact, maybe HHH will "un-retardize" Eugene finally, as it is bound to happen sooner or later.

Rey Mysterio, Paul London & Billy Kidman vs. The Dudleyessess

Who cares what Droz says?

Eh. This match is one of two on the entire card that I think might be entertaining, but I could care less about who wins. This is basically a match that should be on tv to build towards to seperate matches at a PPV, but I guess the WWE forgot to start the feuds on time, or something.

Edge vs. Jericho vs. Batista

Droz picks Edge. Droz only wishes he could hump rings.

My money's on Batista. Edge bores the shit out of me, and Jericho jobs to everybody, so I imagine Batista will win here, and maybe go on to feud with Shelton Benjamin when he returns. I hope Jericho gets over this fascination of his with feuding with way less talented mid-carders soon, and decides to challenge Benoit for the title. However, the ensuing match would probably cause JR's head to explode, so it'll never happen.

Forget Droz. He's not nearly as entertaining as I thought he would be. Just like when he was in the WWF!

John Cena vs. Booker T.

I think this is the first match from their Best of 5 Series. So, the winner doesn't matter all that much. You've sold me!! John Cena is certainly no Chris Benoit, and neither is Booker T., for that matter, so chalk up another one for "who cares?"

Diva Dodgeball

Yes, this is my semi-main event on the RAW side. Anyway, fuck this. WWE obviously isn't above simply dropping a gimmick after it fails for two weeks and pretending it never happened (see: Hirohito, Mordecai, Matt Morgan, etc.), so why don't they do the same here. I mean, yeah, I vote in this thing every week and all, but I'm never 100% sure which girl I just voted for, and I never remember at all about 2 minutes later. Why is it every time I wanna' watch two half naked men get sweaty and roll around a bunch of tig-bittied girls have to get in the way?!?!?

Undertaker vs. Bradshaw's new name

It's gut-check time for the WWE! Yeah! I felt just like John Madden or somebody saying that. Anyway, here's where the WWE either proves my theory (that of Bradshaw becoming a fairly dominant HEEL champ who will stay at the top of the card for some time) or reverts back to the same defense mechanism as every other time PPV buy-rates got a bit low, i.e. freak out and give the title to some big, untalented slug who will go on to squash every other wrestler on the roster. Bradshaw is loads more entertaining as a pseudo Ted Dibiase who wrestles like a half-assed Stan Hansen than the Undertaker ever was or ever will be. Shit, even Orlando Jordan as a pseudo Virgil who wrestles like every other generic OVW clone is more entertaining than Undertaker. However, I still fear that Undertaker will win, which is just ridiculous. I mean, I haven't minded this feud too much, as Undertaker has barely been on tv to feud with Bradshaw, but when he gets the title I think he has to show up more often. Anyway, I imagine this'll end up with sort of interference by Heidenreich (which is how everything in my life seems to be ending up lately), as that's the feud we've all been waiting for!

Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

Orton's not really gonna' win, is he?

. . .

. . .


Is he?

*scared face*