"To paraphrase HHH’s awful Buffer impression: LET’S GET READY TO SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" - JG Smackdown 5/1

"And, of course, Hulk Hogan comes out (to "Real American") in a mask. You know, this is dumber than shit, but I must admit it was funny this one time. We’ll see it a million times before it’s over, but it was funny once." - same

"From RAW, "Still Crippled" Steve Austin made known his new position as co-general manager or whatever the hell. I bet he'll drink BEER and it will be FUNNY! BUSINESSMEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT!!!!1" - TNM Heat 5/4

"Coach drops "NORTH KAKKALAKKY". From what is inferred, I guess Michael Hayes used to do that? Nobody cares about Michael Hayes." - same

"He thinks he has Hulk trapped with this "Mr. America is scheduled tonight" jazz, but Hulk surprises him when he's all like "THAT DOG WILL HUNT!" Hulk didn't really say that, but God that was funny when Globderg did. Anyway, you don’t need me to tell you this sucked." - JG Smackdown 5/8

"Sign: "NOWINSKI WENT TO COMMUNIY COLLAGE". Oh my fucking god. "Collage" is one (embarrassing) thing, but "communiy"? Between that and cheering Mr. America, Canada's smark reputation is DEAD." - TNM HEAT 5/11

"Nowinski taps his head to indicate intelligence, poorly groomed hair, and broken noses." - same

"Our commentators talk about how Cena works over one body part. He’s like Arn Anderson, except that I fucking hate him." - JG Smackdown 5/15

"Is this psychology, or boring?" - same

"John Cena drinking with Fit Finlay? Jesus Christ. You know, I heard John Cena bragging to a certain someone backstage about how he has "a rap sheet as long as your arm", but Chris Benoit was all, "Pssh, that's not so impressive."" - TNM HEAT 5/18 (a special someone's birthday.)

"Christian turned on Jericho last night and won the Intercontinental Title... and got a Haircut. Why do so many people want to look like Billy Gunn?" - SOFA RAW 5/19

"Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri should not remind me of the Rock N’ Roll Express, but they do." - JG Smackdown 5/22

"Vince says "out of control" all wacky and reminds me of that old Nickelodeon show I remember having liked though something tells me I was being an idiot." - same

"From RAW, we found out who tried to run over Unwanted Bill. I doubt Lance Storm did it on purpose. He was probably just in a really big hurry to get to Cracker Barrel. Goldberg wants to play a little game with Lance. Operation? Storm reveals that he was driving under the influence of Jerichohol, setting Chris up to job out to Goldberg like he wasn't allowed to do in WCW. (WC-what??? Are you making up random acronyms again?) Yeah, I guess I must be." - TNM HEAT 5/25

"A toothless woman looks on as The Hurricane gives his mask to a kid." - same

"Shawn challenges Ric Flair to a match, HERE, TONIGHT! Ric says something about a "secret room" or Dodongo disliking smoke or something equally bizarre like that." - SOFA RAW 5/26

"Sheldon went to the University of Minnesota. I’ll try not to claim he’s related to the Andersons. . .not that my bizarre conception of the family doesn’t already include multiple ethnic groups." - JG Smackdown 5/29

I bet nobody finds that "toothless woman" quote as funny as I do. Reading that has been the high point of my day. Assuming I don't come down with another case of lazyighis, we're about to enter Demott's turning point.