The Dr. Angus Invitational

It recently occurred to me that Weekly Visitor needs a representative. Much like the dove is the international symbol of peace and the pigeon is the international symbol of The WWE Experience, we, too, need an immediately recognizable icon which will make people take notice and say, "Oh yeah, that's that shitty website I hate." A racially insensitive mascot to incense Tatanka and delight Jamie Noble. A powerless and obsolete figurehead to steer us into The Future, which will probably involve shrinking down to microscopic sizes in an attempt to prevent Tazz from choking out Frankie Kazarian's "Stay Alive" nerve. But just who is the face of Weekly Visitor?

One could argue that it used to be Gummi Crash, but he dead. I SAY YOU HE DEAD. The time of Kevin Kelly and "Just" Joe has come and gone. And Jacqueline is never again welcome here after what she did to Chavo Classic. We need an edgy, pro-active character that will bring in a younger demographic, because all of us really like to be called "n00b" and "fag". Especially Sofa. Dozens of kung-fu hippies from gangsta city have touched our lives over the years, but which one means the most to Weekly Visitor?

We're about to find out.

That's where eccentric billionaire and noted carnivore, Dr. Angus, comes in. As one of the giants of Weekly Visitor lore, the good doctor has thrown his crown-shaped hat into the ring, sending out an open invitation to the greatest fighters in the land. There's a fine line between pain and pleeeeezure. They're coming from all corners of the globe. Stamford, CT. Joliet, IL. Ancient China. Futuristic France. Other planets. It's going to be a no-holds barred, single-elimination tournament that will ultimately decide who has earned the right to represent this illustrious website. Critics agree: "Weekly Visitor is on The Internet!" To whom will you lend your support? Dean Malenko, as he desperately searches for his dead daddy's murderer? Rico, the man who will attempt to scratch you with his dangerously long fingernails? Eddie Guerrero, who dresses like Guile all the time?

Best of all, if I'm understanding the definition of the word "best" correctly, is that you, the fans get to decide. Starting on August 15, Mortal Monday, the first round of matches will be put to a vote on our wildly popular messageboard. This is sure to lead to lots of exciting photo-finishes, such as 2-1 and 0-0. Certain characters have been teamed up for maximum WV flava. There will be four new matches every day until we reach the home stretch. Polls open at Midnight Central Time and close at the same time on the following day. Ties will be awarded to the higher seed, which isn't fair, but you know what? Shut up.

Start rioting in the streets and writing your "What Weekly Visitor Means To Me" essays, because it's about to happen. Professor John Cena is standing by with the red pen. In the meantime, go predict the bracket if you're one of those horrible retards that likes to do that sort of thing (Hello!)

The Bracket

The Forum

The Character Profiles