March 17, 2002: Toronto, somewhere, Canada
Rebeaker: Eviljonhunt81
So, anyway here comes RVD. He's here to mercifully kill Regal's horrible run with the Intercontinental Title. During the course of the match, Regal gets RVD in the impossible hold, RVD hits his weird turnbuckle thing that never works, and eventually wins, despite being dropped on his damn head by Regal.
Ok, I messed up the html on the predictions page a lot. It's now kind of fixed, so go back and read it again. In fact, I added Hooker and SOFA's predictions to the bottom of the page. Go look at it before continuing on. Also, whoever gets the most right will win my former wrestling watching hat. It's this torn up straw hat of mine. It looks like a fod chewed on it and then an elephant stepped on it. In checking our predictions: Score one for everybody except Nik.
DDP vs. Christian was the next match. I wonder if your average smark (YAS) is crying about the Benoitlessness yet? I am. :(. I actually don't miss him. I miss Rhyno, thought. Anyway, this is a decent little match, and DDP kicks out of the Unprettier. The muthafuckin' Unprettier y'all. Here's how I would recap it on tv: Clip of Christian hitting Unprettier is shown a few times maybe from a few different angles. JR is hollerin'. Pin. 1-2-*record scratch*. DDP comes back and wins. Or something. DDP did win, though.
The WWF obviously messed up, as that makes no sense. By my decision, the scores do not change.
The next match is for the Hardcore Title. Goldust comes out first, and then Maven. Maven has bagpipes at the beginning of his music. I don't understand. Regardless, this is an alright match, and then Spike runs out and pins Maven. Crash, who invented the 24/7 rule, runs out and chases Spike off. Lawler:"It's like a St. Patrick's Day parade I saw." I don't know what kind of parades he goes to.
Ok, only Mideon, JOSH and myself even admitted the possibility of such a match, and I didn't seem to make any predictions about it. One bonus point to the three of us. This rules, being the judge of my hastily made contest.
Drowning Pool is now gonna recap the Title Feud for us. Thanks, guys! That cleared a lot of questions I had up!
Backstage: Crash and Spike fight, and then "STOP THAT PIGEON!" Al Snow comes flying through on a Golf Cart, and crashes into a big pile of boxes. Crash didn't even get a pin on Spike. That's fucking sad. Hurricane flys in and pins Spike.
Since the next match is THE BIG RED MACHINE vs. THE BIG RED, WHITE and BLUE MACHINE, Kurt Angle comes to the ring in black tights. Leotards. Whatever that fucking thing he wears is. He starts off by making fun of how Canada whined to get a Gold Medal. Kane comes out, and the two put on their standard **** match. Kane enzuigurris (enziguiri? Joey Styles I am not) out of the Ankle Lock. Cole: "LEG SCISSORS!" I kid. Cole isn't allowed at ringside. Angle tries to rip the mask off, and eventually cheats to win. Kind of. HEELS seem to have a hell of a time putting their feet on the ropes.
Results: JOSH picked Pete Rose. Deano, Chainclaw and Mideon were drunk, and picked Kane. Shit, so did I. What the fuck was I thinking? Hooker picked Steve Austin and SOFA, Waspinator and Nik get the point for having watched the WWF before and realizing that Angle would win. Current scores: 1 point for Nik, Hooker, Dean and Chainclaw. 2 points for Waspinator, JOSH, SOFA, Mideon and myself.
Undertaker vs. Flair is next, and I wonder why the fuck the women haven't fought yet. Is it the main event, or something? Anyway, I've been looking forward to this match, and it did not fail to deliver. Flair bled all the fuck over the place, Arn Anderson got involved, Undertaker hit a HUGE fucking superplex, and eventually won with the Tombstone to Flair. JR: "Undertaker has blood running down his left cheek, and I don't mean his rear." Jesus. Later on, Lawler: "What the hell is a Booger Red?" JR: "I'll tell you tomorrow." I am definitely watching RAW now. Nonetheless, a damn fine match.
Damn, everybody went for Flair except for JOSH, Hooker and I, although we wrong about how Undertaker would win. Wait, did I count this right? Who cares. Scores now: 1 point for Chainclaw and Dean, 2 points for Nik, Waspinator, SOFA, Hooker and Next Mideon. JOSH and I command the field (?) with 3 points each.
Booker T. is backstage with Cole. He's wearing glasses to look smart. I do the same thing. I lost my glasses, though. I need 'em, too. Anyway, he and Edge start off good, but then Booker T. almost dies when Edge hurracanranas (Cole: "LEG SCISSORS!") him. Spinaroonie. JR: "I tried that last week on my porch." This is too weird, folks. The match picks up a few minutes later, and Edge wins.
The race for my hat: Nobody seemed to realize that Vince doesn't job people out in there home towns unless they are named Jericho (oooh! Smark!), and only half of us went with Edge. Find out who exactly on your own, lazy. Scores: 1 point for Chainclaw, 2 points for Dean, Mideon, SOFA, Hooker and Nik, 3 points for Waspinator and a commanding 4 points for JOSH and myself.
Backstage, Mighty Molly hits Hurricane with a frying pan and gets the Hardcore Title. She will go on to lose it Christian, who loses it to Maven. The circle of life is now complete.
Austin vs. Hall: Nash comes out, shit goes down, and Austin eventually ends up on top. Yes, in the gay way. TEHY ARE ALL FAGGUTS IN CANDA!!! Anyway, this was another good brawl. Let's move along, though. Time is of the essence.
JOSH seemed to sit this one out, and Hooker chose Kevin Nash. While both were wrong, they made more sense than Mideon and Chainclaw, who chose Hall to win. Scores: 1 point for Chainclaw, 2 for Mideon and Hooker, 3 for Dean, SOFA and Nik, 4 for Waspinator and JOSH, and I take the lead in my own stupid contest of which I am the sole authority, with 5 points.
Clips of Axxess or whatever stupid way they spell it are next. Actually, I think I've seen these all night long. I know they were shown on HEAT. Booker T. gloats about beating an 8 year old at a video game. That rules. Some hoosier girl cries when she meets the Undertaker. That doesn't rule.
Is that Saliva shittily playing some new music for the Dudleyz? yes it is. Poor Dudleyz. The bass player looks like a skinny Sign Guy Dudley. (note: if in fact he does not look at all like a skinny Sign Guy Dudley, please remember that I was drinking all afternoon.) Lawler: "My two favorite Dudleyz are in the ring." JR: "Buh Buh (or is it Bubba now? I don't know) Ray and D-von (D'von?)?" Lawler: "No, Stacey's right and left leg." JR: "You're so lonely." I'm not making that up. Lawler then goes on about how he was in the "Backseat Boys," and claims to have been born in 1975. This is hilatious. The match is all that you thought it would be. APA out first, followed by the Dudleyz, and then the Hardys fall to the unstoppable force of Chuck and Billy.
Most of us realized the awesomeness of the Pany Pals, so nearly everyone got a point. They should become mascots for WV. Scores: 1 for Chainclaw, 2 for Hooker, 3 for Mideon, 4 four Nik, SOFA and Dean, 5 for Waspinator and JOSH and 6 for myself. I AM THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
Wait, where the hell is the women's match?
Hulk Hogan comes out. Is this match now? I thought it was the main event? So, is the women's match the main event? I am confused. Nonetheless, this match was fairly impressive. It ended with Rock pinning Hogan in the the middle of the ring. The shook hands afterwards, and then NWO came out to shit beat Hogan, but Rock saved him. Well then.
We all knew Rock would win. HOGAN SUXORS CUZ HE IS SO OLD! Score: 2 for Hooker and Chainclaw, 4 for Mideon and Nik, 5 for Dean and SOFA, 6 for JOSH and Waspinator and 7 for myself.
Finally, we have the Women's Title match. It's decent, with not much happening until Jazz wins. Weird.
How did Mideon and Deano know Jazz would win? Scores: 2 for Hooker and Chainclaw, 4 for Nik, 5 for SOFA and Mideon, 6 for Dean, JOSH and Waspinator, 7 for myself.
I bet Jericho cried when he learned that his match was the main event. I am upset as neither man bled all over. Or seemed to be terribly interested in the match. A ho-hum affair. The crowd was really dead all night. I thought Scott Keith said Canadian crowds were always good. Liar. Stephanie looked hot, though. HHH won at the end. Cry about it.
Only Hooker and myself thought that Jericho would retain. Weird. So, we end with 2 points for Hooker, 3 for Chainclaw, 5 for Nik, 6 for Waspinator, SOFA and Mideon, and JOSH, Dean and myself tied with 7 points. I would go back and add in the 6 man tag match on HEAT, but only Mideon, SOFA and myself believed it would happen. I guess I'll eat the hat.
FINAL THOUGHTS: DESTROY ALL RATIONAL THOUGHT