January 5, 2006: The War On X-Mas
By: The Next Mideon
Some jokes stolen from: Super Asia
Act Two - The Meat And Topatoes
All is peaceful at the nativity scene, as the friendly farm animals are unaware of the Space Terrors bearing down on them.
K-Sheep: "WHERE MY SHEEPDOGS AT WHERE THEY AT?"
Mr. Ass: "I've got two words for ya: Hee-Haw."
Oh no! The Space Invaders have touched down! TOUCHDOWN! SIX POINTS HOW COOL
Jeff Jarrett: "Awright, men, make for the manger! Start kicking shit over!"
Team Canada: "Enh, enh! *kicking shit over*"
Christopher Daniels: "STOP KICKING SHIT OVER!"
James Mitchell: "Well, well, well, if it isn't the armies of Christ! Get 'em, Abyss!"
Abyss (trust me on this one): "*Abyss pose*"
James Mitchell: "HOOOOOOO-HO! UHHHHHHHHH-BYSS!"
Don West and Mike Tenay: "MY GOD! THAT SAAAAAAAAACK! THAT RED VELVET SAAACK FULL OF TAAACKS!!!"
Abyss: "*bumbles down the chimney and covers Daniels in tacks*"
Christopher Daniels: "AW, RASPBERRIES! *dies*"
Christian: "They've killed that weird skinny guy with the ankh tattoo on his bony, bony chest! GIVE THEM NO QUARTER!"
Bobby Roode: "Er, excuse me, AJ Styles, but might I borrow a quarter? American, preferably."
AJ Styles: "NO!!!"
Bobby Roode: "HOW ROODE!!!"
Sabu: "*points at Baby Jesus, then jumps off manger*"
Eric Young: "AHHHHH LOOK OUT ITS AN ARABIAN MAN FLYING THROUGH THE NIGHT SKIES EVEN WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF A CAMEL-DRIVEN SLEIGH *dies*"
Petey Williams: "SHOWTIME, NOOOO!!! GET O-VER HERE!"
Sting: "*harpooned*"
Petey Williams: "*Scorpion (from Mortal Kombat) Deathlock*"
Sting: "OWWWWWWW! *dies*"
Brother Raye Claus: "HEY JR!!!"
Jim Ross: "WAHT?/"
Brother Raye Claus: "HO HO HO!!!"
Bobby Roode: "This Lariat comes direct from the North Pole, you rapscall... OH SHIT DEADLY DEATH DROP! IMPOLITE!!! *dies*"
Brother Devon: "*administers Last Rites*"
Jeff Jarrett: "STOP FORCIN' YOUR RELIGIOUS IMAGERY UPON ME, SLAPASSES!!!"
Scott D'Amore: "*laying out and eating Santa's milk and cookies the whole time*"
Here comes the calvary cavalry! Camelry!
Camel: "My humps. My humps. My lovely lady lumps."
@Lx Shelley: "Hey Joe, I think we should purchase some great gifts on eBay to present to this little baby. Y'know, before we eat him. I'll give him X-Division Gold in the form of this replica title which is by no means the real one that I stole from you while you were in the crapper."
Roderick Strong: "From me he shall receive Frankincense, which is the premoniton of danger Frankenstein's Monster gets right before the Green Goblin attacks."
Samoa Joe: "Samoa Joe brings the gift of Myrrh-der."
@Lx Shelley: "L@@K, we've arrived! AHHHH GOLDYLOCKS WHAT oh whoa okay bad flashback."
Samoa Joe: "*barges in and starts glaring at people*"
Roderick Strong: "GET THE BABY, GET THE BABY!"
Meanwhile...
Shark Boy: "GRR I AM GOING TO BITE YOUR ASS, GAIL KIM!"
Gail Kim: "NO! That's how I makes my livin's!"
@Lx Shelley: "Gail Kim! I'll save you, provided you agree to star in a little video I like to call @n@l @si@ns 33: Bear Asses!"
Gail Kim: "Fine, whatever! *files nails*"
@Lx Shelley: "Done and done. *fishing rod motion* AAAH! SEA HAG! THROW IT BACK, THROW IT BACK!!! WHY DOES THAT KEEP HAPPENING??? Whew, lemme try again here..."
Shark Boy: "HELP I HAVE BEEN HOOKED!"
@Lx Shelley: "*deadly drop toehold*"
Shark Boy: "*floats to surface, goes belly-up*"
@Lx Shelley: "Alright, Gail, time to pay up! Now we just need to find you a sexy sex partner."
Matt Bentley: "Don't l@@k at me!"
@Lx Shelley: "FINE, I'll just add Val Venis in editing. We're rollin'!"
Christian Cage: "Allow me, if you will, to show you how I roll. *UNPRETTIER*"
@Lx Shelley: "OH GOD, NOW I'M AMERICAN UGLY! *dies*"
AJ Styles: "Hay guys, we haven't done anything yet."
Matt Bentley: "X-DIVISION... AWAYYYYYY!!! *fruity superkick*"
Chris Sabin: "JESUS SABES!!!"
America's Most Wanted: "Santa Claus won't be conquering the Martians this Christmas!!! We stole this flag from the moon!!!"
James Storm: "*Sheriff Ponykick*"
Chris Harris: "*Catatonic*"
Matt Bentley: "I have never been more unhappy in my entire life. Also, I am dead."
Chris Sabin: "My HP has been reduced to 3. *swoons*"
Jeff Jarrett: "Good job, boys! Now I reckon I'll just mosey on over here like so and take care of OH GOD THE PELE!!!"
AJ Styles: "JESUS IS THE BEST SOCCER COACH OF ALL!!!"
Samoa Joe: "You stand between myself and a succulent infant. Move."
AJ Styles: "Now see here, Samoa Joe! Babies are an endangered species protected under the X-Divison Code, which states that...
Samoa Joe: "*CHOKING YOU THE FUCK OUT*"
AJ Styles: "I DIED AS I LIVED! RANTING ABOUT SOME STUPID, IMAGINARY CODE! *deceased*
Roderick Strong: "Joe! We've breached the womb, or as it's known in football, the 'pocket'!"
Jeff Jarrett: "I've got a rocket in my pocket. But regardless, that baby belongs to us! I got kicked in the head with a soccer cleat over it! Stop 'em, AMDubya!
James Storm: "*THE STINKEYE*
Chris Harris: "*FUCK YOU GESTURE*
Roderick Strong: "Joe, I've got him! Go long!"
Samoa Joe: "*runs the deep route*"
AMW: "*defensive coverage*"
Monty Brown: "IT'S THE FOURTH QUARTER OF 2005, AND THE LONG BABY BOMB IS ABOUT TO BE THROWN!!! NOW'S THE TIME FOR MONTY BROWN TO SEPARATE MIND FROM BODY AND START POUNCING PEOPLE ON THE ASTRAL PLANE!!!"
Chris Sabin's Ghost: "Monty Brown is coming on the BLITZ! He's BUM RUSHING the passer! Who will emerge victorious, Joe or Montana??? Hahahah ohhhhhh I deserved to die."
Roderick Strong: "*rears back for a Hail Mary pass*"
The Virgin Mary: "Did someone say my name?"
Chris Sabin's Ghost: "Uhhhhh excuse me I think you mean 'Hail Sabin.'"
Monty Brown: "YUM YUM CUM GET YOU SUM"
Monty Brown: "*THE POOOOOUUUUUUNCE*!!!"
Roderick Strong: "*shaken up*"
But the Cleveland Monty Browns were too late! Roderick got a Strong pass off! May that one photo of him be immortalized forever in his high school yearbook! THE BABY IS IN PLAY! Who's man enough to come down with it?
Time: "*slow motion*"
Samoa Joe: "On the babies route, you catch the babies."
AMW: "SPRING INTO THE ATMOSPHERE and swat that baby down! Moonboots, don't fail us now!"
Christian Cage: "I am comin' to make the pick because I like to pick 'em!"
Jeff Jarrett: "Girl, I've seen all the stars in the galaxy, but none were as beautiful as the ones in your eyes."
Traci: "Tee-hee!"
Baby Jesus: "*tight spiral*"
Here it comes! Who's got it? It's... it's... SAMOA JOE!!! What an immaculate reception!
Samoa Joe: "Catchin' babies is what I do."
The Virgin Mary: "My baby, my baby! Samoa Joe, spare my baby!"
Samoa Joseph: "Haha. Lady, you are hysterical. More like SPARE RIBS your baby. Now shut up and stop trying to spoil my appetite with your unmarked spoilers. Over the lips and past the gums, look out baby, here it comes!"
Jeff Jarrett: "HOW 'BOUT SOME DINNER MUSIC, SAMOA JOE??? *EL KABONG*"
Fumble! Fumbled baby! Miscarriage!
Jeff Jarrett: "Now AH'VE got the magic power of Baby Jesus! X-Mas is ruined, and we got what we came for! Cheese it, boys! Warm up the getaway spaceship!"
BUTWAIT! Could it be that the enemies of the Space Invaders had an ass in the hole???
Goat: "*heavy breathing*"
Jeff Jarrett: "Outta the way, goat! DON'T PISS ME OFF by impeding my strut!"
HEY, that's not a goat!!!
Goat: "*rips off disguise to reveal...*"
Rhino: "*GORE, GORE, GORE!!!*"
The Space Invaders were not expecting any Detroit Lions to be on the Serengeti! Their attempt to blow up Christmas has been foiled by the Salvation Army!
Bellringer: "*rings bell*"
Rhino: "*spikes baby, touchdown dance*""
Vanquished, the Invaders beat a hasty retreat to the safety of their ship!
Jeff Jarrett: "This ain't over! The Space Invaders shall rise again!"
Rocket In Jeff Jarrett's Pocket: "*blast off*!!!"
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